The thread of vanity and conceitedness.

Pighead

Pighead was late, very very very late. Was due to meet Miss Piggy for brunch at 11 O' Clock in town and it was now fast approaching 10.47. The fact that her last words the previous evening were "Don't be late or I'll burn all your fully completed Panini Football sticker albums 87-92 inclusive" and also the fact the coffee shop was a 15 minute walk away meant that this was fast approaching disaster status.

Pighead done a Superman in a telephone box job and got his clothes on in about 0.4 of a second. Started humming the Superman tune, made a little S in his fringe and put a tea towel around his neck before giggling for a couple of minutes at the fun of it all. Snapped out of it quicksmart when the phone started ringing. Pighead recognised that ringtone alright. He'd been here before plenty of times. Too many times. It was a "ringtone of rage" and upon answering it the ringtone of rage manifested itself into words of rage, many of them beginning with F and C.

It was now 10.51 and Pighead was running. Running faster than a penguin but slower than a dog. Probably somewhere circa the 9MPH mark. Not great admittedly but not bad either if you brought the wind factor into account. And then he stopped. He had just caught a glimpse of his jeans in one of the window fronts. He was wearing the jeans Mama Pighead had bought for him way back in the Christmas of 97. The one's he had never worn before because they looked like something one of the members of Bros would have rejected on the grounds of bad taste. They weren't too dissimilar to these

Obviously, Pighead turned right around and headed back to his house. There was no way he was heading any further into town wearing those denim disasters. Vanity had overcome the fear of the wrath of Miss Piggy. Have just changed the jeans and just about managed to stop crying. The phones turned off and Pigheads hoping against all hope that Miss Piggy doesn't remember where his house is. It's doubtful she'll forget though as she's been here thousands of times before.

So what's the vainest most conceited thing you've done before?

Wagon

I might have been a young lad of 14 once and put on hair gel before going to bed...

Kev_ps3

wierdo

ntlbell

Pighead wrote: »

The fact that her last words the previous evening were "Don't be late or I'll burn all your fully completed Panini Football sticker albums 87-92 inclusive"

You don't happen to have mike duxbury do you?

Could swap you for a Brian McClair?

ScumLord

What's the internet way of doing the pussy wiped noise?

Latchy

I still wear my shades in bed .Does that count ? :cool:

Pighead

ScumLord wrote: »

What's the internet way of doing the pussy wiped noise?

It would probably start off by asking you:
did you mean: whipped?

OldGoat

I once made a full airplane wait for me while I had a leasurly pint at the bar. Then I had the audacidy to smile and say 'Sorry' in a cheeky/charming manner to various scowling faces as I wandered down the isle to my seat.
The pint was terrible.

Professey Chin

ScumLord wrote: »

What's the internet way of doing the pussy wiped noise?

whoo-pah:pac:

Dragan

ScumLord wrote: »

What's the internet way of doing the pussy wiped noise?

You are not allowed do it, pussy!

*WHA-TISH*

shock_value

what's with the dissappearing posts?

My friend told me a while back about boards and "your ma" jokes.I was given the impression it was all boards was about. Is it not allowed or something?

ScumLord

Pighead wrote: »

It would probably start off by asking you:
did you mean: whipped?

I don't know, after thinking about it wiped could work too.

Jesus Juice

shock_value wrote: »

what's with the dissappearing posts?

My friend told me a while back about boards and "your ma" jokes.I was given the impression it was all boards was about. Is it not allowed or something?

Please say they put a filter on it!?

Rsaeire

Jesus Juice wrote: »

Please say they put a filter on it!?

Well if they did, it works in a weird way. You can say ... you know, but if you refer to it, your post gets deleted; or so it seems. My post, which is quoted in random chatbox's reply, was deleted for some reason. By that same token, this post will be deleted too!

Jesus Juice

Rsaeire wrote: »

Well if they did, it works in a weird way. You can say ... you know, but if you refer to it, your post gets deleted; or so it seems. My post, which is quoted in random chatbox's reply, was deleted for some reason. By that same token, this post will be deleted too!

Fcuk dont get my hopes up!!:eek:

00112984

ScumLord wrote: »

What's the internet way of doing the pussy wiped noise?

Durty.

In fact, I think that's how I'm going to handle conflict in future. If one of my female friends is getting on my nerves, I'm going to smile, say nothing and slip a digit along the gusset of her jeans and just continue smiling while saying "consider yourself wiped, c*nt".

Pighead

Mirrors are also a source of vanity for Pighead.Although different mirrors tend to bring out different levels of vanity. There's a mirror in the sitting room which causes Pighead to try and look dashing and windswept like James Dean or Steve McQueen.

The bedroom mirror makes Pighead flex his muscles and scrunch up his face whilst screaming "I'm Degsy and I'm fcuking angry with the state of this fcuking bedroom. It looks like the home of an unwashed Africano. Grrrrr"

Sometimes whilst trying to get the ultimate Degsy muscle flex going on, Pighead strains that little bit too much and poo poos in his pants and Degsy disappears to be replaced by FlutterinBantam. Some say Pighead needs a break from boards.

Wagon

Pighead wrote: »

Some say Pighead needs a break from boards.

Me too. I understood every word.