Steven Seagal

TerrorFirmer

I mean it's really gone beyond a joke, isn't it?

Every scene he's in involves either a huge leather trench coat, or a vast Hawaiian t-shirt for those scenes where he can't really wear a leather coat. He shuffles around like a bloated air balloon, wincing like he's about to suffer cardiac arrest, yet in the action scenes he's suddenly as fast as lighting - before we switch back to his sweaty, constipated turtle-neck face, as he invariably leans on the nearest piece of furniture to support his considerable girth. His accent gets more and more monotone with each movie, and lately, been reduced to a hoarse, hick-twang whisper. The last 'explosive' action picture I saw (and in the sense of seeing it in its entirety, I've tried since watching his latest movie, Kill Switch, and almost lapsed into a protective coma after 5 minutes) - and I make a point of watching them all, but mostly for comedy value - he shot down a Hind with a pistol. The man is a caricature of himself.

Opinions on Steven Seagal?

Loomis

The man's a legend.
He also cooks, you know.

Pigman II

Does he still have that stupid pony-tail of his?

MagicMarker

Yeah, it's a real shame when a man known for his fighting skills uses a double for... erm... fighting.

Still a legend though.

thebigredone

i absolutely love watching seagal films, as TerrorFirmer says, purely for comedic value!! i think "renegade justice" is my personal favourite, eddie griffen playing the most unconvincing gang boss ever and i swear when steve kicks a dude in the head its not his leg its actually a boot on a stick!

TerrorFirmer

thebigredone wrote: »

i absolutely love watching seagal films, as TerrorFirmer says, purely for comedic value!! i think "renegade justice" is my personal favourite, eddie griffen playing the most unconvincing gang boss ever and i swear when steve kicks a dude in the head its not his leg its actually a boot on a stick!

Man that was awful, I love how in the scene where he's facing off against about 30 hoodlums they all run in one by one and get shot in slow motion - it's like the same scene being played over 20 times. The highlight was at the end when Eddie Griffen comically goes 'That's one bad mother****er' after Seagal kills about 100 people through various limp flicks of the wrist - not sure though if it was because of the comedic value or the fact the movie had finally ended.

ronnie3585

Mr. Anderson wrote: »

The man's a legend.
He also cooks, you know.

Don't forget his music and wife beating career.

Necronomicon

Say what you want about his dodgy movies, but the guy is a legend. He's a very talanted musician and spends a hell of a lot of time doing philanthropic work. Also, his new reality tv show has epic win written all over it

Steven Seagal is coming to Reality TV! A&E is in production on a nonfiction drama “Steven Seagal: Lawman” in New Orleans.

Seagal has been working on and off as a fully commissioned deputy with the Jefferson Parish County Sheriff’s Office for nearly two decades and in 2005, one of his duties was to assist with the recovery efforts during the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

“Lawman” is not just about Seagal’s life as a deputy, according to Fox, the show will include his musical and philanthropic activities in New Orleans.

Seagal is best known for his action films in the 1990’s. His Warner Brothers contract was not renewed in 1997 and since that time he has appeared mostly in straight-to-video projects and exclusively since 2003. His latest movie that he wrote and starred in was “Kill Switch” for First Look International. It debuted in October this year.

Seagal spoke of the new venture. “I decided to work with A&E on this series now because I believe it’s important to show the nation all the positive work being accomplished here in Louisiana.”

Robert Sharenow, A&E’s senior vice-president of nonfiction and alternative programming said that Seagal, “helps fight crime because he cares about the community.” “Lawman” is scheduled to premiere in the winter of 2009.

http://www.realitytvmagazine.com/blog/2008/11/26/steven-seagal-joins-ae-for-a-reality-tv-show/

User45701

are you kidding? segal rules i mean he makes a bomb with a sock and a cupo-soup in a microwave - who else could do that?

Nerin

User45701 wrote: »

are you kidding? segal rules i mean he makes a bomb with a sock and a cupo-soup in a microwave - who else could do that?

McGuyver.

