How can I make my girlfriend put on weight?

JohnGalt · 13-02-2009 1:17pm #1

My girlfriend has always been a bit on the thin side, and she has lost a bit of weight since we started going out last year. I think she is being influenced by the current culture of super thin models and actresses, and that she doesn't feel comfortable with herself, even though she was fine. How can I make her feel better and put on a bit more weight?

jim o doom · 13-02-2009 1:18pm

JohnGalt wrote: »

My girlfriend has always been a bit on the thin side, and she has lost a bit of weight since we started going out last year. I think she is being influenced by the current culture of super thin models and actresses, and that she doesn't feel comfortable with herself, even though she was fine. How can I make her feel better and put on a bit more weight?

Try cooking nice romantic dinners? also - talk to her about it - communication is key if you are worried about something.

pwd · 13-02-2009 1:20pm

tell her you are a feeder and hand feed her cream cakes every morning

aoibhebree · 13-02-2009 1:21pm

How can you make her feel better - you can try by complimenting her loads maybe, and make it clear how hot you think she is

How can you "make" her put on weight - that could be construed as being as offensive as asking how to "make" your girlfriend lose weight!! Some people are naturally thinner than others. Having said that, you've mentioned nothing about her diet - does she eat healthily? If she feels she'd be happier at a lower weight and is doing so by eating healthily and working out, then fair play to her. Her body, her decisions.

Kirnsy · 13-02-2009 1:23pm

dont try to make her look a way you want to.

let her look the way she wants to.

obviously if she is unhealthily thin and you think it could be a disorder etc, that is a different story.

MagicMarker · 13-02-2009 1:24pm

Well, if you were asking ''how do I make my girlfriend lose weight'' the first question you would have been asked is how much does she weigh and how tall is she....

So, how much does she weigh and how tall is she?

JohnGalt · 13-02-2009 1:26pm

aoibhebree wrote: »

How can you make her feel better - you can try by complimenting her loads maybe, and make it clear how hot you think she is

How can you "make" her put on weight - that could be construed as being as offensive as asking how to "make" your girlfriend lose weight!! Some people are naturally thinner than others. Having said that, you've mentioned nothing about her diet - does she eat healthily? If she feels she'd be happier at a lower weight and is doing so by eating healthily and working out, then fair play to her. Her body, her decisions.

Hi and thanks for the advice. She doesn't eat particularly healthily, occasionally eating McDonalds and Dominos, I think she is a naturally thin person, but the problem is she is try to lose weight, and I think she needs to gain weight rather than lose it. I would just hate to see her become thinner just because she sees models who are better looking than her. I think she would be better off gaining some weight.

mags16 · 13-02-2009 1:26pm

I think the OP is being very caring. If his girlfriend was always on the thin side (as he said) and she has lost more weight on purpose, he is right to be worried.

Beruthiel · 13-02-2009 1:28pm

pwd wrote: »

tell her you are a feeder and hand feed her cream cakes every morning

Not helpful
B

mags16 · 13-02-2009 1:36pm

JohnGalt wrote: »

I would just hate to see her become thinner just because she sees models who are better looking than her.

Do you think the models are more attractive than her? If you do, perhaps she is picking up on that and trying to emulate them.

JohnGalt · 13-02-2009 1:40pm

MagicMarker wrote: »

Well, if you were asking ''how do I make my girlfriend lose weight'' the first question you would have been asked is how much does she weigh and how tall is she....

So, how much does she weigh and how tall is she?

True. I don't know how much she weighs, I would never ask her that because it sounds a bit insensitive to me. She is about 5 foot 7. She has a very cute body, I don't think she is in need at all of losing weight, and I think it will have a negative effect on her looks and, resultantly, on her self esteem. I think I should make her put on a bit of weight to avoid this, as she has a fragile ego and would be devastated if she realised that she has made herself less attractive by losing weight.

kmick · 13-02-2009 1:41pm

Tell her she is lovely regardless of what you think.Then she may feel more comfortable and allow her self to move to a normal weight.

JohnGalt · 13-02-2009 1:43pm

mags16 wrote: »

Do you think the models are more attractive than her? If you do, perhaps she is picking up on that and trying to emulate them.

I really hope that isn't true. I don't know how that could happen, I never mention any other girls or whether or not they are attractive. I think my girlfriend is the best in the world, and I wouldn't swap her for anything, but on the basic level of looks I suppose I would have to admit that there are women who are more physically attractive than her. That says nothing about her personality or how warm a person she is, but on that level alone, there are women who surpass her.

