Should I contact ex after 4 years?

Patti75

Hi,
I was in a relationship with a beautiful girl for 8 years, I broke up with her over 4 years ago because she was insecure and never trusted me.

I moved away and met another girl, stayed with her for over 2 years and broke up with her for different reasons.

All this time a day hasn't gone by where I haven't thought about my first girlfriend, even now I think about her every day, not in a sad whiny way but always hoping I will bump into her.

I'm thinking of emigrating and know I won't come back if things work out abroad.

Should I contact my ex and see if the old feelings come back?

I don't particularly want to go but can't see a good enough reason to stay.

Weird but as I'm writing this 'our' song has just come on the radio, Kris Kristofferson.

Abi

Honestly? Move along. You cant assume shes been sitting around single and waiting.

Go find yourself and what you need.

Zaph

If she was insecure and didn't trust you to the point that your relationship fell apart over it then, why would you think that she's any different now? It sounds to me like you're just using her as an excuse not to emigrate, or at least to put it off for as long as possible. If you're not ready to emigrate, don't, but because you're not ready, not because you think you might get back together with someone who has caused you pain in the past. You're only setting yourself up for more of the same by calling her.

vinnyryan

No one on this forum can give you the definitive answer to your question.

My thought, are you using your ex as an obstacle to prevent you from wandering in to the unkown or do you need a reason to justify staying. My opinion is that the obstacle which challenged you relationship of 8 years was stronger than your love and thus best move on regardless.

It's never easy!

Queen-Mise

In my opinion, an absolute categorical no. leave her alone and move on with your life.

I think you may be trying to keep a foot in the future and in the past, trying to keep all the options open. You left her, accept the decision you made and move on.

I was at a christening today with my husband, and a lot of songs that were played were songs from a relationship i was in many years ago. That doesn't mean i pack up bag and baggage and go back.

Overheal

I have to agree that its been doing you no good to be looking over your shoulder and wondering what if. Moving forward is usually best.

But hey, if you need closure: get closure. Give her a call, have a chat. Let her know you're heading abroad and don't know if you'll be back, and just wanted to say goodbye.

Personally: I'd go ahead, and do what you have to do - which in this case seems to be heading abroad. Having emmigrated twice now effectively, I was never really thrilled about it either time, but it always ends up a being a reviving experience.

Zee Deveel

Before giving her a call, think back to the breakup. Have you any idea how well/badly she took it. Given it was 8 years of her life, there's a very good chance that she didn't take it especially well. Hearing from you out of the blue after 4 years, has a high potential to be a bit of a headfcuk for her.

I know if some of my friends were to hear from certain exes, it would be more likely to completely mess with their heads, than be taken as a compliment.

At the same time, I have one friend, who, if she heard from that certain ex, almost three years later now, she would drop everything, leave the country, fly to him, and pick the relationship back up in a heartbeat.

So I guess things could go either way, but I will emphasise that she could take it very badly, and curse you for days, for getting back in touch now. Definitely think about that one before you make any decisions.

CDfm

its four years and people change

do you know what she is up to know and has she moved on with her life a new b/f etc as you dont want to upset that because your life hasnt worked out

depending on how to split was -there may not be a problem in making contact-she may no longer be interested in you

going abroad during a recession is ok if you have something set up

but whatever -its your call and if you feel you have unfinished business why not

Riamfada

Id go for it. She can only say no (which pretty much means you have lost nothing)

orangelilly25

Personally I would say contact her and see what happens. You clearly have feelings for her if like you say you think about her every day. If it does not work out then you will emigrate and look forward to the future and not be left with any "what if" questions niggling away at you for the rest of your life. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

jellie

part of me thinks its been 4 years, leave well enough alone. but then again, if after this long youre still thinking about her maybe you should contact her instead of always thinking what if..

but if you do contact her be prepared for the fact that you might not get a good reception. depending on how you left things with her she might not want to have anything to do with you, she might be with someone else, etc.