Still,i Like big steve.

slavetothegrind

Next you'll be having a go at Chuck Norris, butcha better be careful coz he doesn't sleep.....he waits!:eek:

There is nothing like the fit the otherhalf throws when i reach for one of Seagals films, for that alone he maketh me happy!:D

TerrorFirmer

User45701 wrote: »

are you kidding? segal rules i mean he makes a bomb with a sock and a cupo-soup in a microwave - who else could do that?

MacGuyver?

c4cat

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

I mean it's really gone beyond a joke, isn't it?

Every scene he's in involves either a huge leather trench coat, or a vast Hawaiian t-shirt for those scenes where he can't really wear a leather coat. He shuffles around like a bloated air balloon, wincing like he's about to suffer cardiac arrest, yet in the action scenes he's suddenly as fast as lighting - before we switch back to his sweaty, constipated turtle-neck face, as he invariably leans on the nearest piece of furniture to support his considerable girth. His accent gets more and more monotone with each movie, and lately, been reduced to a hoarse, hick-twang whisper. The last 'explosive' action picture I saw (and in the sense of seeing it in its entirety, I've tried since watching his latest movie, Kill Switch, and almost lapsed into a protective coma after 5 minutes) - and I make a point of watching them all, but mostly for comedy value - he shot down a Hind with a pistol. The man is a caricature of himself.

Opinions on Steven Seagal?

Back in the 80s I knew Steven Seagal as an English teacher in Osaka, Japan. he also had something to do with a local Dojo. Steve and I was part of a then expat crowd that freqented an area known as Juso in Osaka. Soon after he was discovered by Hollywood through the Dojo he was involved with and after he made his first movies, he then moved in the 90s to LA to live. He left behind his Japanese (just divorced) ex wife and child in Japan. He contacted a mutual aquaintance who was a Canadian owner of a travel agent in Osaka to arrange flight tickets for his child and ex wife . By this time he was pretty loaded, but he insisted that he would only pay for the cheapest available economy tickets tickets, and was bargaining on the price quoted to save another $20................talk about being stingy

MagicMarker

User45701 wrote: »

are you kidding? segal rules i mean he makes a bomb with a sock and a cupo-soup in a microwave - who else could do that?

Pfft, the A-Team could make a tank out of that stuff.

User45701

dosent macguyver always need something metal like a paper clip to make something work?

Robbo

Pigman II wrote: »

Does he still have that stupid pony-tail of his?

I heard he cheated Van Damme out of a role by offering to cut it off...

Nerin

User45701 wrote: »

dosent macguyver always need something metal like a paper clip to make something work?

Only when practicing alchemy

Loomis

User45701 wrote: »

are you kidding? segal rules i mean he makes a bomb with a sock and a cupo-soup in a microwave - who else could do that?

Nah, that was a brillo pad and cleaning solvent in a mug using the microwave as a detonator.

MagicMarker

Robbo wrote: »

I heard he cheated Van Damme out of a role by offering to cut it off...

That was just a line in the last Van Dammage movie, doubt there's any truth to it.

pug_

You don't want to mess with Steven Seagal...

Jarrath

Maybe the pressure of being extorted by the mafia got to him..

Loomis

Wow, the Special FX in this...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCR_kuXySAY

:eek:

Robbo

MagicMarker wrote: »

That was just a line in the last Van Dammage movie, doubt there's any truth to it.

I was referring to JCVD alright.

Can't remember which Segal film it is but have a look for the "blood bank" clip on YooToobe.

Big Knox

MagicMarker wrote: »

Yeah, it's a real shame when a man known for his fighting skills uses a double for... erm... fighting.

Still a legend though.

Funny thing is, half the time he doesen't use a double he uses short cut scenes of himself from his older films.

Watch "Half Past Dead" and you'll see what I mean, its comedy gold. If you watch closely you can see hes not even wearing similar clothes in the cuts. He walks into a room in a brown leather jacket lookin like a fat mess, then it cuts and he punches some random guy while he's wearing a black suit then they mirror that shot and use it again like 30 seconds later.

