What Goes Around Comes Around...

LegacyUser

Who's at fault here? Who's getting their Karma kick in the ass?

Long story short, I met a girl, fell in love with her, suffer from depression for years, I got into a really bad dip and felt sh*t after 2 and a half years together, treated her like cr@p for a couple of months (not being a complete d!ck but being real distant and kind of making her feel like I just didn't wat her and was always snapping and not putting in the effort and stuff...) so anyway, I break up with her, about a month later I'm feeling a lot better about things and figured out A LOT of sh*t that was going on in my life and new she was the one I loved more than anything and was willing to do anything to make up for the time lost and win her back...andway...after about 2 MONTHS of trying to work things out she finaly starts coming around to the idea..just as I'm about to give up...so we meet up a couple of times, but it feels like SHE doesn't want to be there now...I'm still doing all the work, but she's coming along enough that I can see her and stuff.....anyway, after some SERIOUS defrosting and hanging out a few times, we eventually end up having a nice moment of kissing and being pretty close...so we head our seperate ways...later that day I send her a nice text and get a "whatever" kind of text back, so I ignore it...the next day I get a nice text off her at night...I write one back (no response expected), then today I call her and she REALLY doesn't seem to want to talk to me....

The worst part is, I've a feeling (and small evidence) that she may be seeing some other guy now too....nothing serious and I think it may be some rebound fu*king around stuff but I'm not sure (if it's even going on...which it 80% is) ..... so now I've gone from feeling like sh*t, to feeling great, to feeling like sh*t, to feeling great and now feeling like sh*t again in the space of a few days...I know I've got to step back a bit now and let her come to me, but I don't know if she will....

SO ANYWAY, tell me, is this mine for fu*king her around (I don't blame depression - 50% depression - 50% me being an a$$hole) but I did EVERYTHING in my power to show her how loved she is and to let her know she would never get hurt again and have bent over backwards (which she made me - and fair enough) to get to this stage - but now SHE is treating ME like sh*t being dismissive and everything and not even acting remotely interested at times....and possibly even seeing another guy....

OR, is she the fu*king a$$hole, and is due hers for doing this to me??

I suppose I'm looking for advice on the whole situation, but I want to know also do I deserve this, or should she expect a kick up the hole from Karma for this later cause I came with the most sincere intentions and did everything I could to put things right and she's totaly fu*king me over...

Hate this sh*t, I wish I never met her. But now I can't forget about her and can't bare losing her. But she may already be gone.

Nevyn

It sounds like you are trying to close the gate after the horse has bolted.
Sometimes relationships get so toxic that there is no going back and people just
can't be around each other due to how bruised they have become.

If ye cant' be around each other in way which is healthy and neither of you is
prejudging or flinching then it's prolly best you let her go and heal and you should
work on yourself and your issues for you and not for her sake.

Karen_*

Well if you treated her like crap then you can't really complain when she does the same thing back. I wouldn't say its Karma exactly as you WERE suffering from depression and going through an awful lot and probably didn't intend the pain you caused her. But unfortunately for you she seems to have moved on and that probably started the day you broke up with her. You just have to suck it up I'm afraid. But no I don't think its that you deserve to be hurt or treated badly. Maybe she is going through stuff? If so then does she deserve bad stuff to happen? I don't think so.

LegacyUser

OP Again -

Ok, well to add to the origional post then, if she has moved on is there any way to get her to move back? I mean you get over someone, but isn't it possible that she could say Fu*k it, this other guy is an idiot (which he is - and by the way, I'm insulted that a girl as amazing and beautiful as her would even LOOK at this guy, no joking, and honest to god, obviously I'm jealous, but I swear I would have said the exact same thing if I never knew either of them, he's one of the uggliest mother fu*kers I have ever seen, not that it's all about looks and I would have considered me and her to be quiet attractive people, keep it at your own level - have a bit of fu*king RESPECT for yourself than to hang around with a mug like this guy!! - sorry, bitter rant, but not tainted judgement, the guy is a freak and I'm allowed act like an a$$hole about this right now cause I'm pretty messed up from it) anyway - isn't it possible she could say fu*k it this guy is an idiot and I'm going to give it a chance with the old guy? Or once you break up and move on, forget about it, it's gone and will never be the same.

