Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

gf wants a sex toy

  • 26-01-2009 5:50pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    going unregistered for this one as i am a little embarrassed about it all.

    my gf and i have been together for nearly a year now. we have a close relationship although
    we have never placed much of an emphasis on sex throughout our relationship as we are an older couple and neither of us see it as a prioity, although we do cuddle and kiss and get quite intimate from time to time. The main focus of our relationship has been open communication, and companionship, although that is not to say that i do not love her physically aswell. We talk about everything, and i feel i know her inside out which is perhaps why this came as such a shock.

    Last week she brought up the subject of fantasies with me. This was not virgin territory as we had often spoken this way before, however the last time she shared hers with me it was more "traditional" (skinny dipping with me). Now she told me that recently she has been having thoughts of a different nature. she feels that our relationship needs to move to the next level she said, and she would like me to try using a sex toy.
    Now i have never had this kind of experience before and was notable shocked when she breeched this suggestion.
    As soon as she saw the look on my face she tried to back peddle and reassure me that we dont ever have to do that to make her happy.

    but now i hate to think that i am not fulfiling her needs, especially as she is a good deal younger than i am. I dont know quite what to do. I dont want her longing for this kind of thing and ending up going else where for her needs, but nor do i feel in a position to explore this kind of territory.

    she never came across as this way inclined before now.

    any advice greatly appreciated.


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,006 ✭✭✭PurpleBerry


    Honestly it's great that you and your OH are stable enough and have a good enough sexlife to be as open as you are. A lot of people would envy that. Please don't feel that your gf wanting to try a sex toy in any way means that you are not enough for her in bed. There is a very different stimulation achieved through a vibrator and your penetrative sex. So different that I wouldn't consider them to be in competition.

    My advice is to go for it, go shopping and choose one together. If you're concerned about comparasions choose a toy that isn't shaped like a penis. Of course, if you're really against it then I would never recommend doing something you weren't comfortable with, but if it's just a case of nerves then you and your gf should be able to overcome it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,341 ✭✭✭✭Chucky the tree



    my gf and i have been together for nearly a year now. we have a close relationship although
    we have never placed much of an emphasis on sex throughout our relationship as we are an older couple and neither of us see it as a prioity, although we do cuddle and kiss and get quite intimate from time to time.

    but now i hate to think that i am not fulfiling her needs, especially as she is a good deal younger than i am.


    Your probaly not fulfilling her needs. Just how old are you and how young is she? I doubt there are many females out there who dont consider sex a big part of a relationship and I dont think many would be happy with a kiss and cuddle and a bit of hanky panky time to time especially since you two have only been going out a year. If it was 5yrs+ I could slightly understand the sex life slowing down, but inside a year most couples would be like rabbits especially if everything else in the relationship is going great.


    since you's both have such an open communication why not just ask her is she is satisfied with your sex life? :confused:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,516 ✭✭✭Outkast_IRE


    Your probaly not fulfilling her needs. Just how old are you and how young is she? I doubt there are many females out there who dont consider sex a big part of a relationship and I dont think many would be happy with a kiss and cuddle and a bit of hanky panky time to time especially since you two have only been going out a year. If it was 5yrs+ I could slightly understand the sex life slowing down, but inside a year most couples would be like rabbits especially if everything else in the relationship is going great.


    since you's both have such an open communication why not just ask her is she is satisfied with your sex life? :confused:

    Dont listen to this idiot .


    You shouldnt see her as being unhappy she wants you to use the sextoy with her , if she was using it on her own all the time then id be worried . Just man up and talk to her about it


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,420 ✭✭✭Lollipops23


    Your probaly not fulfilling her needs. Just how old are you and how young is she? I doubt there are many females out there who dont consider sex a big part of a relationship and I dont think many would be happy with a kiss and cuddle and a bit of hanky panky time to time especially since you two have only been going out a year. If it was 5yrs+ I could slightly understand the sex life slowing down, but inside a year most couples would be like rabbits especially if everything else in the relationship is going great.


    since you's both have such an open communication why not just ask her is she is satisfied with your sex life? :confused:

    different strokes for different folks. some people have the libido of a 16 year old boy,some don't.

    OP: are you comfortable using a toy?if not then don't do it. nobody should ever be forced into something sexual,man or woman. If this is the case, suggest she invest in a vibrator for her "alone time"!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,341 ✭✭✭✭Chucky the tree


    I'd be pretty suprised at finding out someone who has a low libido/doesnt want sex that often has a fondness of her fella using a sex toy on her.


  • Advertisement
  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,217 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Outkast_IRE calling someone an idiot is personal abuse and against the charter of Boards as a whole and will not be tolerated. Attack the post not the poster. Infracted.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,582 ✭✭✭✭TheZohanS


    You lucky bugger!!

    Lots of girls don't like sex toys and the fact that your g/f is open minded enough to try one is great.

    Sex toys enhance a relationship, they don't have to be used all the time.

