Anyone still not over an ex??

misty76

Hi all, i went out with a guy for 4 years and we split up 2 and half years ago, we just seemed to be arguing all the time etc.. Anyhoo, still miss him,( we have no contact ) have no interest in meeting anyone still, anyone else in the same boat or how long have you been single.. No smart ass replies would be appreciated, cheers :cool:

Rb

Nope, these days I only wonder what I ever saw in the bitches.

However, two and a half years is a long time to be healing the wounds of a break up, this should probably be shifted into PI but is there anything in particular that you're missing so much?

It's easy to look back on relationships with rose tinted glasses but you have to remember that you broke up for a reason, that you're no longer in contact for a reason and he has probably moved on for a reason - it just wasn't meant to be.

liah

I don't know if I am or not. I thought I was, but I'm leaning towards not these days as I find my thoughts drifting to him a lot lately.

Was only with him for about a year but due to weird circumstances we lived together immediately after meeting, and never left each others' sides for six months of it.. were very close, did everything together, and the relationship was incredibly accelerated. I had to move back home after six months (he was in the UK, an English lad). He came over to Canada to visit me a couple times but I was restless and the long distance just wasn't working so I broke it off, and we eventually lost contact around may or june, and eight months later came here, to Ireland, where I've been for nearly six months. Was fine, until recently, when we started talking again, and now I realise how much I miss him. I know he still loves me and would have me back in a heartbeat, he's made that clear, but he's younger than I am and still has a bit of growing up to do and I think it's best if he does that before we get back together..

You know that song by the Kooks, Always Where I Need To Be? That line, "..and I always thought I'd end up with you, eventually." Keep thinking about it. Think that's how it is with me and him. Might not be now, and might not be for a couple years down the line, but it just feels like it's going to happen again, eventually.

Lovely lad. Love him with all my heart, just don't know if I'm still in love with him...

AlmightyCushion

Moved from After Hours. You'll be a lot less likely to get smart assed replies here.

misty76

AlmightyCushion wrote: »

Moved from After Hours. You'll be a lot less likely to get smart assed replies here.

Cheers..

Zee Deveel

Yep. Two of my closest mates, one ~40, the other ~20, both have loved and lost and not gotten over it. The ~40 year old has been broken up with his ex for 8 years, the ~20 mate for 3 now.

They've both had dalliances, but still think about their ex, and replay the relationships over and over.

I'm not going to say it's the healthiest thing in the world, but it's not completely abnormal either. I'm afraid I don't really have any suggestions for getting over it, bar making a concentrated effort to go out and live your life and not think about him, let happen what may.

I've never had to experience it myself, but I've felt quite heartbroken just listening to those friends talking about things. My best wishes, hope things work out for you

Wibbs

With a significant ex you never really get over them, nor in many ways should you try IMHO. Trying to not think of anything, usually makes you think more about it. You should move on and learn from it and take those lessons into the next relationship. In some cases that can even be them again though more often than not it's like going back to a favourite holiday destination, it's not the same second time around.

Most of the time people don't move on because they focus on the past and the focus on the good bits of the past. When they do that they have a tendency to miss out on others that could provide a better future.

It's of course possible that you just haven't met someone better for you yet. Some people have particular types of personalities that gel with them and can't fit with as many people as others.

Karen_*

I was asked recently about what the worst end to a relationship I'd had was and I told the story of the most recent ex. Then I racked my brains and said 'oh hang on, it was awful when X went off with someone else'. I'd been living with X for a few years when this happened. Anyhoo some time later I actually had to rack my brains to remember what was at the time the end of the world. So yes, you can totally move on with no scars at all but you have to want it and you have to accept that its going to hurt for a while.

Don't keep going over things in your mind as that keeps it all fresh. Don't think about whether you;ll meet someone else. Just live your life in today and worry about today. Get out and do new things and write a diary of how you're feeling if you feel bad. When you're finished writing then close the diary and carry on with your day. If you feel miserable just think 'well thats because I'm getting over a break up but this time next year this hurt will be much much less'. Decide to get over it and move on OP and when a little bit of time has passed you WILL get over it.

homerun_homer

*Sheepishly raises hand*
9 months down the line (though 7 since we've slept together) and I still have major feelings. I've had dates and been with other girls in this time but still wish I could get back what I had before. The problem is it is too easy to just keep thinking of all the good times and not think of all the awkward times she was a right b*tch to me, friends or strangers. Still, I've never wanted to be with anyone more. It's very confusing.

