30 year old virgin

LegacyUser

I am deeply depressed with my current situation. Basically I am in my 30's I have never had a girlfriend never had sex or even kissed a girl.Its not so much that I haven't had sex but the fact I haven't kissed a girl its just so abnormal.The most depressing thing about all these things is the fact that if I ever do get close to someone than im going to look like some freak if I tell her this and she will notice it too from my lack of experience.I dont know why it has never happened for me maybe alot of it is because I am overweight and have got confidence issues.I know that looks come second to personality to most girls so I dont think its a case of girls dont want to have anything to do with me because im unattractive its because I dont make an effort because I dont have confidence in how I look.Also although I consider myself a decent person most girls may find me boring as I find it hard to have conversations with girls in social settings because I just dont know what to talk about.I also have a poor self image.What do you think I should do people

Karen_*

Well you're not the first 30 year old virgin who's posted on here so you are not unique for a start. The reason you are 30 and still a virgin is you don't like yourself much and you've no confidence. So I suggest the usual stuff that gets shot down but hey you have to put a bit of work in to get results. Join a gym, a club, get an interest. Look after yourself. Read self help books i.e Paul McKenna books on confidence. Invest in yourself. its so attainable to become confident and happy in your own skin. Do the work and let the rest follow and it will.

AARRRGH

Unregistered wrote: »

I am overweight and have got confidence issues... im unattractive its because I dont make an effort because I dont have confidence in how I look... I also have a poor self image.

What do you think I should do people

Fix the physical and you will feel mentally better.

Gym
Diet
Nice clothes
Nice haircut
Nice skin (facials, etc.)

If you get the physical right, women will be attracted to you. It'll be a massive bonus that you've got a good personality.

I know my list above looks simple, but it'll probably be hard to motivate yourself. But if you can get the ball rolling, after 2 or 3 weeks it'll be no bother, so force yourself to make the first step.

david

If you don't love yourself no girls will love you.

AAARGH! pretty much summed up my sentiments. You need to feel good about yourself. Sitting behind a computer won't make girls like you!

Start eating well and walk/cycle instead of driving. It's the little things that add up. They give you a feeling of accomplishment and in turn boost your self confidence.

LegacyUser

Im 25 and a virgin. Only ever kissed around 5 girls and never had a girlfriend. You would find this hard to believe if you met me. From the outside I look like I have the package, I take care of myself, hit the gym regularly, regularly get complimented on my good skin, clothes, my hair, nice teeth, lovely eyes, Im quiet social and an emotionally stable person so even with all these points you would think I would have done it by now but it just hasnt happened for me. I know why, because like yourself I just dont make the effort.

I was always a little overweight and passed over by the girls growing up and even though now Im far from it I still suffer from the low self esteem. I never just walk up to a girl and chat her up or if I happen to get chatting to someone I find attractive I would never make a move because I just dont think they are interested. Even though I often get told so and so is crazy or mad about me I kind of run away because Im afraid of making an effort because it may eventually lead to sex and I wont have a clue what to do....its gotten to a point where my virginity is inhibiting me from getting close to anyone.

My new years resolution was to just start making the effort and you know what it worked. For the first time in my life I actually went for it with someone I fancied and so far so good. So what Im trying to say is even if you do hit the gym, get nice clothes etc its not gonna help unless your willing to put yourself out there. Gotta just bite the bullet and go for it and if your knocked back dont take it personally, move onto the next one!

melsman

you sir need a trip to amsterdam! cut loose get some experience im tellin ya, a group of me mates went there and one of them was in a situation quiet like yours so we got him some 'company' and he has been very sociable ever since, going out with a woman the last 6 months!!

godeas

I agree with what ARRRGGG said. If you LOOK great then ul feel great. :cool: start eating healthier and walk that extra bit and you'll be shocked how quickly yhr pounds will drop off. choose nice clothes, look after your hair and skin and have a few drinks when u go out. that way ul relax abit more. If you give off positive vibes and show that yes you ARE fun to be around and happy in yourself :cool:, then the ladies WILL want to be around you.:D

Remember beauty is in the eye of the beholder. you'll prob end up meeting the love of ur life when your least expecting it!

Best of luck! x

Dudess

melsman wrote: »

you sir need a trip to amsterdam! cut loose get some experience im tellin ya, a group of me mates went there and one of them was in a situation quiet like yours so we got him some 'company' and he has been very sociable ever since, going out with a woman the last 6 months!!

That's not an approach that's suitable for everyone.

