Harassing ex

extra1

hi -

I broke with my ex a year ago and she is still texting / calling me - loads!!!! insults and that she hates me etc! what can I do??

Saint_Mel

1. Get a new phone number
2. Dont give her new phone number

biko

Change your number

extra1

extra1 wrote: »

hi -

I broke with my ex a year ago and she is still texting / calling me - loads!!!! insults and that she hates me etc! what can I do??

Mine is doing much the same, except without the nasty because he is a pet.

I had to change the number and resolve to not talk to him anymore.

extra1

i can't change my number - work related.

tesslab

call up network provider and ask if her num can be blocked??

4Xcut

Tell her to stop and that you've made a note of it with the Gardaí. Actually make a note with them. If it continues, let them know. This way you can get her number barred from calling you by the network. I don't think they will do it without letting the Gardaí know.

kmick

extra1 wrote: »

i can't change my number - work related.

Thats what everyone says. If your not prepared to change your number (which is the only real solution) then just stop answering calls and use your voicemail to distinguish ex gf from real callers.

extra1

i also threatened the guards but she still continued!!

dr.bollocko

Moved from AH at the request of the OP. Numerous posts deleted.
Good luck OP.

extra1

maybe she will stop. like it's a year and she is still doing it!!! maybe give it more time.

extra1

extra1 wrote: »

maybe she will stop. like it's a year and she is still doing it!!! maybe give it more time.

Hhmm I dunno a year is a long time to be mad.....Maybe if you sat down and had a very honest chat with her about whatever. She would feel less hard done by and less inclined to boil your favourite pets?

humanji

Make a log of all txts and messages and go to the cops and log a complaint. I'm not sure of how you go about getting a number blocked (I'm sure someone here will know).

Sticking your head in the dirt and hoping everything will blow over is a stupid idea. Be proactive.

sam34

i put up with this crap from an ex for months and months.

eventually i contacted the guards.

they advised me that harassment is an offence under section 10 of the non-fatal offences against the person act.

they offered to caution my ex.

i sent him one text telling him the guards were aware of it and would caution him if any further contact and i never heard from him again, thankfully.

people think changing your phone is a simple solution to this, but in reality it's not. generally ex's will have some friends.acquaintences/colleagues in common and it wouldnt be that hard for the ex to find out your new number.
alos, depending on your job, tehre may be lots of clients/customers with your number, and making all them aware of your new one may not be that easy.

ignoring it isnt all that easy either.
there's that awful sense of dread in the pit of your stomach every time the phone beeps, wondering what crap is coming your way next. it wears you down.

i dont think service providers can bllock a number from ringing you - i asked and was told they couldnt.

needless to say, keep a log of calls and texts to show the cops.

good luck.

Wibbs

I presume you dumped her? The reason I ask is I've had similar from exes who have dumped me??? Selfish cake and eat it types. Luckily for me it didnt stray into harrassment, just mild irritation after a while.

I would suggest simply telling her to stop. Few enough will continue if you do that. I've known people who actually get a kick out of the contact too, so they don't put enough effort into stopping it. Doesn't sound like this in your case though.

Now this person sounds like she's gone beyond the pale, so I would repeat what others have suggested. Get your provider to block her calls. If she tries to circumvent this, then maybe make a complaint to the guards.

extra1

were u with ur ex long? i was with mine 5 years and I'm not sure if id go to the guards after being with her so long. i really don't know.

Stheno

sam34 wrote: »

i dont think service providers can bllock a number from ringing you - i asked and was told they couldnt.

Service providers can block a number from ringing you, I don't think they can necessarily stop them sending text however.

Cuddlesworth

sam34 wrote: »

i dont think service providers can bllock a number from ringing you - i asked and was told they couldnt.

It far more easy to block the number being dialled at the source. In future ring the host company of the harassing persons and get your number blocked from their phone.

CDfm

The Gardai are useless on this stuff. But contact the phone provider and Gardai and it may have the desired effect.

extra1

Ya i dumped her - it wasn't the first time either. guess she just flipped!!

extra1

i guess i just have to hope she stops if i dont want to report her or change me number!!!

dr.bollocko

Why don't you confront her?
If you do not tell her that her behaviour is inappropriate she will continue to do it. It may be difficult but perhaps you are indecisive on this topic as you are unwilling to completely close the door on her. Perhaps her continued demonstrations of feelings for you, while annoying, also flatter your ego a little and that is why you have tolerated them for so long. I would think having a conversation with her over the mobile telling her that she is calling too much and you don't appreciate it would probably solve the problem a lot better, more directly and at its source than blocking a phone number or changing your own phone number.

extra1

trust me - i have told her to f**k off numerous times but she still harasses me. i havn't heard from her in a couple days so hopefully she has stopped!

shellyboo

The main question here is, are you engaging with her? Are you answering her calls or replying to her texts?