Maybe it's pride fu*king with me, I don't know, but she was so in love with me - like ridiculosly in love, and I was too - and now she's seen that SHE CAN live without me (of course she can, I could have told her that, but you know when you're so into a relationship that it can seem like you couldn't live without the other person) and she is doing fine now and for that reason alone may think she doesn't want me. And it's the not wanting me that stings if that's the case, cause I had it all with her and didn't mean to crush it and smash it into the ground (which could be the case now) and all I want is to get back to where we were - and if she'd allow that I have 0% doubt in my mind that she would be the happiest, most loved girl out there and would know it.

Why would she come back, allow us to get on like that, share the kissing and then less than 24 hours later turn into such a b!tch?? Is it cause she sees me and how changed and copped on I am plus the history of feelings and stuff and allows it to happen, then sees the other guy and all the feelings for me leave and she just transfers them on to him cause she doesn't want them with me cause of the risk of being hurt? Is she afraid or just doesn't want it? Doesn't want it BECAUSE she's afraid??

Listen to me, I've completely lost it. I need a fu*king life transplant.

Ok for those of you still with us and understand the words I'm saying (if that's possible), please throw you 2 cent in the hat.

Can I win her back?

How?

Will you do it for me? (only joking...but the other ones I need answers for..)

LegacyUser

OP - did you seek any help for your depression at all? If not, why not? You say you've been depressed for years. Are you going to get help?

You can't really blame her for being aloof - you treated her badly, broke up with her and now you're back after her full force. She's right to be wary, anyone with any sense would be. Maybe she feels like things will just go back downhill again next time you have one of your 'dips'?

Nevyn

Unregistered wrote: »

OP Again -

Ok, well to add to the origional post then, if she has moved on is there any way to get her to move back?

No.

You can't go back and undo what you did, you can't make it up to her.
No matter what you try you are left with the consquences of what happened between the two of you.

You can't make it all better and then feel better about yourself.

Unregistered wrote: »

? Or once you break up and move on, forget about it, it's gone and will never be the same.

It will never be the same and tbh that should be a good thing as you said the relationship you did have was not a healthy one.

Unregistered wrote: »

Maybe it's pride fu*king with me, I don't know, but she was so in love with me - like ridiculosly in love, and I was too

Love isn't enough esp with out respect.

Unregistered wrote: »

- and now she's seen that SHE CAN live without me (of course she can, I could have told her that, but you know when you're so into a relationship that it can seem like you couldn't live without the other person) and she is doing fine now and for that reason alone may think she doesn't want me. And it's the not wanting me that stings if that's the case, cause I had it all with her and didn't mean to crush it and smash it into the ground (which could be the case now) and all I want is to get back to where we were - and if she'd allow that I have 0% doubt in my mind that she would be the happiest, most loved girl out there and would know it.

You don't know that, you are hoping that but you can't make that happen,
you didn't make it happen the first time around.

Unregistered wrote: »

Why would she come back, allow us to get on like that, share the kissing and then less than 24 hours later turn into such a b!tch?? Is it cause she sees me and how changed and copped on I am plus the history of feelings and stuff and allows it to happen,

And then she remember the bad times which followed after and she is scared and upset and worried and doesn't want to make the same mistakes again.

Unregistered wrote: »

then sees the other guy and all the feelings for me leave and she just transfers them on to him cause she doesn't want them with me cause of the risk of being hurt? Is she afraid or just doesn't want it? Doesn't want it BECAUSE she's afraid??

Can you blame her sounds like you treated her pretty badly.
Why should she risk herself again ?
Esp as you sound so desperate and needy.

This isn't about you wanting to make her happy this is about you wanting to be happy and think the best of yourself and make up for past mistakes. You want back what you lost and sometimes that is just not possible.

Unregistered wrote: »

Can I win her back?

As things are now, no.
You still have your own issues to sort out, don't make her your happiness.
If you love something let it free if it comes back to you it's yours.
Let her go, let her heal and look to yourself.

CDfm

OP on this stuff you have a lot of issues and you cant expect the other person to wait while you get your sh1t together.

Its early days and if she does have feelings for you you will have to be patient. Now that you are feeling better she may still be dealing with stuff and you might need to let her go.