LegacyUser

sure am!!!. 3 years this summer. stomach still gets ion knots thinking about her. ive had relationship after relationship since but cant commit to anthing because im in love with her still..


ah well....... :-(

LegacyUser

Still am not over ex 3 years on. Was with him and crazily, happily in love for about 5 years. We broke up because we wanted different things. I (eventually) wanted to get married and have babies (and with him only) and he struggled with that as it was something he never saw for himself before we met. When we broke up, it was always with a view that life might bring us back together. Broke my heart, and took my about a year to put myself together again.

Unfortunatly and rather ironicly, though, life handed him a baby with a girl he was just seeing and he decided to give things a go with her as a result. That broke my heart all over again. I decided the best thing for me was to cut contact. In the mean time I have been living life, enjoying the freedom and having lots of fun. Been in some relationships, but have yet to find that 'connection' with someone. Still do think about him a lot and not sure if I will ever get over him. Time will tell as they say.

So my answer is that some people have such an impact on your life and on you as a person that thoughs of them, and missing them and wondering about them will never leave you.

oeb

I normally disagree with this kind of post, but about all I can add to this thread is

"me too"

=(

jellie

im probably not. its been 9 months since the end of a 2 year relationship. i was a total mess.

these days i am a good bit better. most days I am fine (or everyone thinks I am anyway!). Its still there but I do feel it slowly getting easier. somedays i still miss him so much & would give anything to be back with him. but these pass & i remember why we didnt work & why we wouldnt work now.

its easier to remember the happy times. i dunno, time & no contact is the only thing that seems to be helping me, even though sometimes id give anything for to see him.

LegacyUser

wish I hadn't read this thread. Only 3 months out and not much better, was horrible this morning as I am most mornings, still haven't got used to her not being beside me waking up. By lunchtime in a great mood and texting my brother saying my head has finally cleared, then back down 2 hours later. Feel like I've got permanent PMS!!! (and I'm a bloke!).

Worse still got former wedding date to look forward to as well, dreading it as it gets closer

Still getting there, made the positive choice to start dating last week once I'd finally admitted to myself it's over (big step I think). Got a whole big thread on that in P.I I started, some great advice and support.

Anyway date was a definite ego boost though couldn't help comparing and getting the urge to leg it. Confused by feelings of betrayal, stupid really as she left me. Date went great in a lot of ways, she was obviously into me, jumped me at one stage later in the night (freaked me a little that did!), don't think I'll be seeing her again though she is a nice girl, just a bit too full on. Didn't feel the spark but realised just cos I was the one dumped doesn't mean I'm a waste of space so confidence is slowly re-emerging after taking the worst battering of my life.

My worst fear at the moment is the "what might have been but for a trick of fate". I don't want to got through the rest of my life with regrets. I did try to fight for us though, tried my damnedest whereas she threw in the towel without any pretence of a fight. I've got to remember that, and hold my head up knowing I did all I can. If anyone has regrets I think eventually it will be her. I know she still loves me, but just made some very hasty decisions in the heat of the moment that set her course. In the end I think she will have a much harder time then me getting over it and continuing with her life.

Now I'm just in the process of convincing myself that it could never have worked given how easy she gave up on everything we had over something that could have been overcome easily enough if we'd done it together.

In the long run I know I'm better off, and if it hadn't happened now there's a good chance it would have happened years down the road. Doesn't bear thinking about trying to rebuild at that stage when kids, house etc are on the table.

Bloody hell it's hard though

Nevyn

Unregistered wrote: »

Unfortunatly and rather ironicly, though, life handed him a baby with a girl he was just seeing and he decided to give things a go with her as a result. That broke my heart all over again. I decided the best thing for me was to cut contact. In the mean time I have been living life, enjoying the freedom and having lots of fun. Been in some relationships, but have yet to find that 'connection' with someone. Still do think about him a lot and not sure if I will ever get over him. Time will tell as they say.

