Could someone explain a little about dating customs here? Help!

LegacyUser

I'm a foreigner, so please bear with me..I've posted before about the difficulty I find in meeting men since I'm not really into going to pubs and drinking a lot...Someone suggested internet dating. Well, I took that advice and am about to go on some dates soon.

It occurs to me that I really don't know much about the dating customs here. For example, when I meet one of these guys for a date...say, dinner, do I insist on paying for half? That would be considered insulting where I come from but I know there are other parts of the world where that would be the normal for a first date.

Do I offer to pay half but not insist if he wants to pay for the whole thing? How does that work here?

And speaking of first dates, if the guy asks me where I want to meet, where is the usual place for a first date? Does it have to be a pub? Someone told me a restaurant might be considered too formal but I'd really rather not do a pub...Starbucks or is that silly?????

Also, at which number date would a typical Irish guy expect sex? An American told me that in the US it's usually on the 3rd date...Is that the case here too?

I know everyone is different but I would be so grateful if someone here could give me some general information. Almost all of my female friends here are foreign too so I can't really ask them...

keep in mind the men I'd be dating are in their 30's, so not students.

Otis Driftwood

It should be what ever you are comfortable with.Tell them you arent into to pubs and would rather meet for a coffee,maybe not in starbucks but somewhere nice,theres loads of em around.Personally speaking dinner is more a 2nd 3rd date thing but different strokes for different folks.In terms of paying,offer to cover half the bill but Id imagine most blokes would be like me and insist on paying for all.The going half and half bit is for more established relationships IMO.
As for the sex thing,there are no rules.If you wanna sleep with him on the first date then do,if you would rather wait to get to know him better then wait.If he has a problem with that then he isnt worth the effort.Just do what you feel right doing.Good luck with them anyway!

Auldloon

As an Irish guy in my thirties, who has been on a few internet dates, I would suggest for your first date, daytime public place eg starbucks, have something planned for after, like meeting friends nearby so you can make your escape if you dont like the guy.

First restaurant date, personally i would always offer to pay but would be a bit unimpressed if you didnt insist on going half. If he ends up paying then you should definetly pay for the next drinks, coffees, movies or the next meal if you meet again.

How soon sex....ha ha thats a good one. Anywhere from a few minutes after meeting to a few months, it all depends.
I would say 3rd date or rigid expectations like that is just silly and could cause all sorts of problems.

Good luck, i hope you will find that Irish guys are great fun, and gentlemen.

wylo

Unregistered wrote: »

say, dinner, do I insist on paying for half? That would be considered insulting where I come from but I know there are other parts of the world where that would be the normal for a first date.
Do I offer to pay half but not insist if he wants to pay for the whole thing? How does that work here?

offer once and maybe an "are you sure?", but after that let him pay, at this stage it would be rude of him if he actually lets you pay the half unless your really really pushy about it. Obviously this only applies to first few dates.

Unregistered wrote: »

And speaking of first dates, if the guy asks me where I want to meet, where is the usual place for a first date? Does it have to be a pub? Someone told me a restaurant might be considered too formal but I'd really rather not do a pub...Starbucks or is that silly?????

Starbucks isnt silly at all, just a little busy perhaps, but the reason why Irish people like the pub is because they can relax a small bit, theres nice open bright bars around that arent exactly "night time" bars, where you could have a coffee or a small beer or something.
A restaurant is a bit much alright for a first time alright. An ideal place would be a quite cafe.

Unregistered wrote: »

Also, at which number date would a typical Irish guy expect sex? An American told me that in the US it's usually on the 3rd date...Is that the case here too?

If you like him and want him to like you, hold off a few dates,like even 4 or 5, he will respect you alot more if hes already into you.

Unregistered wrote: »

I know everyone is different but I would be so grateful if someone here could give me some general information. Almost all of my female friends here are foreign too so I can't really ask them...

Please keep in mind that the first Irish guy you meet isnt a representation of all Irish guys, were all very different, so dont lose heart after the first guy!
Best of luck, and fair play for being open and curious about customs here, having an attitude like that will go a long way.

Stheno

For a daytime date, the Irish Museum of Modern Art is lovely, you can wander around or just have a coffee, and if you have "another" commitment afterwards you can limit the time

That's if you are in Dublin.

As for paying as a girl I'd always offer to split the bill, if the guy insists, like a previous poster, I'd ask if they were sure and then let them.

For subsequent dates (if everything goes well ) then you could pick up the tab yourself, or split the cost between you.

Personally I like picking up the tab every couple of times, easier than "splitting hairs" over who had the bigger starter

Best of luck, and don't forget to enjoy yourself

LegacyUser

where are you from? I suggest you just do whatever you are comfortable with. I guess there are certain rules that work everywhere: safety first and behave like a princess if you want to meet a prince

LegacyUser

why not meet in a pub?
if u r not into drinking, then don't, but it mite lead to a more relaxed atmosphere, and u can both get to know each other.

LegacyUser

I am the OP. I am half French and half Canadian but grew up totally in France. I don't mind a pub once in a while but I can't drink like many of the women here seem to. Also for a first date I'd like to be able to get to know the person and actually hear what he's saying. Pubs are too loud. I think daytime dates are best and safer. Of course I will do what I'm comfortable with but just trying to understnd the dating customs here a little more so to avoid awkward situations, hurt feelings and more. So the consensus is that I should try to pay for half of date? The man in question is asking where I want to meet and I'm not sure what to suggest...

Are there any taboo topics for first dates here? Also, a friend who has dated locals told me not to expect less "romancing" then I'm used to at home...That true?

Monkey61

It really depends on the man you are dating OP, I don't think there are any hard and fast rules about "romancing" - but a lot of the time it would depend on how well you know the guy already. If it is somebody that you have already kissed and who asked you out because they are really into you - then you could probably expect him to be making an effort to charm you. If it is a total stranger who nothing has happened with yet you could probably expect him to be more reserved. Chances are, in a daytime cafe situation, people probably aren't going to be "romancing" you as much as they would on a night out in a pub.

I don't think any topics are particularly taboo - except when it comes down to personal preferences. It would all depend on the circumstances. I wouldn't be too mad into someone discussing sex for instance, at great lengths at 2pm in Starbucks - yet if it was midnight and we were happily merry in the pub and having a giggle then it would be fun. It all depends on the situation.

If you aren't comfortable in a pub then don't choose one, but I would say a pub during the day for coffee would be much nicer than a Starbucks. I also would much prefer to go to dinner and have a glass of wine or two on a date than to meet in a cafe - even if it was a first date. It would be far less awkward and much easier to relax and talk in an environment where one is encouraged to linger. But that's just me personally, as I like to have a drink on a date...

I also would hate to have a first date in a cafe because it would feel a bit like a job interview and it would be much harder to relax if you were constantly wondering if you were going to be shown the door within an hour. Again that's just a personal preference though, but unless I was out on a date with a complete stranger who turned out to be horrible, I'd want to know that I'd be spending at least a few hours in their company to properly get to know them.