Dudess · 13-02-2009 1:45pm

What about telling her, in as tactful and non confrontational a way as possible, that you're a little concerned about her health? Do not bring looks into it - apart from telling her you still think she's gorgeous.

shellyboo · 13-02-2009 1:45pm

JohnGalt wrote: »

True. I don't know how much she weighs, I would never ask her that because it sounds a bit insensitive to me. She is about 5 foot 7. She has a very cute body, I don't think she is in need at all of losing weight, and I think it will have a negative effect on her looks and, resultantly, on her self esteem. I think I should make her put on a bit of weight to avoid this, as she has a fragile ego and would be devastated if she realised that she has made herself less attractive by losing weight.

Do you know what size she is? It really is a tricky one, it just seems that a lot of women are on a permanent diet that's really not necessary. I'm really not sure how you can 'force her' her to stop, it's really a body image problem that she has to deal with in her own head. If she feels herself that she needs to lose weight, I'm not sure what will convince her otherwise.

Not very heplful really, I know!

aoibhebree · 13-02-2009 1:46pm

JohnGalt wrote: »

I would just hate to see her become thinner just because she sees models who are better looking than her.

Seriously my boyfriend reckons I am better looking than Cheryl Cole, Kate Moss and Angelina Jolie put together. For the record, I am not. But in his deluded little mind I am, which is sweet. Now maybe I'm just incredibly lucky ... but I don't think it's just that? I just think if you love and care and someone enough, even for their personality, then they are your favourite person and you don't ever look at anyone else and see them as being better looking than them.

If you're trying to cheer your girlfriend up, would you say things like "Stop trying to be as good-looking as those models, coz it's never going to happen, just be happy with what you've got" ? Personally that wouldn't make me feel any better about myself.

Now I'm not saying you should lie to her and say stuff you don't mean; I would just advise that if you DO think models etc are hotter then her, well even if it's true, DON'T SAY IT!!

JohnGalt · 13-02-2009 1:51pm

shellyboo wrote: »

Do you know what size she is? It really is a tricky one, it just seems that a lot of women are on a permanent diet that's really not necessary. I'm really not sure how you can 'force her' her to stop, it's really a body image problem that she has to deal with in her own head. If she feels herself that she needs to lose weight, I'm not sure what will convince her otherwise.

Not very heplful really, I know!

I think she is a size 8 but I can't be sure. I don't really want to force her to stop if you know what I mean, I just want her to realise that she is perfect the way she was before, and that if she loses more weight it will have the opposite effect that she wants. The thing that worries me the most is that I haven't actually noticed that she is on a diet, which leads me to believe that she may actually be hiding it from me. She never eats any differently when I am around, and yet she is still losing weight.

shellyboo · 13-02-2009 1:56pm

JohnGalt wrote: »

I think she is a size 8 but I can't be sure. I don't really want to force her to stop if you know what I mean, I just want her to realise that she is perfect the way she was before, and that if she loses more weight it will have the opposite effect that she wants. The thing that worries me the most is that I haven't actually noticed that she is on a diet, which leads me to believe that she may actually be hiding it from me. She never eats any differently when I am around, and yet she is still losing weight.

Well, 5'7 and a size 8 seems thin to me, but then I'm a good bit (understatement :P) bigger than that, so it WOULD seem really thin to me.

What kind of things do you eat? Do you guys live together? You see, she could be skipping breakfast, having a carrot for lunch and then a normal dinner or something.

If that's the case, maybe say to her - "you seem to be losing weight, are you on a diet or something?" And when she beams in delight and says yes, you can say "Eh, why? you're gorgeous just the way you are, I love xyz about your figure and I wouldn't change it for the world".

JohnGalt · 13-02-2009 2:02pm

shellyboo wrote: »

Well, 5'7 and a size 8 seems thin to me, but then I'm a good bit (understatement :P) bigger than that, so it WOULD seem really thin to me.

What kind of things do you eat? Do you guys live together? You see, she could be skipping breakfast, having a carrot for lunch and then a normal dinner or something.

If that's the case, maybe say to her - "you seem to be losing weight, are you on a diet or something?" And when she beams in delight and says yes, you can say "Eh, why? you're gorgeous just the way you are, I love xyz about your figure and I wouldn't change it for the world".

No we aren't living together. We always have lunch together in college, but apart from that she is usually not around me when she has her meals. I don't know what size she is for sure, but she has definitely lost weight since we have been going out, and I haven't really said anything because I don't want to hurt her feelings. Thats the problem, she already has lost weight, so it is more a matter of her needing to put it back on rather than stopping her from losing any more.

shellyboo · 13-02-2009 2:10pm

JohnGalt wrote: »

No we aren't living together. We always have lunch together in college, but apart from that she is usually not around me when she has her meals. I don't know what size she is for sure, but she has definitely lost weight since we have been going out, and I haven't really said anything because I don't want to hurt her feelings. Thats the problem, she already has lost weight, so it is more a matter of her needing to put it back on rather than stopping her from losing any more.