So my answer is that some people have such an impact on your life and on you as a person that thoughs of them, and missing them and wondering about them will never leave you.

Ouch the above circumstances are always hard, it's like the relationship with you,
as hard as it was knocked the corners of them and helped reshaped them
but in the end you break up and they then go on to have the type of relationship
you wanted with them, with someone else, who gets the benefit
of the rocky road you had with them with out any of the work or struggle.

All you can do is let it go and not look back.

I do think people are meant to have an impact on us, the world would be
worse place if they didn't, but it can be hard to say if after a relationship
if the over all impact was for good or bad but it takes a lot of time and
objectivity before you can see how being with them has changed you and
influenced your life and sort out the good from the bad.

Some times it can take years, but once you learn something from having
had them in your life, then I would say you have gained from the experience.

Everyone has ex's who will have meant the world to them and with out them
in their life they would not be who they are today, thing is they should never
over shadow the person who is currently in your life or block those who may be coming into your life.
Until you can do that you are not really ready for another long term relationship.

LegacyUser

4 years now and still not over breakup.also 34. so if nothing else your not alone. ya never know whats going to happen in life. so chin up

Wibbs

Thaedydal wrote: »

Ouch the above circumstances are always hard, it's like the relationship with you,
as hard as it was knocked the corners of them and helped reshaped them
but in the end you break up and they then go on to have the type of relationship
you wanted with them, with someone else, who gets the benefit
of the rocky road you had with them with out any of the work or struggle.

Oh I've been there on that score I can tell you. To a ridiculous degree in two cases. I learned a very valuable lesson from it. I learned to never do too much for someone. IME and I must say sad to say, with a lot of people, if you do too much and they take that for granted it puts into more relief in their minds what you didn't do for them. there's a definite balance to be struck and if you're of the over enabling nature, like I used to be, less is defo more.

It also made me aware of needy self centered types. They rarely see it in themselves(nature of the beast) and rarely change, even if they learn to cover it up better. So trust me unregistered, with the ex with his new partner and baby, although it may appear from a distance, that she's getting what you wanted from him, I can almost guarantee she's not or won't down the line. IME people though claiming they've changed, rarely do.

Basically If someone is need of a shrink or a life coach, well they can pay for one, they're not getting my time and energy for free.

misty76

Unregistered wrote: »

4 years now and still not over breakup.also 34. so if nothing else your not alone. ya never know whats going to happen in life. so chin up

Its so hard, i really hope one of these days i can move on. Glad to know i'm not alone

af_thefragile

I still think about my ex from time to time.
It sometime brings up feelings of dislike and mild sadness. All that was, all that could have been, all that have become sorta stuff. How i ended up losing something wonderful i once had...

But they're only passing thoughts. Ya know, along with thoughts of being a rockstar, driving through the swiss alps in a lamborghini, playing catch with my imaginary cat etc.
I very rarely speak about her or mention her anymore though. I've put all that behind me and have moved on a significant distance.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

misty76 wrote: »

Hi all, i went out with a guy for 4 years and we split up 2 and half years ago, we just seemed to be arguing all the time etc.. Anyhoo, still miss him,( we have no contact ) have no interest in meeting anyone still, anyone else in the same boat or how long have you been single.. No smart ass replies would be appreciated, cheers :cool:

Eimear???

Ah yea there are one or two I think about from time to time, only because I would still like to be in contact with them.

I remember one girl used to talk to her ex all the time when I was going out with her. Then when we broke up she never spoke to me. (She went to australia for a year, forgot about me for that year, when she came back I didn't get back with her for obvious reasons, she disowned me...)

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

wish I hadn't read this thread. Only 3 months out and not much better, was horrible this morning as I am most mornings, still haven't got used to her not being beside me waking up. By lunchtime in a great mood and texting my brother saying my head has finally cleared, then back down 2 hours later. Feel like I've got permanent PMS!!! (and I'm a bloke!).

