Feel like breaking up... but it's Valentines?

sobriety

I guess it's best not to break someones heart around this time. Especially if a girl has been looking forward to Valentines... Better to go through the whole farce and break up afterwards? Or would that be worse for her? After 3 years together it could be very harsh...

Ladies, any ideas on this one?

StroppySu

Definitely, do NOT go through the "whole farce"... No point in having an "I love you day" when you dont actually love her. You'll only be lying to her.

If you are sure you want to break up, then do it now!

smellslikeshoes

Farces don't help anyone, sooner you break up with her the sooner she can move on with her life. Think long and hard that its exactly what you want to do first.

KikiDee

O that's a tough one!!!!

But stroppysu is right, there's no point spending a day romancing her and being all lovey-dovey with her if that's not how you really feel. Better just bithe the bullet! She'll thank you for it (perhaps not right away but maybe in a few months/years).

Good luck with whatever you decide tho!

seamus

Don't go through the farce of pretending. Then she'll just wonder WTF all that Valentine's day lovey-dovey stuff was about and she'll be even more confused and pissed off.

There is never, ever, ever, ever a "good time" to break up with someone. There will always be some reason why you don't want them to be unhappy - Valentine's day, a birthday, a new job, a death in the family, Christmas, and so on ad nauseum.

Bite the bullet and do it now. There's it nothing really special about Valentine's day. It is very much like pulling off a plaster - it's going to hurt no matter how long you leave it there before doing it.

Toots

Oh dear, I wouldn't like to be in your shoes op! I agree with the others, having a farcical romantic valentines day will probably just make the break up harder on her. However, you'll also need to be prepared for her reaction if you break up with her now. There's only 3 days left before valentines day!!

You'll need to be careful how you word things, because you'll risk coming across as a total b*stard for doing it at this time. Make sure that you explain to her that you feel awful breaking up with her now, but that you don't feel it's fair on either one of you to have a sham valentines day. Don't expect her to take it well though, so just make sure you're 100% sure it's what you want.

Femelade

I was dumped last valentines night...
I had got flowers delivered to my house that morning, and he gave me a lovely card telling me how much he loves me that night..
Then he broke it off with me, about an hour after giving me the card, in my bed..
It left me extremely hurt and most definatley very confused, kept looking at the card and wondering wtf it was about..

So, PLEASE..do it now, dont give her a card saying stuff you dont mean...that is just cruel..





ps. we are back together now, and there will not be a repeat of last yr's valentines night.

MJOR

I'm a rip pff the band aid quickly type of girl and think that really you should do it ASAP.

Bottle_of_Smoke

She'll hate you for dumping her just before valentines, and really hold it against you.

Leave it a few days and she'll hate you for making a fool of her at valentines, and really hold that against you.

I think she'd feel worse for being made a fool of, so I'd go with break up before.

Creamy Goodness

don't play her along, if you don't love her break up now.

surprised it's taken you 3 years to find out.

Wing Walker

Many moons ago, dear old Wing walker here had a similar predicament. Except I didn't break up with her before the day and ended it on the day itself. Not a pretty sight at all. Lots of shouting from her, obviously, and an irrational fear of Valentine's day for me for some years to come!

My t'pence worth? Break up as soon as possible. It won't be nice but it has to be done.

The very best of luck.

WW

Wibbs

I agree FFS do NOT break up with her on the day. It would show serious lack of insight, compassion and simple manners on your part and as WW notes she'll remember feb 14th for all the wrong reasons. Yes there is always something that can be used as an excuse to chicken out, but it does have some validity. Associating any pain with a specific date in the calender, especially valentines day(xmas another one) tends to bring that emotion up the next year around. In the past when a breakup was coming I avoided milestone days like the bloody plague. If I was lucky the crap happened afterward or less lucky before.

Creamy Goodness wrote:

don't play her along, if you don't love her break up now.

+1 and do it fast.

surprised it's taken you 3 years to find out.

I'm not. Seems a common time frame actually. If you look around most long termers end around the 2/3 year mark. Though I am surprised that he didn't notice this before now like a month or two ago.

