Women - why I gave up trying

Abdiel

I originally posted this unreg as a reply to a chatting up\first move thread, but I decided I should post it on its own, just curious what sort of response I get, I've switched back to my reg account, shock horror in PI I know.

Personally I gave up even trying to chat up women a long time ago, it seemed like women were only interested in issuing put-downs to boost their own ego at my expense.

Typical responses when I did try always seemed to be unnecessarily cruel e.g.
No, wouldn't touch you with a bargepole
No, never in a million years
Ex-g//f (Meeting at her request): Dont know what I ever saw in you, take a look in the mirror

Unfortunately for me most of those comments happened in my early teens and really put me off the idea of ever approaching a girl again. As a result of comments like that I spent most of my teens trying to accept that women did not find me anyway attractive and would never be interested in me. That lasted for a few years until I had a "magical" moment walking home from school one lunchtime. I was 17 at the time and one girl seemed to change that - just one of those "by chance two seperate glances meet" moments and for the next 6 months as much as I wished I could, I could just never gather the confidence to approach her, after a few more months when I eventually I said hi and asked her name, she gave me her name and promptly walked off again. (An amazing looking girl who gave me sweaty palms and palpatations every time I saw her).

Then onto college where I thought things would be different - how foolish was I. 1st girl I paid any attention to went along with it for the whole of 1st year, we got on really well, flirted a lot, then she went to Germany for the Summer - we exchanged letters while she was away, but then when she returned, she just ignored me for the next 3 months. 2nd girl I paid attention to, we were "together" a few times (non-sexual, just kissing mostly) before she went to the States for the summer, we were really close and during the summer I wrote and told her how much I liked her and how much I was looking forward to her return - she gets back and also refuses to speak to me - this time for 6 months, after which I was supposed to forgive and forget everything and welcome her with open arms, when I didn't, I was suddenly the bad guy. The only girl in college I actually got on with truly eventually told me the other two didn't consider me good enough, and yet when I see who they ended up with my only response is WTF!!!. One ended up with a guy who committed suicide because she got sick of his beatings and left him! The other with a guy who after having 3 kids with her, decided to have an affair with her next-door neighbour! So my only conclusion after all this was women are cruel, not to be trusted, irrational and will walk all over you every chance they get, and for some reason have an inbuilt desire to hook up with the worst people possible.

As a result of my experiences I am now an early 30s virgin, I avoid as much as possible any unnecessary contact with the "fairer" sex and am now half way down the road to being a bitter old bacherlor.

So now I would like to warn everybody unless you want to end up like me, I would advise a "who cares if i fail" attitude. I have a friend who is generally considered attractive by females. I have seen him approach women in bars when he was completely pissed and fall over while he was trying to chat them up. His response to the inevitable rejection in that case? Move along to the next girl at the bar, and purely for what I deem to be the shallowest reasons (i.e. he's good looking) he always "scores" by the end of the night, despite him having a devoted girlfriend in Galway who thinks he is a saint. Sorry if I've painted women in a bad light, but that's just my personal experience. I didn't ask for it, want it or even deserve it, but that's what I got.

I post this just as my own experience, I am not looking for sympathy or support. I have been quite angry about a lot of things recently - including all of the above, not sure why, but I guess other things lately just got to me and it all came flooding back. Strangely, walking around as an angry, annoyed and pissed off single male I seemed to be getting a lot more "looks" - go figure, it's like women are genuinely attracted to the worst in men. As I've already said, I gave up trying with women a long time ago and now just accept that I will live and die alone. Depressing, and yet I manage to get out of bed every day. Maybe it's just my masochistic tendencies - although I wonder if I have subconsciously invented these just as an attempt to "replace" the need for women in my life.

Well that's my story, I am well aware that anger is outward facing depression, but having seen and experienced both sides of that mirror, I would rather be angry that depressed. I accept that now I am probably "damaged" or "untouchable" by most women and accept that fact, however there is a certain amount of bitterness and resentment about the fact that I feel I am the way I am as a result of women in the first place.

That's my "life".

Thanks for reading.

beks101

Abdiel I am speechless. And yet I feel the need to reply.

