Bringing girl home?

LegacyUser

Hey all, would love some advice. 22 yr old male, in college, living at home. Went out with a girl for a while, it ended, stayed somewhat in touch. In the last few months I've ben seeing more of her. We hang out a bit and I brought her to a friend's party on Friday. We had a good time and I asked if she'd come back to mine (I should probably point out that we hadn't slept together before, nor had I slept with ANYONE before).

So I brought her home, we slept together (my first time, ahem) she slept in my bed and we got up the next morning. She left and I caught hell from my parents - not for sleeping with her, an act which, after getting an earful I maintained did not happen - but for having her in my bed.

I feel a bit bewildered because my parents know her from when we were going out, and it seems my friends who live at home have girls/girlfriends stay the night all the time. I know it's their house, but this was the first time I brought someone home. Is it just one of those awkward phases where I'm too old to be living at home? Thanks all, I feel **** about this.

Wagon

It's their house. so it's their call. I've been the the exact same situation before and it's certainly a real pain in the arse but there's not anything we can do. Just apologise and that's all you can do. Most lads get the exact same earful from their parents so don't be worrying. Give it a week and you'll look back and laugh.

Senna

If you had of said to your parents beforehand that this girl is staying over, what would have been the reaction?
I would say they were annoyed that you didn't tell them first, not that there was someone staying over. But either way if you respect them, they will respect you.

Some parents just don't approve of bf/gfs staying over. Mine certainly don't - any boyfriend of mine has to stay in the spare room, and my current boyfriend has never been allowed to have a girl stay over. My ex's parents were very cool about it - I stayed over with him all the time and his little sister was allowed to have her boyfriend over once she turned 18. Just depends, but if it's their house, you really don't have any say. I'd personally feel quite uncomfortable coming out of my bedroom in the morning with my bf in tow

Dave147

Was with my ex for 2 and a half years, was 20 and wasn't allowed have her stay at home. With my current gf 5 months and she also isn't allowed stay at my parents house, you know what I did? Yep, I got the hell out and got my own place, she can stay with me now whenever she wants and it's great, no awkwardness etc, get your own place!!

LegacyUser

Senna wrote: »

If you had of said to your parents beforehand that this girl is staying over, what would have been the reaction?
I would say they were annoyed that you didn't tell them first, not that there was someone staying over. But either way if you respect them, they will respect you.

They probably would have told me to let her sleep in the spare room. In which case I'd have done it. But sleeping beside someone you care about is quite an innocent high, no?

dudara

It's probably a combination of things. Firstly, your parents were probably surprised that she stayed in your room and didn't appreciate the surprise. Secondly, you'd be surprised at how far sound travels in a quiet house at night and they probably heard more than you think. Thirdly, they simply don't want you getting into "trouble".

TBH, you didn't do anything particularly wrong, but I would be more respectful of your parent's home in future.

Feelgood

Its all down to your folks really, you have to remember that in their day there was no such thing as casual sex or staying over in your partners house. Its just the way they were brought up so obviously its going to be the same story for you!.

Id say just have a chat to them about it, explain that its not 1962 anymore and that your an adult at the end of the day. You have been free to make your own decisions for quite some time.

Ask them what exactly their problem is with what you did, was it because your weren't married etc etc and then try to get them to see things in todays language.

On a separate note, nice job you finally lost your cherry!.

Craft25

"I lost my virginity to a girl i know for a long time and the biggest problem the next day was my parents being angry at having someone over" = WIN

now you know their feelings on it, so unless they tell you more specifically what their issue is then dont do it again.. in their house that is

MagicMarker

Unregistered wrote: »

They probably would have told me to let her sleep in the spare room. In which case I'd have done it. But sleeping beside someone you care about is quite an innocent high, no?

Yeah but you didn't just sleep, did you?

Sorry dude, looks like your parents don't approve. Looks like it's the spare room from now on.

Feelgood

MagicMarker wrote: »

Yeah but you didn't just sleep, did you?

Sorry dude, looks like your parents don't approve. Looks like it's the spare room from now on.

Or alternatively do it elsewhere in the house before sending her to the spare room...