Worse still got former wedding date to look forward to as well, dreading it as it gets closer

Still getting there, made the positive choice to start dating last week once I'd finally admitted to myself it's over (big step I think). Got a whole big thread on that in P.I I started, some great advice and support.

Anyway date was a definite ego boost though couldn't help comparing and getting the urge to leg it. Confused by feelings of betrayal, stupid really as she left me. Date went great in a lot of ways, she was obviously into me, jumped me at one stage later in the night (freaked me a little that did!), don't think I'll be seeing her again though she is a nice girl, just a bit too full on. Didn't feel the spark but realised just cos I was the one dumped doesn't mean I'm a waste of space so confidence is slowly re-emerging after taking the worst battering of my life.

My worst fear at the moment is the "what might have been but for a trick of fate". I don't want to got through the rest of my life with regrets. I did try to fight for us though, tried my damnedest whereas she threw in the towel without any pretence of a fight. I've got to remember that, and hold my head up knowing I did all I can. If anyone has regrets I think eventually it will be her. I know she still loves me, but just made some very hasty decisions in the heat of the moment that set her course. In the end I think she will have a much harder time then me getting over it and continuing with her life.

Now I'm just in the process of convincing myself that it could never have worked given how easy she gave up on everything we had over something that could have been overcome easily enough if we'd done it together.

In the long run I know I'm better off, and if it hadn't happened now there's a good chance it would have happened years down the road. Doesn't bear thinking about trying to rebuild at that stage when kids, house etc are on the table.

Bloody hell it's hard though

Jesus. Oh thank God there's someone out there who feels exactly the same as I do.

I'm exactly one month out of it. The good lady left me on our fifth anniversary. My life right now is miserable. Trying my level best to get back on track. We haven't spoken verbally at all in the last few weeks until yesterday, ironically, when I decided to move on..I got a text from her and ended up speaking with her on the phone for an hour.

Brought it all flooding back; and because of that I'm typing with tears. She tells me to move on..but that beautiful voice and great personality of hers was still there. And it wrecked me. I have this horrible thought which floods my mind 'will we get back together if I just remind her of the craic we always had..?'..and it's a horrible one because I'm sure she thinks about us all of the time - but realises that life is better without me anyway.

Christ..the wedding plans, the family we were going to have. We were planning on making a big move to the USA too..but that's now well out of the water.

Work is a nightmare to face as it's very hands on and involves dealing with a lot of personal peoples problems..and even then..

The worst part is the dreams. Some nights, when I'm confident; I manage to fall asleep knowing that I'll make it through..but then I get haunted by a dream of her. About how great she is..about how great we were..And that brings me back to square one.

That happened this morning, too.

I'm going to meet a counselor this evening..crazy as it sounds..but after these four weeks I really need some guidance in my life..and some help with getting my confidence back on track.

I don't have any friends; she was my everything..and because of that it makes like that much harder.

Thank you for posting this, OP; as well as the user I quoted in particular. I know exactly how you feel..

And it blows, big time.

misty76

Bryan Brief Opera wrote: »

Eimear???

Ah yea there are one or two I think about from time to time, only because I would still like to be in contact with them.

I remember one girl used to talk to her ex all the time when I was going out with her. Then when we broke up she never spoke to me. (She went to australia for a year, forgot about me for that year, when she came back I didn't get back with her for obvious reasons, she disowned me...)

No not eimear, lol.. something similar happened my ex never spoke to me from the day we broke up, think its a very cruel way to end things, think thats what hurt me the most..I know that sometimes its best to just make a clean break but after 4 yrs it hurt..I went through an awful time but am getting there, but the dating world in general is awful.. Any night i go out it makes me more depressed, lol, its just such a players market and thats not what i'm about.. Ah i guess the stronger i get, i will be more able to cope and you just dont know whats around the corner..:D

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm married 6 years, with my hubby 9 years and still am desperately in love with my ex - only my ex loved his ex more and went back to her. That doesn't mean he didn't love me - he just didn't love me enough !!

That is the only thing that keeps me sane. I do sometimes think if he came into my life how would I react - he consumes my thoughts every so often for a few days and then it fades.

