here and now- a first scene of play

Mario007

here's something i've kinda tried writing like half a year ago and don't have time to finish off...its a pretty vague first scene so the story can lead pretty much anywhere. Comments greatly appreciated.
(it might look long but its actually very short since its a play and all dialogue)

Scene One(on top of a family house, Oriam about to jump off when Angie runs onto the stage to fetch Oriam. Party music can be heard in the background)
Angie: Crap! Crap! I'm late again!
Oriam: What...who are you? What are you doing here?
Angie: Phew...that was close. Guess they won't be firing me this week...
(Frank enters)
Frank: Well, well, well! What do we have here?
Angie: Cut the theatrics, Frank, would ya?
Frank: Why if it isn't Angie? And in an angry mood? Why that certainly is most unusual...
Angie: Look, I've had a tough d....month so I'd appriciate if you help me out here, ok?
Oriam: What's going here? Who are you guys?
Frank: Where's the fun in being the devil if I don't get to make fun of you, Angie?
Angie: Frank, we got demoted to do this, there isn't supposed to be any fun involved at all! Actually it was because of your idea of having fun that we're stuck here, trying to save this guy.
Frank: Speak for yourself, my primary concern is to go back down-under and finish off my NHL game.
Angie: And that's why I'm stuck doing the goody-goody job. Just look at him again...where is he?
(Oriam tries to jump off again, this time he's pulled back by Frank)
Frank: Yeah, now I know why you need help with him...
Angie: It's not just that, I need a successful case by tommorow or I'll be pushed down to the clerks sorting dead spririts.
Frank: Oh, so you want me to loose this case?
Oriam: Ok, seriously who are you people and why don't you just let me be?
Frank: You really are a hopeless case, don't you ever pay attention? Angie just explained it.
Angie: Look, honey, we're here to save you from doing the worst mistake of your life.
Frank: Ok, Angie don't try to to overdo it, he's what seventeen? Eighteen? No reason to call him honey anymore. If anything he'll just get freaked out and might die of a heart attack or something like that.
Oriam: Ya know, you trying to save me and all is nice but it doesn't really asnwer my question.
Angie: Oh I'm Angie, I'm sort of your good conscience or an angel if you like, and this is...
Frank: Frank, the devil's advocate, at your service.
Angie: Don't lie to the boy Frank. That's misleading advertising, here they have a fine for it and all...
Frank: I pretty much doubt that someone is going to sue me over it.
Oriam: So you're an angel and a devil?
Frank: Just when I thought you might be smart after all...
Angie: Don't mind him...and you are?
Oriam: What? You don't know my name? What sort of angels are you?
Frank: Angels and devils, don't be racist ok? We're not all alike.
Oriam: Aren't you supposed to be like with me for the duration of my life?
Angie: Oh no...it used to be like that, but we're short on staff.
Frank: Not that anyone would actually like to take up this job anyway. Can you imagine watching over some whiny idiot like you and trying to save him? I mean my job is pretty cool, I get to mock people like you so that you do jump, but try to feel with poor Angie. She has to pretend she has some sympathy for you sobby bastards.
Angie: He's right, it's not easy at all.
Oriam: So you mean you don't really care about me?
Angie: You're going to kill yourself, why should I care about someone like that?
Frank: Angie...you're the angel here...
Angie: Oh yeah, thanks Frank...of course I do care, don't be silly. You're just confused that's all...and as I said I'm here to prevent you from doing the worst mistake of your life.
Oriam: Really? Cos in that case you're way too late. This here is just the rational conclusion.
Angie: What are you talking about? I wasn't late! I was merely...observing and evaluating the situation.
Frank: Isn't it forbidden to lie up-above? I saw you, you were drastically late.
Angie: It is but this isn't up-above, is it? If you saw me, why didn't you try and save him?
Frank: I'm the devil, remember?
Oriam: What's the point of this all? Even my angels aren't listening to me...
Frank: Angel and devil...of course we're listening, we're just ignoring you...
Angie: Frank!
Frank: Oh...that's even worse, right? Well in that case, yes, we're not listening to you.
Angie: Frank!
Frank: What?
Angie: Well don't mind us, sometimes we get caught up in our little conversations, but you still haven't told us your name.
Oriam: Oh, I'm Oriam and you can pretty much forget about convincing me not to jump. I've made up my mind, there's nothing worth keeping me in this world anymore.
Frank:Eeeeemo!
Oriam: No, I'm not. Just because I'm depressed and about to jump off a building I don't have to be an emo, ok?
Frank: Dude, are you even listening to yourself?
Angie: I bet it's not that bad, Oriam. Why don't you tell us why do you want to jump off?
Frank: Oh please, let me him say 'no'...please let him say 'no'...
Oriam: No, I don't think that that story needs to be retold again. It's a closed book, all I got to do is make sure no one makes a cheap sequal to it.
Frank: Well that's certainly an original metaphor, well done.
Angie: Come on, Oriam. You'll see that once you go over things, you'll feel a lot better.
Frank: Angie, leave him alone. I think he's doing the right choice, now just all he needs to do is to jump off and I can go back to my NHL.
Angie: Frank! I really need to win this case! I can get demoted to the spirit clerks! That's even worse than this.
Frank: Well, ok. You're lucky we're friends...but I too have to do my job, but I'll try to go easy on the guy.
Angie: Thanks.
Frank: But I'll still stay sarcastic, that's natural, I can't stop it.
Angie: As expected.
Frank: Ok, Oriam go on then. Angie is right, you need to let it out...damn I can't believe I just said something gay like that...
Angie: Look, we can make a deal. You'll tell us your story and if you still won't feel any better we'll let you jump. What do you say?
Oriam: Well, I suppose I could tell someone why I'm about to do it, so yeah. But I don't know where to start...
Angie: Oh well just think about it for a while and try to sort it all out, we're in no hurry...
Frank: Speak for yourself...anyway while you're thinking, could you just excuse me and Angie for a moment?
Oriam:Sure
Frank Thanks
(Oriam exits)
Frank: You know you're taking a great gamble with that deal.
Angie: Yeah but it's the best thing I could think of.
Frank: All I'm saying is that you should have let me to make that deal, I'm the devil here, I can brake my promises.
Angie: I didn't think of that...
Oriam(from offstage):Ok, I think I know where to start.
Frank: Oh God, this is going to be a torture.
Angie: Come on, I bet it might be interesting.
Frank: Suicide stories, especially in teenage years are anything but interesting. It's all either about broken hearts or messed up friendships...
Angie: Or low self-esteem, I know, but maybe we're in for a surprise.
Frank: I seriously doubt that.
(Frank and Angie exit)

Homicidal_jesus

you should go for a total twist from there and make it all happy and euphoric with unicorns and bunnys!:D

NHL:p

Mario007

Homicidal_jesus wrote: »

you should go for a total twist from there and make it all happy and euphoric with unicorns and bunnys!:D

NHL:p

haha like the guy god scared he was gay cos he had a dream about unicorns and bunnys and would rather kill himself?:D

yeah go NHL!:D i actually took the inspiration from you telling me about NHL09:D

Matt Holck

how many threads do you need here?

sitout

Matt Holck wrote: »

how many threads do you need here?

+1

Mario007

Matt Holck wrote: »

how many threads do you need here?

well as long as the quality doesn't drop, its one over x as x approaches zero:D

Homicidal_jesus

Matt Holck wrote: »

how many threads do you need here?

dont be jealous:p