What should I do?

LegacyUser

things used be great but they arent any more. we arent familiar in the bedroom, i am always giving out over my OH personal habits, which sometimes are not great. he takes me for granted now and if i want romantic gestures to be made i have to ask for them. then they are done, but thats not really the point. if i dont nag and do most of the house work it doesnt get done. we used have great fun together and i have raised this over and over again
saying things arent great and what can we do, but im sick of being hte person making all the effort. we moved in as a trial to getting engaged. last week i decided to cook nice things and make an extra effort to keep the house tidy. my OH is supportive, very tolerant and very easy going, and i think hes just gone horizontal on the whole thing. i know he loves me, but you do need some excitment and passion and surprises in a relationship.

i dont know if i would ever find someone who i get on as well with, im definitely not perfect myself, and he has been loyal to me in times when others prob wouldnt have been,

im not a believer in being unfaithful but i must admit in the absense of feeling attractive my eye has started to wander recently.

it would appear that i have to break it off to make my point as ive tried saying it, threats, asking what i can do, making more of an effort myself, staying silent to see if things get better on their own.

maybe we are just meant to be friends as we get on really well together generally.

we used have chemistry. now we are mammy and daddy already!!!!

Kevster

Hi,

So, things have certainly gone off the boil a bit. I imagine that all couple go through this stage, but many must obviously then get out of it (otherwise, everyone would be divorced). So, don't give up hope entirely. What I suggest, however, is that you and he have a talk about what has been happening. it is not much good - in my opinion - coming here looking for advice that you would only then use in 'secrecy' aruond him. He needs to be made fully aware of the fact that he is depressing you, and that it should not be just you who tries to recover the relationship.

Relationships are - after all - a two-way thing full of compromise.

Kevin

yermandan

What he said.

Have you *actually* told him exactly what you have written above or have you two kind of talked about it or has it just come up in the heat of arguments????

My advice would be to show him your post and see what his honest response is then take it from there.

You seem to be unhappy and are blaming it all on his actions. Are you sure its not just a case of the relationship having run its course for you and that you might just not be in love with him anymore. Just a thought.

Cheers,

Dan

Queen-Mise

I am with my husband ten years & married for five years. What you describes happens, things go up and down, sometimes you start thinking the grass is greener elsewhere.
relationships need work, communication and more work. Tell him everything you are feeling.
that mammy & daddy thing is something you have to work your way out of. it is very similar to the one, when a couple move in together, the man puts on weight. The couple start nesting.
Stick with it, the fact that you are recognizing and saying it, is a good thing.

LegacyUser

hi op,

i dont have any advice for you but i am in the same situation. i only moved in with my boyfriend two weeks ago and already the man that used to pay me so much attention when i called to his house after work just lies there when i walk in now. i feel like ive made a mistake and completely understand your point.

have you done anything about it that you could now advise me. when its make or break time only us that are goin through it feel they annoyance of it, very diificult to explain to friends. our needs dont go away and i need romanced as im sure all women do