Last messages....

lost09

I thought that you were at least my friend and that we could talk to each other about anything. You told me some things about yourself and I would never even dream of breaking that confidence. Not even now and not ever, because I refuse to stoop to your level of treating people.
I always took you as you are and made the mistake of trusting that you would treat me the same way, I thought we had each other's backs.
And all I ever did was love you and care about you and did what I could do make sure you were okay knowing or believing that you were going through some tough times... I don't know how many times you had no money (or claimed that you had no money) and I carried you without wanting or asking for a penny to be paid back. Except for the most recent time when you borrowed that €50 which you knew I was taking out of money that I had put aside for rent and bills. But I would have been okay with that money being paid back later down the line and was even prepared to go without and make some sacrifices for a while for the sake of our friendship or what you deluded me into believing was a friendship.
But what did I get in return? What turned out to be lies and deceit. If only I had trusted my instincts and not given you the benefit of the doubt... And all this time you have been gossiping about me and laughing about me behind my back. Giving me grief about my appearance whilst at the same time leeching me of money that might have otherwise gone towards buying some new clothes or a new haircut.
Well at least I hope I have learned a final lesson. And I am trying to see the positive here - that it is better that this has happened now rather than it continuing for months down the line and allowing you to further use and abuse me.
Right from the beginning of when you got back in contact last summer, my gut instinct told me that it was better that we keep it as just friends. And I levelled with you. Because after the way you had treated me two years ago it only made sense that this was the only way, and if there was anything there, then we could take things slowly and maybe see where it went. But your ego dictated that you had to push things further and give me endless talk of how you wanted us to be closer and eventually move in together and that you thought we had a future together as a lot more than friends. And like a fool, I bought it.
I will miss you more than you will ever know. And **** knows why. Because I am hurt and in shock beyond belief at how you have betrayed me in probably the worst way possible. Maybe I shouldn't be so shocked after all. But I will never know now because you don't seem to have the decency to level with me. And what would be the point now anyway.
----
No reply! Well I can't say I'm surprised. I am feeling a tad better. You'll be unpleased or suprised to hear. I have been experiencing dark visions of my whole life stretched out in front of me with no-one giving a **** about me. Because of my experience of you in my life as a so-called friend.
But this gorgeous guy winked at me at random on my way home from town today. That made me feel good and that at least I am not as unattractive as you would like me to believe. Made me believe that I am okay and that I will be okay and that I'm not the hopeless or un self confident person that you want me to feel and believe and deserve that i am.

Mr Benevolent

What the...? You might be better off posting this in Creative Writing!

Overheal

Is this a suicide note?

http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=58956203#post58956203
http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=58957830#post58957830

Just what has been happening with you lately? Do you have anyone you can talk to in person?

yermandan

Keep posting here OP, we are all here to help.

Could you try telling us about yourself and what has prompted you to write your original post?? Maybe we could come up with some suggestions for you??

You are not alone

lost09

Overheal wrote: »

Is this a suicide note?

And what do you care. You're the very sort of cold heartless person I want to avoid hearing from.

Why are you posting here at all?
Unlike you I am not afraid to admit to being human and having feelings.
The likes of you is better off talking conventional politics, in my humble opinion . In other words the sort or shallow lowlife that i want to have no dealings with.

Guitarist-JEM

if theres anything you can learn from this is to NEVER show someone that you miss them or still want them after theyve hurt you..that just makes them feel better and also gives them all power within the situation..

Lollipops23

lost09 wrote: »

Overheal wrote: »

Is this a suicide note?

And what do you care. You've the very sort of cold heartless person I want to avoid hearing from.

Why are you posting here at all?
Unlike you I am not afraid to admit to being human and having feelings.#
The likes of you is better off talking conventional politics, in my humble opinion.

erm please don't take your upset out on Overheal,he didn't do anything wrong!!OP,can you please clarify what exactly is going on here?if you are distraught about something/someone everyone here will try to advise on how to deal with it,but taking it out on well-meaning posters will only alienate people.

Mr Benevolent

It's definitely not a suicide note. Problem is, it doesn't make any sense without a bit of context behind it.

yermandan

'if theres anything you can learn from this is to NEVER show someone that you miss them or still want them after theyve hurt you..that just makes them feel better and also gives them all power within the situation.. '



Absolutely,

You are the one in control of what you think, and thus, what you feel. It doesent make the pain go away but it can help when getting perspective on a situation is needed..