If you are, don't. You're giving her attention and she knows she's getting to you. Just completely blank her. If you accidentally answer a call from her, don't say anything, just hang up. Delete texts straight away, don't answer them.

She will, eventually, get tired of abusing fresh air - if you're not giving her anything to feed off, there's no payoff for her. It might take a couple of months, but it'll work. Beyond that, you have no option but to go to the Gardai or change your number.

EDIT: Telling her to f*ck off constitutes engaging with her, btw. You're giving her EXACTLY what she wants because she knows she's bothering you. Stop feeding her and she'll die off

extra1

yeah i answer her calls and texts and have slept with her a few times since we broke!! but it has to end now!

shellyboo

extra1 wrote: »

yeah i answer her calls and texts and have slept with her a few times since we broke!! but it has to end now!

Ffs :rolleyes:

I have somewhat less sympathy for you now... however, if she's REALLY being abusive, just don't rise to it, and it WILL stop. Really. Just totally ignore it. It's hard but it works, I've done it myself.

tesslab

ur only giving her ammunition by answering her. Dont even read the texts. Just delete them. She's getting the desired effect (i.e. driving u nuts) by you giving her any response.

Cool_CM

extra1 wrote: »

and have slept with her a few times since we broke!!

And you wonder why you have a problem? Stop answering and giving her the time of day and stop sleeping with her.

tesslab

can i just ask have u slept with her anytime after abusive msgs etc?? She may think its the only way to get u back. If its worked b4 it could work again (could be the theory shes going on)
You have to tell her there's no way back and its over. (Meaning no contact)

extra1

ya i have slept with her since she was abusive. but recently she said things that were way out of line so i want nothing to do with her and told her this. so hope she gets the message now.

tesslab

its not gonna sound nice but ya gotta tell her it was a mistake to sleep with her since breaking up. She's hounding ya cuz she thinks there's a chance.
Bad idea having anythin to do with exs. I know i've been tempted in the past to send the odd looney tunes msg but thankfully have had the cop on to put the phone away.
Regardless of u sleeping with her theres only so much you can take of this abuse. Ya cant be her emotional punchbag.

extra1

told her this already. she doesn't seem to accept its over.

shellyboo

Stop telling her things! Just stop interacting with her, full stop.

tesslab

if u completely ignore her she'll soon get the hint. Turn off your phone if you're out so shes not interrupting your night. Go enjoy yourself and dont let it take over your lifeHope it works out 4 ya. Nothin worse than not being able to get on with your life. But until u stop answering her calls shes gonna keep on ringing.
I had an ex that used to follow me to any pub i went to. he would have his mates hanging out at different pubs waiting to text him if i walked in. Trust me ya dont want things to end up like that. Nip it in the bud!!!;)

extra1

i think her problem is she is a bit lonely.

shellyboo

extra1 wrote: »

i think her problem is she is a bit lonely.

Look, it's like this... you get to care about her, or you get to not have her harassing you. If she's really being abusive, then why would you care if she's lonely? I she's that awful, leave her to it!

tesslab

yes "HER PROBLEM" not yours. U gotta be cruel to be kind. She'll never move on if ya keep answering her. Think bout it , a year down the line dya still wanna have this prob??It will only get worse if you let it continue. x ya dont have a bunny do ya??:eek:

Cool_CM

extra1 wrote: »

i think her problem is she is a bit lonely.

No excuse for acting like a bitch, you are not her crutch and you certainly shouldn't have to put up with abuse from her, though it sounds like you might have brought it on yourself by sleeping with her and reacting to her actions. The sooner you get it into your head that you actually want to stop interacting with her and actually do it, the easier it will be to actually put a stop to it, but at the moment it doesn't really sound to me like you are totally convinced you want to sever all links

extra1

oh i do want to sever all links- i said if she ever contacts me again i PROMISE to press charges. that was 2 days ago so maybe she got the picture! but i threatened this loads and she still contacted me and i always gave her another chance!

extra1

and i was thinking of marrying her!!!! lucky eh

tesslab

Just send her the link for this thread. :p:p Its up 2 you to make the 1st step and just let the phone ring out!! All you're doing is giving her false hope and once she has that to cling to she'll never leave ya alone!!

