Advice

LegacyUser

ok so just home there from an evening with the boyfriend and while he was getting food i messed through his phone and found messages to another girl about when they would meet up and what sexual favours they would give each other. im so upset dont know if i should say it to him or not we have been going out a year and a half and i thought we were happy til this .. what should i do

Overheal

Could be anything.

Firstly, its not nice to nose.

Secondly, it Could be anything. The term sexual favors, in particular, is an in-joke way of saying I Owe You One for such and such a thing. "Hey can you give me a ride to Dublin? I'll pay you in sexual favors." that sort of thing.

Overheal

Overheal wrote: »

Secondly, it Could be anything. The term sexual favors, in particular, is an in-joke way of saying I Owe You One for such and such a thing. "Hey can you give me a ride to Dublin? I'll pay you in sexual favors." that sort of thing.

LOL.

Ask him.

Mr. Frost

Overheal wrote: »

Could be anything.

Firstly, its not nice to nose.

Secondly, it Could be anything. The term sexual favors, in particular, is an in-joke way of saying I Owe You One for such and such a thing. "Hey can you give me a ride to Dublin? I'll pay you in sexual favors." that sort of thing.

I think you missed the part where she stipulated the texts said 'what' sexual favours they'd give each other. And I think you're somewhat insulting the OP's intelligence somewhat. I'm sure she can tell the difference between a joke and flirty texts. And also she's posting here.

Why did you go through his phone? Did you think there was something going on at all? Surely you must've had suspicions otherwise you wouldn't go snooping.

Time to call him on it. He'll say you shouldn't be going through his phone and you'll say well it's obvious you'd good reason to etc....not something you can ignore though is it?

Overheal

Mr. Frost wrote: »

I think you missed the part where she stipulated the texts said 'what' sexual favours they'd give each other. And I think you're somewhat insulting the OP's intelligence somewhat. I'm sure she can tell the difference between a joke and flirty texts. And also she's posting here.

You're right, I apologize. It was a short post and I let my mind wander to old anecdotal conversations.

If you've exhausted all other possibilities it does need to be asked OP. I might start with asking him if he's unhappy with anything in the relationship and broach the discussion that way instead of getting confrontational and accusing him saying things like I went through your phone you bastard.

newballsplease

next time u see him txting someone, ask him something like- are you txting your other girlfriend? .......... just see how he re-acts.... its up to you what to do next.
if you want to finish the conversation there and then, say im jokeing u dope.... etc etc.
you mite get some hint from his reaction..or maybe not.

King of Kings

he is being totally disrespectful to you sending those type of texts. no doubt if you confront him he'll claim they were innocent.

I'd dump him. but i'm not you.

So if you want talk to him and ask him his side. But be prepared for some crappola excuse and some smooth talking to butter you up.
Then make your decision. But tbh if he convinces you it's nothing untoward can you trust him not to behave like this again?

also you can take note of the time he is arranging to meet her and see if he disappears at that time. But tbh that's just to much hassle.

What you can't do , is say or do nothing cos the suspicion will eat you up inside and eventually turn you crazy.

You're only together a year and a half it's not 10 years you can walk away pretty easily compared to people who have kids,houses.

Koushki

King of Kings wrote: »

You're only together a year and a half it's not 10 years you can walk away pretty easily compared to people who have kids,houses.

That's a bit unfair. it would not be ''pretty easy'' to walk away from a one and a half year relationship. Just because someone else has been together for ten years and had a house and kids doesn't make the Op feel any better about what she should do.

OP- defiantly talk to him about it. If he is cheating on you, he's scum and you deserve better. You will never know unless you ask. even if he lies, I'm sure after a year and a half you can tell when he does.
best of luck

forumlover

Overheal wrote: »

Could be anything.

Firstly, its not nice to nose.

Secondly, it Could be anything. The term sexual favors, in particular, is an in-joke way of saying I Owe You One for such and such a thing. "Hey can you give me a ride to Dublin? I'll pay you in sexual favors." that sort of thing.

Firsty, its also not nice to cheat or be cheated on.

If all the OP is guilty of is looking at her bf's phone and finding sexual messages on same, then good on her.
OP speaking from personal experience, if you suspect your OH of cheating then confront him asap. God forbid he contract a STD and then passes it onto to you.

King of Kings

Koushki wrote: »

That's a bit unfair. it would not be ''pretty easy'' to walk away from a one and a half year relationship. Just because someone else has been together for ten years and had a house and kids doesn't make the Op feel any better about what she should do.

i meant in "comparison" - and yes it would be easier since there are less commitments to break , no kids (assuming cos they weren't mentioned) to tell, houses to sell, buy , lawyers , judges, well meaning but essentially interfering friends/relatives.

But the Op needs to choose short term heartache or no self respect. It's up to her.

To me , and it's just me, self respect is one of the most important things in life without it you have nothing.

Then again he may have a genuine excuse...I personally just wouldn't believe it.

Wibbs

King of Kings wrote: »

Then again he may have a genuine excuse...I personally just wouldn't believe it.

Neither would I TBH.

littlefriend

Kick him to the kerb. You can't go on in this relationship. You won't trust him again so really its best just to get out now. Easier said than done of course but it'll save a lot of heartache in the long run.
Best of luck

HouseHippo

Dump him....simple as.

lolli

Just talk to him about it, tell him you seen the messages.

Maybe they have just been texting.... dont get me wrong he should not be sending messages of a sexual nature to another girl but perhaps nothing has happened between them.

Best of luck op

Pub07

There's not really any other option here other than to dump him. It's not like he just had a drunken one night stand (which would be bad enough) but which could be seen as uncharacteristic of him, he is actually in contact with this girl and is planning (another) roll in the hay - he has shown his true colours, if he's at it with this girl it means he is game for it with any girl so there is no point in staying with him.