Making breky for girlfriend

london99 · 03-02-2009 9:20am #1

Normally the girlfriend gets up before for work, and she is quite dis-organised so she ends up usually being late.
Lately she has asked me to get up also to make her a sandwich before she leaves. I did it a few times to be helpful, but she asked again this morning. I thought this is a bad habit and refused. She went off in a huff. Am I being fair or is she being unfair. A small thing but a problem told is a problem halved.

Hagar · 03-02-2009 9:24am

Make her a sandwhich at night and put it in the fridge.
You get the bownie points without having to get up.

LegacyUser · 03-02-2009 9:26am

london99 wrote: »

Normally the girlfriend gets up before for work, and she is quite dis-organised so she ends up usually being late.
Lately she has asked me to get up also to make her a sandwich before she leaves. I did it a few times to be helpful, but she asked again this morning. I thought this is a bad habit and refused. She went off in a huff. Am I being fair or is she being unfair. A small thing but a problem told is a problem halved.

Is it really such a problem to make a sandwich that you feel the urge to write about it on the internet?

london99 wrote: »

I thought this is a bad habit

my advice would be to continue making sandwiches and count yourself lucky to have a girlfriend, she is a person and not a pet that you have to train

Seriously get over it and then get a real problem

MagicMarker · 03-02-2009 9:27am

Tell her you'll make a sandwich if she gives you head.

Nothing's for free in this world.

all the stars · 03-02-2009 9:27am

london99 wrote: »

Normally the girlfriend gets up before for work, and she is quite dis-organised so she ends up usually being late.
Lately she has asked me to get up also to make her a sandwich before she leaves. I did it a few times to be helpful, but she asked again this morning. I thought this is a bad habit and refused. She went off in a huff. Am I being fair or is she being unfair. A small thing but a problem told is a problem halved.

Agree.
Im up at 7.15 for work, many morning my OH is still up doing stuff - he's nice enough to make me tea occasionally

But yup - you could pop it in the fridge... or suggest she do that.

St Bill · 03-02-2009 9:29am

It's a bit rich for her to expect you to get out of bed to make her a sandwich just because she can't be a*sed. Call her a lazy sod, and go back to sleep

Silverfish · 03-02-2009 9:33am

london99 wrote: »

Normally the girlfriend gets up before for work, and she is quite dis-organised so she ends up usually being late.
Lately she has asked me to get up also to make her a sandwich before she leaves. I did it a few times to be helpful, but she asked again this morning. I thought this is a bad habit and refused. She went off in a huff. Am I being fair or is she being unfair. A small thing but a problem told is a problem halved.

She asks you to get up early to make her a sandwich before work.

She is being unfair.

Tell her to get her stuff ready the night before. Make a sandwich and put it in the fridge. I'm disorganised as hell and I just have something to eat in work, I would never expect someone to get up early to make me food.

cantdecide · 03-02-2009 9:36am

It's such a nice thing to make food for your partner- it would be a worse habit for you to start refusing even though she's being a bit cheeky...

Mena · 03-02-2009 9:38am

Hmm, I may be going against the grain here but... make her the damn sandwich. If it will help her out, then do it. It's not called a partnership for nothing.

Silverfish · 03-02-2009 9:38am

cantdecide wrote: »

It's such a nice thing to make food for your partner- it would be a worse habit for you to start refusing even though she's being a bit cheeky...

In all fairness, that's grand if he was already up and sitting there with nothing to do while she was in a rush or something, but asking him to get up and do it is a bit much. Maybe sleep is too precious to me.

That Girl.. · 03-02-2009 9:42am

I'm always runnin late in the mornings.. I live with my boyfriend and don't ask him to do anything unless i'm runnin fairly late i do say grab the tin foil and stupid stuff like that but wouldn't ask him to make the sandwich as he's to make his own..

So we've come up with a solution.. The night before we get everything ready, cut up onions, tomatoes or whatever we're putting in the sandwich so its still fresh when ya make it the next mornin.. Ya wouldnt think it but it actually save a fair bit of time so try that!!:)

NewFrockTuesday · 03-02-2009 9:59am

Make her a sandwhich at night and put it in the fridge.
You get the bownie points without having to get up.

