Future Dilemma??

LegacyUser

Hi,

I am in a bit of a dilemma. I am nearly 30 years old yet I do not know what I want to do with my life. I am in a secure, well paid job, that is enjoyable at times - though I definitely do not love it or feel 'fulfilled'.
I do not really know where my future lies. I have been thinking of going back to college at some stage again, but I want to travel.

I am also in a long term relationship with a girl who I will marry in a few years. She is very keen to settle down, buy a house, and start a family. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet.
I really love to travel and would hope to go on a few long trips again sometime soon. I think if I buy a house then I just will not be able to afford to travel nor will I get the chance to do so. Giving up my current job in this current economic climate would probably be madness and would upset those people close to me. My parents always worry about me having a secure job.

I just don't know what to do. I actually have a secret hope that the economy will totally crash and I'll be free of work, pressure to buy a house, etc and can do what I really want. I know this is totally selfish and ahorrible thing to think considering it would effect everyone.

So do I disappoint and upset my girlfriend by saying I want to travel for while and don't want to settle down yet? Or do I make her so happy by getting a house together?

Anyone had similar experiences before? I would appreciate any thoughts or advice.

Thks.

ForTheLoveOf_Fi

you settle down with her and i guarantee that in years to come you will regret not taking your cance to explore.

can you not discuss with her the possibilities of travelling?
if you feel unfullfilled you could possibly try volunteer work, it works for many people. try get your girl to understand things from your point of view.

have an open discussion, not on how you do not want to buy a house etcetc but how you wish to expand your horizons before the next chapter of your life.

good luck x

the glass woman

Two of my friends bought a house, got married, and took off traveling for a year, they rented out the house while they were away. Just so you know it is possible to do it all!

Salome

I always regret the things I DON'T do rather than the things I tried - even if I crashed and burned.

If you don't get this travelling bug out of your system, you'll always regret that you didn't try it or resent your partner for holding you back.

What's her take on this - does she know how you feel?

Perhaps you could take a career break rather than leave your job? Some employers might love this - not having to pay you for a year whilst keeping your job open might be attractive to them.

I know that personally, I'm not fulfilled by my work but see it as a means to an end - I want to buy a house with my partner soon so it's important to me to be settled. I know it's not the same for everyone though.

estar

if you just buy a house to please her you will end up resenting her. so why not find a compromise that suits you both.

if you really do want to marry her then get engaged, and put a plan together. that reassures her that things are on track. but before you do explain how you feel, and say that you would like to travel perhaps before settling, and see how she reacts.

part of being a couple is compromise. its not always getting what you want. this is also part of being an adult. giving up work and travelling and settling down and buying a house, are, i dont have to tell you, not exactly compatible plans.

so why dont you see if you can get some time unpaid off work -3- months
to travel.

if you dont feel ready to settle down, then dont

but remember - we can't always have everything. at the moment you seem to have it good. human beings constantly crave change. but is change really necessary?

maybe what you need is a new absorbing hobby and a good holiday?

its far easier to go travelling than it is to establish a career in an area you enjoy.

take time with this decision as if it doesnt work out for you then you might find it difficult to get back what you have right now.

i know im being ultra sensible here, but if you were my friend id say - be cautious and think twice.

LegacyUser

You want to travel - she wants a house; well, that could be a problem.

What would you miss if you took a year or two out, spent your time travelling and then coming back and settling down, if that's what you want to do then.

Some of my brothers and sisters settled down a few years back. They now have kids and nice houses and I have neither. Do I regret not going down that route? Not really. WIth house prices on their way down, it's just as well I didn' by 2 years ago.

I've lived abroad for a few years, travelled, spent a year south east asia, another in Australia, met some amazing people who are still friends and came back and started working again but this time for myself.

I don't do all the things I want to do but I know that had I not decided at 26 that "this is mental. I commute and hour to work, then work til 6 and then get home at 7 and I'm wrecked..... then I do the same the next day.... I need a break from this", I would have possibly killed myself (and I am not making that up) if i had stayed in the job I was in.... I was unhappy, I felt a failure, I had no confidence...... travelling on my own restored a lot of self belief.

I headed off and discovered a few things about me that I never realised. One being that there are lots of people out there on different paths and doing weird and wonderful jobs; or are doing ordinary jobs but are taking time out to travel a bit....... I also discovered that my friends from home had none of my sense of adventure and 15 years later, are still talking about cars and phones and watches and house prices and while they are happy, it's not for me.

Within the last 5 years I took up a sport that has me driving west every other weekend and finding new adventures. I have met loads of people through it and have made some new friends.

If you aren't fulfilled in your life today doing what you do, you won't be tomorrow or next week or next year, if you continue doing the same thing.

"My parents worry about me having a secure job" ??
Mine do or used to - then again, they grew up in different times. Their worries should not effect your major decisions. Would it matter to you that they thought you should drive a different car or go out with a different girl?

You know, and this is awful, but I used to wish my dad died so I wouldn't have to continue living the life he though I should be living. We get on great now and he is supportive of what I do because, and your parents will probably feel the same: They want you to do what makes you happy.

"etc and can do what I really want. I know this is totally selfish and ahorrible thing to think considering it would effect everyone"

1. You can do what you want. You can go in and hand in your notice tomorrow if you want. You can stay in your job, if that's what you want. You alone make the decision.

2. Selfish and Horrible??? No, being happy with yourself and your life isn't selfish. Selfish and horrible is when people rob or steal and do bad bad things. You aren't happy, you can see something that you feel what might make you happy.

3. You're not calling your gf selfish and horrible for wanting a house and child.

Talk to your gf... she might be on for it.. ....

What do you do and could you (a)get a transfer to another country to work in the same field (b) go work in another country anyway - you're still making money, as is she and living abroad and seeing the world.

Picture this scenario: you're 35, working in the same place, you are married with two kids, you've got the mortgage to pay now as you own a house..... insurance, car (better keep up with those Jones's next door, bills, weekends spent buying things, Saturday evenings in with the family....... . living the dream?

Now, picture that 3 years later, having spent 3 years doing a bit of travelling, living an adventure, being able to tell your kids about the mountains you climbed and the rivers you swam in, the sunsets over the Indian Ocean, BBQs in Oz, all done with your now wife, their mother........ that feels alright actually (well to me).

Good luck and remember, no one on their death bed ever regretted not spending more time in the office...... no one was ever happy living someone else's dream