Obviously there's not much that I can say to shed light on your situation, or change it, but I just don't think I can stress this enough: these women who have tainted your view of the 'fairer sex' are by no means representative of women as a whole, and it's unfair to women and more importantly to YOURSELF to completely disregard the female population as a result.

It's clear from these threads that there's a strain of women who are hostile, nasty and downright rude to men they are not interested in, but my God the amount of problems that arise from these stereotypes is just unbelievable. WE ARE NOT ALL LIKE THIS. And please don't give up.

LegacyUser

Abdiel I am speechless. And yet I feel the need to reply.

Obviously there's not much that I can say to shed light on your situation, or change it, but I just don't think I can stress this enough: these women who have tainted your view of the 'fairer sex' are by no means representative of women as a whole, and it's unfair to women and more importantly to YOURSELF to completely disregard the female population as a result.

It's clear from these threads that there's a strain of women who are hostile, nasty and downright rude to men they are not interested in, but my God the amount of problems that arise from these stereotypes is just unbelievable. WE ARE NOT ALL LIKE THIS. And please don't give up.

Most women who are of this strain do not believe themselves to be abnormal so would not class themselves as this strain. Just saying.

Húrin

Abdiel wrote: »

As a result of my experiences I am now an early 30s virgin, I avoid as much as possible any unnecessary contact with the "fairer" sex and am now half way down the road to being a bitter old bacherlor.

Written in such ridiculously dramatic terms, I know you don't really believe that. Early 30s is far too young to throw in the towel. There's buckets of virgins that age in this country, you sure see enough of them here. Why is the moment of first sex important anyway? I think that you should not worry and resent about women from your past. Look forward, not backward.

Eschewing women, simply to avoid getting hurt, is no way to live a fulfilled life, unless you are honestly happy with celibacy (and that's OK). We have desires for companionship, and sexual attraction for a good reason. Don't deny them, please.

Most of your stories have nothing to do with your attractiveness, in all likelihood. So frankly I doubt that's a problem.

cantdecide

I know how you feel. To a large extent, I've had similar experiences and it's certainly not a nice place to be. Women, if you catch your mates behaving like children in this way- give them a clip round the ear please.

Your 30s are like Youth-the Sequel so don't run off and become bitter just yet is all I can say. You only have to find one good one and you're away. Invest in yourself and give yourself the best chance of finding someone decent and ffs, don't bother yer arse trying to pull in the pubs and clubs if you're of a sensitive nature- they can smell your fear.

Beruthiel

Abdiel wrote: »

As a result of my experiences I am now an early 30s virgin, I avoid as much as possible any unnecessary contact with the "fairer" sex and am now half way down the road to being a bitter old bacherlor.

Come on Abdiel. You're 30 not 90! You're in the prime of your life with everything ahead of you.
Now you've had some crappy experiences, no doubt there. So have I, so have all of us.
But it is you who has allowed this to get the better of you.
It's ALL about attitude and yours could not be more pessimistic if you had gone to Pessimistic College and trained for 5 years.

Now, you're 30. The bullsh!t years are behind you, from here on in you are more likely to meet women who have grown to the stage where they are more approchable and more open to serious relationships.
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and live life like today is your last day.

tbh

your choice, man. I would tell you to cop yourself on, but you seem happy to wallow.

Wibbs

OK now there's some good advice here, but IMHO saying "ah it's fine, there's someone out there" or "cop on" or whatever is not all too far away from suggesting to a depressed person that they "cheer up". While the two states may be far apart in obvious severity and I'm in no way poo pooing depression, the OP's life is being badly affected socially and has been for years. The other similarity is in both cases the person simply doesn't have the tools to make a change. In the case of depression, therapy and medication provide these tools, hopefully to the point where they do "cheer up". If you were a trigger happy Dr Phil type therapist I'm quite sure you could get a research grant to prove that issues like the OPs and others could be described as a "condition/syndrome".

The OP has missed out the normal learning curve and has spent the majority of his adulthood in this state and is now in a situation of social sexual immaturity. So he's still feeling his way, not too far away from a 15 year old bloke, but with a large side order of rejection and cynicism. He needs the tools to overcome this.

I would also say that this is perfectly doable. I mentioned therapy and I reckon if you can afford it, get some counseling to address the general insecurity and social anxiety bits. That's going to help. A lot.

