Stupied Boys!

LegacyUser

Hi Everyone

Don't really know where to begin.Basically i am another tragic case of someone who has been dumped by long term partner.It hurts like hell and i feel like he has stompped all over my heart.Makes me very angry and mostly just very sad.I aways pictured us getting married and having a beautifull family,but now i think i was kidding myself hoping he'd want the things i want,frustrates me so much that guys my age ( I am in my middle 20's) have no remote interest in "settling down" its a natural progression for me and i want alll the things my parents had,but in todays market people are distracted by anything shiney!!(sorry total rant) My point is forever means= until i get bored,this is what i have learned from having two long term realationships.Some background on me is that i am a very attractive,confident,funny girl,i always pay my equal share and i have never had problems attracting the opposite sex,but this to me is the easy part when you want to go deeper move in with someone for over 2 years and share everything,then they descide oops not for me how is this always so accepted??

I feel like my leg has been cut off in a sense so many questions that will never be answered,he said that we didn't have enough in common we were too different and that in time this would cause us to resent each other,he never communicated his feelings to me until the day we broke up and he walked out.Our sex life had dwindled on his side something i spoke to him about and he ignored,when we broke up he cried this was the first time i saw him cry ever!we both cried and told each other we loved each other so much it was unbearable he was my best friend.

I had been having a tough year i had to have an operation,one of my family members was mentally ill and i have had huge pressure on my shoulders in my job due to the recession.

He had no drama in his life (other than what happened around me) and he is in a very secure well paid job interested in music and going out with friends things i can't do or afford to do makes me think he just didn't want to deal with the bad times,or any hastle.

Just very dissapointed
This makes me think this love stuff is bullsh*t

Those who wish to prove otherwise let me know

Thanks for reading x

Helpme7

I totally know where you are coming from, but unfortunately these things happen. I'm 23 and was dumped by my long term girlfriend 4 months back and i'm now only starting to realise this. You are totally right to be hurt and angry, and you need to be to get over him. That's the problem it isn't easy to meet someone who wants the exact same things as you, even if they do love you. And what is hard is that you have been with him for a long time and felt that you had a future.

I would have been in the same frame of mind as you, in relation to thinking about the future and wanting my ex to want the same things as me. Only now am i realising she had the right to make her choice. It sucks bigtime, and i think about it everyday. But you are very young and their will be other guys who you will relate to better. Even now I wish she would change her mind but i know that she wanted different things from me. Your feeling exactly the same as i did, and even though you don't think so now it will get easier with time.

Just remember it was his decision not yours and this can make you stronger for the next lucky guy who comes around! That's what i'm banking on anyway!

tbh

met my girlfriend five years ago at 29, getting married next month, can't wait. At 25, I hadn't even begun the long-term relationship BEFORE the short relationship before the little while being single before I met her.

neuro-praxis

I just want you to know that not all men are like this. There are men out there who want the same things as you. I hope it works out for you. I'm sorry you are hurting.

MagicMarker

The sooner you stop searching for a white wedding and 2.4 children the sooner you'll stop getting disappointed.

Alternatively just start dating guys in their 30's.

Craft25

you should be sussing these guys out earlier.. how long were you going out with these guys before you realised they wanted different things from you?

Placebo

could say the same for girls.
actually i will say the same for girls.
cant evensay pick em wise cause you never know, atleast you had a good 2 years, learn from that. Future == better

MJOR

Don't throw in the towel jsut yet. Sit back relax and take some time to lick your wounds. You're still young in terms of dating etc. I met my OH when i was 28 and he was 30. Sorry to say this but you have to be in a good place before you embark on a relationship, You have had a tough year so just take some time out for yourself.

There are like minded people out there. Be patient. If it's meant to be (cheesy but true) it'll happen. Don't torture yourself as to why it didn't work, when you meet the right person it just will work naturally with a bit of compromise.

Chin up pet!

