Empty - Mission to Find A Girlfriend

LegacyUser

I'm 23 and have a terrible empty feeling in my heart and soul. I have never had a proper girlfriend and have been single all my life. Up til recently I was happy out. I was at college and had lots of friends. However I am finished now and the fact that I am single is really starting to hit. I am beginning to feel really lonely and when I see couples out and about I wish that I had someone to share my days with. I would like to find a girl who I could have a meaningful relationship with. I don't fancy trying to pick up girls in pubs/clubs and would like any advice from anyone on how one would approach my task. How should I go about finding a girlfriend cos to be totally honest I am lost and it really is leaving me feel really down.

Mmmm_Lemony

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm 23 and have a terrible empty feeling in my heart and soul. I have never had a proper girlfriend and have been single all my life. Up til recently I was happy out. I was at college and had lots of friends. However I am finished now and the fact that I am single is really starting to hit. I am beginning to feel really lonely and when I see couples out and about I wish that I had someone to share my days with. I would like to find a girl who I could have a meaningful relationship with. I don't fancy trying to pick up girls in pubs/clubs and would like any advice from anyone on how one would approach my task. How should I go about finding a girlfriend cos to be totally honest I am lost and it really is leaving me feel really down.

Facebook... I was in a 5 year relationship and when I got out I didn't know where I was and meeting people was very difficult and I felt very shy...

Facebook saved my life!

I'm not in a meaningful relationship now but I don't feel like its out of reach either... Happy Days!

Craft25

If you really want to approach it as a goal for a while, that you get some experience under your belt then Online dating would be the way to go..

Normally i'd say join a club and meet new people etc. etc... but you seem determined to move on fast..

with online dating you will be able to get different experiences of being out with different girls. ok, it might not lead straight to the relationship you talk about.. but you will be directly challenging your issue head on and you will be able to look back after a number of dates and see how you got on with different types of girls, what girls excited you, which did you connect with, what did you do wrong at times, and what you did right at other times..

(btw.. do you have a wide circle of friends? anyone that might hook you up? have you ever expressed to friends or asked for advice, especially female friends)

karen3212

i think you should try all of the above.

Honestly though, it sounds like you are in a new area and need to make some new friends - it is, in my opinion, why you are feeling lonely.

Oh yeah, and it sounds funny when someone a few years younger than me says ''my whole life''. Ah, you are only 23, there is tonnes of life ahead of you.

Húrin

use your friends's friends to meet girls

cantdecide

Craft25 wrote: »

...with online dating you will be able to get different experiences of being out with different girls...

I would say that this is a bit of an idealized statement.

Unregistered wrote: »

...I don't fancy trying to pick up girls in pubs/clubs...

I had my best foot forward when I was on pof- a sussed photo and profile but I got nowhere (I'm not very hideous, btw). I gave it my best shot and immersed myself in the experience. I finally erased my profile without a second thought during the week. For me, it was very much the same as trying to meet women in pubs and clubs...

Otis Driftwood

Agree with Cantdecide,online dating can be brutal.I tried it myself a while back and thought it sucked.To me the only people on it were either oddballs or were just there to get their ego massaged(Im sure there are some genuine people on it too BTW I just happened to meet none)and I deleted my profile after a couple of weeks.Now im certainly not George Clooney but I dont scare kids in the street either.My advice would be if you do try the online route then be prepared for people not responding to your messages.Dont take knock backs personally,take it all with a pinch of salt and beware of cropped pictures ie headshots only,they can be very misleading.;)

boarddotie

I had that empty hearted feeling and tried online dating for a full Summer (it was that pre-summer scariness that I would have no one to do fun summer stuff with).
I can tell you, by the end of it, if you dont meet anyone of value that your heart wont be as empty and you will actually be dam glad to be single and you will be able to enjoy it more...:cool:

dory

Sounds like you're lonely. Have you many friends?
I see so many people who get together with people so they can do fun things with them, but you can also do fun things with friends, it doens't have to be a romantic friend.
First step should be getting over the lonliness by expanding your group of friends as much as you can, then see if there is anyone dateable in that group.

iMax

Salsa dancing. My sister does them with some mates for fun rather than meeting someone (but if it happens it happens as she says). According to her there's three girls to every guy in one class she does & four to one in another...

