Really Really down....

LegacyUser

Hey People! im a long time reader but seldom poster and i really need some help / advice

Well basically iv been going out with my GF for over 1 1/2 years, the other night after a night out she decided that she doesnt want to be wit me anymore and that he heart just isnt in it anymore this is the worst news i could ever have gotten from her, i love this girl to bits with all of my heart! i cant imagine her with another guy and she said she cant imagine me with another girl. the break up took place on saturday night and i didnt hear anything from her until the sunday morning and asked her can we sort this out, she basically replied that there is nothing to sort out and she just cant go on anymore (fair enough i cant force her to be wit me) later on then on sunday night i ring her and ask to meet up with her and she said "it wont do either of us any good" but we still met up and we sat in my car for 2 hours talking, cry, hugging, kissing, and telling each other how much we love each other but yet she says she cant keep going out with me because her heart isnt in it any more. we basically ended the 2 hour chat etc by her saying dont ring me, it will make it to hard on us, ill text you during the week. In the meantime i have her friends and some of my friends telling me not to worry it will be ok, she will come around. Now one of my GF best friends has been with me all day yesterday and looked after me because i was so upset. She is going to have a talk with her tomorrow and see exactly whats going on.

Has anyone been in a situation like this before?

How did it work out for you?

What do u think of my situation?

What advice can you offer me?

PS: thanks a mill for taking the time to read this and i welcome all replies

Thank You

ogriofa

Haya, god thats tough!!
The one bit of advice ill offer you is this, don't be too "lost" without her. Keep it together. By all means be upset, miss the hell out of her, be unable to imagine the rest of your life without her, feel sick... but try and keep it together in front of her.
Good luck dude!

LegacyUser

that is true, i need to keep it together, but its so hard, every song on the radio reminds me of her, even sitting on my couch isnt the same, i can feel her sitting on the couch beside me but it just isnt the same, everything i have reminds me of her

LegacyUser

Sorry to hear this. I'm in the exact same boat as yourself, only my relationship was over 5 years long. We split in Oct, then got back in Dec.. but we've officially split again since about three weeks ago. But it has been coming for months.

I still love her but there was just something not right that I was feeling so I had to trust my instinct on this one.
I do miss her, everything reminds me of her also. The only thing I can tell you is, get rid of everything (eg tops) or anything she left at your house and place them into a box. This way, you'll have nothing there to remind you of her and stop torturing yourself with these memories (its hard enough,even without these reminders).
Do something different everyday that you wouldn't do when you're with her.. It could be as simple as taking another route to work/taking another mode of transport etc. This break away from familiarity will do you the world of good. I know it's hard to "move on" and "let go". They were the hardest things to admit to myself when it finished and sometimes sound very harsh even now.
You will be fine. Don't worry.
Stick in there.

crazzzzy

Did she say why her heart isnt in it? do you think she really does still love you or is she just saying it cause its what you wanna hear? Its hard to understand why she would not want to be with you if shes in love with you unless there are other problems.

Maybe she feels smothered cause you don't seem to have any independence from her. Its not healthy in a relationship to be too dependant on eachother and have no social life/hobbies outside of the relationship. The fact you seem to think bout her all the time & its her friends you have turned to for support seems like you've made the very common mistake of neglecting your own life since ye got together. Also, the fact she decided this on night out, might mean she misses her old life and thinks she can't have both.

She may be confused or may have her mind made up on this. Give her space like she asked & try keep your mind busy by seeing YOUR friends and doing stuff you used to do before ye met. At least if ye don't get back together you will have made a start to getting your life back on track.

I know it seems like the worst thing in the world right now but what ever happens you will get over it and be happy again.

LegacyUser

She hasnt said why her heart isnt in it....she just stated that it isnt in it (if that makes any sense) the reason her friend is so close to me is because she goes out with my best friend, all my friends have been ringing me all day seen how i am, even yesterday they made me stay with them and watch a dvd and bought me pizza and talked about it. Ill admit i do depend on her. We do lots of stuff together, i even went back playing rugby just so as that it would make us have that little thing in common (she's mad into rugby and so is her family) I can understand exactly what you mean about her missing her old way of life but every night when were out together we go home to together to the same bed and then nights when she's out with her gild friends she would ring early in the night and say "its not the same without you been here, im gonna come home in a bit"

I know she still loves me, shes the sort of girl that wouldnt say it unless she ment it

she is going trough a rough time at the moment work and college etc and i always give her advice and am there to help her out.

she did say that she has never been in love with someone so much and that its the worst decision she has ever made but its for the best, she cant pretend her heart is in it any longer and that we just have to wait and see.

i just hope she is confused and come's around (or her friend helps her realise whats going on) and we get back together.

homerun_homer

Really sorry to hear about this OP. I went through something very similar last year, worst time of my life and at times still feels like it. Keep composed when talking to her on phone or in person. Never appear desperate.
Regardless of how you react and what you say you can't make her change her mind, whihc I know you understand. It's is extremely hard to come to terms with so my main advice is see your friends as often as you can, keep busy, talk it out with people and stay out of all contact with her once you know things are final.