Aww...thats nice

The night before we get everything ready, cut up onions, tomatoes or whatever we're putting in the sandwich so its still fresh when ya make it the next mornin.. Ya wouldnt think it but it actually save a fair bit of time so try that!!

But thats the practical bit.

Its nice to do something for your other half. Not be an idiot and waiting on them hand and foot but some small gestue is always appreciated. My Mum and Dad are married 44 years and Dad wears what hes told as hes a bit clueless about clothes, but he brings my Mum tea in bed every morning. Im sure she does stuff for you too? With one of my exs, I got up every morning and made coffee...even if I wasnt working. Id be awake anyway and morning time dossing over a coffee is different from evening time dossing.

Enjoy doing something nice for your oh. Im sure you recieve payment in kind.

John Mason · 03-02-2009 10:03am

jaysis, tell her to take a running jump.

if my OH asked me to get out of bed to make his sandwiches, he would be told where to do and that he should have made his sandwiches the night before, like i do

Mr.David · 03-02-2009 10:05am

Tell her to get back in her box :cool:

Mr. Incognito · 03-02-2009 10:14am

Why don't you suggest she makes her sandwiches the night before.

Personally if it was me I'd make it as I'm up anyway but I'm a sap.

LegacyUser · 03-02-2009 10:41am

She went off in a huff.

Tell her:

1. Make her OWN sandwich.
2. Stop using "sulking" with you as it wont wash.
3. Grow up and stop acting spoilt.
4. She has some cheek.

r3nu4l · 03-02-2009 10:48am

Nothing wrong with a lovely gesture every now and then and there's nothing wrong with making her lunch if that's what YOU want to do but if she's demanding that you do it then you need to demand something back.

So let's say she demands that you make a sandwich every morning 'because you are up anyway', then demand that she irons your shirts for work (or whatever) on a Sunday evening 'because she is up anyway'

Relationships are about compromise and giving to one another, not one partner taking selfishly all the time!

Peewee_lane · 03-02-2009 11:10am

OP, my other half makes my breakfast and lunch sometimes because he isnt working at the moment but still likes to get up at a normal time.

This may sound silly, but it gives him a reason to get out of bed. Dont think hes sad or anything! He does it because he knows Im in a rush.

However, Ive also on my days off woken up early, sneaked out of bed and cooked him eggs or a full irish, or even brought a simple cup of tea to bed so Ive reciprocated the good turn.

Your girl needs to do that for you, when the ball gets rolling, you will enjoy that little quick 'thank you' cuddle in the morning.

Are you working?

girlbiker · 03-02-2009 11:22am

r3nu4l wrote: »

Nothing wrong with a lovely gesture every now and then and there's nothing wrong with making her lunch if that's what YOU want to do but if she's demanding that you do it then you need to demand something back.

So let's say she demands that you make a sandwich every morning 'because you are up anyway', then demand that she irons your shirts for work (or whatever) on a Sunday evening 'because she is up anyway'

Relationships are about compromise and giving to one another, not one partner taking selfishly all the time!

Relationships may be a partnership but not everything has to be a team effort, she wants a sandwich, she makes a sandwich, end of.

seamus · 03-02-2009 11:24am

Mena wrote: »

Hmm, I may be going against the grain here but... make her the damn sandwich. If it will help her out, then do it. It's not called a partnership for nothing.

Partnerships are give and take. She shouldn't expect him to do this and should be grateful that he does it, and she should continue to be grateful every single day for it. Just like he should be grateful when she makes his dinner or irons his shirts or whatever.

I would have no problem with, "Sorry, I'm really running late, could you do me a huge favour and make me a sandwich for my breakfast", every once in a while. But, "get up and make me a sandwich there slave"?
Imagine if the roles were reversed and a man posted saying, "I don't have enough time in the morning to make my breakfast. Lately I asked my girlfriend would she get out of bed and do it for me. This morning she refused to get up and I didn't get any breakfast! Is she being a bitch or what?".

