Englishman Jokes

colrow

Tell us your Inglishman jokes

DylanS09

What is the difference between an Englishman and his photograph?

The photograph is fully developed!

Matt Holck

Silver has devised a pair of glasses which rely on the principle that the fatter a lens the more powerful it becomes. Inside the device’s tough plastic lenses are two clear circular sacs filled with fluid, each of which is connected to a small syringe attached to either arm of the spectacles.

The wearer adjusts a dial on the syringe to add or reduce amount of fluid in the membrane, thus changing the power of the lens. When the wearer is happy with the strength of each lens the membrane is sealed by twisting a small screw, and the syringes removed. The principle is so simple, the team has discovered, that with very little guidance people are perfectly capable of creating glasses to their own prescription.

http://www.neatorama.com/2008/12/30/adjustable-glasses/

p1akuw47h5r3it

Matt Holck wrote: »

http://www.neatorama.com/2008/12/30/adjustable-glasses/

What????

FredH3as

Quazzie

Why did the Englishman cross the road. To invade every possible country he could because they are all a shower of bastards

dara95

knock kncok

whos there??

englishmen

Englishmen who?

english men love english men!!!

p.s they're gay

Queen-Mise

FredH3as wrote: »

any chance of a telephone number for this one, he is a fine thing

colrow

queen-mise wrote: »

any chance of a telephone number for this one, he has a fine thing

really queen-mise thats very lascivious of yourself, men aren't just lumps of meat

Quazzie2002

Quazzie2002 wrote: »

Why did the Englishman cross the road. To invade every possible country he could because they are all a shower of bastards

Why did the Englishman retreat?

Because they only served "Foreign food".

Duiske

There was an Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Wales. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train,there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Irishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped.

The Englishman was thinking: 'The Irish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.'

Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Irishman and got slapped for it.'

And the Irishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make that kissing noise again and give that English b**tard another slap'.

colrow

Duiske wrote: »

There was an Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Wales. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train,there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Irishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped.

The Englishman was thinking: 'The Irish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.'

Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Irishman and got slapped for it.'

And the Irishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make that kissing noise again and give that English b**tard another slap'.

rotflmao

Jesus Wept

colrow wrote: »

Tell us your Inglishman jokes

racist

colrow

lol i is a inglishman

Turd Ferguson

Why did the Englishman cross the road?

Because they're STUPID!!

colrow

There was an englishman a scotsman and a irishman shipwrecked on a desert island.

They got on very well and over the months became firm friends, on day they found an old sand encrusted bottle, the scottsman pulled out a cork and a genie came out, and granted the three customary wishes.

First to wish was the scotsman

I wish had my own estae in the highlands a billion pounds in the bank, a castle etc etc etc

Poof he vanished to fulfill his wish


The englishman went next

I wish I was the cahirman of coca cola with a house in Florida Switzerland and Thailand with my own personal jet, loads of babes etc

Pouf he vanished to fulfill his wish


This left the Irishman

who said

Its so lonely here now I wish my friends were back here

Pouf his wish was granted

Mr Fonnen

An Englishman during sex is simular to a pencil as both are stiff and stationary

Capt'n Midnight

An elderly Frenchman was slowly walking down a countryside lane, admiring the beautiful spring day, when over a hedgerow he spotted a young couple, naked, making love in a field.

Getting over his initial shock he said to himself,

'Ah ze young love, ze springtime, ze air, ze flowers. C'est magnifique!' and continued to watch, remembering good times.

Suddenly he drew in a gasp and said,

'Mais... Sacre bleu!! Ze woman - she is dead!' and he hurried along as fast as he could to the town to tell Albert, the police chief.

He came, out of breath, to the police station and shouted,

'Albert... Albert zere is zis man zis woman .. . naked in Farmer Gaston's field making love.'

The police chief smiled and said;

'Come, come, Henri, you are not so old to not remember ze young love, ze springtime, ze air, ze flowers. Ah, L'amour! Zis is okay.'

'Mais non! You do not understand - ze woman she is dead!'

Hearing this Albert leapt from his seat and rushed out of the station and, the police car being serviced, he ran down to the field, confirmed Henri's story, and ran all the way back nonstop to call the doctor.

'Pierre, Pierre... this is Albert. I was in Gaston's field... zere is a young couple naked 'aving sex.'

To which Pierre replied,

'Albert, I am a man of science. You must remember, it is spring, ze air, ze flowers. Ah, Uamour! Zis is very natural.'

Albert, still out of breath gasped in reply,

'Non, you do not understand. Ze woman, she is dead!'

Hearing this Pierre shouted,

'Mon dieu!' grabbed his black medicine bag, stuffed in his thermometer, stethoscope, and other tools and jumped in the car and drove like a madman down to Gaston's field.

Upon getting there he gave the couple a full medical exam and drove back to Henri and Albert, who were waiting at the station. He got there, went inside, and smiled patiently at the two men and said,

'Ah, mes amis, do not worry. Ze woman, she is not dead. She is English.'