Friday Fun 2

gerTheGreat

Bi

Father to little daughter: You are the most beautiful girl in this photo... and I'm not biased.
(daughter smiles)
Father: Do you know what "biased" means?
Daughter (rolling her eyes): Yes, it means that you like both boys and girls.

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Saying The Right Thing

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after the night at a business
function. He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!
Jack sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack
looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror and notices a note on the table:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping - Love
you!"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table. Jack asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk out of your mind. You broke the coffee table, puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh, THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, bitch, I'm married!".

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Checking account

A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, “I want to open a ****in’ checking account”
To which the lady replied, “I beg your pardon, what did you say?”
“Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a ****in’ checking account right now.”
“Sir, I’m sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!”
The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation. They both returned and the manager asked, “What seems to be the problem here?”
“There’s no damn problem,” the man said, “I just won 50 million in the lottery and I want to open a ****in’ checking account in this damn bank!”
“I see sir,” the manager said, “and this bitch is giving you a hard time?”

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Clever Couple

A couple in their seventies went to a sex therapist's office in Melbourne..
The doctor asked, 'What can I do for you?' The old man said, 'Will you watch us have sex?' The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple had finished, the doctor said, 'There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex,' and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, and then leave. Finally the doctor asked, 'Just exactly what are you trying to find out?'
The old man said, 'We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house.
The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $170. We do it here for $50 and I get $43 back from Medicare.

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Going Shopping


A man shopping in a supermarket took his purchase of two cans of dog food to the checkout counter. The cashier asked, “Sir, do you have a dog?”
“Yes.” replied the man.
“Well, where is it?” asked the cashier.
“I left him home.” he answered.
“Sorry,” the cashier said, “You can’t buy the dog food if I can’t see the dog. That’s the rules.”
The next day he returned to the store and brought some cat food to the checkout. “Do you have a cat?” asked the cashier. “Yes,” he said, “but I left him home.”
“Sorry,” she said, “If I can’t see the cat, I can’t sell you the food. That’s the rules.”
The next day the man walked into the store with a brown paper bag. He walked up to the cashier and said, “Here. Put your hand in here.”
The cashier put her hand in and said, “It’s soft and warm. What is it?”
The man replied, “I’d like three rolls of toilet paper please!”

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rocky25

Great Stuff Ger...have some Stars

gino85

second one is a good one

DubCul

Agree, I really like the second one

Podge2k7

Great stuff.!

dh0661

Good ones alright