Self esteem issues in a 5 year old girl

Home4Life

Has anyone had any issues with self esteem in the daughters at an early age?
My daughter surprised me recently when she said she didnt like herself,
I was shocked as while I would expect this during teenage years,
I was unprepared for it at 5.

She just started school last September in Meath,
and while the school is great, some of the problem appears to stem from
adjusting to the 26 different children in the class,
and also, fitting in at a new after-school where we had a bad experience
(she has since moved her to a new one which is great).

I was rattled as she has always been outgoing and loves mixing with other children.

I know all children find starting school difficult.
The adjustment to this new way of life is something you epect to be a little unsettling.
However, saying that she hates herself is frightening, and sounds very extreme for a 5 year old.

If anyone can share experinces with me on this, it would help,
as I am very worried.

Many thanks,
H4L.

Orion

Home4Life wrote: »

she said she didnt like herself,
saying that she hates herself is frightening,

Did she say she didn't 'like herself' or 'hate herself'? As a parent of two 5 year old girls myself (yes, twins) I think that maybe you are reading a little too much into it. Not liking does not mean hating.

Occasionally my girls have said similar things - that they don't like themselves, that they wish they were beautiful, etc. It's normal and natural. All you need to do is give her some positive reinforcement. Starting school is a big change for any child and she needs encouragement and support. I, personally, wouldn't consider what she said as worrying at her age.

lostinnappies

I always take what children say seriously because they are trying to tell you in their own little way that they are not happy. Perhaps she is not trying to tell you that she actually hates herself but rather she is having difficulties finding friends at school and is taking it to mean that other children dont like her. We all know how children can be at this age and it maybe that its taking some time for her to find her feet when it comes to connecting with other children. Talk to some of the other parents in her class and see if you cant help her get some friendships underway by setting up play dates.

SerialComplaint

Sounds like a very difficult situation. Would you have any options around taking some time off on parental leave or may 1-2 days a week, so you can spend a bit more time with her, and have her spend less time at the after-school care? This 1:1 time could be spent bolstering her self-esteem, with loads of encouragement and support.

mumof2

SerialComplaint wrote: »

Sounds like a very difficult situation. Would you have any options around taking some time off on parental leave or may 1-2 days a week, so you can spend a bit more time with her, and have her spend less time at the after-school care? This 1:1 time could be spent bolstering her self-esteem, with loads of encouragement and support.

I agree totally with this, I have a son going on 7 and he had major issues at the age of 5 and still has a few. Its a lot of hard work, and they need alot of praise and encouragement. Being there for them is the best to help build up their self esteem and constant communication with your childs teacher to discuss her needs at school, so that you can follow through at home.
Find out if she has difficulty with reading or writing - they are still only babies at that age in school, and there should be no pressure, but kids this young still feel it!!

I was told a few things my son had said at the age of 5 which made me think!! They do dwell on things, and alot affects them.

Good luck.

(feel free to pm if you want to talk more...)

Queen-Mise

I would say this is a lot more normal than you originally think, although still quiet scary. What is brilliant is your daughter is saying it & not keeping it to herself.

My suggestion very short and simple, get your hands on some proper child psychology books (library - modern ones, not Piaget & Freud), be aware they may contradict each other though. Read into the situation.

Last year during a lecture in college, on a tangent your lecturer told us about a child study called 'Smart', which looks at primary school chidren's attitude to who is smart and isn't. The lecturer told us it was shocking what some of the kids think about and thinks about other kids.
I asked my 7 year old son, a quiet day, was he smart. he said with some things yes, but not with maths. And he told me who was smart and wasn't smart in the class. I have to admit I was pretty shocked at the time. But then realised the whole thing is probably very normal.
What I can do, is keep talking to the child, encouragement, create a space if anything is wrong he is willing to talk about stuff.

EDIT: The study was called 'Smart' and had been printed in one of the psychology journals (don't have details to hand). I can get my hands on it, if you want. just PM me. Thanks

Home4Life

Thanks for all of your helpful replies.

She did actually use the word "hate" which was what alarmed me most.

I agree with the suggestion about taking time, I had already built that in by taking a half day a week. I find few dads seem to do it, but I really enjoy that. Now I'm wondering is that even enough.

I suppose I am suprised how much of a jolt school has been for her.
She used to be a very happy, carefree child, now I wonder has school begun a slow process of grinding that down.

Its led to me to think about schooling in general.
Overall, its not a hugely pleasant experience;
when I think about it, it is mainly about lack of freedom,
and repetition.
I dont think varies muc with the type of school or even the teacher;
this is the system and structure we have,

and I find it has actually changed very little since I was at school myself.

School is inevitable and essential; there is no alternative.

H4L

mumof2

Having realised she needs extra attention and help is a big step in the right direction already.

Well done to you.