Personally if I was to give you advice, I'd say don't go looking, it's when you're not explicitly looking to be with someone that they come along. Ask out someone for a lunch date during work or just coffee, no hassle, no pressure & you have to be somewhere in an hour.

Put it this way, you have nothing to lose by asking someone out & if they say no, then so what, just ask the next one.

MadelineNYC

If you truly have an "empty feeling in your heart and soul" I don't think that will be fixed by a girl. Don't look for your OH to fill what's missing in yourself...It doesn't work.

That said, nothing wrong with trying online dating just to give yourself something to do and meet new people. I've had good luck with that. You should approach it as a chance to meet different kinds of people, get out of the house and such, NOT as the way you are going to meet the woman you spend the rest of your life with. Every online date I saw as a chance to spend an hour or two with another human being rather than "Mr. Perfect." Every date was someone I might learn something from and it was quite fun. Even on the dates where there was clearly no chemistry, I still had a good time just chatting with a new kind of person whose life was different from mine.

My best tip for online dating is keep a sense of humor. Think of every date as an interesting experience. You probably will meet some really strange people, hopefully a few good ones too..If nothing else it will give you great stories to tell.

phishcakes

just be who you are and be happy, i know its hard but if you try too hard to find love you won't find it, you just have to be who you are and love will find you when ya least expect it!

Wherever you are theres always someone that notices you..trouble is your too busy worrying about yourself to notice them...

Motley Crue

Online dating, evening course, charity or social group, adventure group, college society, college or weekend social with some mates....the list is endless and you will be able to find someone

LegacyUser

OP here. Thanks for all the advice. I was just wondering what online dating sites ppl have used and have been successful in getting dates on? I am totally new to this!!!

Piste

It sounds like you're missing human connections, you say you "had" lots of friends, what happened to them all? I think you should focus on building up relationships with people around you, find people you get on with, who value your opinion and make you feel like a worthwhile person. This will give your self-esteem and boost and make you feel more content with your life, you'll probably end up seeming more attractive to girls then.

So yeah basically just work on finding friends for the time being, no need to worry about dating etiquette or rules, just let friendships develop organically with the people you meet.

p~b

I'm just gonna say stop looking for a girlfriend as it gives off a certain vibe and just let nature take its course. It might not happen any time soon but it'll happen when you least expect it.

af_thefragile

It usually doesn't work out when you've got missions set up for yourself.

Well, never workout for me that way. The girlfriends i had, i got them from the most unlikely of places and circumstances. Even when i never possibly thought i'ld end up going out with this person. We just met randomly as friends, got along really well together, felt we needed each other, ended up soon in a relationship until things start to go haywire and the tower comes crashing down... rather hard... when you least expect it... again!
Just a pattern i noticed with me lately...


Anyway, you can ignore the last bits. My point was that it doesn't usually work out when you go out on a mission to get a girlfriend. Its usually a lot more random that you'ld barely notice. So just take a chill pill and don't try too hard.
Actually thats the key to finding a girlfriend. Not to try too hard. And ironically thats quite a hard thing to do!!

entropi

p~b wrote: »

I'm just gonna say stop looking for a girlfriend as it gives off a certain vibe and just let nature take its course. It might not happen any time soon but it'll happen when you least expect it.

As much as people say this, it could not be more true!!

Actively seeking out a GF will place a smell of desperation that most, if not all females can sniff out from 100 paces so its best to just try get into activities that have female participants like dancing, a sport or some sort of volunteer organisation...you never know whats around the corner:)

scanlas

A girlfriend isn't going to make you happy in the long run. You need to learn to be happy without a girlfriend first. ie mindset, confidence, lifestyle.