Why would a guy do this?

LegacyUser

I've been going with my boyfriend for over a year, both in our early twenties. We're a few hours apart and we were chatting online tonight. I suggested a phone call if it suited. He said to call later. He then vanished from the net a while later without saying goodbye (we weren't using msn- it was a different instant message type program, where we were replying to each other now and again- not a full blown conversation or anything)

It was about 10.45 when I called him. No reply at all.

I probably shouldn't have sent him a message while ago online, telling him I hope he is ok, but not to tell me to go ahead and call him then disappear offline and not answer his phone. Wtf. Part of me is worried something happened and he's hurt or something (more than likely silly of me, I know)

Why would someone do this?. I'm all for giving him space and everything- it's just the face he told me to call him. I doubt he was gone to sleep as he usually stays up late.
Is it only me, or does this seem really rude?. To me, it looks like he couldn't be bothered. But it would be too much to throw away to dump him over this because I love him, but I don't like being treated like this.

Thanks

Das Kitty

You're completely overreacting tbh.

There are any number of reasons he could have gone offline and not been able to answer his phone you should give him the benefit of the doubt.

Also if you have an issue to raise with him, don't do it in a message (online, text, email). You should do it face to face if possible or at the very least over the phone.

It's hugely hard to convey the intent of a sensitive message just using text and could easily be misconstrued.

You need to be talking to him not us really because if he did go offline purposely and then avoided your phonecall you know it's rude within the bounds of your relationship, you don't need us to reassure you on that.

Adam

ha, you remind me of someone i got to know recently!

in complete agreement with das kitty. instant messaging is far more informal than a phone call. it's like texting. do you flip out if you don't get a response from him after an hour while texting?

there are literally countless reasons why he might have had to go, you'll have to talk to him about that. but i spend 90% of my working day in front of my pc, and of all the people i talk to on any instant messaging program, i think i've known two that would ever take issue with a delayed response or sudden disappearance. it's very annoying when you feel you have to explain yourself to someone else. let me ask you this: when you two are on the phone, and he says 'I have to go', do you question why he has to go? it's very much the same thing to me.

Fajitas!

Well, from when you posted the original post at nearly, 2, I'd imagine a few hours ago to be 11 or 12...

He could have just fallen asleep - Work/college/whatever in the morning and all.

That's a SERIOUS overreaction. I can't believe you're serious. Maybe he fell asleep, maybe something came up, there are any number of reasons why he wouldn't answer the phone. If this happened on a regular basis, maybe you'd have a reason to be annoyed, but once? :eek:

John Mason

OMG:eek:

are you serious?

have you any reason to think that something might have happened to him ?

i would often have a few missed calls on my phone where i wont hear it or just could be bothered answering

this world of instant access to everyone is having such a bad effect on the world . i worry about the future of mankind, i really do

Wagon

wondering111 wrote: »

He then vanished from the net a while later without saying goodbye

If he was on one minute and then suddenly gone, then his internet connection probably went arseways and he couldn't get back online?

He didn't phone back because he was possibly in one place when his phone was in the other?

He couldn't ring you back seeing as how he might have been out of credit and he couldn't use web text as his internet connection was gone?

Or there could have been an emergency and he needed to run and didn't have time to answer?

Or he might have fallen asleep by accident?

All very good and valid reasons but if you want to go ahead and blow this all out of proportion like a teenager than work away.

Eric Cartman

no offence but if i was your boyfriend and saw this thread id be scared, calm down, im sure hes grand, hes allowed to turn his phone off, your not his parole offices

dyl10

If my girlfriend did the same thing as your boyfriend, OP, I'd have to say I'd be a bit worried as it wouldn't be normal behavior for her at all.

That being said, If it's in character for your boyfriend, then yeh, it probably is what you think it is.

mardybumbum

He was most likely abducted by aliens.

Wibbs

mardybumbum off topic and unhelpful posts are not welcome on this forum. Please read the charter. Thanks

Dublin_Gunner

TBH you seem a little clingy to me (to be looking for advice on something so inconspicuous) . Maybe he just wants a little time to himself?

Personally, I find nothing more annoying than when you want to be by yourself to do your own thing, your girlfriend keeps texting and mailing or trying to talk on IM.

If he wanted to have a conversation with you, he would have called. Fair enough if you hadn't seen each other in a while. But you state you're a few hours apart - do you mean as in a time/distance, or you were together a few hours beforehand?

I'd say he just stopped replying to play a game, or hope that you might fall asleep or something, because he just wants his own space at the moment.

Give him a call later, and ask him where he went to, I guarantee the answer wont be anywhere near as dramatic as your mind is telling you!

Faith

My boyfriend has an uncanny habit of ringing the minute I'm away from my phone. I could be sitting with it in my hand for hours, and literally as soon as I go to the bathroom or whatever, he'll ring.

Chances are, he was away from his phone when you rang. If he told you to ring him, he probably has no credit. He probably figured you'd ring back if it was important. Big overreaction, I think.

LegacyUser

Please can a mod close this thread, as the replies have been quite brutal and have not helped at all.

I give my boyfriend lots of space.
We're HOURS apart and I do not text/mail him constantly. I'm doing a fairly intensive college course and am busy enough myself.
If he texts, or vice versa, I do not expect a reply 'within the hour'. I'd wait for him to reply, even if it would be a couple of days.

The whole point of why I was over reacting perhaps, was the fact that we had arranged a phone call (we usually converse online, so phone calls are pretty rare and special to be honest). I had suggested it and told him that it was ok if he was busy etc. But he told me to call him!. Then he vanishes.
I'm probably one of the most chilled out 'cool' girlfriends any guy could have- I came across way off here.

A lot of posters here seem to enjoy being extremely condescending. I shall never be requesting any type of advice here again.

Redpunto

Are ya a wee bit insecure bout the relationship consdiering you live a couple of hours away from one another - dont be worrying, guys are a hell of a lot more casual with these things, doesnt mean anything

Wibbs

Closed on OP's request.