Embarrassing issue with boyfriend

LegacyUser

this is an embarrassing one. so i've been with my current boyfriend a while now.
he's 20, i'm 18.
we haven't had sex yet, he's a lot more experienced than me, i haven't slept with anyone before. he knows i'm not as experienced as him but i'm not sure if he knows that, he probably does though, haven't found the right time to bring it up in conversation

but basically, when i give him a handjob, he never seems to come. i am getting quite embarrassed by this and was wondering if anyone has any tips for me?

Lollipops23

you'd be amazed at how common this is!apparently it's because no matter how good a job you may be doing,it probably won't compare to his own handywork!he may also just be very used to sorting himself out!!

keep it up though, practice will help;)

and don't feel pressured into doing anything before you're ready.and i'd say your BF has guessed you've never gone down that road, but perhaps have a grown up conversation with him about it?

Otis Driftwood

The key is not to grab it and pull like you are trying to start a chainsaw.Ive had more than 1 girl grabbing all and sundry and tugging like bejaysus,more than a little eyewatering.Just be gentle(not too gentle ) or better yet,ask him to guide you ie show you what he likes grip and rythm wise.Have fun figuring it out anyway!

Bottle_of_Smoke

Handjobs can actually be really painful as the penis can get really dry after a while from the foreskin moving up and down. I rarely finish from them myself

If your worried about not being good in bed I'd advise to get really good at oral. Then no matter what happens he'll think your great in bed. Watch some porn and copy the girls. A female friend told me girlie mags offer very good tips too.

Terodil

Ned: +1. Let him show you, tell you, and do the same with him!

Also remember that it's not just you. Contrary to popular belief ( ) men aren't machines either. It's not a press-one-button-operation. The mood needs to be right, he must not be too stressed etc. -- if anything doesn't fit, he may not be able to come. So... also pay attention to outfit, foreplay, etc., it's not just in the way you stroke.

r14

Maybe try putting some lube or moisturiser on it first. Can really help with the friction and make it feel a lot nicer for him. Also might take some of the strain off your arm (though I have no experience in that area:P).

Turner

Try logging onto a porn site like youp*rn

Type in handjob in the search engine, most are homemade clips.

You will get plenty of tips.

Hope this helps.





*=o

bennyblanco

moisturiser ftw,and let it heat up in your hands first.

LegacyUser

sorry for hijacking this thread, but I kinda need help in this area too. I often try to give a handjob to my partner but I do feel like im not getting anywhere, after a while he's like right let's do this properly ( as in have sex!). I would love to make him come this way but to be honest my arm gets so sore. I try different positions but it always gets sore. If I thought he was close to coming I would persevere regardless of the ache - but I just don't know if I should even try anymore. The embarrassing thing is that I'm in my mid 20's! As for blowjobs, I always end up gagging and again think I'm so crap that I might as well stop. (not sure if he would want me too, as he would never criticise!) So I've pretty much given up on both. I only go near him now with the intention of sex, but never to just satisfy him as I kinda know I'm so crap at it! I also ask him to show me how to do it, but as he says he doens't know either...I'm so jealous when others talk about it so casually, I wish I found it so easy!

dublinpd

Unregistered wrote: »

sorry for hijacking this thread, but I kinda need help in this area too. I often try to give a handjob to my partner but I do feel like im not getting anywhere, after a while he's like right let's do this properly ( as in have sex!). I would love to make him come this way but to be honest my arm gets so sore. I try different positions but it always gets sore. If I thought he was close to coming I would persevere regardless of the ache - but I just don't know if I should even try anymore. The embarrassing thing is that I'm in my mid 20's! As for blowjobs, I always end up gagging and again think I'm so crap that I might as well stop. (not sure if he would want me too, as he would never criticise!) So I've pretty much given up on both. I only go near him now with the intention of sex, but never to just satisfy him as I kinda know I'm so crap at it! I also ask him to show me how to do it, but as he says he doens't know either...I'm so jealous when others talk about it so casually, I wish I found it so easy!

Sometimes it's not totally about you... You partner might have something. By the way two are involved...
I think it depends on the person. For me it's quite difficult to get on that way and I've had really nice blowjobs and handjobs... It's not all about you!

Wibbs

Honestly? I can think of about 3 women I've known who were good at handjobs. The rest with few exceptions it was nice, but no way was I getting off. I think you could say the same of the chaps who do the same to their ladies. Both suffer from the same problem. Both are afraid or don't know how to bring up the issue or show their partners for fear of upsetting them. From what I gather from my women mates, this seems to be more an issue for them. I've found for the most part women are pretty cool if you show them what's what for you. The for you bit is the important bit. Both men and women have their prefs and can vary a lot. One woman I was with had an unusual technique that... well lets just say, I would never raise a hand to a woman(bloody right I bruise easily!), but the temptation was there from a sense of willy preservation;):). Apparently her technique was all the range with her ex, but not for me.