You got a greenhouse?

tannytantans

I'm engaged and my parents still make me and my boyfriend sleep in different rooms!On the other hand his parents don't have any problems with it.

It all depends on your parents really and you have to respect their wishes or else look for a place of your own. They could just be upset that you didn't clear it with them first. Try to have chat with them about it.

Faith

My parents would never let my boyfriend sleep in my room in their house. Hell, they don't even like it when I stay at his house. It's just one of these annoying things you have to deal with when you live with parents.

jellie

its your parents house, so its your parents rules.

some parents are fine with it some arent.

basically, while you live at home you live by your parents rules, & if you dont like it then move out

i actually think its quite rude to have anyone over to stay without asking permission first, regardless of where theyre sleeping.

piby

Maybe it's because my parents were quite laid-back about that sort of thing but it really annoys me how backward some other parents are about stuff like that. I appreciate that, as said, many of these parents may have grown up when things were different and you do have to respect you parents wishes in their home. But OP you're 22! It's not like you're a 16 year-old anymore so if they have a problem between you as an adult, doing something with another adult, that adults do (as long as it doesn't affect them ie. noise ), then either put them in their place or move out! Like I said in this day and age there is no room for that sort of backward attitude by your (or anyone's) parents.

LegacyUser

Same boat some years ago myself...the folks found it awkward though... I joked and said aren't ya glad I'm not gay.

Seriously though, I knew it was time to move out

Femelade

i'm 28 , my boyfriend is 33 and while my parents dont mind him staying with me, i wouldnt be left stay in his with him..

g5fd6ow0hseima

By any chance are they just the typical backward irish parents?

hobochris

My folks were like that didn't like us sleeping in the same room. Got very annoying. Long story short me and my gf moved out and have been living happily together for the past year or two. having your own place rocks, I would defiantly recommend it if you can afford it.

Nothingcompares

dude your parents suck.

If I was you I'd keep bringing girls back as often as opportunity arises and if you catch flack in the morning no big deal. If they threaten to kick you out maybe reconsider your bedroom guests. If your ma goes mad at the young one also stop.

Phototoxin

not for sleeping with her, an act which, after getting an earful I maintained did not happen - but for having her in my bed.

My parents re typical old skool and my GF is protestant (shock horror) and while we usually sleep apart the spare room was cold so when I woke up I snuggled besider her and fell asleep. I think my mum thought it was cute. We dont have sex but I guess we sleep together a lot (when we have naps as well )

tannytantans

Op do you have any younger brothers or sisters?I know thats the main reason we sleep apart in my parents house - they don't want me setting a bad example :rolleyes:

_blank_

When I was 24 my parents gave me shít for having a girl in my bed.

Total One Night Stand, and my brother was in the bottom bunk :eek:

I could kind of see their point though, so I moved to Australia.

outspann

I'm always confused about how we can demand that somebody else be "open minded" and "respect our choices", while at the same time slagging off their beliefs as old-fashioned and out of date.

Being open minded means accepting other opinions apart from your own; it doesn't just mean expecting other people to agree with yours. If it's their house, they can set the rules. If it was your house and your parents came to stay, then they'd have to agree to your rules re: you sleeping with your girlfriend.

Koushki

Jason Colossal Shower wrote: »

By any chance are they just the typical backward irish parents?

sounds like it. You're a grown man, yeah you're living under their roof, but it's your life, and your bed.

Third_Echelon

Des wrote: »

When I was 24 my parents gave me shít for having a girl in my bed.

Total One Night Stand, and my brother was in the bottom bunk :eek:

I could kind of see their point though, so I moved to Australia.

I was thinking.. nothing wrong with that, until I read the 'brother in the bottom bunk' line :eek:

Lollipops23

something that really bothers me is that in general, guys parents tend to be more laid back than girls' parents!!i used to get this off my rents(when i was 17/18) even though both my bros were allowed have their gfs in the same bedrooms as them!in the end i just let my bf stay in my room and waited to see if they'd say anything(i'm in my 20s now) and nothing has been said in almost 2years.