I can't say that time is making it any easier, but it isn't making it any harder. Chin up. You'll get through it.

kingtut

There was one girl who dumped me about 4 years ago so she could be with someone else. I still think about on a regular basis....not because I miss her or anything but because of the way she treated me and ripped my heart apart. She lied to me constantly!!

She was a right b*tch and as a result of her I left my job (we met at work and I could no longer face seeing her everyday).

So yes I think about her but not for good reasons! I hate her and will never forget what she did to me. Harsh but true! :mad::(

misty76

I'm exactly one month out of it. The good lady left me on our fifth anniversary. My life right now is miserable. Trying my level best to get back on track. We haven't spoken verbally at all in the last few weeks until yesterday, ironically, when I decided to move on..I got a text from her and ended up speaking with her on the phone for an hour.

Brought it all flooding back; and because of that I'm typing with tears. She tells me to move on..but that beautiful voice and great personality of hers was still there. And it wrecked me. I have this horrible thought which floods my mind 'will we get back together if I just remind her of the craic we always had..?'..and it's a horrible one because I'm sure she thinks about us all of the time - but realises that life is better without me anyway.

Christ..the wedding plans, the family we were going to have. We were planning on making a big move to the USA too..but that's now well out of the water.

Work is a nightmare to face as it's very hands on and involves dealing with a lot of personal peoples problems..and even then..

The worst part is the dreams. Some nights, when I'm confident; I manage to fall asleep knowing that I'll make it through..but then I get haunted by a dream of her. About how great she is..about how great we were..And that brings me back to square one.

That happened this morning, too.

I'm going to meet a counselor this evening..crazy as it sounds..but after these four weeks I really need some guidance in my life..and some help with getting my confidence back on track.

I don't have any friends; she was my everything..and because of that it makes like that much harder.

Thank you for posting this, OP; as well as the user I quoted in particular. I know exactly how you feel..

And it blows, big time.

ABOVE IS A QUOTE, I MESSED UP REPLYING..

I'm sorry to read your story, its very hard at the beginning but time is the only thing that will make it a bit easier. your wise to get some counselling, luckily i had the girls to chat too and i think guys find it hard to talk to their friends sometimes. I too have had some counselling and it helped a lot, but we have to help ourselves. I too got very depressed, and work suffered, got anti depressants which at least stopped the crying and helped me get out of bed.. Best of luck with it all, were here if it helps..:o

LegacyUser

My ex broke up with me last summer after i lost our baby, which was a tough time for us both so i dont have any bad feelings towards him. We parted as friends but are no longer in contact, my choice as it was too hard. I was missing him to much as my boyfriend. Now i still miss him months on and think about him. I have kissed other boys but im just not there yet. I know i will get there and you will too, just take your time and you will get there too.

LegacyUser

My ex woke up one morning and decided he wasn't talking to me. We didn't fight, everything was fantastic, really thought we were meant to be then he woke up in a weird mood and wouldn't touch me, talk to me, explain, etc. Didn't contact me for weeks until we bumped into each other at a party where he acted like nothing had happened then kissed another girl in front of me. I got the hint and left him be, no contact nothing.

3 months later he gets in touch and tells me he did all this because "he doesn't want to have a girlfriend until he is thirty and was worried he was falling for me." He wants us to meet up but only wants "something casual" because he is afraid of wasting his 20s in a relationship (he is 28!)

Yet in spite of the humiliation and devastation he put me through I think he will always be my "what if" guy - the one I compare every other guy to, the one that makes my stomach jump when I hear his name. I know that I would probably only be setting myself up for a fall getting back with him and would have to have no self respect to go back there but I think that even when I do move on from him I will always have him in the back of my mind.

I think everyone has a "what if" guy but sometimes you just need to remind yourself that your ex is your ex for a reason hey!

