Boyfriend travelling

jenny81

hi , my boyfreind of a year now has gone travelling for 4 weeks, im terrified he will cheat on me and i may never know about it, just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation and how can i get these bad feelings out of my head before i go mad.

LegacyUser

He probably will to be honest, why did you not go with him? I'd judge by the amount of times he contacts you and see how is is with you...

carlrac

Surely you should trust him after a year?

mutualismo

Do you not trust him?

jenny81

i understand where your coming from, but ive just heard so many stories off friend about people going travelling and how easy it is to meet people.

Terodil

Did he give you any reason to suspect any such behavior?

...

jenny81

no, maybe im just being paranod. i just have a big issue with the whole cheating thing, i just dont believe in it. its just so hurtfull

carlrac

I've heard more stories of people breaking up after spending too much time traveling together... I was away for 9 weeks during the summer and was never tempted to cheat

jenny81

fairplay carlrac, hopefully my boyfreind will be in the same frame of mind as yourself

Terodil

If you mistrust your boyfriend even though he has given you no reason to, then maybe you are not ready for a relationship (with him or in general).

Victor

Unregistered wrote: »

He probably will to be honest,

I'm sorry, but thats rather paranoid.

jenny81

i didnt go with him because its been planned for over 2 yrs now before i even met him, hes meeting his friend there and they are travelling together

Cool_CM

In fairness, if after a year you are worried that he'll cheat on you because he's away for 4 weeks, then you might be as well calling it a day now.

jenny81

Cool_CM wrote: »

In fairness, if after a year you are worried that he'll cheat on you because he's away for 4 weeks, then you might be as well calling it a day now.

well, every girl ive said it to thats in a relationship has said that they would feel exactly the same as me, so is that to say that none of them should be in a relationship??

Monkey61

Then you must know some very paranoid and insecure girls OP. Do you freak out every time he goes for a night out without you? If he wants to cheat he could cheat on you any time, being on holiday for a month has nothing to do with it. It's not like he's going away for a year.

If you are that concerned then there is obviously something wrong with the relationship or with your own confidence.

jenny81

Monkey61 wrote: »

Then you must know some very paranoid and insecure girls OP. Do you freak out every time he goes for a night out without you? If he wants to cheat he could cheat on you any time, being on holiday for a month has nothing to do with it. It's not like he's going away for a year.

If you are that concerned then there is obviously something wrong with the relationship or with your own confidence.

no i dont, iagree with you there that he could cheat at anytime. its just very hard to get my head around it, he only left yesterday so im a bit upset at the moment

tannytantans

Ah 4 weeks is nothing really. If he was going for 6 months I'd be more worried. As it is he'll probably be busy seeing the sites, enjoying sun etc.

Try to keep yourself as busy as possible. Arrange to meet up with some friends you haven't seen in a while. And stop stressing!!For all you know he could be worried about you getting together with someone while he's gone!

jenny81

tannytantans wrote: »

Ah 4 weeks is nothing really. If he was going for 6 months I'd be more worried. As it is he'll probably be busy seeing the sites, enjoying sun etc.

Try to keep yourself as busy as possible. Arrange to meet up with some friends you haven't seen in a while. And stop stressing!!For all you know he could be worried about you getting together with someone while he's gone!

ah thanks, that wat im trying to do,im arranging with friends to meet up so i hopefully wont be thinking about it.

LegacyUser

4 weeks....give the chap a bit of credit!! He is gone 1 day and your already worrying. Men arent some strange creature where we need to have sex all the time and God forbid we dont see our girlfriends for a couple of weeks so we need to get sex where we can. I have never cheated on anyone in my life and it wouldnt even enter my mind to do it to someone I was with for a year, even if I knew I could get away with it. I'd consider a kiss cheating and would certainly dump someone over it so why do something you wouldnt like done to you. If your relationship is good and you trust him then you have nothing to worry about. We dont all think with our dicks!!

tannytantans

No problem. My boyfriend went away for 3 weeks last summer. I didn't think he'd cheat but i missed him like crazy and was a bit jealous of all the fun he was having when i was stuck at home. I just planned something different for every night he was gone - even just renting a dvd - and tried not to let my mind wander.

Maybe when he comes back you could share some of your concerns with him - might be nice to get some reassurance from him.

Húrin

jenny81 wrote: »

hi , my boyfreind of a year now has gone travelling for 4 weeks, im terrified he will cheat on me and i may never know about it, just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation and how can i get these bad feelings out of my head before i go mad.

Is it this particular guy that gives you a reason to suspect or is your opinion of the morals of all men this low?

jenny81

Húrin wrote: »

Is it this particular guy that gives you a reason to suspect or is your opinion of the morals of all men this low?

as i said before i dont think im the only girl in the world in this situation that feels this was. as fas as im concerened its a natural to worry about you partner if they are so far away

Húrin

jenny81 wrote: »

as i said before i dont think im the only girl in the world in this situation that feels this was. as fas as im concerened its a natural to worry about you partner if they are so far away

That's just evading my question. What's natural about it? Such a worry can surely only come from a low opinion of other people.