OP i reckon the fact that you kind of sprung her on them may have contributed to their reaction; i'd be a bit peeved if their was a guest in the house one morning that i knew nothing about!!i'd say the sex had very little to do with their upset tbh.

Lollipops23

Koushki wrote: »

sounds like it. You're a grown man, yeah you're living under their roof, but it's your life, and your bed.

did he pay the mortgage for 20-35 years?did he pay for said bed?

not his property,therfore what they say goes.

Firetrap

It doesn't matter if some people here have parents who don't care if their kids and partners swing from the chandeliers. Doesn't matter either if people think they're backwards. Bottom line is that the OP has parents who don't want their son sleeping with a girlfriend under their roof. Not all parents want to hear their kids having sex (you'd be surprised how much you can hear through the walls) or want to deal with the reality of it happening under their roof. They might not have liked either having an unexpected guest staying in their house.

All you can do, OP, is don't bring anyone home again. You may not like it but you're living in your parents' house and you have to abide by their rules. I've quite a few friends who've ended up having to have their partners sleep in the spare room/sitting room when they go visit their parents. Even when the parents know full well that they don't keep to such sleeping arrangements when they're away from home. Call it tact/diplomacy/whatever you're having yourself.

Perhaps at your age, it's time to be looking into getting your own place. Then, you can live like an adult and don't have to worry about who you bring home.

banshee_bones

ugh. have head this same issue in my family. only once with a boyfriend of over two years did my mam both let us sleep in the same room, and that was the sitting room because that weekend all my family were down and my room was taken. I slept on th ecouch and he slept on two chairs, even then i still got the not under my roof speech. AND mam said he had to be gone before my aunts were up!

i stayed in his house once and has to sleep in his sisters room. she wasnt there so it was like the spare room.

I think its just different generation to be honest.But i just dont know! If i were to stay in my uncle and aunts house iv been told im more than welcome to bring (whatever next boyfriend i do have) with me to stay and we can stay in the spare room together. This came up in conversation because my cousin is getting serious aggro from his auld lady- my other aunt over his girlfriend of 5 years not even being allowed stay in the house!

and the funny thing is, that aunt is the youngest! my mam is the oldest and my other aunt is the middle child! so you cant even say that with younger parents theyre not understanding! well at least not in my family!

sorry for the long rant guys!

my 2c!

cooperguy

Im 22 and wouldnt dream of bringing a girl back! One of the main problems your parents had is the shock of discovering there little boy in bed with a girl with no warning. That definatly made their reaction worse.

anladmór

Jason Colossal Shower wrote: »

By any chance are they just the typical backward irish parents?

:rolleyes:

amadan

Wibbs

anladmór another comment like that and you take a break from here. Read the charter of this forum. Infracted

Slutmonkey57b

Unregistered wrote: »

22 yr old male, in college, living at home.

There's your first mistake.

Is it just one of those awkward phases where I'm too old to be living at home?

Yes. Yes you are. The whole point of being in college that age is to expand your boundaries. That's not just about bringing someone home to shag them. It's about getting out from under your parent's influence and finding out about your own life. You only get to live like a student once. Do it.

Am I reading this thread right about the number of people in their 20's and 30's who are still living with their parents?
Mind boggling.

stovelid

Nothingcompares wrote: »

dude your parents suck.
.

Jason Colossal Shower wrote: »

By any chance are they just the typical backward irish parents?

I'm sure they don't suck or are backward when you need a free or cheap place to live though.

Their house; their call.

Get your own place if you don't like it.

Otis Driftwood

My parents would be quite old fashioned.Was seeing a girl for a while and she was the first girl I had introduced to my parents in years so when she stayed over (we were both livign in Dublin,my folks about 2 hours away)the first weekend they insisted she take my room and I take the spare.I didnt argue,just bunked up with her for the night and set my alarm for 6 am and gingerly crawled into the spare room when it went off.The next time she stayed over(together about 10 months)I just told em we were staying in my room.If you are mature about it(or sneaky )then there shouldnt be a problem.As some others have said though,their house,their rules.No harm humouring em anyway!

mikemac

Des wrote: »

When I was 24 my parents gave me shít for having a girl in my bed.