I would say ask him. Hell I would love that and I'm sure he would too. Good sign of a good relationship when you can have a laugh and actually talk to each other. Once the dialogue is open, maybe you can chime i with "you know that thing you do, you reckon feels nice for me, well......".

If you love the guy and trust him, then talk to him and tell him your worries and let him show you.

LegacyUser

i used to have the same problem, i was really uncomfortable about handjobs and blowjobs. i just felt lke i was crap at them so i'd always just avoid them and move straight to (really good) sex instead!
then a couple of boyfriends ago, i'd ask him to masturbate while i watched (because i really like seeing it for some reason! i love seeing the cum, dunno why!) and then eventually it progressed to where i was the one giving the handjob while i would tell him a sexy story. i got really good at it, to the point that he eventually said i was better at it than he was! wow!
although after we broke up i unfortunately learned that my world class skills at giving him awesome handjobs didn't necessarily work on every guy. and so i'm back to square one with each new guy.

the good news is though - with the last couple of guys i was with i worked on getting better and more comfortable with blow jobs. and its the best thing i spent time learning! i pretty much spent a whole week with this guy (he knew what i was up to, so was very helpful!) going down on him whenever he wanted (like 3 times a day usually). the most important thing is not that i got really good (although i did, or so i've been told) but that i got to really really enjoy it. so now if i'm with someone new or even if i think of someone new, its like an awesome thing i really want to do, rather than it being something i worried about doing badly.

so if i was you i would just kind of jokingly tell him u want to learn how to please him really well. i don't think theres many guys who wouldn't really enjoy having an eager girl wanting learn the best way to make them cum! as far as handjobs - getting him to guide your hand wasn't really enough for me to figure out what worked for him, the best thing was watching how he did it himself - the kind of rhythm he liked and little weird things u wouldn't think of.

faith3

ok, some of this will be pretty explict, but not vulgar. adults should be able to talk about these things without any embarrasment. so first off, you dont have to feel embarrased or ashamed by asking at all!

different men will have different preferences regarding the tightness and rhythm that will do it for them. also remember that when a man masturbates, its a highly personal activity in which they engage in the most private thoughts, images and fantasies that they find most stimulating. so, when someone else is involved its a different thing, and for the majority of experienced adult men it will be a slower process reaching orgasm.

if the head of the penis is dry / unlubricated, it can be a painful experience. lube always makes it far more pleasurable, though if you progress to fellatio you might find the taste of lube odd and unpleasant. if he's already in the mood and aroused when you start, he will probably have pre-cum emerging from the tip of the penis. this is a clear (and tasteless!) fluid which is a natural lubricant. this is only in limited supply however, and after a while you should apply lube or saliva, but bear in mind that saliva drys up quickly, and then onto oral. i would highly suggest lube if you aren't going to progress to a blowjob.

do not wear rings on your fingers on the hand you are doing it with!

passionately kiss him during it! good sex is much more about the mind's intimate and shared experience than a physical act. use your other hand to rub and carress other parts of the body (the scrotum, inner thighs and somethimes nipples are all potent erogenous zones in men).

to estabish the pressure and rhythm that he wants, place his right hand (if he is right handed, left if not) around yours and he can show you that way.

and never be afraid to talk or ask, in any situations!

remember the head of the penis is the most sensitive part, almost overwhelmingly so, palming and rubbing it can be very intense, but never do it if its unlubricated.

regarding blowjobs, the most important thing to remember is that teeth can hurt alot, so avoid scraping by the teeth by tucking them in. also you do not have to have it so much inside your mouth that you gag for it to be intensely pleasurable. indeed, fellating the head of the penis well and stroking the shaft and playing gently with the scrotum with the hands is enough to be absolutely delightful to a man.

i wouldn't recommend pornography to find examples of amazing oral sex, since these days the emphasis seems to be on performers who have tamed their gag reflex ala sword-swallowing and who do "deep throat". porn is basically a cartoon version of sex, it's very over the top alot of the time these days, and porn stars are better thought of as athletes in this regard. it's not normal sex, ever, its a performance.

op, regarding your virginity, theres absolutely no problem in that. many people first have sex when they are young and its often a dissapointing and confusing experience for many people. in fact, it may be quite a turn on for your boyfriend if you knows you are his first! honestly, being able to talk like adults about these things makes it all so much better.

Reflector

with hanjobs you are competing with something he has done everynight for years so you are not going to be an expert straight away. I'm a gay guy and I have learnt that all guys **** differently. The person who suggested to watch him **** is spot on. Pay attention to where he holds it. Does he pinch the head with his fingers, does he use all his hand along the shaft or something else. Also pay attention to his rhythm. Sometimes people go for a steady rhythm all the way. Some like moving from fast to slow. When you get the idea of how he does it start to move in and take over. Listen to him and how he moves you will know when you are doing a good job. Also mix in a blowjob with a hand job. In no time you'll be an expert. But with the next guy you it might be different

Koushki

I'm crap at handjobs because i don't like doing them. however i can always make my partner come with my mouth.
there's always an alternative.