Unrequited Feelings

danteXXI

So long story short, there's this girl that I'm crazy about but she doesn't seem to feel the same.
It's your usual, can't eat, can't sleep, can't stop thinking about her scenario.
The unusual element is that she is nice toward me and would be interested in me, but not in anything more than a one night stand, unfortunatly she's not really a one guy kind of girl, and I've had a heartache of watching her score other guys on nights out.

Obviously since I have feelings for her I don't want to hurt myself by having a one night stand with her and getting that close, only to be shot down afterwards.

I'm trying to spend less time with her but it's hard because we share mutual friends and I feel so drawn to her.

I don't feel I can talk openly to her about this and I don't seem to want to cut my losses. I seem compelled to stick it out and take it on the chin but it's slowly crushing me.

Has anybody 'survived' something like this and do they have any advice to share please?

Silverfish

When you say she doesn't 'seem' to feel the same, does this mean you haven't told her how you feel?

danteXXI

Well, no...I guess you've got me there, but I can't tell her!

What I mean is that like, she doesn't seem to diaply anything more then physical attraction to me, if that makes sense.

cantdecide

I think this happens to a lot of people.

My advice is first, don't make a fool of yourself before your friends an other prospective partners. Secondly, tell her- you'd never know your luck (or when she might finally have had enough of kissing a different bloke every night. Finally, don't let your feelings for her stop you getting on with your own life. If she is repulsed by your coming clean, it will be all the easier to avoid her and vice versa, mutual friends or not.

ForTheLoveOf_Fi

love vs. lust.

okk.. so you haave strong feelings for a woman is of the one night stand type, take that into account.. is that a kind of attribute you like her for?

if you are 100% sure your madly and deeply for this girl, you have to tell her. it will eat u up inside forever unless you do.

iv been in a similar situatuion, but i was the girl. my current boyf was in your situatin. he is my best friends brother and saw me everyday. to be honest i never considered him as a partner until he made his move. i was so swept off my feet and flattered

he text me one day saying my friend wanted to meet me, that her fone was dead. i arrived at destination and he was there with flowers and here we are today.

i would say go for it, if you REALLY think its what you want.

good luck x

danteXXI

ForTheLoveOf_Fi wrote: »

love vs. lust.

okk.. so you haave strong feelings for a woman is of the one night stand type, take that into account.. is that a kind of attribute you like her for?

No! Not at all! It's a hinderance if anything. But I wouldn't judge her about it either, if that's what you mean.

f you are 100% sure your madly and deeply for this girl, you have to tell her. it will eat u up inside forever unless you do.

The rejection could swallow me whole right there and then!

cantdecide wrote:

If she is repulsed by your coming clean, it will be all the easier to avoid her and vice versa, mutual friends or not.

Ok, I guess that's something for me to really take onboard.
It certainly seems make or break.

ForTheLoveOf_Fi

danteXXI wrote: »

No! Not at all! It's a hinderance if anything.


The rejection could swallow me whole right there and then!

wel is she really the type of girl you wish to be with?
ok so if u do get rejevted itll suck, but at least you tried.
if you stay quiet you will never know.

danteXXI

So basically, both options suck....but which will have less consequences.

ForTheLoveOf_Fi

danteXXI wrote: »

So basically, both options suck....but which will have less consequences.

ok honesty, if you dont tell her there will be no consequences. she will be none the wiser and things will be the same. if u decide not to tell her you will have to move on with your life- which could be very hard. i dunno about you, but i could not live with that lingering in the back of my mind. the 'what ifs'.

but if you do tell her things will change:
1.she accepts yous feelings and you start something. the ending you want.
2.she does not feel the same and
a. reacts calmly and thanks you but apologises and does not make abigdeal of it.
b. she reacts badly and things are uncomfortabe.

in worst case scenario, would she react a or b? do you think.

danteXXI

ForTheLoveOf_Fi wrote: »

ok honesty, if you dont tell her there will be no consequences. she will be none the wiser and things will be the same. if u decide not to tell her you will have to move on with your life- which could be very hard. i dunno about you, but i could not live with that lingering in the back of my mind. the 'what ifs'.

but if you do tell her things will change:
1.she accepts yous feelings and you start something. the ending you want.
2.she does not feel the same and
a. reacts calmly and thanks you but apologises and does not make abigdeal of it.
b. she reacts badly and things are uncomfortabe.

in worst case scenario, would she react a or b? do you think.

B, I imagine.
She wouldn't go mental but things would definatly become uncomfortable.
I duno, I guess I'm just a coward.

Salome

Faint heart never won fair maiden - just do it for goodness sake. You'll eat yourself up inside if you don't. What's the worst that can happen? Embarrassment? So what!!!! You might miss out on something if you don't.

ForTheLoveOf_Fi

Salome wrote: »

Faint heart never won fair maiden - just do it for goodness sake. You'll eat yourself up inside if you don't. What's the worst that can happen? Embarrassment? So what!!!! You might miss out on something if you don't.

Dead On. JUST GO FOR IT!

estar

but dont make yourself too vulnerable.

tell her you like her, and would like to date properly.

and then if it doesnt work out, you will know. its the will it wont it aspect that is keeping you hooked.

once you know you know and can deal.

estar

if she reacts B then shes a little immature really.

LegacyUser

estar wrote: »

but dont make yourself too vulnerable.

It's either make yourself vulnerable or stay in a state of 'can't eat, can't sleep, etc' for god knows how long. What's so wrong with being vulnerable? What are we protecting? Our misery? I say **** it and just go say what you need to say.

Life would be grand if we could all just drop the shíte and just say what we felt.

Flipz4Rollz

danteXXI wrote: »

Well, no...I guess you've got me there, but I can't tell her!

What I mean is that like, she doesn't seem to diaply anything more then physical attraction to me, if that makes sense.

Grow a pair and tell her, otherwise you'll regret it for the rest of you're life.

danteXXI

Ok, so we were all out last night and I made a move and, well, it was somewhat unsuccesful.

It sucks but I feel better knowing where I stand so thanks for that anyway folks.

I'm off to crawl under my covers!

LegacyUser

Fair play to you for telling her, though i know you proabably feel like crap now that it didn't turn out how you hoped it would.
Im a girl and i recently told the guy that i was mad about how i felt about him, except i was certain that he felt the same and was just not able to tell me because he is the friend of an older brother. i was way off though-wishful thinking on my half methinks. but at least he was really nice about it and we can still chat and that. even though i still have really strong feelings for him at least i can try and move on now. This will make us stronger people op!!!