How far away he is doesn't have much to do with it I think.

LegacyUser

My OH is going travelling for 6 months and the thought of him cheating hasn't entered my mind because I trust him completely. If you trust him, then it shouldn't be an issue.

jenny81

Unregistered wrote: »

4 weeks....give the chap a bit of credit!! He is gone 1 day and your already worrying. Men arent some strange creature where we need to have sex all the time and God forbid we dont see our girlfriends for a couple of weeks so we need to get sex where we can. I have never cheated on anyone in my life and it wouldnt even enter my mind to do it to someone I was with for a year, even if I knew I could get away with it. I'd consider a kiss cheating and would certainly dump someone over it so why do something you wouldnt like done to you. If your relationship is good and you trust him then you have nothing to worry about. We dont all think with our dicks!!

i really hope your right.

Cool_CM

jenny81 wrote: »

well, every girl ive said it to thats in a relationship has said that they would feel exactly the same as me, so is that to say that none of them should be in a relationship??

No that's not what I'm saying at all, being worried because somebody is travelling is one thing, turning around and saying that you are afraid that your boyfriend of a year will cheat on you because he away for 4 weeks is totally different and leads me to believe that you either are quite insecure about the relationship or have trust issues with your bf and/or men in general regarding their ability to remain faithful. As previously mentioned not all men think with their cocks.

MagicMarker

If after a year you can't trust your boyfriend not to cheat when he goes away then I'm sorry, but you are too immature/insecure to even be in a relationship, the same goes for your friends.

In my last relationship we were apart for 3 months, not once was I concerned about her cheating on me, she wasn't concerned either, and we were only together half the time you are.

If I thought she would cheat on me then I wouldn't have stayed with her.

kingtut

OP: Do you not trust him after a year? Has he given you any reasons as to why he would cheat? At the end of the day if someone is going to cheat they will not go on holidays just to do it. It could happen whenever. You just have to have faith in him and trust that he will remain faithful to you which if he is a decent guy then I am sure he will. Sure he may be thinking the exact same thing about you....who knows!!

Best of luck

Unregistered wrote: »

He probably will to be honest

Please do not assume that all men are the same!
I'm personally insulted by this statement and I'm probably not the only one........

dragona

Erm, I think it is not so much about trust really, but OPPORTUNITY. When your man is actually away from you for a length of time, there is more of it than when you are living your humdrum lives! Together .

Thats not to say that most men would take that opportunity,I'm sure the majority of men in stable relationships wouldn't, but then there are a good few who would. Just because. I have been married 20 years nearly and trust my husband , but even so if he went off for a month somewhere without me, I would still wonder........if he had taken the chances offered. Just have to get over it and believe your man!

jenny81

dragona wrote: »

Erm, I think it is not so much about trust really, but OPPORTUNITY. When your man is actually away from you for a length of time, there is more of it than when you are living your humdrum lives! Together .

Thats not to say that most men would take that opportunity,I'm sure the majority of men in stable relationships wouldn't, but then there are a good few who would. Just because. I have been married 20 years nearly and trust my husband , but even so if he went off for a month somewhere without me, I would still wonder........if he had taken the chances offered. Just have to get over it and believe your man!

i think you just hit the nail onthe head there, that it is opportunity that he has.

MagicMarker

jenny81 wrote: »

i think you just hit the nail onthe head there, that it is opportunity that he has.

Errr, if you trust him, then opportunity shouldn't matter.

Setun

tannytantans wrote: »

Ah 4 weeks is nothing really. If he was going for 6 months I'd be more worried. As it is he'll probably be busy seeing the sites, enjoying sun etc.

Try to keep yourself as busy as possible. Arrange to meet up with some friends you haven't seen in a while. And stop stressing!!For all you know he could be worried about you getting together with someone while he's gone!

My gf is gone away for 6 months - looks like she's going to hit the infidelity time-limit by your logic.

Absolute nonsense. 4 weeks, 6 months, or a year apart doesn't mean somebody will cheat. Time apart isn't easy, but anyone in a good healthy and trusting relationship should deal with it without much trouble apart from loneliness. Ah, the loneliness...

#all the things that's left for me
is here in this eternity
of I-sol-a-tion#

doncarlos

Daddio wrote: »

My gf is gone away for 6 months - looks like she's going to hit the infidelity time-limit by your logic.

Absolute nonsense. 4 weeks, 6 months, or a year apart doesn't mean somebody will cheat. Time apart isn't easy, but anyone in a good healthy and trusting relationship should deal with it without much trouble apart from loneliness. Ah, the loneliness...

+1

My girlfriend went away for a few months travelling last year and her cheating never entered my mind once. You either trust someone or your don't and in your case it would appear that you don't.