Húrin

Did you really go out with someone with whom you shared very little in common with for two years? I can't advise much, other than, talk to your friends, not (just) the internet!

Liam Byrne

Firstly, I nearly avoided the thread because of the sexist generalisation in the title.....despite that crap being all the rage in girly pseudo-R&B songs, having that attitude doesn't bode well for ANY relationship.

Many guys have been in the reverse scenario.

Wanting to "settle down" is, to me, putting the cart before the horse; you need to find the right person before you consider / hope for / expect that.

wrote:

i think i was kidding myself hoping he'd want the things i want

Did you ask him ?

That conversation is a death-knell for shorter relationship (say for argument's sake 1 -3 years), but you said "long term partner" and therefore you were entitled to ask, get a reply, and act on that.

So if you didn't ask, why not ? And if you did, I assume he said no, did you continue on just hoping he'd change ?

traffic_cone

MagicMarker wrote: »

The sooner you stop searching for a white wedding and 2.4 children the sooner you'll stop getting disappointed.

Alternatively just start dating guys in their 30's.

How on earth is that helpful to the OP! Have some respect.

Zaph

traffic_cone wrote: »

How on earth is that helpful to the OP! Have some respect.

traffic_cone, if you have a problem with a post please report it, otherwise leave the moderation of the forum to the moderators, ok?

c-note

stupied boys....tehehe:D

Zaph

c-note wrote: »

stupied boys....tehehe:D

c-note, you might want to re-read the charter before posting again, especially the bit where it says that unhelpful posts can earn you an infraction and/or ban.

MIN2511

In life you win some and then you lose some, chuck it up as experience...

I know it is easier said than done but i bet you would feel better in a few months time and if you don't come back here and rant

LegacyUser

OP, I'm confused - you seem to want to get married just because that is what your parents did.

Do you go into every relationship thinking about marraige? Because that is where you are going wrong. Especially with lads in their 20's.

i agree with what MagicMarker said.

Alarums

Unregistered wrote: »

frustrates me so much that guys my age ( I am in my middle 20's) have no remote interest in "settling down" its a natural progression for me and i want alll the things my parents had,but in todays market people are distracted by anything shiney!!(sorry total rant) My point is forever means= until i get bored,

We are not dating in the same market that your parents were. Men don't need to get married to have sex anymore and so they are in no rush to get to the altar. There are way more options for men now than your father had. You may be better off going for men in their thirties, as I think they are looking for the one person with whom they can settle down, whereas men in their twenties are still keeping their options open. I'm sure this is the case for women also.

kmick

Most (99.9%) 25 year old guys dont want to get married and have kids. Outside of all the drama of the breakup and how and why he did it this way you just got him too early. Another 5 years who knows.

kevmy

I don't think guys in their 20's don't want to get married or have kids or settle down it's just that they don't want it now.

I mean I know 4 or 5 mates (all between 23 - 26) who have being going out with their girlfriends for between 3 - 7 yrs. Now these guys love their girlfriends and see a long term future + marriage and all that jazz with their present girlfriends but not one of them wants to get married before they are 30.

Girls sometimes don't see how big the pressure and the commitment is for guys who get married. There is still a big the guy is the bread winner, head of the household thing going on. Also for most people marriage would imply kids within 2 or 3 afterwards. Most guys I know wouldn't want to get married without having adequate financial resources to provide for their girlfriend/wife as the majority of financial burden still falls on the guys.

Also in terms of life experience guys want to get such stuff as travel, starting work etc. all out of the way before they would commit to marriage.

I don't think you have to look for guys who wants a long-term relationship. Look for guys who like you, appreciate you, who want to do the best for you and respect you. If you have all this your long term future will take care of itself.

One last word of advice. You have to be willing to compromise. If a guy wants to settle down with you but not in the exact same way or time frame as you then don't get huffy about it or worried about it. Just talk your way through it. If you want to be with him and he wants to be with you you will find a way to do it.