Secondly, remember you're not alone. There are men of all ages who come here on an almost daily basis in pretty similar situations to yours. Hell it would be one of the longest running threads in PI if it was stickied. Women not being able to find a good bloke wouldn't be far behind it either. Which brings me to my next point. There are women out there who also feel left out of the dating grind and like you it's partly their responsibility and partly the dating scene itself. So that should give you heart in seeking your own path.

Thirdly, look to yourself. Yes the lack of women in your life is your sticking point, but try to make it your only sticking point. If you're unfit, get fit. If you don't like your career then take steps to change it(I know not easy at the moment but...). Surround yourself with more people, men and women. Getting a partner is a numbers game. The more people you know the more women you will meet and the more access to women you will have.

Fourthly, accept rejection. I know you've had enough to be going on with, but accept that some women for whatever reason won't dig you. Big deal, there are millions more behind her that will. Reject the idea that "there's only one out there for me" for the same reasons.

Do NOT try to be their friend first. Oh you'll hear women say "thats not true I want a friend", but that's only partially true or it's more the exception than the rule, so look to the general. They need to feel the sexual attraction first. Friends comes later. Dont unload emotionally with a woman too soon. They may like the trust that you may place in them, but that's best case scenario. They're more likely to think you're too intense or worse case scenario creepy. Regardless of scenario they won't want to jump your bones or let themselves go emotionally.

Reject the idea it's your looks. You're thinking like a man. Men are more likely to reject a woman for her looks than the other way around. Far more likely. You could have a face like a bulldog lickin píss of a nettle and still get women. Lots of women. Whats far more important to a woman is how you feel about yourself. That's what they respond to, that's what they feed off. A man's confidence and emotional state. It makes them feel comfortable in your presence. Yes looks play a part, but not nearly to the degree that many if not most men think.

Realise and accept that what you want is as important as what anyone else wants. If you want a romantic relationship and the object of your desire doesn't and wants to be "friends", well then move on to someone who does want that. Don't be ashamed of that need and don't frustrate yourself to someone elses advantage. Don't give her a shoulder to cry on if you're not getting access to the rest of her body basically. You have wants, so express them. If they reject that, well be nice about it, don't overdo the emotional guff, but move on to the next one.

Finally realise that you are in control of your life and environment and future contentment. Much more than you think. People, men and women don't realise that enough. You can work on yourself, make the best you that you can be and if you do that, trust me you'll not have much trouble getting women if you do.

My 2 cents of rambling anyway.

DamoKen

As Bethruthiel has already said we've all been there. I can still remember my first love many years back and how screwed up I was when I (last one to know as usual :rolleyes:) finally figured out she had been seeing a good "friend" behind my back.
For the first time I lost all faith in girls, and thought I'd never be able to trust or love a girl again. Took me about a year to see that was a bit of a stupid road to go down, took another year or so before I got over it and haven't looked back since. True I've been hurt since, but I could never give up on one of the best things life has to offer because of it.

The trick was to learn from it, not to tar approx 50% of the population with your own bad experiences and move on. I'm currently doing that yet again (bugger!), hopefully this will be the last time I have to. But again I've kept my faith in people and greet each new relationship like it was the first, bearing in mind lessons from the last. Use a bad experience to improve yourself, learn from mistakes, but don't give up just because you may have had it bad, the only person who loses from that is you.

Drummerboy2

As regards your lack of sexual experience, would you consider paying for it? I know its not ideal, but it will certainly relieve you of your sexual tensions.

As regards meeting someone, keep trying. I'm sure there is someone out there.

Partizan

Abdiel wrote: »

I originally posted this unreg as a reply to a chatting up\first move thread, but I decided I should post it on its own, just curious what sort of response I get, I've switched back to my reg account, shock horror in PI I know.

Personally I gave up even trying to chat up women a long time ago, it seemed like women were only interested in issuing put-downs to boost their own ego at my expense.