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

My worst fear at the moment is the "what might have been but for a trick of fate". I don't want to got through the rest of my life with regrets. I did try to fight for us though, tried my damnedest whereas she threw in the towel without any pretence of a fight. I've got to remember that, and hold my head up knowing I did all I can. If anyone has regrets I think eventually it will be her. I know she still loves me, but just made some very hasty decisions in the heat of the moment that set her course. In the end I think she will have a much harder time then me getting over it and continuing with her life.

wow, I've been there.That exact paragraph could be used to describe me and my ex. He threw in the towel on us about a year ago. Found out 3 months ago he was saying to mutual friends that he regretted ending it. Chances are your ex will too. We'll be their 'what ifs. Take comfort in knowing you fought your hardest, you cant have any regrets and she can. Regret is a tough thing to get past.

I know the instant he regretted it, we were out for a mutual friends birthday and he saw me with a new guy. Regret written all over his face. It was weird to see, satisfying and painful all at the same time.

Still with the new guy but I worry about how much I think of the ex, some part of me just cant move on. Its really hard. I fell for him like a ton of bricks. Im afraid to fall in love again. Anyone else feel like that?

Schmowen

You know I've been there too . In fact I still am , but all you can do is soldier on . eventually we'll all move on , for better or worse , but that's just life .

Hey OP , just curious , but you've mentioned your ex a few times in one or two of your posts , and you've refered to them in both the male and female gender . Is this topic for real or just an excuse to let people feel sorry for themselves .

Mods, no I'm not trolling , just curious .

LegacyUser

20 years this year and the pain is still the same, can manage it better thats all!

clartharlear

It's been about 3 years now, after a 3 year relationship.
I'm in love with someone new and this relationship is blissful. I've heard my ex is seeing someone else too.

But I wonder does he wonder about me the way I wonder about him...

LegacyUser

me too -

4 years later and still not over here, and the worst thing is, we were one of those couples who maek ya sick, we never fought, never had any major issues bar one row over my ex before her texting me on night.

It was the perfect time in my life.

But we had to go our seperate ways, I went to spain to work and she to college in Dublin.

I sometime wish I could talk to her now but I can't...........

It has got better with time I will say, but I do miss her so much

misty76

Schmowen wrote: »

You know I've been there too . In fact I still am , but all you can do is soldier on . eventually we'll all move on , for better or worse , but that's just life .

Hey OP , just curious , but you've mentioned your ex a few times in one or two of your posts , and you've refered to them in both the male and female gender . Is this topic for real or just an excuse to let people feel sorry for themselves .

Mods, no I'm not trolling , just curious .

I didnt realise i had, are you sure you weren't reading the other person's post and what i wrote after it then.. I think i used the quote button wrong i'm not the most computer minded or savvy to be honest.. God i wish it wasn't for real, lol.. My ex is a he, must read back again..

Another poster said they were scared to fall in love again, yeah thats me dont want to get hurt again either, its a mess really..

anonymous_joe

After pretty much a year bang on the dot, I realise I'm over it. The pain's long gone.

I think looking back what happened was inevitable, I have regrets, but then, when you loved someone, that's natural, but as it is, that's all it is, regret, not emotional dependance. It took me a while, but I got there. :pac:

LegacyUser

Just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who has posted their experience's on this thread. My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago after 4 years and its helped me a lot to know Im not the only one that its happened to. I have good and bad days, today being a particularly bad one. I know all the stuff about it being for the best in the long run and how you cant make someone stay in a relationship they dont want to be in anymore etc etc but it really doesnt stop me missing him so much it hurts. We have cut all contact and its so hard when all those little day to day things happen and I just want to talk to him.
Im trying to focus on something else and keeping myself occupied with gym, friends etc. The girls were all great for the first week or two but I find now that they all think I should be over it and stop being upset. Wish it was that easy.

LegacyUser

seems a lot of people in the same boat as myself, and i know how awlful that feeling is. for some it never leaves them, others seem so strong and move on. so i am asking for suggestions on how to get over someone its been 4years for me and i have not moved on.
i feel like i am living in the past. & everything and one around me has moved on except me.
i would like to get over this and have tried everything in my power to do so, but just cant.

any suggestion??? not just for me but for the other posters too.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Jesus. Oh thank God there's someone out there who feels exactly the same as I do.