If you are friends on social networking sites then you have to delete her & ask her to make sure her page is made priv. ther is nothing more soul destroying than seeing her updates and new photos and knowing you can't be involved in her life.
I'm 8 months out of my relationship and I'm going through another wee phase of missing her incredibly, even though I have met people and have gone on dates (have one this week but still take no solace in that).

I hope she comes to her senses OP but don't build up your hopes, give her space and after she knows you still want her you just have to let her make the final decision.

Wagon

She loves you...but her heart isn't in it? It really makes no sense...See what her mate says, but the best of luck with whatever happens. It's a **** situation

LegacyUser

thank you so much for you reply's people! it means alot to know that people out there, even tough there strangers still give a crap about people they dont know

anyway i just got off the phone to her friend (the one that was with me yesterday and that goes out with me best friend) and she said that she is meeting up with her 2moro for a chat, and she figures that she is confused and thinks that maybe a "break" is the best thing but she wont know anything until she talks to her.

Her friend doesnt agree with the way the situation has been handled by her. i just hope to god that she comes to her sense's, in the mean time im gonna go to the gym and buring off some steam for the next few days. once again id like to thank you all for your replys to this and im sorry to hear about all of your issue's that are similar to mine but i know that im not alone on this. i plan to keep this thread updated as much as i can. and to anyone that hasnt replied to this thread please do so and the more advice i have the better it will be for me. thanks again

rondog

She loves you (as a friend) but isnt in love with you...thats what it seems like to me.

SOmetimes in relationships the spark just goes an the other person tries to hold on to the past memories and what they had, then it becomes a chore trying to think of reasons why you should stay with the other person when naturally you wouldnt need to convince yourself.

It may be that this relationship has run its course and she doesnt feel the same for you and no amount of talking by your friend to hre will make her change her mind.Her mind is made up it seems and im sorry but work and college are part of life and i coudnt picture them being a reason to end a realtionship.Obvioulsy there are extreme situations like a death of someone close but normal hardships in work and college dont usually cause a realtionship to end.

give her time and see what she finally comes back with but prepare yourself for the end

Otis Driftwood

Its possible she just needs a bit of time to herself mate.It does happen in relationships and sometimes its what the other person(or you)needs to realise what ye had.Try and keep the chin up and as others have said,try and keep it together in her presence.If you can be a little standoffish without being rude maybe that could give her the kick in the pants she needs.Anyway,good luck.

starchild

hi op

ive been in this its the absolute pits the only thing is it will get better, the less contact you have will make it easier to move fwd. keep talking to your mates, you sound like you have good friends which is great. My heart goes out to both of ye as it sounds like its not easy for her either.

keep strong man

unhappycamper

How very hard love can be, I was in this situation last September. Heart broken for 4 months, very hard. The thing you have to understand OP is that it takes 2 people to both want the same thing for each-other and in this case that is no longer happening. What it does mean is that there is someone that will make you much happier and they are most likely just around the corner, the sooner you realize that the quicker you will heal from the separation process. That person that suits you better will not enter into your life until you realize that you deserve to be loved as much as you love so grieve for a bit and pick up your bruised and battered confidence and ego and start to go out again. If someone told me this 5 months ago it wouldn't have made a difference to me.. I am so glad she dumped me. The person I am with now is more than I could have ever dreamed of and yeah maybe thats the way things are at the start but thats the way it is. I went out a good bit and enjoyed my friends. During times of heart brake you realize how good your mates can be at just being there for you. Take your taughts one at a time and break things down, try not to over complicate the past and look at you now in the present and the prospects that lie ahead, you might just end up allot happier if you realize that when one person goes another person enters. Best of luck OP and chin up you will live to fight another day and when you do you will be glad to be where you are not where you have been.

LegacyUser

ok folks a quick update! her friend got in touch wit her and had a chat and put alot of things in perspective about us and my GF took them all on board and made her realise just how much she does love me, so about 1 hr ago i got a phone call from my GF saying that she was on her way up to me and that she needs to talk to me, when i get outside my house to see her im greeted with a hug and a kiss and she says how wrong she was to make this decision to break up with me and wants to get back together with me! so after a long,honest chat we have agreed that we will take things slow and discuss our problems in future and that we are both 110% commited to the realationship!!

