Lonely Love

LegacyUser

Hi,

To be honest I'm not really sure why I'm writing this.
I feel like I know what I need to do to feel better but I'm either too scared, lazy or undeserving to bother.

I'm shocked at what I've become compared to how I used to be and disappointed at how I've treated people.

I used to be the light and soul of the party, out at least twice every week with more friends than I could count.
I didn't realize how lucky I was at the time.
The hang-ups I had upon reflection were normal for any girl.

I always focused on having someone to love and being part of a couple, even when I was 6 that was my aim.
Well, a few years ago I found what I was looking for, a wonderful caring faithful man who loved me back.
He had his own issues and insecurities and I did everything in my power to reassure him and help him over come some of these things.
Unfortunately by doing this I distanced myself from my friends.
He'd worry that something bad would happen me out at night so I'd make excuses as to why I could go out at the last minute when he'd have a panic attack about my safety before I left the house.
Eventually the invitations stopped coming.
I didn't really mind at first I felt that I knew what was really important and what was the point in going out when I wasn't even on the pull?

In the last year or so, we've both come a long way. I think we're both in a much better place now.
Only the damage has already been done.
I can't remember the last time I went out without him either bringing me or collecting me.
We live a little off the beaten track and I don't drive so I've become dependant on him bringing me places.
It gotten to the stage that I'm barely bothered leaving to go the local shops wihtout him and I get anxious at the thought of impromptu drinks after work because I feel I should just go home.

He, on the other hand is flourishing and I'm really happy for him.
I just feel like I'm getting left behind.

I love him with all I am, but in doing so I feel like I've lost part of myself.

I know that I should just get a car and start building bridges but I don't know what's stopping me at this stage.

He's due to go away on a business trip shortly and I'm terrified of what I'll be like on my own.
I don't feel like I can admit this to anyone face to face because they'd just think that I'm a moany self-obsessed loser.

Has anyone ever been in a situation in any way similar to this?
All advice and slaps of common sense welcome.

Thanks for reading all of this.

Ps. I know how trivial this may seem, I'm in a happy stable realtionship with someone I love who's mad about me. It's just been really hard to stay looking on the bright side of things lately.

cantdecide

Lucy545 wrote: »

..I can't remember the last time I went out without him either bringing me or collecting me. We live a little off the beaten track....I know that I should just get a car and start building bridges...

Got it in one. You are in a rut and realising that you've been too focused on your home life. He also sounds possessive and insecure and you will have to have your way on that front and start over-ruling him.

The car thing is a no-brainer.