Sex problem

LegacyUser

Met a new girl recently, she's very experienced....

I however am not. Still a virgin, only ever attempt at sex was with an ex a good bit ago and due to her being very nervous she was always too tight. I would try, but not after long I would loose my erection, partly in fear of hurting her, partly in the loss of self esteem.

Anyway, I am really attracted to this new girl, but I failed to perform the first time we got hot and heavy. She didn't seem to mind, but we didnt discuss it. Now we were fooling around a little later on (no actual penetration) and I came so at least she's not de-morlised that I don't find her attractive or whatever. I was worried she might think I aint into her. Next time we hang out I was thinking the best course of action is to bring up "that night" and tell her that I am inexperienced, and my only experience was very damaging to my self asteem. Hopefully she'l understand and we can have another go. Only thing that's making me nervous is talking to her about it, and especially the fact she's very experienced.

Any Advice Welcome please!

Bren1609

I wouldnt talk about it, you'll come across as a bit of a softy. Just try try and try again. Its like riding a bike, you might fall off the first few times but once you get the hang of it you'll never forget. Don't worry you'll get the hang of it.

tbh

deja vu wrote: »

Met a new girl recently, she's very experienced....

I however am not. Still a virgin, only ever attempt at sex was with an ex a good bit ago and due to her being very nervous she was always too tight. I would try, but not after long I would loose my erection, partly in fear of hurting her, partly in the loss of self esteem.

Anyway, I am really attracted to this new girl, but I failed to perform the first time we got hot and heavy. She didn't seem to mind, but we didnt discuss it. Now we were fooling around a little later on (no actual penetration) and I came so at least she's not de-morlised that I don't find her attractive or whatever. I was worried she might think I aint into her. Next time we hang out I was thinking the best course of action is to bring up "that night" and tell her that I am inexperienced, and my only experience was very damaging to my self asteem. Hopefully she'l understand and we can have another go. Only thing that's making me nervous is talking to her about it, and especially the fact she's very experienced.

Any Advice Welcome please!

do it. If she's a decent girl, she'll be flattered that you opened up to her, and if she's not, you are better off knowing now.

beth-lou

Tell her just as you have described and you will be fine. As TBH says if she's decent she will understand and even having that out in the open will help you no end and relieve any doubts she may have about how attracted you are to her. I think it will work out just fine. It's nice that you want to be honest. It's a nice start.

redfacedbear

tbh wrote: »

do it. If she's a decent girl, she'll be flattered that you opened up to her, and if she's not, you are better off knowing now.

I agree, talk to her about it. Be careful about how you phrase your references to her previous form though - 'you're very experienced' could be misinterpretted as a 'you're a slapper' (which I'm sure you don't want to say);)

LegacyUser

hiya,

im not the OP but i have a question for the girls answering this one.

HOW!! how do you bring this up? ive had the same issue. when a girl just fancies you, and wants you for sex and a bit of a laugh, early days stuff: how do you say, listen, im crap at sex, ive had countless fails and i really need you to take your time with me.

ive tried and it always freaks girls out, next you know its: Dear John, i dont want the complication, goodbye!

Bren1609

Don't bring it up. Do as I said previously.

Pub07

Unregistered wrote: »

hiya,

im not the OP but i have a question for the girls answering this one.

HOW!! how do you bring this up? ive had the same issue. when a girl just fancies you, and wants you for sex and a bit of a laugh, early days stuff: how do you say, listen, im crap at sex, ive had countless fails and i really need you to take your time with me.

ive tried and it always freaks girls out, next you know its: Dear John, i dont want the complication, goodbye!

For god sake dont bring it up, in the real world no girl wants to hear some guy they fancy say 'Im crap in bed', talk about a turn off. Just do your best, thats all you can do, maybe have a drink to relax beforehand, not too much though or it may cause problems.

Ickle Magoo

Unregistered wrote: »

listen, im crap at sex, ive had countless fails and i really need you to take your time with me.

That's probably not the best approach to be honest, lol. Try & keep in mind that the majority of girls (regardless of experience) will be really nervous when first getting intimate with a guy. I know I did the whole sucking belly in, shoulders back to maximize cleavage, etc, etc. Sex should be a fun thing, both of you exploring each others likes & like-mores, there's so much more to sex than penetration. Master oral & digital technique the way she likes it & I bet penetration won't be an issue.

OP, if a woman is not relaxed enough or able to have penetrative sex then that is the issue, nothing to do with your erection. I think you have to move on from that experience & accept one nervous attempt at sex doesn't make you a failure. Try taking things slowly & letting things happen rather thank making them or expecting them to happen. Even tell yourself you are NOT having sex & wait until you can wait no more. Take the pressure off & it stops being such an issue.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

OP here, yeah thanks guys gonna say it to her tonight. Hopefully she wont be freaked out by it and we can have some fun later!

Nevyn

samsung2 that post was not on topic or helpful.

Off topic and unhelpful posts can get you banned from this forum.
Please read the rules in the forum charter before posting agian.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

sunnyside

Pub07 wrote: »

For god sake dont bring it up, in the real world no girl wants to hear some guy they fancy say 'Im crap in bed', talk about a turn off. Just do your best, thats all you can do, maybe have a drink to relax beforehand, not too much though or it may cause problems.

As a girl I totally agree that I wouldn't want to hear that but the standard advice always involves talking about any problem so is this an excption to that rule

Terodil

TBH if a woman or man doesn't know the difference between 'inexperienced' and 'crap in bed' and takes that as enough of a reason to break up/lose interest then you're better off without them anyway.

Inexperienced = lots of untapped potential.

So, don't say you're bad, tell her you're inexperienced and any woman worth her salt will be happy to guide you and have fun exploring together with you.

Nervous Wreck

Look, it's all in the way you broach the subject. Obviously, you don't wanna come out and say "I'm crap in bed, sorry in advance." This could easily cause sudden disinterest.

However. Explaining to a girl in a different way is fine. "Just to let you know; about the other night. I was just kinda nervous cos I don't think I really have as much experience as you and I want this to be fun/special/good/adjective-that-is-appropriate-for-your-situation so if I seem a bit shaky, that's all it is cos I really like you."

Sorted.

RossFixxxed

It has happened pretty much every single bloke I know at some point, especially the first time. Often the first time with new partners too.

I can understand it might upset a girl or make her paranoid but if she's decent then it should be fine. Also if you find yourself slipping a bit, why not pay some more attention to her, do something else to keep HER going and take the heat off your penis (so to speak... that's not a sentence I wanted to type in the office at half eight)

Most of all OP, just enjoy it, jump in and see what happens!

r