The man is a genius!!!

thebigredone

again in renegede justice, he stumbles across the gangs "lair" and when they find him he hammers the life out them all, shoots one guy's ear off (but theres no blood or bullet hole in the chair he was sitting in!) and then sits on the biggest guy's back who he previously incapacitated, grabs him under the chin and just pulls it upwards until the guy's neck breaks! absolutely hilarious needless violence

ronnie3585

thebigredone wrote: »

absolutely hilarious needless violence

Hilarious, yes. Needless, no.

You don't fu*k with the Bald Eagle's natural habitat, and if you do you have to answer to Mr. Segal.

Hande hoche!

Out in a couple of days is Steven Seagal versus vampires!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggGoakTn1ao

Valmont

For the right reasons and the wrong reasons, I've always been entertained by Seagal and for that I think he is the man. He knows what his movies are like, why else would he have done the Cockpuncher sketch on the Onion movie? I'm just always disappointed Seagal and Van Damme never collaborated.

EDIT: and the Mountain Dew ad, haha.

thebigredone

i watched that new film at the weekend "against the dark" i think it was called, and once again big steve delivers some of the finest non-intentional comedy ever recorded!i lost count of the number of times it was rewound the watch something again in slow motion!

calahans

The cute f*cker married Kelly Le Brock when she was hot ... unbelievable. Probably charmed her with all his native american bull****

Ruu_Old

He even has an energy drink! Whapah! *remembers when released, website that shall remain nameless marketing as "Be the first to taste his juices!"*

hideous ape

The man ranks up there with Charlie Chaplin for his grasp of visual comedy. His comedic timing and humourous line delivery is almost perfect...someone really should inform the man for the reasons why his films are so loved. I get more laughs out of his later films than any comedy Hollywood can produce.

I'll give him credit for some of his early action films...some did have decent fight scenes and he sort of acted...now and again.

Today...sadly I watch his movies with the impression that he only stumbled in front of the camera while he was looking for doughnuts! Lowest point has to be the film where his voice had to be dubbed using a totally different actor for about 50% of the film. In some scenes his voice switches three or four times leaving you totally confused as to what the hell is happening or who the hell is speaking...priceless:D

joepenguin

Has there been any movies of his say after exit wounds that have had action scenes as good as hard to kill or any of the early stuff? havent seen many of the dtvs. Never really watched them for the plot anyway!!! but no-one delivers an ass whoopin like seagal!!

I thought Nice, hard to kill, marked for death, out for justice were his best ones.

Next to these id put the likes of under siege one and 2, glimmer man, and on deadly ground and fire down below close by. Actually stick exit wounds in here also.

As for the other 23 movies... its as if he has to do them or something. Anyone recommend any for the fight scenes alone?

ronnie3585

Ruu wrote: »

He even has an energy drink! Whapah! *remembers when released, website that shall remain nameless marketing as "Be the first to taste his juices!"*

Stephen Segal energy drink! Brilliant.

WTF is Goji Berry?

Here are some divine words of wisdom from the man himself;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxloUBCYuFM

Just picked up the Fight Factory Seagal box set. Think I'll go home throw on some veggie burgers, open a big bag of doritos and drink beer while enjoying the great mans legacy.

hideous ape

Good lord...judging by that Youtube video posted above Seagal has turned into Fat Cheeseburger Elvis!!!

He looks drugged, probably just finished eating 25 doughnuts and is even wearing a jumpsuit...Steven "Elvis" Seagal...I'd pay to see that show in Vegas:)

thebigredone

hideous ape wrote: »

Good lord...judging by that Youtube video posted above Seagal has turned into Fat Cheeseburger Elvis!!!

He looks drugged, probably just finished eating 25 doughnuts and is even wearing a jumpsuit...Steven "Elvis" Seagal...I'd pay to see that show in Vegas:)

i read an article/interview with seagal, i think it was in FHM, and apparently he was at the buffet hoovering up spring rolls like they were goin out of fashion, and he was doin the interview while eating and showering the journalist with crumbs!