Typical responses when I did try always seemed to be unnecessarily cruel e.g.
No, wouldn't touch you with a bargepole
No, never in a million years
Ex-g//f (Meeting at her request): Dont know what I ever saw in you, take a look in the mirror

Unfortunately for me most of those comments happened in my early teens and really put me off the idea of ever approaching a girl again. As a result of comments like that I spent most of my teens trying to accept that women did not find me anyway attractive and would never be interested in me. That lasted for a few years until I had a "magical" moment walking home from school one lunchtime. I was 17 at the time and one girl seemed to change that - just one of those "by chance two seperate glances meet" moments and for the next 6 months as much as I wished I could, I could just never gather the confidence to approach her, after a few more months when I eventually I said hi and asked her name, she gave me her name and promptly walked off again. (An amazing looking girl who gave me sweaty palms and palpatations every time I saw her).

Then onto college where I thought things would be different - how foolish was I. 1st girl I paid any attention to went along with it for the whole of 1st year, we got on really well, flirted a lot, then she went to Germany for the Summer - we exchanged letters while she was away, but then when she returned, she just ignored me for the next 3 months. 2nd girl I paid attention to, we were "together" a few times (non-sexual, just kissing mostly) before she went to the States for the summer, we were really close and during the summer I wrote and told her how much I liked her and how much I was looking forward to her return - she gets back and also refuses to speak to me - this time for 6 months, after which I was supposed to forgive and forget everything and welcome her with open arms, when I didn't, I was suddenly the bad guy. The only girl in college I actually got on with truly eventually told me the other two didn't consider me good enough, and yet when I see who they ended up with my only response is WTF!!!. One ended up with a guy who committed suicide because she got sick of his beatings and left him! The other with a guy who after having 3 kids with her, decided to have an affair with her next-door neighbour! So my only conclusion after all this was women are cruel, not to be trusted, irrational and will walk all over you every chance they get, and for some reason have an inbuilt desire to hook up with the worst people possible.

As a result of my experiences I am now an early 30s virgin, I avoid as much as possible any unnecessary contact with the "fairer" sex and am now half way down the road to being a bitter old bacherlor.

So now I would like to warn everybody unless you want to end up like me, I would advise a "who cares if i fail" attitude. I have a friend who is generally considered attractive by females. I have seen him approach women in bars when he was completely pissed and fall over while he was trying to chat them up. His response to the inevitable rejection in that case? Move along to the next girl at the bar, and purely for what I deem to be the shallowest reasons (i.e. he's good looking) he always "scores" by the end of the night, despite him having a devoted girlfriend in Galway who thinks he is a saint. Sorry if I've painted women in a bad light, but that's just my personal experience. I didn't ask for it, want it or even deserve it, but that's what I got.

I post this just as my own experience, I am not looking for sympathy or support. I have been quite angry about a lot of things recently - including all of the above, not sure why, but I guess other things lately just got to me and it all came flooding back. Strangely, walking around as an angry, annoyed and pissed off single male I seemed to be getting a lot more "looks" - go figure, it's like women are genuinely attracted to the worst in men. As I've already said, I gave up trying with women a long time ago and now just accept that I will live and die alone. Depressing, and yet I manage to get out of bed every day. Maybe it's just my masochistic tendencies - although I wonder if I have subconsciously invented these just as an attempt to "replace" the need for women in my life.

Well that's my story, I am well aware that anger is outward facing depression, but having seen and experienced both sides of that mirror, I would rather be angry that depressed. I accept that now I am probably "damaged" or "untouchable" by most women and accept that fact, however there is a certain amount of bitterness and resentment about the fact that I feel I am the way I am as a result of women in the first place.

That's my "life".

Thanks for reading.

Young man, you are suffering from a severe case of insecurity, immaturity and sexual frustration. I have scored loads of girls, why? because i'm positive, friendly and outgoing. (I'm no picture of beauty by the way) You have that the world is your oyster. You sound like a walking talking melodramatic Jane Austen-esque soppy romance novel.

Grow up.

Cianos

Have you thought about how you are approaching women? Maybe you are being too forward or too shy, too timid. Women are very good at picking up on emotions and naturally they prefer guys who appear more confident. If you seem like a quivering wreck any time you are in proximity of an attractive women, you have little chance I'm afraid. You should also be mindful about your outward appearance, how you dress, your hair etc.