Creamy Goodness

Wibbs wrote: »

I'm not. Seems a common time frame actually. If you look around most long termers end around the 2/3 year mark. Though I am surprised that he didn't notice this before now like a month or two ago.

ohh yeh, don't break up on the day, that's just complete asshole-ish

what i meant about the length of time it took to realise he doesn't love her was more like how and why is he only thinking about it now and not like a couple months/weeks ago.

breaking up is never an easy thing to do no matter when you do it, you're labelled as a bastard, but if broke up with someone on Valentines day/christmas day/birthday etc. i would label myself as being a bastard.

Wibbs

Creamy Goodness wrote: »

breaking up is never an easy thing to do no matter when you do it, you're labelled as a bastard, but if broke up with someone on Valentines day/christmas day/birthday etc. i would label myself as being a bastard.

Exactly. I would seriously question the level of selfishness and plain idiocy of anyone who would pull that. I have once in the past, stuck it out for a month longer than I wanted to to specifically avoid such a date. yes a pain for me, but I was the one leaving so I had already disconnected. She hadn't, so I forgot about me, sucked it up and waited for an opportune time that the month gave me. Now that woman won't associate that time with me and pain.

livindadream

deffo do it before the day...i mean no matter what this is always gonna be the crap year where she got broken up 'around' valentines' day, so ur better off u dont have to splash the cash on chocolates and all that.

im a girl, i would hate to be broken up right after or on the day! it would make all ur efforts, like cards and flowers, seem so much faker!! better off letting her cry for a day, then recovering with her girls ona night out on saturday!

Madame Razz

Unfortunately there is never a right time to break up with somebody; well it's right for you when you know it's time to move on, but their feelings must be taken into account.

Yes, Valentines is a naff day, but it really would be cruel to break up with her on this date. Like other posters I say do it asap, or if thats not possible please don't make a big fuss of the day, if anything don't be a particularly nice boyfriend about it.

Oh, and don't break up with her on Friday the 13th either, that's an equally lousy day to get dumped on I would reckon!

sobriety

Wibbs wrote: »

Exactly. I would seriously question the level of selfishness and plain idiocy of anyone who would pull that. I have once in the past, stuck it out for a month longer than I wanted to to specifically avoid such a date. yes a pain for me, but I was the one leaving so I had already disconnected. She hadn't, so I forgot about me, sucked it up and waited for an opportune time that the month gave me. Now that woman won't associate that time with me and pain.

I'm actually going to go with this approach.

Maybe it's a cop out but we are living 3 hours apart and only see each other on weekends, so I wouldn't like to do it over the phone tbh. She deserves a lot more than that

If I'm being completely honest, I think I discovered about 2 years ago, and definitely 1 year ago that something is wrong in the relationship... but it takes a LONG time to put your finger on what is up, and to figure out whethr it can be fixed, or will resolve in times.

Yeah, as you can tell this is my first long term one. Next time if I feel "incompatible" with someone I will break up a lot sooner. I think next time I will spot the warning signs a mile away.

You live and you learn I guess... nothing beats experience and the wisdom it gives you.

ladublin

Id advise you to tell her as soon as you can, Vday or no Vday. How would you feel is this situation was the other way around, her wanting to break up but putting it off and pretending everythings great for the sake of another few days. No, not a nice thought. Tell her soon because it will only hurt her more if she finds out later, which she more than likely will, that you were thinking this for some time.
Not a nice thing to ever have to do, especially after 3yrs together but these things just happen and we cant plan for it. Dont hurt her any more than you have to.

fonpokno

seamus wrote: »

Don't go through the farce of pretending. Then she'll just wonder WTF all that Valentine's day lovey-dovey stuff was about and she'll be even more confused and pissed off.

Agreed. Last year I was given an amazing Valentine's day and dumped two days later. Nothing is more upsetting, infuriating and confusing. Break up with her beforehand.

Shonagh

if i were you, i'd break up with her..

sure, she'll probably be a bit pissed off, but like at least you won't be lying to her on valentines..

and imo, valentines is really only a holiday created by hallmark to fill the gap between christmas and easter.. lol..

like noones gonna like being broken up with before valentines, and if valentines is a big deal to her, it might be a problem..

but yeah, i'd say to go through with it.

Liam Byrne

VD is fake / contrived enough as it is, without going through the motions with someone you don't care about / love anymore....

And it would probably make the urge worse, with everyone else being love-dovey and you in limbo, so you risk just blurting it out on the day itself. :eek: