Constant lying

LegacyUser

My best friend (we are both male in our early 20's) has become almost unbearable to be around because he just constantly lies about everything even things there is no benifit in lying about.

At first it wasn't too bad but now its almost constant. For example he told me and friends that a teacher stopped him from taking his repeated leaving cert exam last year when he showed up to take the test which resulted in us bad mouthing that teacher and it turned out not be true/ he dissmisses the conversation everytime we bring it up.

We have been friends for about 10 years and I don't know how to approach him with the situation . I'm afraid hell get upset with me and it will effect our friendship. Could anybody give me advice on the situation and what I should do?

Pherekydes

It's already affecting your friendship. What to do about it? I don't know. I can't stand lying, and I'd have as little to do with the person as possible. But that's me.

Chinafoot

I had this with a girl in college. She lied about absolutely everything, really ridiculous stuff that benefits her in no way whatsoever. It got to the point where myself and 2 of the other girls had enough so after a chat we decided the best thing to do was sit down with her and basically confront her about it. To be honest we were worried that she might need professional help, it was that bad.

So we sat her down, asked her what was going on, gave her examples of the lying and she responded with.....tears. She sat there and cried and the other two melted and it was all brushed aside and forgotten about. She continued her lies but the others were too scared of upsetting her so they ignored it.

I completely distanced myself from her because as far as I'm concerned, someone who lies to me isn't my friend.

You should confront him. Tell him that you're sick of the lies and ask him why he does it. There might be a reason. He could be insecure, he could be going through something stressful, etc. If you leave this it will fester and any hope of restoring your friendship will be gone.

Doop

I've come across this a few times aswell, with a girl in college, and a work collegue who had become a friend, it does baffle the mind really, and i think they do it to make themselves more intresting. In the case of the work collegue i think he did it to make himself out to be a harder worker than he was. He'd lie about having been in really early when id seen him walk in the door 2 mins before me!

I wouldnt sit down and confront him, I think that creates a wierd situation, it might sound harsh but the next time you know hes lying and theres a group around, point out that it cant be true, because.... bla bla, then just be confused and go "why would you make that up?" and he'll be embaressed to the extent he may think twice, about making stuff up. Harsh alright but more the way lads would deal with a situiation.

Depends how much you guys are good friends, i know with the girl in college i couldnt stand to be around her and talk to her, also she was making such a fool of herself, cos we used to get a great laugh out of things she had said when she wasnt around.

anyways thats my 2c ! Thats prob how i'd go about it with one of my mates

Firetrap

I'd have a word with your friend. Ironically, I think I'd do a little bit of creative lying myself - tell him that you heard someone going on about how many lies he tells. I'm sure his lying hasn't gone unnoticed. Something needs to be said to him or he'll just get worse. As for it affecting your friendship, nobody knows how he'll react. The truth hurts but if you go about it the right way, ye should get over it.

I work with someone who tells lies all the time. My default reaction to anything he says is to assume he's making things up. That immediately reduces his credibility as a human being. If your friend keeps up this bad habit, he will end up in the same boat. Nobody likes a liar.

wylo

A friend of mine used be a compulsive liar, hes not as bad now but hes still at it a bit, some of the lies are absolutely ridiculous. We just started taking the piss out of him every time he lied and he laid off a little. He knows he lies, and he knows that we know he lies yet he still sometimes does it. Often we'd ask him about a story if it looked like he was getting caught out and he'd just say "I was bullsh1tting"
Its definitely something that seems to be swept under the carpet in society a bit if you ask me. It doesnt seem to be acknowledged as a problem but there is a lot of people out there that do it and its a horrible trait.
The strange thing is these people tend to be sound nice people yet they carry on lying.

pearcider

Have noted this behaviour in people too. Mad gear altogether...who are they trying to kid?

little red

i'm in the same situation with a friend of mine. she lies about everything, it started off as little things but as gone on for so many years that she now tells my friends and i the most ridiculous stories. she has been found out to have lied about so many things but will never admit to it

i don't really know what to do about it. she seems to just want attention but its got to the point where nobody will listen to anything she says because we know its lies

blinding

I wonder if there is a medical/mental condition that explains this. I have met people that find difficulty in telling the truth and can never understand why people do it as it completely undermines their credability.
It really is a strange phenomenon as trust is such an important part of human interaction.

Maybe its just part of that huge human gene pool because those that cannot tell even a white lie also have difficulty with human interaction.

HJL

I never lie . . . . . agh, that was me lying again!

Seriously though I too also know someone like this, they come out with the most unbelievable stories that they were in other countries and been to places that i know they have never been too.

I think that they must really dislike their live/situation and maybe its easier to lie/make up scenarios than actually do something about it.

Alot of us seem to know someone like this, more common than i thought.

Next time they lie just question them on it, who was there? what was it like? how much was it? how did you do that? etc.
They will slip up and you can say 'that didnt happen!', 'your full of shít!'

girlbiker

Its mad isnt it? I know two compulsive liars too, both girls...they lie about everything and things that are so small like they missed the bus when they didnt?! I know the OP was refering to a man in his post but I would imagine it is mostly girls who do this.
I used to be a mad little liar when I was a kid. I went to a school where alot of the class were richer than me and then always had great stories for "Our News" (where the teacher writes up everyones names on the board along with their news) and I never had my name up so I started making things up.
I got imaginary shoes, my imaginary cat had imaginary kittens, my mum got an imaginary new car and I went to imaginary places at the weekend. I was only a child then though soon grew out of it but it must be an attention thing.

But I actually think people dont stop lying until they are comfortable with their lives and themselves. I dont think there is much point in confronting him as I've seen the liars I know get caught out on more than one occassion but they still lie today. Go Figure.

hblock21

I know someone like this too. He's male and every second sentence is a lie. I used to be friends with him but know I want nothing to do with him, we rarely talk cause i know if I did Id only start giving out to him. EVERYONE knows hes a junkie lair. He has ruined ANY credibility he ever had.

I went to school with him and he wasn't like that at all (i think!) We both went to different colleges. We then both got jobs in the same town after college so decided to move in together. IT WAS A NIGHTMARE, it only took 3 WEEKS for me to realize what he had changed into, a compulsive lair. I lived with him for a full 9 months (!!!!!!), why I stayed I really don't know. Id go for walks (i never do) just to get away for him. I then realized ALL his college friends knew what he was like and from then on we'd just be laughing and slagging him off every time we were around each other (not in front of him). Every time they'd be a new story that someone haded heard!

I think he must know he does it. We have asked each other WHY a thousand times, but have not come to a conclusion. I know I will lose it some day, and let it rip. I only see him once every few months now which is great (he moved to another town)

Examples :

"knew this lad back home, his girlfriend asked him to put five fizzy sweets into her vagina and lick them out. He said ok. So he started and counted five. Next morning she went to the toilet and another one popped out. It turned out that the fifth one he licked out was a nest of gonorrhea"

"shagged my girlfriend under this bridge one time, we left her clothes and she walked home naked"

"ive never got sick from drinking" (lie)

"its great i never get a hangover" (lie)

"sold my car for x amount" (lie)

"my girlfriend rang me up and said, hello, im thinking about your cock..... in my mouth"

"car stopped for no reason last week while i was going 60mph 3 times"

"we ran this black drug dealer out of the village few year ago"

"got a hand job in dunnes stores carpark last weekend"

I wish I could remember more, but Ive just blanked them all out, if I had wrote down everything, there wouldn't be enough time in the day to type!

I really do despise him! LOL All the examples above were lies. Sorry for some of the language!