WOOHOO! im the happiest man ever!!

By the way i would like the extend my warmest THANK YOU to every single person on this forum who has helped me with this issue and passed on some excellent advice. ill say a prayer for every one of you as my prayers have been answered by been giving another chance with the woman on my dreams, ill pray that yours are answered aswell.

thank you so much everyone!

poker joker

okay, this may be a less popular reply but I mean it as help, legit....

You said that you took up rugby etc because she and her family were big into it etc. What else did you do to please her? I believe people fall in love and then try change each other, therby creating a person they didnt actually fall in love with......

We've all been here and it's sh***y, no doubt but here's some hard advise that may work - do not become the grovelling, "we can make it work if you give me another chance", "I can change" person. Instead resist every NATURAL urge to call/text etc and do not contact her - come across as getting on with it, not not caring, but not being seen as waiting around for her etc.....

Bottle_of_Smoke

Start moving on straight away. You shouldn't have kissed her in the car, that kiss was as much out of guilt for hurt she's caused than any feelings she has.

I can't say what will happen, maybe she'll come back to you - but pestering her won't help. I'd be very wary about getting back with someone who said their heart isn't in it anyway. Won't you be suspicious her heart isn't in it all the time?

I don't think the relationship was healthy. Seemed you were more into it than her & she has issues with confrontation.

I know she still loves me, shes the sort of girl that wouldnt say it unless she ment it

Don't delude yourself. She loves you in the sense people love their friends and you're interpreting it as the way you love her. They're completely different.

She's been honest with you and you're not making it easy. She's done the decent thing rather than come out with some "its not you its me" nonsense. I'd suggest you cut contact and move on or this will go on a lot longer than needs be.

Dublin_Gunner

[this post is written as if your getting back together post didn't happen]

Yep, agree with above.

You're going through a classic case of break up blues - I doubt there's a single person on this board that hasn't been through what you're going through, and many people, more than once.

It might sound harsh, but you've got to suck it up, and get on. Pull it together and deal with it.

Im my experience, any relationship that ends like that is not worth salvaging.

You may believe she's the best thing since MP3 players, but the fact of the mater is, if you ever reconcile the relationship, its doomed not to last anyway, so you're flogging a dead horse.

She said her heart isn't in it, for no apparent reason, and look at the state she's got you in. She's not worth it. End of. No person is worth putting you through that misery, and tell yourself that. You'll make life a lot easier for yourself in the future.

Best of luck man, and trust me, there'll be a LOT better out there for you, you just have to find them.

Enjoy being single for a time, enjoy the things you used to do more often, then when you're ready, get yourself back in the game.

Think of Numero Uno. Because you're the best thing that can happen to you. Everything else comes after that.

Yakult

NeedHelpBigTime wrote: »

ok folks a quick update! her friend got in touch wit her and had a chat and put alot of things in perspective about us and my GF took them all on board and made her realise just how much she does love me, so about 1 hr ago i got a phone call from my GF saying that she was on her way up to me and that she needs to talk to me, when i get outside my house to see her im greeted with a hug and a kiss and she says how wrong she was to make this decision to break up with me and wants to get back together with me! so after a long,honest chat we have agreed that we will take things slow and discuss our problems in future and that we are both 110% commited to the realationship!!

WOOHOO! im the happiest man ever!!

By the way i would like the extend my warmest THANK YOU to every single person on this forum who has helped me with this issue and passed on some excellent advice. ill say a prayer for every one of you as my prayers have been answered by been giving another chance with the woman on my dreams, ill pray that yours are answered aswell.

thank you so much everyone!

Thats great, I was happy reading your post because we all know how bad that situation can affect someone so its nice to see a happy ending!

So best of luck man and hopefully it will all go well!

homerun_homer

NeedHelpBigTime wrote: »

ok folks a quick update! her friend got in touch wit her and had a chat and put alot of things in perspective about us and my GF took them all on board and made her realise just how much she does love me, so about 1 hr ago i got a phone call from my GF saying that she was on her way up to me and that she needs to talk to me, when i get outside my house to see her im greeted with a hug and a kiss and she says how wrong she was to make this decision to break up with me and wants to get back together with me! so after a long,honest chat we have agreed that we will take things slow and discuss our problems in future and that we are both 110% commited to the realationship!!

WOOHOO! im the happiest man ever!!

By the way i would like the extend my warmest THANK YOU to every single person on this forum who has helped me with this issue and passed on some excellent advice. ill say a prayer for every one of you as my prayers have been answered by been giving another chance with the woman on my dreams, ill pray that yours are answered aswell.

thank you so much everyone!

Congratulations - good to hear a happy resolution on here.