It's not too late yet. For what it's worth, I think the average mid 30's single female finds it harder to find a partner than the average mid 30's single guy. So they are out there and they too want to meet someone

dory

I liked your post! Add some sex and you could have been describing my life. I'm pretty much a spectator to this whole dating thing, and yes, I believe it is every bit as shallow as you described.
I don't drink much so always see the annoying but goodlooking person scoring. Although, women are more likely to go for an average looking guy than men are to an average looking woman. Just what I've noticed.
It's all a load of bull. We're animals, we're meant to mate and move on. This whole relationship crap is a human construct and I don't think it works.

Cianos

dory wrote: »

This whole relationship crap is a human construct and I don't think it works.

A few animals that mate for life; Gibbon apes, wolves, termites, coyotes, barn owls, beavers, bald eagles, golden eagles, condors, swans, brolga cranes, French angel fish, sandhill cranes, pigeons, prions (a seabird), red-tailed hawks, anglerfish, ospreys, prairie voles (a rodent), and black vultures, etc.

tbh

It's like that old Simon and Garfunkle song "A rock feels no pain, and an Island never cries". Very true, but neither does a rock feel joy, nor an Island giggle.

It's just an excuse because you are too frightened to try.

dory

Cianos wrote: »

A few animals that mate for life; Gibbon apes, wolves, termites, coyotes, barn owls, beavers, bald eagles, golden eagles, condors, swans, brolga cranes, French angel fish, sandhill cranes, pigeons, prions (a seabird), red-tailed hawks, anglerfish, ospreys, prairie voles (a rodent), and black vultures, etc.

Ya, I knew someone would come back with that. Even more animals are homosexual. Doesn't mean we should all go gay. It was just an opinion. I think people mate out of fear of being alone.

tbh

dory wrote: »

Ya, I knew someone would come back with that. Even more animals are homosexual. Doesn't mean we should all go gay. It was just an opinion. I think people mate out of fear of being alone.

I like being alone but i like mating more. sometimes, I'm doing both at the same time.

Wibbs

Drummerboy2 wrote: »

As regards your lack of sexual experience, would you consider paying for it? I know its not ideal, but it will certainly relieve you of your sexual tensions.

I can see your logic, but IMHO this would be a very bad plan. More likely to increase rather than release his tensions.

Partizan wrote:

Young man, you are suffering from a severe case of insecurity, immaturity and sexual frustration.

Well that's self evident.

I have scored loads of girls, why? because i'm positive, friendly and outgoing. (I'm no picture of beauty by the way) You have that the world is your oyster.

I agree completely and bully for you, but he isn't positive, friendly and outgoing towards women. That's the point. Just telling him to be is going to make him be. I'm skinny, you could be fat. Me telling you, you just have to eat less cake and run around a bit, while obvious to a duuuuh degree, isn't going to make you slim, if you don't have the tools to do so.

You sound like a walking talking melodramatic Jane Austen-esque soppy romance novel.

Grow up.

Again great in theory, but ultimately pointless. If he could just "grow up" of his own accord, do you not think he would have? How you may think and react is not the way others may think and react.

Faith

Okay, I'm just going to play devil's advocate here for a minute.

Abdiel wrote: »

Typical responses when I did try always seemed to be unnecessarily cruel e.g.
No, wouldn't touch you with a bargepole
No, never in a million years
Ex-g//f (Meeting at her request): Dont know what I ever saw in you, take a look in the mirror

Unfortunately for me most of those comments happened in my early teens and really put me off the idea of ever approaching a girl again.

Early teens? So, <16 yeah? Most likely they were cruel because they were children and thought that was cool. They'd probably seen stuff on TV where a woman is bitchy to a guy and the audience claps and laughs and cheers. I'm sure it affected you greatly at the time, but try to understand now that it wasn't really about you at all.

I was 17 at the time and one girl seemed to change that - just one of those "by chance two seperate glances meet" moments and for the next 6 months as much as I wished I could, I could just never gather the confidence to approach her, after a few more months when I eventually I said hi and asked her name, she gave me her name and promptly walked off again. (An amazing looking girl who gave me sweaty palms and palpatations every time I saw her).

So you basically just ignored her for 6 months. 6 months is a lifetime when you're 17, she'd probably well and truly moved on by then. Again, I doubt she was trying to hurt you but the way she saw it was probably that you were completely uninterested. How was she to know that you were just too shy to talk to her?

