Mid Life Relocation

woolyhat

Hi
Help I feel so unsetteled. I am now alone family gone to college (home some weekends). I have lived here most of my life ( small town)
yet I have a part time job which is pensonable but am not very happy in it. At my age am not likely to get another jb am also on seperated wifes benifit. I own my own home but afraid to trade up and move fear the unknown. yet life is passing me by. HELP I cant sort out my mind.

Salome

Do you really think chucking in your job, selling your house and moving among strangers will make you feel more settled?

Perhaps you should look at doing something else with your life without changing everything - volunteer or something - get some fulfilment.

Running away never solved anything.

bethm24

Sorry to hear you feeling bad like this,
You obviously feel that relocating might make you feel better? Would it? Great if it would but the fact you own your home and youve been there for so long could be unsettling for you. I dont think NOW is the time to do this when you are feeling like this, its hard to make decisions. How long are all the family gone? And would you prefer to be nearer to them,? I can see your point it can be very hard when the family are away and only see them some weekends and of course you are lonely sometimes when you are alone. But be assured you are not the only person going through this, ok. Could you think about a different job maybe? A course? Joining something you are interseted in? Things will improve for you, things always work out

CDfm

Well you do own your own home and can move if you want to and have that freedom.

I dont know who initiated the seperation but did it occur to you when seperating that you might be lonelyn or need something more then a part time job.

Will relocating make you happy or simply unhappy in a new location?

Firetrap

It looks to me like you've got empty nest syndrome and you're lonely. Are you really sure that moving away will make you any happier? What would you do differently in a new place that you can't do now. You say you're unlikely to get another job. So what would you fill your days with?

Is there anything you can do around where you live that would get you out of the house? Volunteer work? Any hobbies you'd like to take up? Even things like keep fit classes or swimming. I don't know where you live but if you've got a car, perhaps you could do more interesting things in the nearest town.

You might not be totally happy with where you live but I'm sure you've got roots and family and friends. Don't discount their importance.

woolyhat

Hi Thank you all for replys. I should have mentioned that in the past 5 years I have lost my mother also my onely brother ( No Sisters)and many of my neighbours (all elderly) have passed away. My home is now a bit too big and empty. also some how any friends I had are no longer liveing around here. It is a place where there are no social outlets. The neerest town is too far to get back and forth. Also not good memories here.

Salome

I see what you mean now. I'm still a bit concerned about you making a move - might you have the same problems in another place? You'll still be in the same boat in a different town?

The current economic situation might make it difficult to relocate - house prices are down, will you get another similar job elsewhere? I just don't want you to make a rash decision and find yourself in a difficult financial situation as a result.

If you're sure you want to do it - do your research. Make sure you know it's a practical move before you do it.

woolyhat

Hi
The town where I live have hopeless doctors. the few hairdressers that are here are not good. one dentist who is bad tempered another visits once a month not great also No cinema two churches prodestant and catholic nearest town almost 38 miles away with a very bad bus service. No Alanon(For relatives of problem drinkers) A library which opens 3 mornings a week. No clothes shop Plenty BARs which I am not interested in.:eek:

CDfm

wouldnt it be easier to buy a car or to look up old friends

woolyhat

Hi again
I am in partnership in a buisness here fearful of a move thouhg it is not dowing well right now!!! how would a small card shop small gift shop do in the town? or any sujestions of neighbouring towns?

Reesy

Hi OP,

Sorry to hear about your issues.

You mention opening a card shop / gift shop in another town. In my humble opinion, now is a really bad time to start a new business, especially one like that. Lots of businesses near me, especially the ones selling non-essentials, are closing down.

On another matter, do you drive? Also, would you be interested in studying? I believe there are some good courses available online (e.g. the Open University) - perhaps they might interest you?

LegacyUser

Hi there,

I have two responses for you:
I'm a bit younger than you (30), but I sometimes feel the same way. I've addressed it not by moving house, but by going for weekends away, joining a swimming club, changing job to one where I am challenged and the people are great, doing courses, meeting different groups of friends and being busy. It's not always easy instigating the meeting or getting the guts to go travel etc, but every time you do it, it gets easier. That said, I'm living in Dublin so I have lots of options and things to try.

The other response is -
My mum is separated and lived in the country town we grew up in. It's not a bad town and is busy enough, but I'd die of boredom if I lived there now I'm used to good libraries, museums, sports facilities, restaurants, courses etc. When my parents separated (maybe 6 years ago), she moved to the nearest city. A sibling lives there too. She's working in a good job, doing swimming lessons, always meeting friends, going to the theatre etc etc. If I was in her situation, I'd move too. Also she did a course through the Open University - have a look at their courses and see if there's something that interests you so you can upskill and find more satisfying paid work or volunteer work.

Why not spend a week or a few days somewhere you think you'd like to live and see what it's like? if you don't like it, try another town you think is nice. Go and get involved in something running that week, like volunteering to help at a film festival or some event. You'll meet people and eventually find people you click with. If you've a big empty house, you could sell and down-size to somewhere you can make your own and leave bad memories behind.

You've a duty to yourself to make yourself happy. By asking here, you've taken the first step and you should keep going. Your children might not be delighted to lose their family home if you move, but they have to understand you need to be happy, and they must have friends they can stay with when needs be.

If you were my mum, that's what I'd tell you to do. That's what my mum did and she's much happier than she would be in the town we used to live in.

Good luck and I hope you are happy whatever you decide to do!

LegacyUser

Hi there,

Just posted, but forgot something - if you're working in a part time pensionable job, then you're free half of the week. Look at what you can do with that time without leaving your job entirely. Use that free time to learn to drive, do a course, live in other places, catch up with friends, travel etc etc.

best of luck!

woolyhat

Hi
Thank your for reply. I,ve been thinking so much . Your advice helped alot onely I,m a bit scared of actualy makeing the move. I will try and go for a weekend to a location I think I would like. I,m not the best at makeing friends have been out of circulation for a lifetime. Where to start This house have been in the family for generations. My family do like it here it is a nice place but much have changed . I am reading over you reply a few times it makes alot of sence. Leaving the job also is another thing in the present state of the country