Think its all over

LegacyUser

Hi, Im 29, female and looking for advice. My OH is from the UKand we have been living together in Dublin for over a year. He has a good secure job here. However he has just decided to move back to the UK without really considering me. Of course he has every right to make that decision but he didn't even discuss it with me. We were in the middle of looking for a new apartment when he dropped this bomb.

What makes it worse is that I was offered a secure job in my hometown in Sept. I discussed it with him as I really wanted to take it but he said that it wouldn't work if he was in Dublin and I was 1.5 hours away. So I took my chances in Dublin. Things didn't work out that well job wise but are only looking since Jan.

NOW he thinks that we can do the long distance thing when he goes home. We did it before at the start of our relationship.He also wanted me to go over with him for a while but I cant at this moment. It will be at least a year and a half before I can.

Hes really sorry for doing this and feels crap about the job and hurting me etc but I dont know if I can do it. I feel like my feelings have changed towards him. I dont know if i should say goodbye or try to make it work. I dont want to regret this in years to come but I dont want to be made a fool of either.

tbh

imagine there was a magic button, and, if you pressed it, you'd have a job in Dublin, he'd have a job in London or wherever, you wouldn't be together but there would be no hard feelings and everyone was happy. Would you press it?

yermandan

It seems as if you both are not prioritising the relationship above other things in both of your lives. From the tone of your post and what has been written, it appears top me that the relationship has reached its natural end

jellie

so he didnt want you to take a job so you wouldnt have to be long distance but its ok for him to do that?
doesnt seem very fair to me..

LegacyUser

sar84 wrote: »

so he didnt want you to take a job so you wouldnt have to be long distance but its ok for him to do that?
doesnt seem very fair to me..

It's not really fair but the situations are not really comparable either. Him being left in Dublin, a city and a job that he only came to because of the OP, while she is down at home with her whole support network there, is a different kind of long distance than him being in his own town in the UK with his own family and friends close by.

Long distance can work but it works best if it is for a limited time period and you are both working towards a situation when you can be together. I think the OP needs to ask him to explain to her where he would see it going in terms of how long the LDR is sustainable for and what is the end goal.

LegacyUser

Sounds to me like he OP did make the relationship a priority but her OH didn't. It's his fault that she didn't take the job and now he's leaving her for his own career. OP, it sounds as if he doesn't want to be with or heis just selfish. I think you have made enough sacrifices already- cut your losses, if he's worth it he'll make the effort