OP,

My main concern is the title of this thread. Notwithstanding whats going on right now with you regarding past relationships, are you having dark thoughts of self harm??? If so then writing here will help but I would urge you to talk to your G.P. and perhaps he will refer you on to a professional. Remember, YOU are in control of everything you do.

If you dont feel ready for that then keep posting here and we will support you, of that you can be certain

Resi12

Lost09, Just calm down dear. I feel for you at this moment but take a breather, Now do you have anyone you can trust in and can talk to in person?

If not I suggest you ring the Samaritans and do not feel in any way ashamed, They are there to talk to you and it most likely will make you feel better than you have done to speak to someone who has a caring personality ok?
Talking about these thing will put you back in control and make you realise
that you have plenty of healthy safe options in your life!

Here is the number: ROI: 1850 60 90 90 , please give it a try.

Much love xx

Overheal

Confab wrote: »

It's definitely not a suicide note. Problem is, it doesn't make any sense without a bit of context behind it.

It took me a minute to realize this was the last two emails sent to her ex.

Sadly OP these emails are just adding fuel to the fire and for all you know he may very well be passing them along like you fear. Better to delete all of his contact information and delete all of the email records from your end, the good and the bad. Otherwise, like me, you'll waste a lot of time reading through it looking for things you could have done differently and beating yourself up in the process.

Heartless :rolleyes:

Just burned.

Storm_rages

Hi Lost,

I did a whole lot of this when i broke up with an ex (i wrote so many goodbye emails and letters i had to buy a whole new external hard drive!). But here i am nearly 4 years later married and expecting my first. I can't even remember the password to get into the letters any more. I guess what i am saying is that there is bad times in everyone life and your not alone But things will turn around and you have just got to keep putting one foot infront the other until it gets less hard.

Hugs Storm.

Wibbs

OK can people ease up on the suicide notion here. I'm not seeing that at all. OK the title, last messages.. but it's to do with the last interaction with her ex and the upset this has caused her. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's how I see it, so no need for kneejerk stuff just yet.

lost09

Storm_rages wrote: »

Hi Lost,

I did a whole lot of this when i broke up with an ex (i wrote so many goodbye emails and letters i had to buy a whole new external hard drive!). But here i am nearly 4 years later married and expecting my first. I can't even remember the password to get into the letters any more. I guess what i am saying is that there is bad times in everyone life and your not alone But things will turn around and you have just got to keep putting one foot infront the other until it gets less hard.

Hugs Storm.

Thank you for your reply. God I am so torn right now At least you have sympathy with how it is. I guess that's all I wanted. Some sympathy or understanding. **** i couldn't get back with him now even if i wanted to. And all I want to is to be held by him. my best friend, and to be told that that we are okay. How ****ed up is that? I am so ****in sad right now, so sad, I can't help it

jellie

are these emails to an ex..?

if you feel the need to say things like that to your ex then by all means write it down. write the email, or the letter, or the text, or whatever it is. then save it.

this is what i did after i broke up with my ex. when i was feeling awful & had a bunch of feelings whether they were anger or hurt or sadness, id write down exactly what i wanted to say to him, then i saved it. my thinking was that if the feeling didnt go away, then i would send it. i gave each message a week, so if i still felt that way in a week I would allow myself to send it. the feeling ALWAYS passed. as soon as i felt better i deleted it. then if i wrote something new that also got a week. the few times i gave in to the feeling & sent the email/text i always felt worse afterwards.

this mightnt work for everyone, but it helped me from sending a lot of potentially embarassing emails.

beertons

\ hugs lost09

kingtut

lost09, I wish the very best of luck. That is all I can offer right now. Apologies.

Storm_rages

Its ok to feel sad. Even when you were in a "bad" relationship and you did everything possible to make it work, when it breakes up you are torn up inside and all you want is that person. (My best friend explained it to me, according to her its like chocolate, once you go on a diet, all you can think about is that dam chocolate and you want it more then anything else in the world).

I think writing emails (it does not really matter if you send them or not .. well it matter if the other person write back* thats not a good thing* but if they don't it can help you to feel you have said all you have to say.

-just a warning, watch out for the ones that treat you like sugar, breaking up and then keep coming back. They wear you down. Try to be stong if he texts or emails you. I know how hard it is but the contact will stop you from meeting Mr right and he is out there...