Possessive GF

LegacyUser

Basically I have a gf who wants to know where i am all the time and will even checks my phone msgs and txts. She'll even rifle thur my stuff lookin for evidence of an infedility that doesnt exist. Its almost as if she wants to find something and I always feel like Im under scrutiny or have to explain my actions as to why Im late home one particular evening, thats just one example.

Or another instance is if I go anywhere without her like shopping on a sat afternoon she wants to know where I went, who I met and where I ate. If I did something different that I didnt tell her about like last minute arrange to meet one of my friends she'll harp on about how I never told her I was going to do that ya ya ya. I see her 6 days a week and nearly every one of those days she stays over.

Its very frustrating to have somebody constantly scrutinise you as if looking for u to make a mistake.

Terodil

Talk to her calmly when you're together and there'S no reason for her fall into the controlling habit. Tell her how you feel. If she flies off the handle or doesn'T want to change, then it's your cue to decide if you want to live with it for the next months/years or if you call it right there.

i-digress

Terodil wrote: »

Talk to her calmly when you're together and there'S no reason for her fall into the controlling habit. Tell her how you feel. If she flies off the handle or doesn'T want to change, then it's your cue to decide if you want to live with it for the next months/years or if you call it right there.

+1

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

Basically I have a gf who wants to know where i am all the time and will even checks my phone msgs and txts. She'll even rifle thur my stuff lookin for evidence of an infedility that doesnt exist. Its almost as if she wants to find something and I always feel like Im under scrutiny or have to explain my actions as to why Im late home one particular evening, thats just one example.

Or another instance is if I go anywhere without her like shopping on a sat afternoon she wants to know where I went, who I met and where I ate. If I did something different that I didnt tell her about like last minute arrange to meet one of my friends she'll harp on about how I never told her I was going to do that ya ya ya. I see her 6 days a week and nearly every one of those days she stays over.

Its very frustrating to have somebody constantly scrutinise you as if looking for u to make a mistake.

Ask her what her problem is, what she's so afraid of, and unless she opens up some heartwrenching story, tell her to cop on. Stop answering her questions, tell her you're not listening if she starts bitching. Don't blow it out of proportion, just don't pander to it anymore.
And personally I might suggest some time apart, depending on how much of those 6 days she's spending with you. Spending all her time with you and having little outside social activity is quite unhealthy

Oh and for goodness' sakes point out that an invasion of privacy to the degree of "rifling through your stuff" has to stop straight away, no ifs or buts. If it doesn't, don't let her near your stuff anymore until she agrees to stop.

MJOR

Relationships revolve around trust. She has to learn to trust you. Explain your feelings and tell her that this is the deal breaker for you...... All this checking texts and checking up will drive you potty eventually. Sounds like she needs a hobby or something.

CDfm

Get out of Dodge while you still can -you have a real bunny boiler here.

Her issues are not your issues -if people get more eccentric as they age -imagine her in 5 or 10 years time she will have you wearing one of those ankle bracelets they give to prisoners in the US.

Be afraid. If she is like this now..........................

jim o doom

A lot of times when a person is constantly worried about your actions and the potential for infidelity, they themselves are the ones performing the dirty deeds & are projecting what they do onto you..

TheZohanS

jim o doom wrote: »

A lot of times when a person is constantly worried about your actions and the potential for infidelity, they themselves are the ones performing the dirty deeds & are projecting what they do onto you..

What jim said.

Plus do you know if she has been cheated on in the past,or if either of her folks had an affair? If that's the case she might just need reassurance.

If she hasn't then she really has no reason to act like that...time to call it quits.

jimmycrackcorm

Dump her. I had one of those and there was no convincing her. She can't control it.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Start taking the piss out of her. Make a joke of her being nuts. Start referring to your other girlfriends.

The embarrassment will make her realise she's being silly and hopefully see the realistic side of her problem

LegacyUser

She needs reassurance from you. Nowadays we hear a lot of people cheating and being cheated, it's disgraceful.. Have you been seeing each other long? Don´t get mad at her, just give her time..when she gets to know you better she'll learn that if you need your space it's not going to be for cheating.

I was once in her position (I was very scared because someone had cheated on me before and I wanted to be sure or break up before someone broke my heart again..) With the time I knew him better and now I trust him 100%.

Lots of talking and reassurance is needed here.

John Mason

run, forrest, run

seriously, i had a lucky escape from one of these nutjobs - it wont end nicely trust me

talking wont do you any good. they have a physologial problem. i got mine in to counselling for a while but he stopped going

sam34

get out of this situation as quick as you can, imho.

i had an ex who was really possessive and jealous and controlling....
it was torture for me

it's unlikely people like that will change

they use bullsh*t excuses to justify their behaviour "an ex cheated on me so now i odnt trust anyone" blah blah blah

they are only trying to make their behaviour seem acceptable, when in reality it is anything but.

I think you should end this relationship now before it gets any worse

qz

Either you tell her to get the boat or you get it yourself.

That kind of crap is just not on no matter what stage a relationship is at. That wouldn't so much annoy me as it would infuriate me. Like it's your own private life to which you are entitled. You're not married to this nutjob, what do you owe her? And it's no excuse that she was cheated on before (if she tries to raise that one). You leave your baggage at the door when starting a new relationship imo.

Pack it in mate, I highly doubt she'll change - she already sounds too far gone for that. If I were you I wouldn't even attempt to talk to her about it.

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

I was once in her position (I was very scared because someone had cheated on me before and I wanted to be sure or break up before someone broke my heart again..) With the time I knew him better and now I trust him 100%.

Doesn't always work....sometimes odd behaviour because of fear or whatever becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy, and regardless of how much you like someone or want to stay, you gotta leave before the psycho behaviour becomes infectious and you lose sight of what a normal, healthy relationship SHOULD be like.

Tell her - quietly and calmly - to cop herself on because her behaviour is not normal and not acceptable.

And if it doesn't change after that, call it a day - for your own sake.

LegacyUser

Its very easy to tell this guy to leave the girlfriend, that sounds very cool and rational. But people have feelings...and I'm sure it wouldn't be easy for him to do so.. If he's with her it's because he loves her.

Relationships need some work. Life is not pink and, contrary to hollywood's films, you'll never meet the perfect person...everybody have their issues, manias etc...Couples always need a time to adapt and get over things that bother earch other.

I agree that this guy's girlfriend is not right, but I'm sure they can work it out.

LegacyUser

Hi,

I can't really offer advice because I am exactly the same, if anything I wouldn't mind some help myself.

It is easy to say she is a nutjob, get rid of her but you don't realise how horrible it is being the jealous possessive partner, it is horrible for both parties.

I hate being like this but it is so hard to change, I feel trapped and don't want to lose my bf because I love him so much.