As useful as .....

midger

I heard this great one yesterday,barman talking about an ex member of staff,he said 'he was as useful as a handbrake on a canoe'! Thought it was a great one. Anyone know anymore 'he was as useful as....'?

Crumble Froo

a condom machine in the vatican.

slavetothegrind

tits on a bull

me_right_one

tits on a bull

bennyx_o

"As useful as a snooze button on a smoke alarm" - Jeremy Clarkson

Mossin

As useful as:

A tow-bar on a helicopter
A one-legged man at an arse kicking contest [Rowan Atkinson]
A screen door on a submarine

Hagar

An ashtray on a motorbike.
A chocolate teapot.
A chocolate fireguard.
An inflatable dartboard.

The Bollox

as Brian Cowen in Ireland

fastrac

A lighthouse in a bog

Ave Sodalis

an ejector seat on a helicoptor
underwater hairdryer


.........cant think of the rest

banshee_bones

a... cock flavoured lollipop!

LorraineL

an underwater hairdryer

Captain Chaos

sup_dude wrote: »

an ejector seat on a helicoptor

They exist, the blades go first though.


A solar powered torch.

Jimbo

A university in Kerry

Nikko

as useful as:


Anne Frank's drumkit...

Fey!

...a square wheel

Ave Sodalis

Captain Chaos wrote: »

They exist, the blades go first though.

Imagine if something went wrong. *shivers at thought*

dh0661

As jimbo78 :rolleyes:

dh0661

Crumble Froo wrote: »

a condom machine in the vatican.

That's not a useless item. The only problem with the condom machine in the vatican is that's it's mostly SOLD OUT.

dardevle

as useful as...


. a pogo stick in quicksand!
a glass beak on a woodpecker!
a mint flavoured suppository!

dh0661

dardevle wrote: »

as useful as...a mint flavoured suppository!

There's an idea --- mint has a cooling effect ? - doesn't it.

dardevle

probably a safety mechanisim also...


if you can taste mint you've gone too far!:eek:






.

dh0661

dardevle wrote: »

probably a safety mechanisim also...
if you can taste mint you've gone too far!:eek:.

Polo the mint with a hole

---

now I remember :rolleyes:.

dardevle

dh0661 wrote: »

Polo the mint with a hole

---

now I remember :rolleyes:.

topic.....funny how you always remember right at the END!:o

dh0661

dardevle wrote: »

topic.....funny how you always remember right at the END!:o

Tic Tacs are better than polos any day --- more mint and no holes. BARRED

seanybiker

Captain Chaos wrote: »

They exist, the blades go first though.


A solar powered torch.

they charge during the day and store the power.

Drummerboy08

Heard this the other day... " your about as useful as a condom with sweatholes".

andy1249

Imagine if something went wrong. *shivers at thought*

http://www.break.com/index/guy-ejected-into-helicopter-blades.html

oneeyedman

He wouldn't get a kick in a stampede ........

(for a defender)

He wouldn't tackle a good dinner !!!



He's useless..... he wouldn't stop cows !!

entropi

As useful as an ashtray on a motorbike.

The 2009 Cork hurling squad :P

GAAman

As useful as a master of nothing :D:p

Ave Sodalis

andy1249 wrote: »

http://www.break.com/index/guy-ejected-into-helicopter-blades.html

:eek: i aint watching that.:eek:

GAAman

sup_dude wrote: »

:eek: i aint watching that.:eek:

Its safe man, the pilot bounced off the rotars (think they were goin to slow or somethin) in fact the only damage was a broken wrist

Ave Sodalis

Not too bad then so.

Zadkiel

About as useful as a one legged man in an a*se kicking competition - Rowan Atkinson

junior_apollo

banshee_bones wrote: »

a... cock flavoured lollipop!

ahhh Dodgeball.. brilliant

mumhaabu

as a glass hammer.

DazMarz

About as useful as a bucket under a bull

About as useful as an arse with no hole

About as useful as an 8-track player

About as useful as an open-on-impact parachute

About as useful as a waterproof teabag

whitey21

....as tits on a nun!