Unrequited love

ronn90

Hi all,

Please bear with me with regard to this rant but I have to, at least, write down how I feel before I explode. I hope this with be a cathartic thread.
I have found myself in, and dealing with, a situation/emotions that I've never felt before and it is scary and I need some advise.
Background:
I'm in a very stable relationship and I have been for many years. I'm on the wrong side of 40 and I've been lucky to have found myself in a friendship with a younger woman (late 20s) for several years. We relate to each other on lots of levels and I suppose I see her in some ways as the daughter I never had. Recently I have started to have feelings for her as in other than friendship. I can't believe I allowed this to happen as I'm normally very careful about such things particularly being a man I didn't want my intentions misconstrue. We were out one evening having drinks and we kissed, not a lustful kiss, but in some ways more worrying, a loving kiss.
Anyway I was hoping for some advice on unrequited love. My gut instinct is to withdraw from the relationship completely before something is said or happens to cause a problem. Plan B is to discuss my feelings and then withdraw from the friendship. For obvious reasons I'm not keen on either plan as it seems it's a lose/lose situation.
Thanks for reading this and any advice you may have will be greatly appreciated.:(
Cheers

MagicMarker

Why do you think it's unrequited?

If you go for it, you might lose a friendship but gain so much more, if you withdraw you lose everything and gain nothing.

It's worth a shot isn't it?

Salome

MagicMarker wrote: »

Why do you think it's unrequited?

If you go for it, you might lose a friendship but gain so much more, if you withdraw you lose everything and gain nothing.

It's worth a shot isn't it?

He mentioned a stable relationship - he's got a lot to lose there.

Otis Driftwood

Couple of facts as you presented them

1-in a stable relationship for many years
2-you late 40s,her late 20s
3-Daughter you wish you had


Seriously,look at the above.Say you tell said young lady about your feelings and she says she has feelings for you too.Do you throw away a long term relationship for what might only be a fling?20 odd years is a big age gap.
What if she says ahe doesnt think of you that way.That equals awkwardness and probably an end to a good friendship.It sounds like you are having a bit of a mid life crisis TBH.I would say avoid said young ladies company for a while and focus on what you have.

ronn90

Well, I'm guessing it's unrequited, maybe not but either way as much as I'd love to go for it it would lead to collateral damage.

Thanks for reply guys!

LegacyUser

ronn90 wrote: »

Hi all,
I'm in a very stable relationship and I have been for many years.
Cheers

Has your current relationship gotten into a routine?, which might have led to wandering eyes and feelings for someone else. Think about if your partner was in your shoes, what would you hope your partner would do?. You mention a lose/lose situation either way. Is there anything you can do to ignite great feelings for your current partner, so that no one else can compare?.

ronn90

Thought of that myself nedtheshed (mid life thing) but I'm not sure I'm pretty level headed. Either way though I do know it can't lead to anything good so I'm just trying to think of the best way to handle it. I'm guessing make a clean break as it hurts like hell not being to be up front about how I feel.

I hope people don't miss understand me mentioning that I see her as a daughter. I just meant it was a more loving nurturing thing rather than hoping into bed kinda thing. Age gap is around 13 years

Otis Driftwood

Thats the way I would have taken the daughter comment man as Im sure most people would have too.Its obviously a tough spot you are in.Do you have regular contact say through work or whatever ie,would it be easy to avoid being in her company?

ronn90

Used to but contact is gone to about once a week (my doing). Funny thing when we saw each other every day it wasn't a problem. I think you're advice about cooling off a bit and see how things are is . the way to go.

Thanks man it 's been a help just to verbalise it

Otis Driftwood

Anytime mate,Ive been in a similar situation - developed feelings for a friend while seeing someone.It sucked ass but I found keeping my distance worked wonders and I certainly wasnt in a long term relationship like you.Anyway,best of luck and I hope it all works out for ya.