In a damaged relationship, should I move on?

LegacyUser

Ok, I've been in a relationship for a few months now. Things have been going well, I really like the guy I'm with....but I'm starting to doubt my true feelings for him.

You see, we never really have gotten past the casual dating and having dinner together, mainly because our lives changed over the past few weeks, with the economy having a bit to do with it. I started to feel a lot more distant, so I kind of thought about ending it. We recently just began dating once again, but something is holding me back now.

Recently, I started chatting to a casual aqquaintance who I thought was just like a friend. We started becoming friends, texting one another and such. However, I started talking to him about my relationship and how it for me I was starting to have some doubts. He began to really empathise with me, and I somehow felt that in this way we were connecting in a way that was leaning more to just being friends.

I started suggesting that I think I might considering ending it, on the basis that we are both still not fully over our bad patch. He said to me that I seemed to be making a difficult decision, but he stood by it.

I was thinking over this last week, but when my boyfriend and I started chatting, I got all these signals that our problems where my fault. I did not retalliate, but I felt I couldn't. To me, me being a student and going home for a few weeks was the least of our problems. He was also at his home together with his family, so I didn't see a problem with it.

I'm beginning to think of ending it, mainly because I don't want this to boil over. I'd rather end on amicable terms. But at the same time, I wonder are these mixed feelings I have for my friend clouding my vision, or do I truely feel something for him? I think it's the latter, as I find we do get on extremely well, and I've talked to him far more than I have my boyfriend.

What does everyone think? Am I just acting rash, or should I end my relationship no matter what my feelings for the other guy?

estar

at this early stage for you to be experiencing difficulties is an issue but for me the biggest issue is that your boyfriend isnt open to exploring the issues but reacts defensively

watch your style of communicating your unhappiness. and accusatory tone or non sensitive manner can provoke this. you may be the soul of gentleness, im just saying.

usually in my experience, the early stages are full of joy, with few problems that cannot be surmounted, and there is a feeling of solidarity. for you to be already confiding problems in a third party does not bode well.

it isnt a case of hedging your bets, as you appear to be doing, hanging onto one guy while developing another. it is important in this world not only to think of the self and the needs of the self but also to think of ones impact on the other person.

how would your current boyfriend feel about being discussed behind his back with a stranger.

how would he feel about your recurring doubts.

do the kindest and best by him, and you will also serve yourself.

IRISH RAIL

Unregistered wrote: »

Ok, I've been in a relationship for a few months now. Things have been going well, I really like the guy I'm with....but I'm starting to doubt my true feelings for him.

You see, we never really have gotten past the casual dating and having dinner together, mainly because our lives changed over the past few weeks, with the economy having a bit to do with it. I started to feel a lot more distant, so I kind of thought about ending it. We recently just began dating once again, but something is holding me back now.

Recently, I started chatting to a casual aqquaintance who I thought was just like a friend. We started becoming friends, texting one another and such. However, I started talking to him about my relationship and how it for me I was starting to have some doubts. He began to really empathise with me, and I somehow felt that in this way we were connecting in a way that was leaning more to just being friends.

I started suggesting that I think I might considering ending it, on the basis that we are both still not fully over our bad patch. He said to me that I seemed to be making a difficult decision, but he stood by it.

I was thinking over this last week, but when my boyfriend and I started chatting, I got all these signals that our problems where my fault. I did not retalliate, but I felt I couldn't. To me, me being a student and going home for a few weeks was the least of our problems. He was also at his home together with his family, so I didn't see a problem with it.

I'm beginning to think of ending it, mainly because I don't want this to boil over. I'd rather end on amicable terms. But at the same time, I wonder are these mixed feelings I have for my friend clouding my vision, or do I truely feel something for him? I think it's the latter, as I find we do get on extremely well, and I've talked to him far more than I have my boyfriend.

What does everyone think? Am I just acting rash, or should I end my relationship no matter what my feelings for the other guy?

Im a bit confused
you are only going out a few months yet your problems started in the past few weeks ?

what exactly is the problem that you want to do other things together ?
a lot of couples dont even get to do dinner or dating a lot.
ok he went home for a few weeks and so did you. of course your going to feel distant. if you really liked him it would be a small issue for you.

you should stop with the guy friend thats a big breech of trust would you like it if your bf did that with another girl ? it sounds like he is agreeing with you to get you after you dump your bf. ( some people will call this an emotional affair )

In a nutshell you have a problem
you talk to your male friend more than your boyfriend
thats your fault not your boyfriends I thaink your on here to try and justify to yourself that breaking up and taking up with the new guy is justified.

vorbis

Well you're fairly close to cheating on your bf currently. This is after only a few months. You'd be best off breaking up with your bf before you do start cheating on him.

Abi

OP, your thread title describes how you really feel about your relationship with your bf.

Your feelings for him arent really strong enough for you to actually put any effort into the relationship. I think you already want to finish it with him, and are basically asking us for affirmation.

I dont think you are ready for a relationship, and if you are - its not with your current bf.

Salome

You don't see a future with your boyfriend - your hearts not in it - finish it now before you hurt each other.

CDfm

Well you cant agree on whose fault the bad patch was. Its a bit much to blab about your current problems to the other guy especially if he is into you he will say b/f is a moron.

You are a student -why all the worry about the economy - you should be worrying about exams. Does b/f work and how do you afford dinners out?