Overheal

Dudess wrote: »

That's not an approach that's suitable for everyone.

that and my reading of the op was something like this had already been tried

Its not so much that I haven't had sex but the fact I haven't kissed a girl its just so abnormal.

Dudess

I think the OP means he's more freaked out about never kissing a girl than being a virgin.

redrules

As has been said before, you are not the first person to post such circumstances; I've done so myself on this very board about four years ago. So I know some of what you are going through.

There's loads I could say but I'll keep it to two points

1) kissing comes naturally so don't fret about it. Seriously, you'll be kicking yourself for worrying so much. From my experience the first person you kiss won't think any less of you. She would have to be a very shallow person to do so and well, then shes not worth it.

2) Consider getting professional help. Speaking to a counsellor, if you feel that you can't get out of this position yourself (which can be the case if you are depressed) can be a good idea. I did, I had a great counsellor who build up my self esteem, gave me little tasks to accomplish and after a couple of months I was on my way. I should add that because I was clinically depressed I did take anti-depressants so that helped stablise my mood and gave me a footing on which to move forward.

Good luck.

spurious

Your not having kissed a girl has nothing to do with you being overweight. There are many overweight men who are babe magnets. It's their self-image that is attractive. They feel good about themselves and their confidence is magnetic.

You need to work on your self-esteem. If you feel losing weight will make you feel better about yourself, by all means do it, but don't expect it to be a quick or a definite fix.

Once the confidence thing is getting better, you'll find the less you try, the more things happen. Kissing - well you'll know what to do. She's unlikely to know it's your first kiss unless you choose to tell her.

This scene from 'Swingers' has a kind of a funny take on being and acting confident. (Some 'language').

LegacyUser

I don't want to go down the prostitute route because the mechanical act of sex is not really what im after

I want to have feelings for someone and have those feelings reciprocated

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

I want to have feelings for someone and have those feelings reciprocated

And fair play to you on that! While it might defer the solution to your problem, it's a lot more preferable than the high proportion who head out at weekends to score and get drunkenly laid......

Before that comes across as judgemental, I'm not against "casual" hook-ups, as long as there's some connection or respect there....

But I do agree with the other posters above; while the "I'm god's gift" brigade are shallow and annoying, you do need to love yourself some bit before others will.....

Best of luck!

Benincasa

melsman wrote: »

you sir need a trip to amsterdam! cut loose get some experience im tellin ya, a group of me mates went there and one of them was in a situation quiet like yours so we got him some 'company' and he has been very sociable ever since, going out with a woman the last 6 months!!

Not great advice. I know somebody who did just that last year. He now has HIV. And yes, he used a condom.

MJOR

We all need love and to be loved, fact. The only thing i would stress is loving and accepting yourself is so important. You are the master of your own destiny. Having never had the phsysical side is hard for you of course. But at the end of the day, a little excercise a haircut and a new shirt is what you need as well as a little self love!!

Paul McKenna does a book called instant confidence and my housemate tells everyone that it changed her life!

I think fair dews ro you for admitting and knowing what you want!!!! now go get it!!

Piriz

hello,
a bit of body confidence through exercising and reasonable food intake is something you should consider as the first step towards a more confident you..if you loose weight you will notice it mostly in your face and waste..key areas eh...
id like to recommend you join a gym.. i guess you might find this intimidating as you may lack the confidence to participate in physical exercise amongst those who are physically in 'good shape' well fear not; people who use gyms are all different shapes and sizes..i myself am physically fit but quite skinny and compared to some people i'd perhaps appear quite weedy.. but its all about individual effort and making your 'effort' to get fit and healthy.. people who are overweight are respected in the gym because they are making a conscious decision and commitment to becomme healthy so dont be put off..
healthy body = healthy mind its definitely the first step id recommend!
good luck

pisslips

Benincasa wrote: »

Not great advice. I know somebody who did just that last year. He now has HIV. And yes, he used a condom.

That is a lie if ever I've heard one.
Also in an attempt to empathise,though not a virgin, I would also like to have sex with someone I actually like and am also attracted to. It's not that easy even if you don't have serious confidence issues, I can't even remember the last time i thought,''yeah i'd love to hang around with her''...Still waiting for that myth to materialise.

Overheal

pisslips wrote: »

That is a lie if ever I've heard one.

Plenty of ways to contract HIV, and not all of them through genital contact.

cantdecide

I must admit my first thought was also professional help. I have enough common sense to not push this too hard but a long weekend away might sort your 'problem' which will help your confidence.

Despite what they tell you, even love is a numbers game and if there were a way of increasing your chances of getting in it's way, you should at least consider it IMO.