LegacyUser

Those harping on about the spelling or tone of the title: Grow up.

There is no magic fix for what you're growing through. People in long term relationships get to certain points and sometimes the relationship falls down. If your ex got the feeling that you were not right for each other then maybe he was right? I know it may not be what you want to hear, but it takes two people to be happy and comfortable in the relationship, and if even one isn't then it's time to call time.

If you really believe that he left because of the trouble you were going through, then why would you want him anyway? I'm not sure that was the case though. You might always expect the end of a serious relationship to have dramtic causes, but sometimes more subtle realities are what end it.

It sounds like you and your ex just weren't the ones for each other. Cheer up! You're young, and can now find someone more suitable for you, whatever that entails. Just try and suss out that you're both on the same page next time. The suggestion to date older guys might be wise, if you really are in settling down mode (I'm not sure why at such a young age) then you might want to look at a more mature guy.

You'll get through this, and be all the better as a person for it. Best of luck!

paddylishious

dont give up on us 'boys' i just turned 30 (look 23-25)
love the idea of being married with kids, it takes time to find someone, think yourself lucky you didn't get lumbered with the last two blokes you had long term partnerships with,better to know know rather than 1or2 years into a marrage, your silver lining is out there and waiting for you

LolaLuv

They're proper head wrecks, OP, even the best of them! Sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. Break-ups are never easy, especially when you've got so much other stuff going on in your life. Take it one day at a time. Cut off all communication with him; it's the best way to go, in my experience. Otherwise you're just re-opening old wounds.

There are lots of good guys out there, probably wondering where all the good women are. Chalk it up to a life experience. As you heal from this you'll be able to look back and spot warning signs you missed. Then you can apply that to the next stupid boy and hopefully avoid the same horse shit you've been dealt this time around.

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi Everyone

Don't really know where to begin.Basically i am another tragic case of someone who has been dumped by long term partner.....frustrates me so much that guys my age ( I am in my middle 20's) have no remote interest in "settling down" its a natural progression for me and i want alll the things my parents had,

I had been having a tough year i had to have an operation,one of my family members was mentally ill and i have had huge pressure on my shoulders in my job due to the recession.

He had no drama in his life (other than what happened around me) and he is in a very secure well paid job interested in music and going out with friends things i can't do or afford to do makes me think he just didn't want to deal with the bad times,or any hastle.

These are the points that did it for me plus the I am attractive sexy and smart comments.

Some say that women look up the food chain not down -but its a generalisation. What you want out of life is stuff you cant afford yourself. You depended on him for lifes luxuries that were beyond your means and doing things you couldnt afford.Think about it.

My ex had loads of drama in her life & life was like a soap opera- so what is normal for you drama wise - might - just might- be total overload and dysfunctional to other people.

Like it or not stuff like operations etc are a turn off for some -its fashionably nowadays to tell all- and maybe he didn't want this type of intimacy- maybe it stripped a part of your attractiveness away. It happens when guys attend childbirth -why should any operation be different.He may have had feelings for you but maybe not strong enough for all that. THe sex thing would indicate something was amiss.

That said - I am really sorry for how you feel - you set your sights on Mr Perfect. Maybe you should not set your sights so high. I hate to say it but as you say in todays market a person can be more choosy and that may become more common when people cant afford the nice things during a recession- the people who can become more desireable.

I hope you get what you want- but dont put your celtic cub expectations too high- as paddylicous said it may be in a different demographic in terms of age (or even career or looks).

LegacyUser

Hi again everyone

Wow i am really shocked with all of the feedback to my previous thread.I found what some said really interesting,since breaking up with him i have not been in contact or shown that i care.when looking for someone i just expect honesty and someone who wants to stick around for the good and bad.Not marriage or babies.I just think society is in trouble out there and people have too many expectations.Fingers crossed i will get back to myself and be happy with or without a bf

Good luck out there everyone

Thank you.