Mr.David · 03-02-2009 11:28am

Continue making her sandwiches but let the quality decline gradually. Stop cutting them in triangles (everyone knows they taste better) and put less and less effort in until they end up being ****wiches - then she will do it herself :P

Malari · 03-02-2009 11:33am

london99 wrote: »

Normally the girlfriend gets up before for work, and she is quite dis-organised so she ends up usually being late.
Lately she has asked me to get up also to make her a sandwich before she leaves. I did it a few times to be helpful, but she asked again this morning. I thought this is a bad habit and refused. She went off in a huff. Am I being fair or is she being unfair. A small thing but a problem told is a problem halved.

The thing that strikes me about your description of the situation is that you think it's a "bad habit". That makes it sounds like society in general will disapprove, rather than you actually don't want to do it.

My father gets up the same time as my mom and does little things for her to help (brings car around to the front door, puts her coat at the front door, etc), even though he doesn't have to get up as early for work.

I get up much earlier than my boyfriend and I wouldn't ask him to rise at the same time. It's not necessary and I know he likes to snooze for an extra hour.

It's up to you and whether you really enjoy staying in bed in the morning or if you are getting up anyway. To answer your question, I think it's unfair of her to ask you to get up if she knows you would prefer to stay in bed.

seamus · 03-02-2009 11:38am

Malari wrote: »

I get up much earlier than my boyfriend and I wouldn't ask him to rise at the same time. It's not necessary and I know he likes to snooze for an extra hour.

Off topic, but I imagine this all changes when kids come along. I know I'd feel like a sh*t if I stayed in bed while the other half gets up and tries to get herself and any kids ready to go.

Malari · 03-02-2009 11:59am

seamus wrote: »

Off topic, but I imagine this all changes when kids come along. I know I'd feel like a sh*t if I stayed in bed while the other half gets up and tries to get herself and any kids ready to go.

Right back at ya off topic, but that will not be happening.

I'm only talking about the facts the OP has presented. I have no idea if kids are involved for him (now or future) or if there are any extenuating circumstances.

PurpleBerry · 03-02-2009 12:05pm

I would definately refuse to keep on doing this. It's already gone from being a good deed to something that she expects. Rather than getting a thank you for doing it, you get hassle for not doing it.

Similiar thing happened with this couple. The guy would leave for work about 20 mins before the girl and one icy morning he scraped the ice from her car aswell as his own. She was delighted and he did it a few more times. But one morning he didn't have enough time. She was p*ssed off as she considered it to be one of the things he did for her now.

So I would say refuse, but tell her why, because you don't want to be taken for granted. Perhaps then you could compromise and she could do something for you in return.

Pub07 · 03-02-2009 12:36pm

Well I wouldn't make it for her if she expected that it was my duty to to get up and make her a sandwich every morning like some kind of pussy whipped butler. She's not a child, your not her mother. It'd be alright now and again if she was running late but generally there is no reason why she cant make her own breakfast like a normal adult and she out of order getting in a huff over this. It was ignorant of her to expect you to do this every day for her.

ebmma · 03-02-2009 12:50pm

I make sandwiches for my husband, but

a) I am unemployed at the moment, so I usually have more time

b) he knows that it is something nice that I do for him, not my responsibility. He's a big boy and knows that his lunch is his responsibility.

c) if I get sick of making sandwiches, I just say so and take a break from it.

I also usually get up in the morning with him and make him a coffee because I like to do something nice for him and spend a few minutes with him in the morning before he goes off to work.

Again, it is just something nice I do, not my responsibility.
If he started getting annoyed at me for not making his lunch and not getting out of bed at 6.30am it'd be the end of it :-)

So my point is, it is a good thing to make a brekky for your gf, but it is not cool for her to assume this is what you have to do all the time.

(unless you have some sort of real agreement, like you make her lunch, she makes dinner)

deisebabe · 03-02-2009 12:59pm

that is seriously cheeky! why not share the making of sambos? if you make hers one day its her turn to make urs the next....that'll end it soon enough!

Mena · 03-02-2009 1:06pm

seamus wrote: »

Partnerships are give and take. She shouldn't expect him to do this and should be grateful that he does it, and she should continue to be grateful every single day for it. Just like he should be grateful when she makes his dinner or irons his shirts or whatever.