Then onto college where I thought things would be different - how foolish was I. 1st girl I paid any attention to went along with it for the whole of 1st year, we got on really well, flirted a lot, then she went to Germany for the Summer - we exchanged letters while she was away, but then when she returned, she just ignored me for the next 3 months.

Did you ever actually make a move though? Or did you just basically lead her on for a year without ever actually asking her out? She probably eventually accepted the idea that you weren't interested in her, and cut you out to save herself from getting more hurt (assuming she really liked you and thought you weren't interested in her at all).

2nd girl I paid attention to, we were "together" a few times (non-sexual, just kissing mostly) before she went to the States for the summer, we were really close and during the summer I wrote and told her how much I liked her and how much I was looking forward to her return - she gets back and also refuses to speak to me - this time for 6 months, after which I was supposed to forgive and forget everything and welcome her with open arms, when I didn't, I was suddenly the bad guy.

Did you ever think that you might have completely freaked her out by suddenly blurting out your feelings? You kissed a few times, then announce that you really like her and want her to come back so that, what? You could be in a relationship? She probably had no idea you felt that way. I had a good friend announce that he was in love with me before. I was so shocked, and did not feel the same way at all, and I had to take a massive step back from the friendship for a good few months.

The only girl in college I actually got on with truly eventually told me the other two didn't consider me good enough, and yet when I see who they ended up with my only response is WTF!!!. One ended up with a guy who committed suicide because she got sick of his beatings and left him! The other with a guy who after having 3 kids with her, decided to have an affair with her next-door neighbour! So my only conclusion after all this was women are cruel, not to be trusted, irrational and will walk all over you every chance they get, and for some reason have an inbuilt desire to hook up with the worst people possible.

No, women are flawed too, and like you, fall for people who're not right for them, and who treat them badly.

As a result of my experiences I am now an early 30s virgin, I avoid as much as possible any unnecessary contact with the "fairer" sex and am now half way down the road to being a bitter old bacherlor.

So now you won't even try to remedy your situation? Get back on the horse, man. Get a self-help book, start going to the gym, do whatever it takes and develop some confidence. Then just start approaching women and directly asking them out. None of this assing about, flirting with them for a year without making a move, then wondering why they lose interest.

So now I would like to warn everybody unless you want to end up like me, I would advise a "who cares if i fail" attitude. I have a friend who is generally considered attractive by females. I have seen him approach women in bars when he was completely pissed and fall over while he was trying to chat them up. His response to the inevitable rejection in that case? Move along to the next girl at the bar, and purely for what I deem to be the shallowest reasons (i.e. he's good looking) he always "scores" by the end of the night, despite him having a devoted girlfriend in Galway who thinks he is a saint. Sorry if I've painted women in a bad light, but that's just my personal experience. I didn't ask for it, want it or even deserve it, but that's what I got.

Do you think your friend lets every rejection get him down? No. He's got a loving girlfriend and can score every night (not condoning the cheating, btw). But why don't you take a leaf out of his book? Not every woman you approach will be interested in you, but some will. You just have to actually approach them first to find out.

As I've already said, I gave up trying with women a long time ago and now just accept that I will live and die alone. Depressing, and yet I manage to get out of bed every day. Maybe it's just my masochistic tendencies - although I wonder if I have subconsciously invented these just as an attempt to "replace" the need for women in my life.

As Beruthiel said, you're 30, not 90! Stop with the defeatist attitude! Get out there and meet some women and stop wallowing!

Well that's my story, I am well aware that anger is outward facing depression, but having seen and experienced both sides of that mirror, I would rather be angry that depressed. I accept that now I am probably "damaged" or "untouchable" by most women and accept that fact, however there is a certain amount of bitterness and resentment about the fact that I feel I am the way I am as a result of women in the first place.

No, you're that way as a result of yourself. Plenty of people suffer rejection throughout their lives, but they don't just give up as the game is really getting started. Only you can make yourself feel a certain way. Rather than just giving up, I advise you to just get back out there and start changing things. The next woman you approach could be the one you marry.

beks101

Unregistered wrote: »

Most women who are of this strain do not believe themselves to be abnormal so would not class themselves as this strain. Just saying.

Yeah of course they don't see themselves as abnormal as they've been treating men this way for years, feel no remorse.

