Long distance relationship problems

Orson Welles

A girl i am currently seeing is living in the U.K. We only met awhile ago and we really hit it off. I knew she would be going back to the U.K. to study and we both agreed to spend as much time as possible before she left. We did and we had an amazing time. When she did leave we both made our feelings clear about each other and agreed that we would try and make it work. It has been about 2 months now and I feel things arent working out. I make an effort to talk to her everyday but over the last 2 weeks i have barely talked to her at all. Over the past week i have not got a single reply from her to some of the messages i have sent. I understand that i should recognize that she has things going on in her life in the U.K. but I could just use some advice on what 2 do. Should i possibly end it or try and make it work without knowing when i will see her again?

Chonker

In fairness, you reallly have nothing to "end" a long distance and now non sexual relationship with a girl you really like. End what or better yet enjoy what you do have with her and maybe someday??? who knows.

Dont get angry and "break up" just because it may never work out. Enjoy what you do have, maybe you can really make something special grow from it. Even a great friendship is something.
good luck

LegacyUser

Chonker wrote: »

In fairness, you reallly have nothing to "end" a long distance and now non sexual relationship with a girl you really like.

Dont get angry and "break up"....

Your post strongly suggests that just because it's long distance, this relationship isn't real.

OP- I'm currently in a long distance relationship. My partner and I have been together for over a year. 50% of it (and right now for the foreseeable future) we've been living far away from each other. I've never felt so strongly about a person and I know how hard it can be sometimes.

From your post, it doesn't sound like it's a good start to a relationship- not seeing each other (I'm sort of presuming here a bit) for 2 months. But if you really feel strongly about her- would you not give her a call to discuss things?. It's quite rude that she's sort of left you hanging there. Did she definitely receive the messages?. If ye guys hadn't built up a strong enough bond, it's also quite possible that she got attracted to someone else.

If you have the feeling 'things are not working out'- as it is early stages, I'd be out of there if that was me... long distance can be hard and communication is the most important thing. Otherwise things might start to fade.

I thought that I could never be in a long distance relationship. But that all changed when I met my current partner. For long distance, the person has to be REALLY special for it to work in my opinion.

If this girl isn't the most amazing lady you've ever met and would do anything to go out with her, save yourself the heartbreak.

Good luck!. Long distance can work, when both people want it to.

Chonker

Yes its a relationship, but I dont think he has any reason or IMO anything to break up.

Two choices
A. Learn to deal with a long distance relationship, sometimes she makes time for you sometimes she does not....as im sure the op will do also
B. Break up and never speak to her again.

There is no reason to break, up at the very worst she is a really good friend who he sometimes speaks to, he should treat her as a great friend and not a girlfriend from a distance after all with out the sex partners are really just great friends.

Why would you "break" up with a great friend just because you dont speak every night.

On another note!

What is the definition of a Girlfriend V's Girl Friend. Is sex the only difference?

jellie

Chonker wrote: »

Yes its a relationship, but I dont think he has any reason or IMO anything to break up.

Two choices
A. Learn to deal with a long distance relationship, sometimes she makes time for you sometimes she does not....as im sure the op will do also
B. Break up and never speak to her again.

There is no reason to break, up at the very worst she is a really good friend who he sometimes speaks to, he should treat her as a great friend and not a girlfriend from a distance after all with out the sex partners are really just great friends.

Why would you "break" up with a great friend just because you dont speak every night.

On another note!

What is the definition of a Girlfriend V's Girl Friend. Is sex the only difference?

have you ever been in a ldr? you seem quite dismissive of it & dont seem to understand how hard it can be.. saying "Learn to deal with a long distance relationship, sometimes she makes time for you sometimes she does not....as im sure the op will do also" isnt fair - in ANY relationship you have to make time for the other person, & even more so in a ldr as the communication is the only way to keep it together when you have no physical contact.

OP, for it to work you both need to be committed to it & both need to want it as much as the other. talk to her, ask her what she wants.

Chonker

sar84 wrote: »

have you ever been in a ldr?

Yes! Currently. I'm just offering my view. Its hard but its a friendship first relationship second. Thats what works for us.

Thanks for asking.

KikiDee

Unreg'd wrote: »

From your post, it doesn't sound like it's a good start to a relationship-

OP, I'm currently in a long distance relationship. However, my relationship didn't turn long distance until we were together 2 & 1/2 years.

We had a good basis to make it last.

As you're starting out in realtionship, both of you really need to make the effort to contact each other. Me and my OH 'meet' online every night for about an hour. I realise you may have other stuff going on but if you want this realtionship to work both of you have to prioritise.

From your post, I'm guessing you do want this realtionship to work. Talk to your GF. Find out what she wants. Does she want a relationship or a friendship? From there, decide how ye're going to go about this.

Hope it all works out for you!

kazza23

Speaking from experience, for a long distance relationship to work out both parties need to put in a lot of work. I did the long distance thing with an ex who lived in the UK while I lived over here. We spoke for at least an hour every night (Thank God for BT with free UK landline calls lol!) and saw eachother on average every 3 weekends. Long Distance is really hard. I found that the longer the relationship went on, the more difficult it got. You end up not bringing up little issues because you don't want to talk about them over the phone, but then when you meet up because it's only for a few days at a time you don't want to ruin the time you have together by getting into an argument. This leads to resentment on both sides and I know I was guilty on several occasions of losing the plot over something small because I'd avoided bringing things up earlier to avoid the argument.

From your post OP, it sounds like this girl isn't putting in as much effort as you. I think you need to talk to her about this. Or at least try to arrange to meet up sometime soon and see what her reaction is. It may be a case that it's just been too long since you've seen eachother and you need to reignite the flame, or it could be that she's started to cool off and doesn't see a future together. Either way you're not going to know until you talk about it.

Good luck.

kevmy

One thing you don't mention is how long she will be gone. If she is studying for another 4 years or another 4 months. If it's years you might be advised to cool it off if things aren't going well, leave it open as a "we're friends and if the situation ever arises again we might take it".

On the other hand if it months you should probably want to see what the story is. If she's lost interest over a weeks then that might not bode well. In this case give her a ring and see what the craic is