One step at a time though - it's probably going to be hard enough to stop her LOSING weight in the first place without asking her to put weight back on. You need to find out what's going on with her.

cantdecide · 13-02-2009 3:22pm

JohnGalt wrote: »

...but on the basic level of looks I suppose I would have to admit that there are women who are more physically attractive than her...

Clearly, you're crazy about her but I hope you don't use the fact that, objectively speaking, she's on the plainer end of the scale to tell her every day how beautiful she is (it goes without saying that the words 'to me' should be omitted).

Pherekydes · 13-02-2009 3:44pm

JohnGalt wrote: »

How can I make her feel better and put on a bit more weight?

Dump her?

She'll become much less neurotic without you by her side.

SaintHubbins · 13-02-2009 4:00pm

Start cooking meals for her on a regular basis and put an excessive amount of lard in everything. She like's pizza? Melt lots of cheese and lard together. She likes salad? Lard dressing. Replace her snack bars with a bar of lard with some fruit and nuts stuck in it. Alternatively, compile a porn collection which only features heavy-set girls and "accidentally" get caught pleasuring yourself to them. Admit your shame about how you have always had a thing for girls of considerable carraige and cry a bit about how your feel like a freak. Yadda yadda yadda ...got bored typing this....

Wibbs · 13-02-2009 4:11pm

SaintHubbins please read the charter of this forum. The part about unhelpful posts being frowned upon should stick out. Thanks.

justagirl · 13-02-2009 5:10pm

JohnGalt wrote: »

My girlfriend has always been a bit on the thin side, and she has lost a bit of weight since we started going out last year. I think she is being influenced by the current culture of super thin models and actresses, and that she doesn't feel comfortable with herself, even though she was fine. How can I make her feel better and put on a bit more weight?

Firstly, can I just say how refreshing this kind of post is... young girls and women are under so much pressure to be thin/younger looking...

All I can advise is to talk to her about it... tell her how much you love her/care for her and then tell her that you are very concerned about her losing weight... anorexia/bulimia are very common and totally hideable...

if I was eating dominos/mcdonalds/junk food all the time and was losing weight - I'd be worried - its just not possible.... (have to admit I'd be happy though to lose the 'excess' pounds!!).... Best of luck.

MadelineNYC · 13-02-2009 5:15pm

Since it's appearance she seems to be focusing on, then go with that:

Tell her about Catherine Deneuve's famous quote on choosing between ones face and a*s...Basically what CD meant is that if you are too underweight your face suffers...People who are overly thin age faster and show wrinkles faster than people who are a normal weight.

In front of her you could also praise the look of female celebs who are beautiful and sexy without being overly thin: Catherine Zeta-Jones, Kate Winslet, J-Lo, Beyonce, Liv Tyler...etc etc..take your pick.

bethm24 · 13-02-2009 7:10pm

Maybe comment sometimes on fuller figure women and how you think they look really well. Like curvier women on the telly, or comment on someone ye know who is really thin and say "oh i dont think she is attractive at all, her thin ness is yuck" or something.

LegacyUser · 14-02-2009 1:48am

Nice post OP.

Chances are she doesn't have 'issues' but is just naturally thin and maybe stressed. When I was younger and stressed weight would FALL OFF.

Just tell her that you love her curves and would love even more cuves, she'll believe you cause you ARE GENUINE. If she doesn't get it, repeat! It may take months/years...

Overheal · 14-02-2009 9:19am

JohnGalt wrote: »

Hi and thanks for the advice. She doesn't eat particularly healthily, occasionally eating McDonalds and Dominos, I think she is a naturally thin person, but the problem is she is try to lose weight, and I think she needs to gain weight rather than lose it. I would just hate to see her become thinner just because she sees models who are better looking than her. I think she would be better off gaining some weight.

well isnt she just trying to mimick the kind of people/models that she thinks guys find attractive? You need to make it clear to her what you are attracted/unattracted to.

RacoonQueen · 14-02-2009 12:31pm

I think you should just be honest with her. Tell her you think she's losing weight and you are worried about her. Honesty = trust.

dorothygale · 14-02-2009 12:34pm

JohnGalt wrote: »

My girlfriend has always been a bit on the thin side, and she has lost a bit of weight since we started going out last year. I think she is being influenced by the current culture of super thin models and actresses, and that she doesn't feel comfortable with herself, even though she was fine. How can I make her feel better and put on a bit more weight?

Marry her.

Wibbs · 14-02-2009 1:11pm

dorothygale please read the charter of this forum. Unhelpful posts are not welcome. Thanks.

acid.rain · 14-02-2009 3:04pm

compliment her but make them sincere. she'll spot the ones that you don't mean

CDfm · 15-02-2009 12:38am

If she does have a problem it may be best not to draw attention to it. Lets fatten you up and I will help you comments are just insensitive and wont work.