I'm exactly one month out of it. The good lady left me on our fifth anniversary. My life right now is miserable. Trying my level best to get back on track. We haven't spoken verbally at all in the last few weeks until yesterday, ironically, when I decided to move on..I got a text from her and ended up speaking with her on the phone for an hour.

Brought it all flooding back; and because of that I'm typing with tears. She tells me to move on..but that beautiful voice and great personality of hers was still there. And it wrecked me. I have this horrible thought which floods my mind 'will we get back together if I just remind her of the craic we always had..?'..and it's a horrible one because I'm sure she thinks about us all of the time - but realises that life is better without me anyway.

Christ..the wedding plans, the family we were going to have. We were planning on making a big move to the USA too..but that's now well out of the water.

Work is a nightmare to face as it's very hands on and involves dealing with a lot of personal peoples problems..and even then..

The worst part is the dreams. Some nights, when I'm confident; I manage to fall asleep knowing that I'll make it through..but then I get haunted by a dream of her. About how great she is..about how great we were..And that brings me back to square one.

That happened this morning, too.

I'm going to meet a counselor this evening..crazy as it sounds..but after these four weeks I really need some guidance in my life..and some help with getting my confidence back on track.

I don't have any friends; she was my everything..and because of that it makes like that much harder.

Thank you for posting this, OP; as well as the user I quoted in particular. I know exactly how you feel..

And it blows, big time.

just ended up back in this thread and regret it again! the poster above is quoting me, no worries mate, know exactly what you're going through. Still going through it, last few days have been particularly bad as finally got all the deposits etc back and now it's getting messy. Naively thought we could sort this fairly, ok I had screwed up a bit initially (wasn't unfaithful,abusive or anything, just wrote something a bit stupid when I was drunk and very very stressed about wedding costs) but in the end she used that as an excuse to leave as the victim. To be honest what had happened shouldn't have split a couple who were only going out a year, let alone a couple about to get married! If you love someone you make an effort, you don't just leg it when things get a bit hard.

Anyway as most of the savings is in her name I am fairly boned, now she's insisting I pay half of whats owed to the reception we'd booked using "You ruined everything" as the justification. That and the cost of her wedding dress, forget about double I'd paid for a now useless engagement ring plus the considerable sum of cash she owed me from a seperate loan.

Had been dreading this for the last few months as had a feeling the memories of all the time we had together (and in that there was never any real hard times) was going to be tainted by our last contact which would be arguing over money. I don't want that, but at the same time I don't want to just roll over and take it. Did that for the last few months, let her say a lot of horrible things to me and never once retaliated. Not because I deserved it, but because I loved her too much to try and hurt her. So I guess one last time I have to play the fool and let myself be dicked out of everything we saved so hard and sacrificed so much for.
All I think so she can now go and buy herself a house down the country, where I had agreed to move with her, but we couldn't because we couldn't sell my house. She never was that patient, said we'd never get there. I said we would, but we weren't going to cripple ourselves financially for life to do it, but we would be there in a matter of years not decades.

Ah well, bitterness creeping in now, final inevitable stage I suppose. Didn't want this, but hard not to feel it now.

Only thing I can keep telling myself is I tried, and it WILL get better, and I WILL meet someone that is right for me. I thought it was her, but I guess I was wrong.

bluesguitar

Me too! Hate her but love her, not many days go past that I don't think of her. But am gona find someone else to love! And the cycle continues! Keep on truckin!

LegacyUser

I dont miss any of my exs..

Sometimes we idealise people when we dont see them...Breakups happen for a reason.

Dont take me wrong, i have been sad after breakups sometimes (and sometimes only relieved..)

Has it not ever happened to any of you that you see your ex again after years, and the guy, or girl, is not that good looking, charming, funny etc.? A total stranger...?

And the botom line of this posting is that life is too short for being sad about other people. Be positive, let the pain go throug to you but dont keep it, let it go...I once thought I was going to, literally, die, after a breakup and when I look back it was not worth it, at all!

Now im in a relationship happy as ever. Dont get stuck in the past

cumhachtnamara

hey i know the feeling, broke up with my ex there not too long ago and think about him every day. still love him, sometimes feel as if i always will, but ya have to keep the chin up and motor on!!!