Agreed.

seamus wrote: »

I would have no problem with, "Sorry, I'm really running late, could you do me a huge favour and make me a sandwich for my breakfast", every once in a while. But, "get up and make me a sandwich there slave"?
Imagine if the roles were reversed and a man posted saying, "I don't have enough time in the morning to make my breakfast. Lately I asked my girlfriend would she get out of bed and do it for me. This morning she refused to get up and I didn't get any breakfast! Is she being a bitch or what?".

I don't see where this happened.

All I read from the OP was

OP wrote:

Lately she has asked me to get up also to make her a sandwich before she leaves. I did it a few times to be helpful, but she asked again this morning. I thought this is a bad habit and refused.

After twelve amazing years of marriage, I've found that doing these little things for each other is vital. Flat out refusing is... well... beyond me. Nowhere has the OP stated that she does nothing in return for him so I have to take the post at face value.

As I said, it's a partnership. If you (the collective "you") can't get off your arse to help her out then it's simply not going to last. And yes, this works both ways.

03-02-2009 1:06pm

Tell her tha failure to plan on her part does not constitute an emergency on your part.

If she wants a sandwich for work, she has three options-
a) Make it herself that morning.
b) Make it the night before.
c) Bring extra money to work and pay someone in the nearest deli to provide her with a sandwich.

cooperla · 03-02-2009 1:17pm

Personally I'd do it. I could have about an hour extra in bed before having to go to work but I prefer to get up at the same time. I make coffee while she does hair and makeup and all that sort of crap. Given that we otherwise wouldn't see each other until late in the evening it makes sense to spend even a short amount of time together in the morning.

However, if you don't want to make the sandwich, don't. If she's taking you for granted then tell her so. On the other hand (as has already been mentioned in some form or other), if she is doing more than her fair share about the house than make the sandwich and stop complaining.

ebmma · 03-02-2009 1:30pm

Mena wrote: »

Agreed.

After twelve amazing years of marriage, I've found that doing these little things for each other is vital. Flat out refusing is... well... beyond me. Nowhere has the OP stated that she does nothing in return for him so I have to take the post at face value.

As I said, it's a partnership. If you (the collective "you") can't get off your arse to help her out then it's simply not going to last. And yes, this works both ways.

Those little things are all well and good. and maybe OP shouldn't have refused without explanation (also he didn't say anything about that). Also maybe his gf already does most of the stuff around the house and she was in a huff not so much because of the sandwich, but because she doesn't feel like he does enough or something like that.

In any case, she shouldn't just get sulky once she doesn't get what she wants. I mean, parents try to weed that out of their children since 2 years of age.

But somehow it is assumed ok to do that in a relationship (especially for girls).

I think it's a bit of a communication problem.

Semele · 03-02-2009 1:48pm

Yet again I'm amazed by the attitudes here! Does no-one actually love the person they're going out with???

If I see my OH running round like a headless chicken in the morning I will ASK if I can do anything to help, and vice-versa. Yes, it might be their fault for not being more organised but who cares? A week later it might be my turn to find it impossible to get up the first time the alarm goes off- and when that happens of course I want to be able to ask for help and not be lectured!

People seem to be inferring from the OP's post that his girlfriend is a primadonna who has never lifted a finger to do something for him and who expects to be waited on hand and foot whereas this is not at all the case. If you really have that much of a problem with, heaven forbid, doing something for someone you're meant to love, then pick your moment and bring it up later.

If I was your girlfriend I would have been furious aswell, but by your attitude rather than the lack of a sandwich! If I asked for help form my OH I would certainly not expect to be refused, much less being treated like a child or a pet. So you made your girlfriend go to work without her lunch to teach her a lesson?? That's really mature, isn't it? God help the girl if she ever needs your help with something more serious!

I like to do things for my partner. Equally I like being able to demand a cup of tea when I'm too lazy to get off my ass in the evenings, and a reciprocal relationship lets me do this. You sound really selfish and arrogant, tbh.

ebmma · 03-02-2009 1:52pm

Semele wrote: »

Yet again I'm amazed by the attitudes here! Does no-one actually love the person they're going out with???

If I see my OH running round like a headless chicken in the morning I will ASK if I can do anything to help, and vice-versa. Yes, it might be their fault for not being more organised but who cares? A week later it might be my turn to find it impossible to get up the first time the alarm goes off- and when that happens of course I want to be able to ask for help and not be lectured!

