Finding it hard to move on

LegacyUser

hi all, iv posted before on PI and got lots of great help, if nothing else i felt much better after it. anyway youve all probably heard this one lots of times before as its the usual trying to get over a breakup scenario. my ex girlfriend broke up with me before christmas. she had moved out of the country but we decided to really give it a go. after a couple of weeks however she thought it wasnt working. naturally i was gutted as i really thought it coulda lasted longer and i tried to ask her to give it a little while longer but she was dead set in her ways. so its been a month now and im finding it hard to move on. iv kissed a couple of girls on nights out and that but i keep thikning back to her. what annoys me is that before she left she said she loved me and i honestly can say i loved her to bits. but now im feeling a bit used. like something better came along for her and she shoved me to the side? is it normal to feel like this or am i being a nark? we'v spoken a little since the breakup (normally initiated by me) yet the convo doesnt last long and she just says she really wants us to be friends. kinda makes my stomach drop a little hearing this because we went from being so close as a couple one day to just friends? part of me wants to just ring her up and say hi but i know she probably wouldnt do the same in my situation and id end up coming across as a pushover. facebook/bebos been a curse aswell because i end up seeing updates and photos of her having this amazing time and it gets me down. anyway thanks for reading, i know theres plenty of other threads like this but i spose it feels better starting my own. basically i just feel down and like i was used before she left. whats wrong with me that i still want to talk to this person?!? and how do i end that "but maybe i could get her back" feeling..
thanks

SamuelFox

Man, I know the feeling, I am two months out of my relationship. The advice I was given was to get over her as soon as possible, by cutting her out of your life, focusing on other things, meeting new people. My ex broke my heart and I really resented people telling me there are more fish in the sea and I would get over her, but that’s what happened. I saw another side to my ex that made it easier, but that’s not the point.

First bit of advice I’d give you is to stop calling her. You need to get your head straight here and by calling her you are undoing any progress you may have made in getting over her.

Secondly, delete her from facebook/bebo, her and anyone that is likely to have photos, updates or comments from her on their pages. Harsh, but it needs to be done. People put a front up on bebo, its not reality, it’s the version of reality you want to portray. Nobody ever looks sad in their photos, but looks can be deceptive. She is using bebo to convince the world she is happy and you are falling for it. So cut her out.

Finally, and most importantly, realise there is a world out there, just like there was before you met her. Take up a sport (badminton is full of single girls for some reason) and meet new people. Engage with them, force yourself to talk and have a laugh, be the person you are, not the person the break up made you.

In terms of getting her back, you need to get yourself straight first. If she wants to come back she will but in my experience it needs to be her to decide. Let a while pass and see how you feel, maybe then you can do something but first you have to accept that you are single and very importantly, that you are ok with that, that you can stand on your own feet. If not you will be walked on.


Best of luck man!

LegacyUser

thanks man. she was very eager to be try be friends for the couple of weeks after the breakup but since then i hear nothing from her. i know what you mean about your ex, i thought this girl couldve gone about breaking up with me in a better way (not saying there is a good way, its all horrible) but she did it at a busy and stressful time in my life and took no consideration to that. i thought after a year of going out that this girl was more genuine than that. oh well.
somedays i feel grand and dont think about her but others i get so down. i dont think i can delete her from bebo/facebook as before we went out she was a friend and is a good friend in our group/click.
i really wish if she knew she was going to end things that she did it before leaving, that way it could have been in person. as it is i just feel a bit cast aside

LegacyUser

also i forgot to say that this girl was extremely good looking. im not a bad looking guy by any account but at the same time i wouldnt be the type you'd expect to see with her. she really was perfect in my eyes and made me laugh 24/7. i dont like to compare but in my mind i dont think ill find anyone like her. maybe im being narrowminded. i dunno

starchild

phoning her wont help you she has made up her mind for now, you may not think it but the fact that she is out of the country is a good thing as you dont have to run into her, live your life for you , by the time she comes back you may surprise her by how much you have moved on

Antilles

Unregistered wrote: »

i thought this girl couldve gone about breaking up with me in a better way (not saying there is a good way, its all horrible) but she did it at a busy and stressful time in my life and took no consideration to that. i thought after a year of going out that this girl was more genuine than that. oh well.

More genuine? A busy time in YOUR life? Man, I feel for you being dumped, but what would you have had her do? She realised she wasnt in love with you - would it have been more "genuine" if she hung around faking the luvvy-duvvy stuff over Christmas? Stop feeling sorry for yourself. She ended the relationship and had the good grace to do it BEFORE Christmas, rather than snapping and doing it on December 25. regardless of whether her Facebook pics paint an accurate picture of her emotional wellbeing, she is moving on with her live. You need to stop obsessing over her and do the same!

mrs.vandoorn

heart goes out 2 u big time ! exact same thing happened 2 me ! been longer dan b4 christmas though ! dont go overboard on random new girls though ! u will just feel worse at the end of it !!

Zaph

mrs.vandoorn, text speak isn't permitted on this forum as it makes it hard to take any advice given seriously, so we'd appreciate it if you'd use your full keyboard in future.

Thanks

Zaph