How do u know when to call it a day?

LegacyUser

If your in a good long term relationship but you find yourself fancying other guys (u dont really fancy the person you with anymore) but you love them. how do you know what to do? Do you stay or do you risk going?Like you are in a very comfortable relationship but you wonder ?you know your life wud be safe and good with guy u with, but if you didnt break up youd never know?its very hard. i am young by way and he older have been together since i was young. its confusing and i am constantly thinking this true but i just cant get out of it cause i think id be stupid to cause what i have another girl would love but my eyes can wonder and i dont know if this is right, in other words im starting to have feelings for certain other men.

CathyMoran

The old chesnut that the grass is not always greener is often true. I know the feeling of wanting to go out and see the world and meet other people - it did not work for me! At the very least try and put the love back into your relationship again - go on dates etc and try to remember why you fell in love with him in the first place and if that does not work try relationship councelling...then give up. Only you can decide - you have to be able to live with it but speaking as an old fogie who has loved, lost and refound again I would rather that I tried first!

hellodolly

You sound like you have become bored in your relationship with your boyfriend; things have gone stale and the passion has slipped away.

The only way to get yourself back on track is to work at it like the lady says above, inject some romance back in; go on dates like ye did when ye first met, do something nice for him that he doesn't expect i.e. Showing him that you appreciate him will in turn make him want to do the same for you, helping you to see what you were initially attracted to in the first place.

Settling down young in life doesn't always work, but i know two women who met their now husbands at age 16 and 20 years later, they have the strongest, happiest marriages that i know of. They worked at it and communicated with their fellas. They too worried at one point that they had settled down too young. They both say that ultimately they chose their man over the single life because they knew they couldn't live without them, that they could not see any other kind of life without them. It took a while for them to figure out what they truely wanted.

All sucessful relationships need to be worked at. If you really don't want to work at it, then consider your other option.

I don't fancy other people when I'm with someone.
When I have got those feelings in the past, it has been because things were gone too far wrong in the relationship. It was my subconsciouses way of telling me it was time to move on.

DemocAnarchis

If your in a good long term relationship but you find yourself fancying other guys (u dont really fancy the person you with anymore) but you love them.

There is a big difference with fancying someone when in a relationship, grass is always greener and all that, and realising you dont fancy the person you are with anymore. You love him, but aren't in love with him. Its unfair to him and yourself to carry on if there is no attraction between ye anymore.

dinner's ready!

I was in the exact same position as yourself a while back. To be honest no one can make this decision for you. You have a number of options here:

-The first, stay as you are and continue on, which may inevitably lead to feelings of resentment towards your BF or you acting on these feelings for other men

-The second, like others here have suggested make the effort to try rekindle the relationship and remember why it was that you fell in love

-Third, go on a break. Experiencing life independent from your BF may help to answer your question. However you must be so careful with this option. I chose to go on a break to try figure out what I wanted and this really confirmed my decision.

There is no point in staying with someone for the sake of it, because it's familiar and comfortable. This isn't fair on either your BF or yourself. I know how scary it can be facing into life being single but it can also be extremely rewarding too. I am now so much more independent and am rediscovering myself. Of course you have your bad days, when your feeling low in yourself and would just love to come home to a kiss and a cuddle and someone to make it all better. However if this happens you must ask yourself is him I'm missing, or is it just being in a relationship that I miss?

On the other hand a break may help you to see what you really have and to appreciate it. You never know, you may fall for him all over again! It's different for everyone. I would have given anything to have felt this when I was on a break with my ex, but unfortunately you just can't fake feelings like this.

If you have been together a long time, your BF is more than likely also your best friend. You obviously care a lot about him and it can be absolutely horrible having to hurt the one you care most about. For me, the first few weeks post break-up were absolute hell and I can only imagine what it was like for him. If you do break up it really will be up to your BF whether you can remain friends afterwards. For a few months after we broke up my ex just found it too hard to be around me, which was difficult seeing as we hung around with the same friends etc. But slowly we've began hanging out again and are now friends. While things aren't exactly 100% i know that I could talk to him about anything and that we will always be there for each other, as we both still care deeply about one another. But only as friends, nothing more. Not all breakups will work out this well though and you may face losing him as both your BF and as a friend.

At the end of the day if you are having thoughts such as yours you really must show him the respect he deserves while also being true to yourself. Whatever you decide to do, best of luck, it will all work out if it's meant to be.

mbren

I'm not trying to be smart here OP, but I think in your heart of hearts, you know when the right time is to call it a day.

It will be tough initially but time is a good healer so you'll get over it!

Didn't mean to be blunt, it's just my opinion.

Salome

I think when you get to the stage when you're asking yourself this question, then you know the time has come.

Unless you're willing to try and get back to the way it was at the start of your relationship, you're better off calling it a day.

LegacyUser

ya , i dont know , i had always thought about this throughout the years weve been together. i go in and out of feeling this way. now im feeling it again. I know id be silly to give up such a nice guy. im 25 hes in 30s. I would feel like i wasted all his time if we broke up. Also i would be alone as all my life is his life. but im so sad at myself because hes the only man iv ever been with and i just am thinking about this really good looking guy that i see around. Its awful i know and i know id have a good life with the guy i am with . wud it be silly to throw it away just to jump on a few gorgous men!!!! Then where wud i be i dont know. its just the attraction is gone 4 me and it went along time ago but i ignore it. I always feel its hard in life to find a man 3 marry i have a lovely man but im not physically attracted and dont feel like jumping on him!**** this is just a mess and its starting to eat me