No confidence

LegacyUser

basically i have no confidence. i have extreme shyness/social anxiety. what can i do about it? i would like to be able to speak and interact with people without feeling anxious.

Overheal

Join a message board, have a few laughs?

In what situations are you having the problem, and who do you want to be? Give us a little more information: when did you feel the most shy/anxious in the last 2 years?

A great way to bring on your social skills, is to get yourself a part-time job that involves dealing with the public. Like in a shop.

Moonbaby

OP, I share a lot of the same problems as yourself. I get overly anxious with people I don't know and have never been in a proper relationship (but I'm still young so there's plenty of time!). As a result I'm living in a flat by myself but I'm happy right now so I'm not really trying hard to change things anymore.

Do you find it hard making friends? What scenarios do you feel most difficult in?

Moonbaby wrote: »

A great way to bring on your social skills, is to get yourself a part-time job that involves dealing with the public. Like in a shop.

I work full time in the back of a shop but often get called out the front to serve people. I hated that part of the job when I started and still hate it now - didn't seem to help me at all.

AARRRGH

I have confidence coming out my ass. A couple of things:

1. You need to start liking yourself. I like me. Why? Because I think I'm funny and smart and I'm generally above average at everything. So either start focussing on your good points or start making yourself a better person.
2. You need to make the most of your appearance. I don't make a huge effort, but I do work out (I'm in good shape), I wear fashionable clothes (i.e. I shop in Genius, Size and Karmaloop.com), and I have a fashionable haircut (shaved head and trim beard.)
3. You need to realise most people are total sheep and are just floating through life. You should not be afraid of anyone because chances are they're just as scared and clueless as you.
4. This is sort of a repeat of 1. Start doing things you are proud of or give you some sense of identity. I pride myself on my academic achievements (for example, I got straight As in my masters), my entrepeneurial spirit (I have a million different websites), and in general my confidence to give everything a try. Worst case scenario I fail - and if I don't try haven't I already failed?
5. Be nice to yourself. That means living your life the way you want to live it. Don't live your life according to someone else.
6. And this is a big one for me... find something to motivate you to live your life the way you want to live it. For me it's imagining myself as an old man, waiting to die, looking back on my life cursing myself for being afraid. You can be 100% certain you as an old man will be thinking "why didn't I just go and talk to her?! what's the worst that could have happened?". That's a big fear for me, and it motivates me to have no regrets. Or at least, regret things I have done rather than things I was too afriad to do...
7. Another big one: start associating with confident people. An easy way to do this is to take up a (macho) team sort, like indoor soccer. Confidence is contagious.
8. Finally, keep working at it. Don't allow yourself to ever feel sorry for yourself. That crap just leads to mediocrity.

Good luck.