Total One Night Stand, and my brother was in the bottom bunk :eek:

I could kind of see their point though, so I moved to Australia.

If ever a post deserves a :eek:

As has been said countless times, their house, their rules.
Like yours, my parents would be old-skool and even though my sister is engaged her fiance (sp?) has to sleep in the same room.
That's just how it is, it's accepted.
Get your own place and do what the hell you want!

LegacyUser

I envy a lot of the people on this thread.
Myself and my boyfriend have been going out for 2 years, we are both 22, both in college, both still live at home with respective parents.
We are not allowed under any circumstances to stay over in each others houses. Not a chance! Both sets of parents completely against it. We end up having sex outside or in one of the rooms downstairs, while trying to keep an ear out for parents, just in case. We very rarely have the luxury of a bed. Bit of a passion-killer to say the least. We would get a place of our own, but cant afford it. I love my boyfriend to bits and we are both counting down the days till we can move out!

Anyway, I probably shouldnt answer the OPs question because of my situation but I thought I would give it a shot: I would not ignore the issue. Dont let it become a 5 minute giving out session which will be a buried in the sand after. Sit down with them, tell them you should be treated as an adult and not a teenager. That said, if they are pissed off you did it in their house and all that then fair enough, thats how they feel and probably wont budge. But I would definitely talk to them in a rational way about it, as adults. Dont let it become a screaming match.

I gave it a try. I hope that helps!

Slutmonkey57b

You are students! "Can't afford it"?? Get a job in burger king and live in a fleapit somewhere with a load of other students. That's half the fun.

Wagon

Slutmonkey57b wrote: »

You are students! "Can't afford it"?? Get a job in burger king and live in a fleapit somewhere with a load of other students. That's half the fun.

Sadly, a fleapit costs a lot. So does food, bills and day to day expenses. Give that a go on minimum wage working part time and see how you do. If you manage, I'll give you a medal :P And by the way, this only counts if you do a useful degree that requires you to go into college more than 8 hours a week, not Arts.

From reading the posts on this thread it seems that all parents are backwards when it comes to this stuff. I only realised that my parents have hit 50. It's only when you think about how backwards Ireland was at the time they were growing up then you can kind of understand why they are so uptight about it. Even condoms were illegal until 1986!

shellyboo

Wagon wrote: »

Sadly, a fleapit costs a lot. So does food, bills and day to day expenses. Give that a go on minimum wage working part time and see how you do. If you manage, I'll give you a medal :P

You've a lot of medals to be giving out there Wagon, best get polishing... I know plenty of people who managed it, including me :pac::p

OP, unfortunately it's a case of their house, their rules. Living with your parents has advantages and disadvantages - not having complete sexual freedom is one of the disadvantages. If you can't afford to move out, you're just going to have to play it their way.

Wagon

shellyboo wrote: »

You've a lot of medals to be giving out there Wagon, best get polishing... I know plenty of people who managed it, including me :pac::p

Ah you're one of the lucky feckers who got the proper cheap places that were always gone by August! You and your mates just took all the good places! Well, there'll be no medals for you! Unless you want to chase me halfway across europe to get them. It would be like Catch Me If You Can, but with more swearing and less running.

Maybe I'm just bitter cos I'm a lonely old sod.

Actually OP, ever consider trying to find a lady with her own place?

LegacyUser

Wagon wrote: »

Sadly, a fleapit costs a lot. So does food, bills and day to day expenses. Give that a go on minimum wage working part time and see how you do. If you manage, I'll give you a medal :P And by the way, this only counts if you do a useful degree that requires you to go into college more than 8 hours a week, not Arts.

I did it quite easily. All it involves in giving up alot of the comforts you take for granted at home. There are alot of cheap places out there if you really want them.

Koushki wrote: »

sounds like it. You're a grown man, yeah you're living under their roof, but it's your life, and your bed.

This is possibly one of the most immature and spoilt comments I've read in a while. Its not your bed, its their bed. You happen to sleep in it. And until you move out and rent or buy somewhere yourself, that is the way is will stay.

I find it amazing that so many young people still live at home. I couldn't wait to move out when I started college.