Some mess...do I plow on or let her go?

LegacyUser

Obv unreg'd for this - and in fact I think I posted unreg'd in a different thread mentioning this girl.

Lovely girl, kids... Thing is that I'm spoken for, and she has a fella too, but he's not about at the moment.

We fell in love and I've found out so many things about this guy through my contacts... I know she's better off without him but I can't tell her what I know, simply because it'd be hurting her so much. She says she loves me and wants to be with me but can't pull the trigger and leave the deadbeat langer.


I've fallen out of love with my one and will probably leave her soon, though I too know she'd be hurt.

Anyway, me and the other lady had words this morning... And the upshot is that she just doesn't have the strength to end it with him... And I can't handle the hurt of her deciding to stay with him.

Should I step back and wait a few months and watch him ruin her life? Because I know this will happen. He's a stoner of the highest order, can't hold onto a job and always blames someone else for getting fired. I'm no angel but I'm highly educated and certainly more liquid than Jay and Silent Bob over there is...

Or do I plow on and try to strong arm the situation without hurting her feelings?

jessbeth

It sounds like you'd be both better off making clean breaks from the respective unwanted partners and getting your own lifes in order and then seeing if you both want to make a go of it.

If she's not willing to get rid of the guy then I would keep a wide berth if I were you because you will only end up getting hurt. Naturally I can't judge the person as I don't know her but if she is telling you she can't leave him then she probably won't.

Get your own life sorted out and then find someone who is willing and able to love you fully without any strings or attachments.

MagicMarker

Rather than thinking of yourself, why not spare a thought for girl who's time you are wasting?

Stop stringing her along and break up with her, then you can focus your attention elsewhere.

Chinafoot

Unregistered wrote: »

I've fallen out of love with my one and will probably leave her soon, though I too know she'd be hurt.

Leave her and do it now. You don't love her and want to be with someone else. Why are you still with this girl? Please don't pretend its out of not wanting to hurt her, that's rubbish. Are you keeping her as back-up in case the one you do want to be with doesn't leave her boyfriend? Show her some decency and end the relationship now.

As for the other girl, if she's not prepared to leave her other half you can't force her. Neither of you have made any concrete moves to actually be together. If you did really love her why would you still be with your partner. Surely you would have ended things in order to be with this girl. Same goes for her.

I agree with jessbeth, break up with your girlfriend and sort yourself out. This other girl needs to do the same. Then see where you want to take things.

Monkey61

If either of you really wanted to be with the other you would have left your partners by now.

She has children, so you're not really in a place to be making demands on her to break up her family if you haven't even left your own partner yet. If you really want to be with her (and even if you don't) you need to leave your current girlfriend right now!

Once you are single then all you can do is tell the other woman that you are there, are in a stable place to not be messing her and the children around and that you want to be with her. It's up to her then.

normalzone

Read my post about the 4 year relationship ..
This kind of thing rips hearts apart so do what you have to do NOW.

estar

hello

you can't save people. only yourself. stop trying to play god.

stop contacting her. if she wanted to be with you she would be with you.

actions and all that.

and as for you - rather than posting up here worrying about this other woman. spend today doing the right thing and explaining to your other half why you are breaking up.

really thats where your energies should be focusing in the short to medium term.

in my experience, running from one relationship into another doesnt work.

people should have a break before they move onto another partner.

you should question why you are trying so hard to break up this other womans relationship. background checks on her partner. really?

is that really what you need to be doing? she is a grown up and has made choices. you have made your opinions clear. she has said no.

thats all you can do. focus on your own life.