Ex's best friend

LegacyUser

Basically my problem is I am completely andd utterly in love with one of my close friends. The only problem is she is the best friend of my ex of 3 years. (We're broken up a few months now).

Obviously for her I am the most off-limits guy regardless of whether she liked me or not as I am her best friend's ex, and even more so because it was me who finished the relationship, and my ex is still not over me.

I am aware that nothing can ever happen between us unless she initiated it, which would never happen as she is a lovely girl & would never want to hurt her best friend. I am not looking for tips on how to win her over. I am looking for advice on how to get over her and rid myself of these feelings, and how to make my feelings for her simply those that you would feel for a friend.

Please don't suggest avoiding her, out of sight out of mind etc as I just can't do that. She is also one of my closest friends and was a really great support to both my ex and me when we were going through our break up. I can't just cut her out of my life like that.

Any advice greatly appreciated, cheers.

Tupins

Eeek, this is really an awkward situation and I feel for you.

It is definitely a bit taboo for either of you to go out with eachother if your ex is still not over you. She would see this as a stab in the back from both of you I'd imagine.

Are you sure that you are in love with this girl? It's not long since you broke up with your ex, people often make silly decisions on the rebound which they may later regret - perhaps you are just looking for some comfort as even though it was you that finished it you may still be feeling a little bit fragile relationship-wise?

On the other hand, do you get any feeling that this girl feels the same way towards you? It would be a shame for two people not to be together for the sake of someone else who will surely move on to someone else at some stage in the future.

My only advice to you is to do nothing for now. Try to see how things go and who knows - in time to come maybe things might work out.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

From a female perspective, if she is a genuine good friend of your ex that you just split up with, there is no way she would entertain going out with you when seeing her friend so cut up over you and even when your ex has moved on it's still abit taboo your best friend going out with your ex. Us girls are very complicated when it comes to things like this..
You don't have to break all contact with your ex's best friend but my advice would be to go out with other friends and try to meet different people and move on that way
By all means still talk to this girl but don't be holding out for her to come running anytime soon, sorry

4Xcut

limericklad33 wrote: »

Basically my problem is I am completely andd utterly in love with one of my close friends. The only problem is she is the best friend of my ex of 3 years. (We're broken up a few months now).

Obviously for her I am the most off-limits guy regardless of whether she liked me or not as I am her best friend's ex, and even more so because it was me who finished the relationship, and my ex is still not over me.

I am aware that nothing can ever happen between us unless she initiated it, which would never happen as she is a lovely girl & would never want to hurt her best friend. I am not looking for tips on how to win her over. I am looking for advice on how to get over her and rid myself of these feelings, and how to make my feelings for her simply those that you would feel for a friend.

Please don't suggest avoiding her, out of sight out of mind etc as I just can't do that. She is also one of my closest friends and was a really great support to both my ex and me when we were going through our break up. I can't just cut her out of my life like that.

Any advice greatly appreciated, cheers.

You know this is the only way to get over her properly. There is no other way. You aren't ready to accept that yet, guess what, that's ok. We all do it. Just bear it out a while longer, you'll realise what's best soon enough. Best of luck.

By the way, if they are proper friends, it's not taboo, it's not frowned upon, it is a complete no no. Especially after 3 years. There's no way she can even raise the issue with her friend in a respectful way.

Bottle_of_Smoke

If you're in love with a close friend most people would see telling them as the polite thing to do. Do you not think its a bit pervy pretending to just be her friend when you have feelings for her?

Kimono-Girl

My advice is talk to her, my ex set me up with his best friend and we are still going strong to this day, me and my ex are great friends and my boyfriend is still his best friend, relationships don't always work but occasionally the right person for you can be known by your ex, ireland is too small a place.