In fact, I know a lot of girls who are this way and it's rarely got a thing to do with the guy in question and is simply a reflection on their own insecurities. They would otherwise be lovely people, but it doesn't make their behaviour acceptable

Wibbs

beks101 wrote: »

Yeah of course they don't see themselves as abnormal as they've been treating men this way for years, feel no remorse.

In fact, I know a lot of girls who are this way and it's rarely got a thing to do with the guy in question and is simply a reflection on their own insecurities. They would otherwise be lovely people, but it doesn't make their behaviour acceptable

One of the reasons I think some women act like this is that they get away with it. Repeatedly. They don't see anything wrong as night after night they have acted in this way, yet still get guys coming up to them. It seems to work for them and in the absence of being correctly admonished for their behaviour they repeat it. They even attract the type of guy that reinforces this while all the time going on about how they can't find the right man. Show me a woman with a wussy guy harem fawning over her all the time, yet says she can't find love and she's usually a good example of the type. Double that if she claims that all she attracts are wierdos or bad boys. They'll tend to miss the actual good guys. It's the other side of the coin to men in the OP's position.

MJOR

Maybe try the internet dating thing.It's a good way to make friends too. It might help you to meet someone without the whole pressure thing.

I understand that you feel disillsuioned with females but not all girls are interested in putting people down. The virginity thing is obviously a big deal for you but i'd imagine once you put the idea that all women are evil witches out of your head you'll learn to trust them..don't let a few immature comments get you down.

Old habits die hard. But put yourself out there. You'll be pleasantly surprised!

Good luck x

Wagon

Faith wrote: »

Did you ever think that you might have completely freaked her out by suddenly blurting out your feelings? You kissed a few times, then announce that you really like her and want her to come back so that, what? You could be in a relationship? She probably had no idea you felt that way.

I agree with most of what you said Faith, except for this part here. He said he was looking forward to her return, he wasn't demanding she come back. Also, if they kissed a few times and were close wouldn't it be obvious that he did like her? And using logic it would seem that she liked him too, seeing as how it happened more than once. Now if he had told her: "If we don't go out together, I'll cut your name into my arm and bleed the tears of my rejection because WE'RE IN LOVE!!" then I'd understand her wanting to ignore him for 6 months. But he only told her he liked her. Very harsh result and can knock anyone's confidence.

In this case OP, I reckon she just changed her mind about the whole thing on her return and didn't have the matephorical balls to tell you. her logic was simple: ignore you for 6 months and you'll get over her. Then you'll move on and she could just start being friendly with you again and keep you in that friend zone. She got pissed off and angry when she realised that you wearn't the type to be used like that and being the immature person she was, put the blame on you. not your fault, and she was an idiot. I'll be another here to say that not all women aren't like that.

I'd say speak to a therapist. Your problems aren't as straightforward as "growing up" and "getting back out there" and there is definately underlying reasons to why you are feeling so depressed and the sooner you start getting them sorted the better. Try the online dating thingy if you want. If it's any consolation, that immaturity that plagued any previous experiences you had is mainly seen in girls in their early 20s and late teens. At the age you are at now, the people you will meet aren't going to carry on like that (but there are exceptions). Think of it as a fresh start, but you are going to have to take the first steps. Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Look there is a well worn cycle to this whole thing

When men and women are in their twenties- women hold all the cards and can basically do what they want cos this is their prime time- men get alot of rejections in this time period becuas ewomen have so many offers- its like the law of supply and demand

By the thrities though things swing into the mans favour- most of the women who went with bad boys are reaping what theyve sewn and are dying for the good men who focussed on careers and treating themselves and others with respect

You're in your thirties now man- get out there, theres loads of thirty something women dying to meet you

Wibbs

Unregistered wrote: »

Look there is a well worn cycle to this whole thing

When men and women are in their twenties- women hold all the cards and can basically do what they want cos this is their prime time- men get alot of rejections in this time period becuas ewomen have so many offers- its like the law of supply and demand

By the thrities though things swing into the mans favour- most of the women who went with bad boys are reaping what theyve sewn and are dying for the good men who focussed on careers and treating themselves and others with respect

You're in your thirties now man- get out there, theres loads of thirty something women dying to meet you

There's some truth to this, or at least on the surface. In the 20's there are few enough fully realised secure men, so women who are insecure themselves look to distraction or practice relationships. Also they do hold more of the cards as it is more a sellers market. Well it appears to be, again because of the relative lack of fully realised men. In the 30's both men and women are passed a lot of that and are also more realistic and more in tune with the idea of settling down and less interested in game playing.