If you eat alone you tend not to make an effort.

One way to go about it is to make a point of eating together because people with eating problems tend to be more relaxed eating with people. Its easier as part of a group as a social thing. Monkey see:monkey do.It brings normality. Heaping food onto a person only makes them aware of their inability to eat.

If she is a student - being hungry can affect brain power.Keep a few choc ices in the freezer and a few bars of chocolate around for energy.

xniamhx · 15-02-2009 1:15am

JohnGalt wrote: »

I really hope that isn't true. I don't know how that could happen, I never mention any other girls or whether or not they are attractive. I think my girlfriend is the best in the world, and I wouldn't swap her for anything, but on the basic level of looks I suppose I would have to admit that there are women who are more physically attractive than her. That says nothing about her personality or how warm a person she is, but on that level alone, there are women who surpass her.

If you were my boyfriend I would definetely be picking up on your condesending attitude. Im sure there are plenty of men who surpass you lookswise too, so lighten up on her.

I flucuated between 6 and 8 stone all throughout secondary school and it wasnt until I met my boyfriend that I began to put on weight, and stopped trying to control my life with food. You seem to have had the opposite effect on her. However you cannot 'make her'. If she is as defiant as I was/am, the last thing she wants is people trying to control her when she's desperately seeking it herself. You will only make her resent you and hide it from you even more.

Majority of mental illnesses people usually have to work through and figure out on their own. If youre not too pushy, and show her patience and understanding, she will be more likely to open up about the real problems that are obviously bothering her.

JohnGalt · 16-02-2009 10:21pm

xniamhx wrote: »

If you were my boyfriend I would definetely be picking up on your condesending attitude. Im sure there are plenty of men who surpass you lookswise too, so lighten up on her.

I flucuated between 6 and 8 stone all throughout secondary school and it wasnt until I met my boyfriend that I began to put on weight, and stopped trying to control my life with food. You seem to have had the opposite effect on her. However you cannot 'make her'. If she is as defiant as I was/am, the last thing she wants is people trying to control her when she's desperately seeking it herself. You will only make her resent you and hide it from you even more.

Majority of mental illnesses people usually have to work through and figure out on their own. If youre not too pushy, and show her patience and understanding, she will be more likely to open up about the real problems that are obviously bothering her.

Two things I don't understand, how my comment was in any way condescending, and the meaning of the first line of your last paragraph evades me.

CDfm · 16-02-2009 11:14pm

JohnGalt wrote: »

Two things I don't understand, how my comment was in any way condescending, and the meaning of the first line of your last paragraph evades me.

I kind of agree. Just because she doesnt have a healthy attitude to food doesnt make her a raving lu-la.

Its good the OP is interested -the girl maybe naturally skinny or maybe none too healthy ATM. Its positive that people can and do take an interest.

I dont think - xniamhx means much by it other than weight issues can be a symptom of stress related conditions and/or body conscious related. I think its meant in a "thread carefully or you thread on my dreams" way.

Stheno · 16-02-2009 11:31pm

JohnGalt wrote: »

Two things I don't understand, how my comment was in any way condescending, and the meaning of the first line of your last paragraph evades me.

Coming from xniamhx's perspective, I can see what she means.

I've always been slim/thin, I'm a size six - eight at the minute with a BMI of 20.2, and people who are not close to me e.g. work colleagues will call me the stick insect to my face.

One partner I had would comment negatively if I lost any amount of weight, to the point that I became very conscious of what I was eating, and he was always trying to "encourage" me to eat "fattening" foods.

Now in all fairness I eat a decent diet, with loads of variety, enjoy junk as much as anyone else, but I just don't put on weight, and I do have a slim build.

If I was your girlfriend and you were trying to "encourage" me to put on weight/eat, I'd get very self conscious about it (I'll assume here you are less insensitive than the bloke I referred to above) and it would be like a catch 22.

Now there may be a difference with me and your gf in that I eat what I want, have never been on a diet, and don't read women's mags etc.

Or it could be that your girlfriend is like me, and loses weight when she is stressed/worried/whatever. With bad stress I can easily drop a stone in a few weeks whilst eating normally, and I weigh less than 9 1/2 stone and am five foot eight.

Or lastly, it could be that she's an eating disorder.

It's hard to know to be honest, you could potentially ask if she's always been slim and able to eat what she wants and start off that way with a conversation?

Either way, it's not the easiest subject to broach. You do say you find her cute and the best in the world, whilst not being the most gorgeous girl in the world though, is it possible she's trying to compensate for her looks by having the "perfect" body?

How can I make my girlfriend put on weight?

Comments