    She just wants to try one, give it a shot and see what happens. You might be plesantly surprised.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    thank you all for the thought provoking responses.
    OP here.
    in answer to some of your questions, i am in my mid 60's while my other half is ten years my junior. the age gap has never really even entered my mind as i always felt we were both in the same phase of our lives.
    perhaps you are right, maybe i am just not satisfying her needs, although this definately comes as a huge shock to me.

    i dont think i would be comfortable to go shopping with her for something like this. and i certainly dont think i could use one of those things. but maybe that is a good idea.. that if she feels the need to experiment like this that perhaps i suggest her trying it in her own time, so that she knows i dont want to get in her way. although i do find the thoughts of her using a toy like this quite disturbing..
    am i being unreasonable in not wanting to get involved in something of this nature?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,600 ✭✭✭00112984


    Your probaly not fulfilling her needs. Just how old are you and how young is she? I doubt there are many females out there who dont consider sex a big part of a relationship and I dont think many would be happy with a kiss and cuddle and a bit of hanky panky time to time especially since you two have only been going out a year. If it was 5yrs+ I could slightly understand the sex life slowing down, but inside a year most couples would be like rabbits especially if everything else in the relationship is going great.


    since you's both have such an open communication why not just ask her is she is satisfied with your sex life? :confused:

    While I see the point you're trying to make, I disagree. Sex toys aren't used INSTEAD OF a healthy sex life, they're PART OF a healthy sex life.

    OP- not all sex toys are 11 inch dildos. Have a look at some websites (not safe for work but check out babelandDOTcom- they have a brilliant range) and you might be surprised to see that there are so many different types that you and your partner are bound to find something that both of you will enjoy.

    It's a testament to how secure your partner feels with you that she can discuss these things.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,739 ✭✭✭✭minidazzler


    OP I read that as, She wants to use a Sex toy on you? Is this the case? It is how it came across to me, when you say."she would like me to try using a sex toy."

    That I have no advice for, but if you meant she wants you to help her use one, then go for it, it will be fun, and new experience are good, they keep you young.


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Woohoo:p

    Go for it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 18,163 ✭✭✭✭Liam Byrne


    OP, if you're not comfortable with this, then tell her that she can have a sex toy if you can have one (fair's fair), and then see how she reacts when you say you want a blow-up doll that you'd prefer to use than her anatomy.

    On the other hand, if you're comfortable, work away, but I'd take it that the fact that you're posting here means you're not.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 427 ✭✭sneakerfreak


    going unregistered for this one as i am a little embarrassed about it all.

    my gf and i have been together for nearly a year now. we have a close relationship although
    we have never placed much of an emphasis on sex throughout our relationship as we are an older couple and neither of us see it as a prioity, although we do cuddle and kiss and get quite intimate from time to time. The main focus of our relationship has been open communication, and companionship, although that is not to say that i do not love her physically aswell. We talk about everything, and i feel i know her inside out which is perhaps why this came as such a shock.

    Last week she brought up the subject of fantasies with me. This was not virgin territory as we had often spoken this way before, however the last time she shared hers with me it was more "traditional" (skinny dipping with me). Now she told me that recently she has been having thoughts of a different nature. she feels that our relationship needs to move to the next level she said, and she would like me to try using a sex toy.
    Now i have never had this kind of experience before and was notable shocked when she breeched this suggestion.
    As soon as she saw the look on my face she tried to back peddle and reassure me that we dont ever have to do that to make her happy.

    but now i hate to think that i am not fulfiling her needs, especially as she is a good deal younger than i am. I dont know quite what to do. I dont want her longing for this kind of thing and ending up going else where for her needs, but nor do i feel in a position to explore this kind of territory.

    she never came across as this way inclined before now.

    any advice greatly appreciated.

    Hey Mate,

    Ive sold sex toys and other products for over half my life,in Ireland and in the Netherlands.

    In my experience toys are never ever to replace a man and seldom to boost some perceived lacking ability.

    Women are very lucky in that there are so many ways to excite them physically and mentally whereas men are quite simple to get worked up most of the time.

    A woman can gain diffrent types of orgams and can use toys to perhaps achieve an orgasm for the first time (Ive encountered this many times) help teach herself how to gain multiple orgasms and sometimes just to prepare herself for her favourite which is orgasm by man :)

    I have seen a large amount of men come into stores after being told by their wife that they wanted a toy and who expressed concern to me that they were being replaced by a toy and ny answer was always the same-you cannot beat the real thing!Any honest woman will tell you this.

    I also had men in constantly asking for the biggest toy we had as a present for their girlfriend as they thought that this was "what she really wanted".About one in 100 women have come in and bought a toy over 8" and the huge majority of women buy toys around the 4" and 5" size.

    A lot of them also only buy clitoral stimulators as clitoral stimulation is the only way they have of achieving orgasm,many would use these toys after/during sex with their partner as it was just impossible to come from penetration alone.Most men now realise that clitoral stimulation cannot be left out of the equation anymore but sometimes girls just need a toy to bring it all to a crescendo :)

    I wouldnt hesitate for 2 seconds about buying her a toy and if youd like to know which stores are the best for service and quality of products just PM me.


Advertisement