Life is unraveling before me

LegacyUser

First of all i dont know where else to turn to as the last 2 years of me and my wifes has changed things forever for us well at least for the next 5 years.

Background
My wife had a baby 2 years ago, she had a difficult pregnancy but that was only the beginning. She broke her pelvic bone giving birth and then was close to dying afterwards due to loosing so much blood and then having an advese reaction to blood transfusions. I really thought my wife was going to die that day. It was yet the happiest and worst day of my life. The birth of our daughter and the near death of my wife.

Over the next 2 years our baby has been in and out of hospitals and seen specialists over 50 times. She had had so many issues healthwise. Right now things are slowly getting better for her, this week she has gone to 2 specialists about 2 different issues. This had had an adverse affect on us as a family. This has caused alot of strain of our relationship. We moved abroad 4 years ago. Up until 2 years ago we had lots of savings, a nice house, we payed our bills on time.

My wife wasnt able to work for 5 months after the birth and when she did her employer cut back her hours to less than 10 a week. So after a few months of her employer messing her about she quit and went to another job. She works 2 days a week now, well 3 at a stretch if we dont have any problems with our baby.

Over the last 12 months we have been taking from peter to pay for paul. We used up all our savings paying for bills while my wife could not work. Now the **** has hit the fan. We put our house on the market a year ago as we cant afford the mortgage payments anymore. The house hasnt sold. Our house is going to be forclosed on over the next 3 months. I feel so ashamed that this has happened. We have had alot of bad luck over the last 2 years and now we are going to loose our home.Our credit will be ruined here and will never recover.

Because of my wife not been able to work, very high exchange rate, we fell behind in credit card payments to the BOI back in ireland. They defaulted on my CC without even a letter of warning that this is going to happen. Ever since it happened 5 months ago i have made monthly payments as aggreed so it wont go to court. I tried to explain to them and they were understanding but this was after the card was defaulted, once it is closed they cannot reopened the account. So there goes my credit in ireland. I have always been responsible about money and always payed my bills on time. But due to my wifes and childs health issues over the last 2 years we have juggled paying bills.

I dont know where else to turn too. Our financial situation isnt going to improve anytime soon as long as our child still has her health issues. I thought maybe moving back to ireland and try and rebuild our lives again. Back home we have lots of friends and family. We can stay with family until we get sorted out. God knows if that will ever happen as jobs are very scarce back in ireland. My wife is in the healthcare professional and i am in IT. We are emotional wrecks right now and dont know where to turn too.

LegacyUser

hi, sorry to hear about your tough 2 years, by the way you sound like a really caring husband for your family, yes ye are struggling, but i was getting worried bout ye until you wrote the last bit, yes i think it would be wise to move back to ireland where ye have family, who knows it mite be the best move ye ever made, i think it would be a load of yer minds, ye need your family, dont be alone, things will pick up 4 ye in time again and then ye can decide to do what ye want, the child is still young so thats ok, ye wont be unsettling her, and dont be ashamed , id imagine the amount of married people who have experienced or are experiencing something similar is quite something , good luck. you will be ok....

barbiegirl

Move home, ask for help. That's what family's are for. yes jobs are difficult to come by but if you're good at what you do you can hopefully manage. If nothing else in difficult times having friends and family about will help.
Check first though if you come home, can you do so without putting negative financial strain on whoever you stay with.
Best of luck to you and your family. You will get through.

r3nu4l

I don't know if this will work for you or not but try renting a room in your house. It may not be possible due to the baby and illness etc but if you can do it, then go for it. Get in a student or a professional, anyone that will pay the rent on time.

Secondly, contact the Citizens Advice Bureau, the advice is free. Contact mabs in Ireland and talk to them about your situation in Ireland.

Can you do any work from home in the evenings? Do you have any skills that would allow you to do some work at weekends? This all assumes your wife is okay with you doing extra hours...given the fact you have a poorly child.

Sell anything you don't use anymore, anything. Got a book collection? Sell them for €1-2 each, Forty books at €1.50 is €60, not to be sniffed at Any old computer games? Sell them, even if you only get a few cents for them.

Shop in Aldi and Lidl, seriously, I've no money problems and have been doing this for a while, food is fairly good quality and fairly cheap too.

Come up with a finance plan and renegotiate with the bank. If you get a tenant in then let the bank know, ask them to extend their foreclosure notice by another 3 months. Negotiate hard but keep your cool, look like a man with a vision and a plan. Quietly confident but knowing your limits.

If you are still hanging in there by the time the extended foreclosure is 2 months away, revisit the bank and ask for another 6 months. Tell them you want to work with them to avoid any more costs for you and them.

Can you get a better paid job? In this climate that's a tough call but can it be done?

These are just off the top of the head suggestions, you and your wife need to have a long think, a chat, come up with some sort of action plan and then put it into action.

Best of luck.

Craft25

I'd say come home mate.. you need your community around you by the sounds of things.

Even go on the dole and get medical cards... does the child need to stay abroad for any medical reasons?? You should reach out to anyone that can help you SVdePaul, Mabs whatever.

best of luck, i really hope the wheel turns for you soon

seamus

Because you use the word "foreclose" and indeed the fact that your home is being chased at all, I'm going to assume that you're in the States. It's probably the worst place in the western world to have a chronically unwell family member because your money will just flow into the hospital system, health insurance or not.

My recommendation is to move home. Although jobs are "scarce", it's not like there are no people employing. If you're good at what you do, you will get work. Your child will be looked after. There's a lot of moaning and groaning about the state of our health system, but your child will get the care she needs, and at a much better cost than you're experiencing now. Your credit history here is fleeting and ultimately you're not surrounded by institutions and creditors who will extract all of your cash without consideration for your personal circumstances. The courts will protect your interests here above those of companies. There is something to be said for the familiarity and "ah shure that's grand" attitude in Ireland versus the heartless monolith that a lot of US companies tend to be.

There's no need to be ashamed. It sounds like you had yourself set up and well prepared, but you can't prepare for the unknown. For some, the unknown just gives you more than you could possibly prepare for. But that doesn't mean you can't deal with it. People don't judge you for getting into tough times, they judge you on how you deal with the tough times.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. I have contacted MABS to see if they can help with our situation. I am just worried that now i have a black mark against my credit in ireland i am now considered a bad customer by the bank. I have been a customer with them for over 10 years and now because of the current economic all we needed was a bit of leeway.

We intend moving back asap. Pay off our debts and rebuilt our lives again if that is possible. I just didnt think things would get this bad financially when our baby was born 2 years ago. Our baby is on the mend and hopefully the medical issues will be behind us. It is just difficult sometimes to even imagine how things got bad.

estar

can i just say

- credit records can be recovered over time. it is going to become far more common and wont be seen as a case of yerman is dodgy rather than yerman fell on hard times.

- it might seem like things are very black, and i know financial problems can be an awful burden, but at the end of the day, its just money. you arent a bad person to have bad luck. stop feeling guilty and deal with the practicalities and the reality of it. you cannot manage without family support. thats what family are for. do the sensible thing and move back home where you have support, financially and emotionally. there are jobs here although not a quarter of what there were a year ago. so what if you lose money on the house. rent here (rents are falling) and pay it back.

so what if you dont own another house for a while. there are going to be millions of people very glad to rent to you over here for the foreseeable.

it takes 5-10 years to get your credit record back to clean. that isnt a long time, not as long as you might think. life is long. dont let money worries define your reality. you arent your credit record. you arent your debts.

dont let this situation defeat you.