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Jesus. Oh thank God there's someone out there who feels exactly the same as I do.

I'm exactly one month out of it. The good lady left me on our fifth anniversary. My life right now is miserable. Trying my level best to get back on track. We haven't spoken verbally at all in the last few weeks until yesterday, ironically, when I decided to move on..I got a text from her and ended up speaking with her on the phone for an hour.

Brought it all flooding back; and because of that I'm typing with tears. She tells me to move on..but that beautiful voice and great personality of hers was still there. And it wrecked me. I have this horrible thought which floods my mind 'will we get back together if I just remind her of the craic we always had..?'..and it's a horrible one because I'm sure she thinks about us all of the time - but realises that life is better without me anyway.

Christ..the wedding plans, the family we were going to have. We were planning on making a big move to the USA too..but that's now well out of the water.

Work is a nightmare to face as it's very hands on and involves dealing with a lot of personal peoples problems..and even then..

The worst part is the dreams. Some nights, when I'm confident; I manage to fall asleep knowing that I'll make it through..but then I get haunted by a dream of her. About how great she is..about how great we were..And that brings me back to square one.

That happened this morning, too.

I'm going to meet a counselor this evening..crazy as it sounds..but after these four weeks I really need some guidance in my life..and some help with getting my confidence back on track.

I don't have any friends; she was my everything..and because of that it makes like that much harder.

Thank you for posting this, OP; as well as the user I quoted in particular. I know exactly how you feel..

And it blows, big time.

This is my original post. Now for an update.

It's officially 7 weeks as of tomorrow. It's horrible. I've been doing nothing but working non stop around-the-clock..I attend counselling..but the strangest part.

Is that she still contacts me every now and again.

It's like playing with my head. It's awful. It's just that..as soon as my mind begins to settle a little..there goes my phone beeping with a message.

Granted. I'm not helping myself by not telling her where to go..I don't want to because I'm still mad about her. I'd give my right arm for her..and that's no lie. I just wish I could get over it.

I still think about it. Five years..five bleedin' years and an engagement ring..and nothing left to show for it.

glitterbugs

Everyone has someone they cant get over,,,usually their 1st,,even though im married 3 yrs this april, i feel awful admitting this but every now and then i think about a guy i met at college yrs ago,,,was with him for 2 yrs but we argued constantly,,,still think of him,,so annoying to have such little control over these nostalgic thoughts.

LegacyUser

I need to hear its going to get better. I broke up with my boyfirend on Friday. I'm 23 and was together with boyf for 2 year. I'm just devastated. My heart is hurting so so much, physically. I can't do anything. What will I do? Please someome help me. Its so unbearable. My friends telling me I'm better off doesn't help. They brought me out last night.. I feel like I'm just rambling. I want to stop crying. Why can't I? . I loved him so much. How could he hurt me like this???

LegacyUser

Hang in there unreg! It gets easier, but it takes time. I know everyone says that but it's true, I've lived it. There will be times that you feel so miserable, and heartbroken and sad but there will be times that you feel fantastic. All you have to do is keep going. Indulge yourself a little, let your self feel the pain and cry. Talk it out with your friends until you get so sick of it you just want to do something else (I found that ice cream was great when doing this.). But then after a while don't allow yourself to indulge in it so much. make yourself do things. Get up out of bed every day, plan something to get you out of the house. change your hair. try something you always wanted to do, but never seemed to get around to it. Keep as busy as you possibly can as it will divert your attention for a while. Don't jump back into dating and don't go crazy drinking or anything like that. I think that makes things worse in the long run. And if you can, try to cut all contact with the heartbreaker, even for a few months to give you space to get your head together. I was with a guy for 4 and a half years who broke my heart when I was 23 and I was a total mess for about 6months, but I threw myself into my career, lost a bit of weight, got my hair re styled, re connected with lost friends and made lots of news ones. Now I am happier and more secure and independent then I ever was. I still miss him and think of him occasionally but I look forward to meeting someone who will be right for me now that I am ready for it. Good luck!!!