I imagine she will want to see some consistancy and texts may not be very helpful and you really need to be on the level and get proper help.

Best of luck.

Pub07

Make It Go Away wrote: »

SO ANYWAY, tell me, is this mine for fu*king her around (I don't blame depression - 50% depression - 50% me being an a$$hole) but I did EVERYTHING in my power to show her how loved she is and to let her know she would never get hurt again and have bent over backwards (which she made me - and fair enough) to get to this stage - but now SHE is treating ME like sh*t being dismissive and everything and not even acting remotely interested at times....and possibly even seeing another guy....

OR, is she the fu*king a$$hole, and is due hers for doing this to me??

Its definitely not her thats the fu*king a$$hole. You treat her like crap for months and then break up with her. What do you think that is going to for her opinion of you? She knows how bad you were capable of treating her, what happens the next time you have a 'dip'?

What has she done to you? Emm, she engaged with you a couple of times after you chased her for 2 months so she could make an informed decision on if she'd like to get back with you. It looks like she has now decided that she doesn't which is fair enough considering how bad you treated her.

John Mason

jesus

just leave the girl alone, for god sake.

she has met someone else, whether it is just an FB thing or not, it is nothing to do with you.

You are confusing the girl, she doesnt know whether she is coming or going. She probably still loves you and after months of threated like dirt, her confidence is probably at a low.

just leave her alone to get on with her life.

you got what you deserved. i am sick of people on here using depression as a reason to walk all over people.

it is a horrible disease i know but .............

StroppySu

My opinion - After treating her like a d*ck (your words) she has finally got free. When she met you, it brought all the good times back and she started believing it could be good again. When she was away from you she started remembering the bad stuff. Then she got all confused, one minute thinking it could be great again, the next remembering how it was and thinking it will be the same all over.

At the end of the day, she has met someone else. If you love her, let her be happy.

Malari

OP, I think even if she still loves you now, you have a long way to go to convince her this behaviour you displayed before is not going to be repeated.

It could be an act of self-preservation on her part. She loved and lost hard and probably fears being rejected again, especially if she is aware that part of the reason for your split was depression-related. Memory of that hurt is very potent and if she decides that she can't risk putting herself through that again there really isn't anything you can do.

If you really want her back you have to put aside your own concerns, be very clear on how you will not be hurting her again, and give her some space and respect. If she wants a new relationship you cannot blame her.

Liam Byrne

OP, you're viewing this as if her being with someone else is just for you to see and to get to you. She's probably just enjoying and getting on with her life.

I was on the receiving end of similar crap for a while - not COMPLETELY her conscious fault (the 50% / 50% "reasoning" above rings a bell), and while I know for a fact that it ain't gonna happen that she'd ever turn up to say sorry, even if she did and even if I still felt inclined - or even REALLY WANTED - to try again, I'd probably be like Malari said above and say no way, in order to protect myself.

So this one's probably gone, mate.....but at least you've faced your issues and also (significantly, again with your 50/50 comment) have realised that you can't blame depression for every way that you act; that's a good start.

So hopefully you can build on that and when the next girl comes along you can start fresh....

Best of luck!

Thaedydal wrote: »

Love isn't enough esp with out respect.

+1......actually, +1,000 !!!

togster

When something happens to cause a break up, the relationship is never the way it was before.

Leave her alone.

davyjose

Sounds to me OP as if she still likes you, but is very, very reticent about getting back with you, because you hurt her so badly.
If you want to have any chance of getting her back, do NOT fcuk up now. One wrong move could end it for you. So be cool, chase her a bit, but not too much, and don't complain. Not once, not for a second.

CDfm

davyjose wrote: »

Sounds to me OP as if she still likes you, but is very, very reticent about getting back with you, because you hurt her so badly.
If you want to have any chance of getting her back, do NOT fcuk up now. One wrong move could end it for you. So be cool, chase her a bit, but not too much, and don't complain. Not once, not for a second.

Thats sound advice. Dont get too emotional and take things slowly. You cant expect to bounce back and everything to be the same. It seems to me that you need to take small steps dont get to excited and be thankful for what you have in the here and now.

You got a kiss and cuddle and liked it. Enjoy it. You got a nice text - enjoy it and say thanks.

End of lesson