People seem to be inferring from the OP's post that his girlfriend is a primadonna who has never lifted a finger to do something for him and who expects to be waited on hand and foot whereas this is not at all the case. If you really have that much of a problem with, heaven forbid, doing something for someone you're meant to love, then pick your moment and bring it up later.

If I was your girlfriend I would have been furious aswell, but by your attitude rather than the lack of a sandwich! If I asked for help form my OH I would certainly not expect to be refused, much less being treated like a child or a pet. So you made your girlfriend go to work without her lunch to teach her a lesson?? That's really mature, isn't it? God help the girl if she ever needs your help with something more serious!

I like to do things for my partner. Equally I like being able to demand a cup of tea when I'm too lazy to get off my ass in the evenings, and a reciprocal relationship lets me do this. You sound really selfish and arrogant, tbh.

I think there's too little information in the post, hence the amount of speculation :-)

partyguinness · 03-02-2009 1:58pm

Make the next sandwich incredibly badly and she wont want you to make it anymore.;)

Helping out every so often is grand and normal but if she is that disorganised she will start to expect it which, it seems, is already happening and already a huff...

ebmma · 03-02-2009 2:00pm

partyguinness wrote: »

Make the next sandwich incredibly badly and she wont want you to make it anymore.;)

I think that sort of passive aggressive stuff isn't going to help anyone.

BobTheBeat · 03-02-2009 2:02pm

I wouldnt see a problem with it, if the favour was reciprocated.
If shes all tri na cheile in the morning, then maybe its just something she has little control over. Lots of people are like that and they take a while to get going.

If its that much of a problem mate, then say it to her. Maybe something like 'Listen, i dont mind making the sandwiches, but dont get all mad if i don't. Its a favour, not a responsibility.'

The trials of life!:p

Permabear · 03-02-2009 2:44pm

This post has been deleted.

ebmma · 03-02-2009 2:46pm

If you decide to leave her a sandwich in the fridge from the night before, make sure to put up some sort of visible reminder sign.

Or she'll forget about them while running around in the morning :-)

Pub07 · 03-02-2009 3:03pm

Semele wrote: »

If I was your girlfriend I would have been furious aswell, but by your attitude rather than the lack of a sandwich! If I asked for help form my OH I would certainly not expect to be refused, much less being treated like a child or a pet. So you made your girlfriend go to work without her lunch to teach her a lesson?? That's really mature, isn't it? God help the girl if she ever needs your help with something more serious!

She is the one asking to be treated like a child. Who gets sandwiches made every day for them by someone else? Answer: school children by their mothers. What adult expects another adult to make their breakfast/lunch for them every day and sulks if they dont? Probably someone like Madonna.

I like to do things for my partner. Equally I like being able to demand a cup of tea when I'm too lazy to get off my ass in the evenings, and a reciprocal relationship lets me do this. You sound really selfish and arrogant, tbh.

The op's gf is selfish and arrogant not the op. My gf wouldn't be igorant enough to ask me to get up out of bed in the morning purely to make her sandwiches like her butler. I would hope she'd have more respect for me than that. And she, or I, wouldn't demand the other person make a cup of tea, we'd ask.

Sanjuro · 03-02-2009 3:03pm

Man alive what I wouldn't give for the biggest problem in my life is that I have to get up ten minutes early to make a damn sandwich. Make her the sandwich. It's a small enough task and it earns you brownie points. Christ. That's not even a real dilemma.

LegacyUser · 03-02-2009 3:07pm

Pub07 wrote: »

She is the one asking to be treated like a child. Who gets sandwiches made every day for them by someone else? Answer: school children by their mothers. What adult expects another adult to make their breakfast/lunch for them every day and sulks if they dont? Probably someone like Madonna.

The op's gf is selfish and arrogant not the op. My gf wouldn't be igorant enough to ask me to get up out of bed in the morning purely to make her sandwiches like her butler. I would hope she'd have more respect for me than that. And she, or I, wouldn't demand the other person make a cup of tea, we'd ask.

Spot on. Making demands is rude and childish.

Being "disorganised" is an decision she's made so let her wallow in the consequences.
Why should OP mollycoddle the little Diva?

Answer: He shouldnt.

Making breky for girlfriend

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