Dragan

extra1 wrote: »

ya i have slept with her since she was abusive. but recently she said things that were way out of line so i want nothing to do with her and told her this. so hope she gets the message now.

Why would she? With all due respect, she appears to be winning whatever little game it is the two of you are playing.

She has been abusive and you will still sleep with her? You also dismiss any advice that you are being given here.

Jesus dude, man the **** up, think with your brain and less with your balls.

extra1

im not playing any game. i havn't slept with her in 2 months and don't intend to again after her insults. but i dont want to go to the guards on her. i have specified i want nothing to do with her and if she contacts again i will.

extra1

ANOTHER QUESTION!! do many ex's behave like this or is it just mine????

Sugar Drunk

look you partly brought this on yourself - she has been texting you and several times it has resulted in you answering her texts and ending up sleeping with her. So now obviously she is going to think the same thing will happen again you have basically trained her to do it.

If you really want to cut contact - stop answering her texts and dont answer the phone to her. Use voicemail to screen calls from numbers you dont know. she will soon stop doing it if she gets no reaction. if that doesnt work change your number and dont give her the new one.

Wibbs

extra1 wrote: »

im not playing any game. i havn't slept with her in 2 months and don't intend to again after her insults. but i dont want to go to the guards on her. i have specified i want nothing to do with her and if she contacts again i will.

Pretty much everyone here has given you the right advice.

Look you broke up with her a year ago, yet you were still sleeping with her two months ago? And you wonder why she's in contact with you? For gods sake man, no wonder she is. You are causing this behaviour and now its come back to bite you in the arse. She may be "harrassing" you, but you are the cause. The solution lies squarely at you feet. You are or were getting an ego buzz from this and sex of course, with a person you knew to be into you, a person you knew was capable of obsessing about you and you wonder why she's acting the way she is? If I smack a pitbull repeatedly in the chops and the bugger bites me, I don't blame the dog. I blame me, mr gob****e who smacks large dogs in the mouth. C'mon. Wake up and smell the nice hot cup of cop on.

What Dragan wrote sums it up. Keep it in your pants, do not answer the phone, do not answer her texts. So what if she's lonely. Lets say she is, how in gods name are you helping? Do you think keeping her strung out with the odd jump in the hay is actually good for this person?

She's not the one at fault, you are. You're just reaping what you have sown.

ANOTHER QUESTION!! do many ex's behave like this or is it just mine????

Oh others do, but only if they're encouraged to do so by those who left them.

extra1

OKAY - i accept I'm partly to blame but i never knew she would go nuts!! also she always suggested we slept together everytime, not me. but ya il ignore her from now on she can be persistant tho. gets annoying when my phone is buzzing constantly but il ignore it.

Wibbs

extra1 wrote: »

also she always suggested we slept together everytime, not me..

No offence, that's an excuse and you know it too.

but ya il ignore her from now on she can be persistant tho. gets annoying when my phone is buzzing constantly but il ignore it

A lot less annoying than if she escalates this and better for her moving on. If you had any affection for her or claim to have then ignoring her is the only way forward. Here's a thought. Switch your phone off at night.

extra1

i guess. pity she turned out like she did as initially i just wanted a break from her but told her it was over for good. she went mad!! at least now i know what she's really like. phone going off tonite just in case she rings again

[Jackass]

Devils advocate here, but are you being a bit of a dick about this? The girl is obviously pretty fu*ked up from the whole experience and it was serious enough that you mentioned marriage. Have you tried being sensitive to the issue rather than basking in her pathetic, and probably very painful downfall?

If you give two flying fu*ks about how things work out for her and have absolutely no interest in ever visiting that place again then just ignore all the calls and texts. Even if it continues for another 6 months. She'll get bored eventually, but don't gloat or rub it in her face or tell her to fu*k off and stuff...I can understand that at first as this isn't on, and I presume you've tried actually being a nice guy about it and talked to her on the phone or met her to explain this really is over and you want her to be happy and if you can take enough time apart without the agro hopefully you can be friends in the future...give her a bit of sceurity to move on with...

All of that failing, all you can do is ignore it and suffer it for her sake...if this is what she needs to do, as absolutely psycho and fu*ked up as it is, let her have it until she gets everything out.