D is for dangerous

thegrove54

im wrighting a book about basically a teddy bear with a bad ass attitude whos arch nemisis is billy the goat.

i just need a few tips on getting my paragraphs longer without it looking like im trying to make it longer if you get me?

Antilles

thegrove54 wrote: »

im wrighting a book about basically a teddy bear with a bad ass attitude

If I was a publisher, I'd be writing numbers on a cheque right now

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

thegrove54

yeah but i actually want too fill it full of i dunno descriptions of every movement but i dont know when too put in dialouge without it seeming out of place

Monkey61

To be honest you should believe in every word. Any words added to pad out the paragraphs shouldn't be there in the first place.

Basically read read read.And then read some more. It's the only way you will learn what works and what doesn't.

Antilles

OP post a sample!

Pauric

see if this helps.

Standing as he was told, John watched with his best impassive stare, the best he could possibly muster. The highway man sat on his horse allowing it to paw the ground as he waited for the carriage to unload all its gold. John looked up at him, wondering if this was in fact the man he had been sent to capture. The hills around Killeshin had been plagued by this Brennan or as the authorities had begun to call him, Brennan on the Moor. If this was him then now was the time to take the first stand.
"Are you he? The one they call Brennan on the Moor!” The horseman turned to look at the man who spoke, his mask concealing a smile
“Perhaps Sir I am. Why?” Brennan was confident, that was what his superiors had told him, firm in his heists but confident in his personal life or so the final report from McGuire had said. He had disappeared from the Gaol in Carlow, shortly after he acquired the true identity of the highway man Brennan. [/FONT]

Antilles

Pauric wrote: »

see if this helps.

Standing as he was told, John watched with his best impassive stare, the best he could possibly muster. The highway man sat on his horse allowing it to paw the ground as he waited for the carriage to unload all its gold. John looked up at him, wondering if this was in fact the man he had been sent to capture. The hills around Killeshin had been plagued by this Brennan or as the authorities had begun to call him, Brennan on the Moor. If this was him then now was the time to take the first stand.
"Are you he? The one they call Brennan on the Moor!” The horseman turned to look at the man who spoke, his mask concealing a smile
“Perhaps Sir I am. Why?” Brennan was confident, that was what his superiors had told him, firm in his heists but confident in his personal life or so the final report from McGuire had said. He had disappeared from the Gaol in Carlow, shortly after he acquired the true identity of the highway man Brennan. [/FONT]

Ok, OP - now read the above but mentally replace "Brennan" with "the teddy bear".

sitout

Antilles wrote: »

Ok, OP - now read the above but mentally replace "Brennan" with "the teddy bear".

lol, or " brennan the teddy bear" .

thegrove54

Knock knock** no answer from frank the unicorn, Db was rightly pissed off now. He huffed, then he puffed, then he drew his revolver and blasted the door right off the hinges."Frank im coming in and if your dead i'm gonna revive you and kill you myself" roared Db. His revolver in hand he walked into the sitting room too see the weirdest thing he had ever saw in his life. Frank the depressed unicorn fumbling with a razor blade.


thats a bitta outta a chapter called no place like home any suggestions would help