How do I confront him about his feelings for my friend?

ladublin

Hi,

Ive been seeing a guy for a year now. It's all going well, we love each other, have a great time together and are pretty good all round.
I just found out though that he used to a have a thing for my friend, It was through her we met, but the problem is i was led to believe that she was the one into him and it was never going to happen when in actual fact it was him that fancied her and was after her for ages. They kissed yrs ago and she told him there was nothing there for her so they stayed friends. My problem is that when we got together at the start i was so concerned i was doing something bad on my friend that i nearly considered not seeing him. Nobody told me it was him that had the crush on her, so in actual fact why would she be annoyed/jealous/anything!
I feel a bit cheated in a way, i probably never would have gone near him if i knew he wanted my friend first.
Do i confront him about this or just say nothing and leave it in the past? Although if i do this i know it'll bother me in the long run. Like how should i react when we're next all out together or something?

That Girl..

OP i don't think you should say anything to your boyfriend coz you clearly have nothin to worry about..

I understand that it is probly a horrible feelin but you are with each other quite a while now and seem to be very happy so why bring this up if there's no need to??

It happened between them ages ago and it wasn't anything serious so just let it go.. He fancied her but if it was her he wanted now he wouldn't be with you and i bet you all the money in the world he wouldn't even consider her now!

You're bringin strain upon yourself when there is no need to..
Just be happy!!:)

Das Kitty

ladublin wrote: »

Hi,

Ive been seeing a guy for a year now. It's all going well, we love each other, have a great time together and are pretty good all round.
I just found out though that he used to a have a thing for my friend, It was through her we met, but the problem is i was led to believe that she was the one into him and it was never going to happen when in actual fact it was him that fancied her and was after her for ages. They kissed yrs ago and she told him there was nothing there for her so they stayed friends. My problem is that when we got together at the start i was so concerned i was doing something bad on my friend that i nearly considered not seeing him. Nobody told me it was him that had the crush on her, so in actual fact why would she be annoyed/jealous/anything!
I feel a bit cheated in a way, i probably never would have gone near him if i knew he wanted my friend first.
Do i confront him about this or just say nothing and leave it in the past? Although if i do this i know it'll bother me in the long run. Like how should i react when we're next all out together or something?

There's your answer, if he's given you no reason to believe that there are any residual feelings and you're happy with him why would you go dredging up the past? Looks like his fib (if indeed it was one as you don't say how you discovered "the truth") resulted in the both of you being together and presumably having a relationship in which you are both happy.

ladublin

Thanks so much, that definately helped. I know its silly to bring up the past.

P.s i found out from other friends because we were talking about how we got together. It was nothing malicious, it just came up in conversation. They actually thought i knew.

That Girl..

ladublin wrote: »

Thanks so much, that definately helped. I know its silly to bring up the past.

P.s i found out from other friends because we were talking about how we got together. It was nothing malicious, it just came up in conversation. They actually thought i knew.

Exactly, see everything happens for a reason..

If they had never of been with each other, you 2 mightn't be together today?? Maybe you would but either way its in the past where it belongs!

Mr. Incognito

Why would you confront him??

It's in the past.

Get over it.

Das Kitty

It's amazing some of the tiny acts that a relationship starting hinges on. In your case it was a little white lie (probably trying to save face!). Think of what you would have missed out on!

ladublin

Das Kitty wrote: »

It's amazing some of the tiny acts that a relationship starting hinges on. In your case it was a little white lie (probably trying to save face!). Think of what you would have missed out on!

very true, i'll try not say anything.

Das Kitty

Ah you will someday but it's more likely to be a quiet happy convo (with mild slagging) than a confrontation.

LolaLuv

I guess you're feeling like a consolation prize. Everyone's been hurt in love before, though, so we're all consolation prizes in a way. It's just your pride that's hurting, you're going to have to stop thinking about it. Easier said than done, but if you're going to obsess about him having a crush on your friend, you should obsess over all of his exes as well. Too much energy!

jessbeth

I wouldn't say anything and just let sleeping dogs lie, otherwise you'll be making an issue out of something that happened in the past and that's never a good idea. He obviously loves you know and if it hadn't been for your friend you might never have met him.

LegacyUser

Ah, my heart goes out to ya, I've been there !!

The fella I am with now, well he got with me when we were out, but I know by him he was tryin to score my (hotter) friend that night, she just didn't fancy him.....so good for me!

Yes its a little bit hurtful to the ego but I bet these things happen commonly. In fact you often hear married people say of the one they are with, I actually meant to score his brother/her friend etc etc

I would say put it out of your head, as these things will only wreck your head, it does hurt the ego, I was hurt by it but I kept it inside and didn't make too much of an issue about it!

And soon I was over it, since we got together I grew apart from that friend anyway for other reasons. She is quite the charmer to your face but slates people behind their backs and loves to flirt like mad to fellas she has no intentions of being with just for the attention and then laughs about it later!

My fella see's what she is like, I kept my counsel (didn't want to look the jealous one eh!) and while no doubt he thinks she is hotter than a hot dog he keeps his thoughts in his head which is fine by me!

My advice! Please dont let it eat away at you! You have him and as long as they both behave well, just put it in the past!

LegacyUser

I originally fancied my girfriends friend and even kissed her but then got with my girfriend later when I actually got to know her. Its not as if she was a consilation prize. Ok, I fancied her friend first on first impressions but if I had the choice now of my girlfriend or her friend my girlfriend would win everytime, hands down! Dont take it to heart. I know lots of friends who are in relationships but their girlfriend/boyfriends fancied one of their friends more when they first met....happens all the time.

ladublin

Unregistered wrote: »

I originally fancied my girfriends friend and even kissed her but then got with my girfriend later when I actually got to know her. Its not as if she was a consilation prize. Ok, I fancied her friend first on first impressions but if I had the choice now of my girlfriend or her friend my girlfriend would win everytime, hands down! Dont take it to heart. I know lots of friends who are in relationships but their girlfriend/boyfriends fancied one of their friends more when they first met....happens all the time.

Good to hear from a guys perspective, and very true, a lot of couples do meet each other through friends and there's bound to be some history there. I saw him today actually and it never even crossed my mind to say it, it was only after i left i thought about it so hopefully it'll go to the back of my mind and stay there.

paperclip2

My sister-in-law used to go out with my husband. Now shes married to his brother. Don't take it to heart OP. You're the one he is with now.