Although simplistic and akin to eat less, move more = lose the gut, it really boils down to this; build a better man, the best most realised man you can be and finding women will not be difficult, they'll find you half the time. It's what they're mostly attracted to, beyond the obvious. A confident, secure and emotionally strong man is the equivalent to most women as Eva Mendes in a bikini is to most men. So worry less about your looks. Put it this way, most men will take a lot more flakey behavior from a ms Mendes type than a more plain woman and women will downgrade their looks requirements more for a confident strong man.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Look there is a well worn cycle to this whole thing

When men and women are in their twenties- women hold all the cards and can basically do what they want cos this is their prime time- men get alot of rejections in this time period becuas ewomen have so many offers- its like the law of supply and demand

By the thrities though things swing into the mans favour- most of the women who went with bad boys are reaping what theyve sewn and are dying for the good men who focussed on careers and treating themselves and others with respect

You're in your thirties now man- get out there, theres loads of thirty something women dying to meet you

Right on. 34, back in play & lovin' it !

Nevyn

OP are you really still the same person you were when you were a teenager ?
If you think you have grown and matured over the last 13 years then you have
to know that other people will have as well. You just need to not put up with
idiots, set your standards high, know what you won't put up with and start dating.

It's not like you are encumbered with a messy situations with an ex and kids which
you have to consider.

If you want to stay a batchelor boy and a virgin then that is your choice in how you
want to live your life and if you are happy then that is what counts.

If you are not happy then what are you going to do to change your situation ?

No one is going to magically appear and relief you of your virginity and fall into your arm
and want to play happily ever after, dating and relationship take work.

So how badly do you want it and how willing are you do put the effort in ?

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Right on. 34, back in play & lovin' it !

Plus the twenty-something women always have a thing for the "more mature" thirty something guys, remember the hot girls your age when you were in your twenties that were always going out with older guys?? (man being a twenty something guy sux).

Its all gravy once you hit your thirties, the trick is to just make it through your twenties without too much baggage from the rejections.

Try to brush it off and start again OP- you're in a new playing field now

louisecm

With respect, you are basing your opinion on women on experiences you had when you were in secondary school and college. Do you really believe that women don't change or mature as they get older? If I believed that about men then I would be planning to spend my life with one of the teenagers who hangs around outside my apartment gets into fights about taco chips and who can get a grown-up to buy them a bottle of buckie.

You gave up on women before you ever met any, clearly, you experienced the behaviour of girls.

Your friend scores because he tries, something you won't even deign to do. Your post actually annoyed me, because you appear to have decided that there is no way around this, there simply are no good women out there. Which is total BS. Enjoy your life of loneliness, or cop on, get off your arse and take a chance.

dory

dory wrote: »

Ya, I knew someone would come back with that. Even more animals are homosexual. Doesn't mean we should all go gay. It was just an opinion. I think people mate out of fear of being alone.

Eh what?
What animals are exclusively homosexual?

RossFixxxed

Eh no buddy, a lot of people 'mate' out of love and affection. Just because you're trying to build some stupid wall around yourself doesn't mean you can write the rest of us off.

It's a free world and you're totally entitled to wallow in your own self pity... just don't expect ANY sympathy tbh. (You're more than welcome to ask for HELP).

So splash cold water on your face, grow the hell up, stop tarring everyone with the same brush and get out there....

R

Wibbs

OK Rojomcdojo stay on topic or take it to biology/humanities or LGB forum. Thanks

onemorechance

Wibbs wrote: »

Do NOT try to be their friend first. Oh you'll hear women say "thats not true I want a friend", but that's only partially true or it's more the exception than the rule, so look to the general. They need to feel the sexual attraction first. Friends comes later. Dont unload emotionally with a woman too soon. They may like the trust that you may place in them, but that's best case scenario. They're more likely to think you're too intense or worse case scenario creepy. Regardless of scenario they won't want to jump your bones or let themselves go emotionally.

This is a great point! The rest are great too, but this one to live your life by! (If ya wanna score a lot!)