Asking my friend out

LegacyUser

Frequent poster but decided to go unreg for this one since friend in question is also on boards.

Anyway we have known each other for about 4 years now and get on very well. Used to work together and since we have arranged to meet up regularly, speak on the phone 5/6 times a week, share our problems and the our joys, and now I have fallen for her!

I don't know how she will react. She is out of a relationship for about 18 months and I know she was hurt very badly by that and it is only recent months that the gloom seems to have gone for her.

I have decided to confront my feelings and mention this to her - any tips on what I should say. I don't want to ruin our friendship, but know that once I say this things will probably be different either way. It could be for the better though. Personally I think friendship is a very good base to start a relationship from.

I'm also confused by a conversation we had the other day - she told how she was upset about somebody she knew being pregnant because she wondered whether she herself would ever have children and she would love to do so, and straight on moved on to trying to set me up on a blind date! The omens don't look good but I don't know?

Any help would be welcome.

Overheal

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm also confused by a conversation we had the other day - she told how she was upset about somebody she knew being pregnant because she wondered whether she herself would ever have children and she would love to do so, and straight on moved on to trying to set me up on a blind date!

Sounds like she popped smoke - probably nervous about the conversation and any feelings she may have for you and tried to cover her tracks.

The pair of you know eachother well enough im sure to quit beating around the bush and making your feelings known. Just ask her out to a movie or something. Night out on the town, just the two of you.

in2dblue

You should go for it, bite the bullet and ask
It would be horrible never knowing what her answer would be
I think from what you have said that now is probably a good time to tell her
All she can say is no,
And if she does say no well atleast you know and you won't be wondering
Good luck

LegacyUser

OP here.

Thanks for that guys.

I'm going to do something either tonight or tomorrow. My big problem is what to say - I'm not great with words when it comes to affairs of the heart! Any ideas?

scottless

thats a good article it might help u
http://www.askmen.com/dating/vanessa_100/133_love_secrets.html

m83

I wouldn't do it Op. In fact, i think there's a good chance you are about to ruin your amazing friendship with her.

Friendships like this can be few and far between and people often taken them for granted. I know i have in the past, as have my friends, and we've all lived to regret spoiling things by trying to advance the relationship.

D-Generate

you are firmly in friend territory, sorry to tell you but you are

cantdecide

m83 wrote: »

there's a good chance you are about to ruin your amazing friendship with her

This one comes up all the time. You do unfortuately sound like you're in friendsville however...

Friendship schmendship, IMO.

Friendships come and go. I've had one or two friends that I regret not asking out when we communicated regularly. Now we don't, I don't have them in my life in any way.

Equally, I did ask one friend out and she was so surprised it ended a very close friendship. Do I regret that either? Not at all. This is because friendships come and go. If the OPs friend found herself in a new relationship, he could very well end up being out of the picture anyway.

If you haven't dreamt this up over the weekend and you are really really sure that she might be the one- go for it. It's a no brainer when you realise that friendships, even close and special ones come and go.

entropi

m83 wrote: »

I wouldn't do it Op. In fact, i think there's a good chance you are about to ruin your amazing friendship with her.

I have to agree here sadly OP, experience has taught me it can sour a good friendship alright, i'm lucky to have recovered a big one (never tried THAT again)

Ainm

Yikes lot of negative posts... OP I reckon if you're 100% sure about your feelings for her then you should go for it! Hopefully she'll feel the same but if she doesn't there's nothing to say you'll lose your friendship over it, once you're both mature about it. If you feel so strongly about her then you'll no doubt only regret not taking the chance in the future.
Best of luck

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

What I never got my head around was, how is one certain that another likes you in that way? Girls can be odd like that.

I had a mate, told her I liked her, we became best mates, nothing more though. I never really followed it up, she didn't act any differant. I will never know if I had a chance with her or not Maybe I should have gone for it? (Was about 6 years ago)

spinandscribble

you have to tell her. if you have any romantic feelings towards her you have to chance it. plus if she says no its better you know now before she meets someone otherwise it's going to kill you.
if you guys get on that well as friends and the attraction is there, you'd be mad to miss out on that!

LegacyUser

Thanks folks.

OP here again - I tend towards the negative side of things - maybe believing that a girl like her could never fall for somebody like me. However my head is a mess with this and I think I owe it to myself to say something - basically that I respect our friendship but that did she ever think of us as being more than friends. Give her time to think it through and say that I will only be asking this question once only and will not let it interfere with our current friendship if she didn't feel the same?

Out of interest - anybody who got together with a friend - what were the signs that brought it home to you that he/she fancied you? I think a lot of guys get themselves into this trouble and spurt it out. Girls tend to stay quiet and hope the fella takes the lead.

echosound

Ask her out. You've nothing to lose as you probably won't be able to remain very good friends anyway if she starts going out with another guy, and everything to gain if she says yes. I got together with my best friend years ago and we're now happily married.

If it had gone another way, well then at least I know that I wouldn't have spent the rest of my life cursing myself for not at least giving it a shot. best of luck, so do as overheal suggested and ask her out - just the two of you, and just come out with it - what you said yourself in the post just above mine sounds good. best of luck!

Wibbs

Maybe it's just me but I couldn't be mates with a woman I fancied romantically. I would rather bite the bullet and get knocked back and lose the friendship, maybe to rekindle same when I wasn't interested in that aspect of her. I've quite a few women mates and they're good mates precisely because there's nothing under the surface that may compromise how I would deal with them and they with me. An obvious one; if a mate was asking me about a new person in their life and wanted advice, if it's a bloke mate they're getting my honest opinion. Same for a platonic woman mate. If I fancied them then my advice would be skewed and no mistake. Yes that's an extreme, but if you fall for someone most of your dealings will be through the prism of that attraction. As I said maybe that's just me though. I like an easy life.

LegacyUser

I'd say go fot it! I was in pretty much exactly the same situation with a guy I was friends with for years; turns out both of us had been thinking the same thing but were too afraid to say something incase we ruined a really god friendship but it all came out one drunken night via texts and now I'm happier than I've been! Go for it; I hope it all works out for you!

pwd

You can't go back to being friends with her if you ask her out. It completely redefines the relationship.

NoQuarter

pwd wrote: »

You can't go back to being friends with her if you ask her out. It completely redefines the relationship.

Wouldnt agree with that as ive just done it and our friendship is still fine!

Reesy

Hi OP,

Can you ask her what she'd think, theoretically speaking, of a relationship with you?

EDIT: Or "Imagine you went on a blind date & found it was ME... how would that be for you?"

I'm trying to think of ways to put it that allow her room to say 'no' gently without confrontation if that's how she feels.

NB hope she doesn't! Do come back & tell us.

Good luck.