How are Irish men and American men different in dating?

LegacyUser

Is there anyone who has experience with both who could tell me how they differ in their attitudes towards dating, sex etc? I know this will get into some generalizations but I do think culture can affect relationships.

I'm having some trouble reading my boyfriend, so any input would be great.

Overheal

Is your boyfriend Irish, or American; and are you Irish, or American? And what about his behavior perplexes you? We need something to go off of.

Terodil

No hands-on experience in this department (I'm straight...), but maybe a hint: The 'escalation path' is different for both. There's an unwritten 'ladder' for intimate relationships; they may start off with eye contact, proceed through the stages of light, occasional touching on arms or shoulders, longer hand-holding, then some steps later kissing and at the very end sex. The steps are the same for every culture, but the order in which they occur can vary wildly. As far as I know, kissing for Americans is barely more than shaking hands and comes pretty early in the ladder. It should therefore not be overinterpreted. I'm not sure about Irish culture tbh, but you'll know. For me personally a kiss is very late in the ladder, one of the reasons why I hate the 'bisers' French people use

Culture also affects other things such as the need for personal space (= the different zones of comfort by proximity -- by tendency lower in the US than in Europe), privacy, communication contents and pattern (e.g. money is a freely discussed topic in the US, it would be classical to talk about income on the first or second date, whereas that would be somewhat frowned upon here), etc.

Google it a little, I'm sure you'll find more info.

Kevster

I just want to say that you will never get the answer you want by asking such a general question. There are approximately 2 million men on this island, and there must be around 150 million men in the USA. As such, any answer that a person gives here will not represent the population of men at large. instead, people will answer based on their own personal experience.

My belief is that you should not look at the men, but rather that you should look at yourself and how you interact with them in relationships. Some men are assholes, but others are kind. Through experience, you will get to know the different types better and will know how to treat each such that you remain in control (and not vice versa).

Hope this helps, at least a little.

take care,,
Kevin

Wibbs

I'd say the biggest difference may be that the idea in American culture that you can date more than one person at the same time and at some point choosing to be exclusive with one. I've noted that with some American women, but beyond that, no other noticeable diffs. Of course though the idea of multiple dating exists, I only ever met one who actually did it, so..... I would suspect similar among American men.

metrovelvet

American men have better teeth, dont drink as much and dont have this lad culture, pack animal thing going where there are girly nights and boys nights.

Altar_Ego_Boy

metrovelvet wrote: »

American men have better teeth, dont drink as much and dont have this lad culture, pack animal thing going where there are girly nights and boys nights.

a ludicrous generalisation

metrovelvet

i take it you're irish^

Wibbs

Please stay on topic. Although by the nature of the thread some generalisations are naturally going to come up, let's keep it to a minimum

LegacyUser

OP here: a bit more information. I'm an American who recently came here for work. I'm dating my first Irish guy. I'm finding him difficult to read because he is somewhat less expressive than other guys (all American) I have dated.

I'm also used to men doing more of a "wine-ing and dining" or seduction thing, for want of a better way to explain it.

tannytantans

In general Irish men aren't that big into the 'wining and dining'.From my experience dates usually involve going to the pub or the cinema. Usually only nice meals for special occassions.

Also Irish men are often pretty unwilling to talk about their feelings. I practically have to force any emotion out of my OH!!Again thats just a generalisation though - I'm sure there are many Irish guys out there perfectly capable of expressing their emotions.

Maybe you could just mention casually to the guy how dating here is different from the States and maybe he'll take the hint and start being more romantic.

wylo

As far as I can tell from meeting Americans,American men love talking about their emotions alot more than Irish men, then again I'm an Irish straight bloke so I wouldn't know, most answers you get here would be based on what people have seen on TV.

Irish men aren't quite as good at giving compliments it seems,or expressing their interest in a girl directly, you'll know were very interested if were arranging more dates, inviting you places, instigating texts and phone calls, but it takes us a bit longer to be more direct about how we feel, perhaps its from a lack of confidence or perhaps its just from watching too many cheesy American movies it seems off putting and girly ( a bit of both for me anyway).

note, this is only my opinion based on myself and most Irish men I know, everyone is different.

Overheal

Wibbs wrote: »

I'd say the biggest difference may be that the idea in American culture that you can date more than one person at the same time and at some point choosing to be exclusive with one.

Ah, if I could only just get the one-thing down :pac:

But as I expected, all the responses here are very typical/generic/unspecific - OP, if you want a much better answer to your question we need to know where you are coming from and where your boyfriend is coming from, and whats going on that has you baffled enough to turn to the internet for counsel.

MagicMarker

metrovelvet wrote: »

American men have better teeth, dont drink as much and dont have this lad culture, pack animal thing going where there are girly nights and boys nights.

lol

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here: a bit more information. I'm an American who recently came here for work. I'm dating my first Irish guy. I'm finding him difficult to read because he is somewhat less expressive than other guys (all American) I have dated.

I'm also used to men doing more of a "wine-ing and dining" or seduction thing, for want of a better way to explain it.

Why don't you express your concerns with him? Your vagueness isn't going to get the answer you're looking for here. Just tell him what's on your mind. Men are men at the end of the day, they're all different.

LegacyUser

First off to the one who said Americans have better teeth,yeah someone else's teeth and bleached so white there is a healthy illuminious glow off them when they stand under fluorescent lights.Yes you can see one before you see whites of eyes you will see the smile lol sorry guys couldnt resist it hahahaha

Irish men have great teeth majority of them can def not ever say that about them.

Now to the girl what are you looking for in your bf maybe he isn't what you are looking for,

Other than that if he treats you right and loves you shut up complaining.If he doesn't then what are you with him for,everyman is different and no one can tell you how your bf is only he can.

I will give you differences in Irish men and American men,American men date women not just one woman,Irish men date one woman well most do.

Beruthiel

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm also used to men doing more of a "wine-ing and dining" or seduction thing, for want of a better way to explain it.

It's not the 1800's, you can suggest it to him you know.

Overheal

Beruthiel wrote: »

It's not the 1800's, you can suggest it to him you know.

Were in a recession though, so can he substitute wine for Sprite?

LegacyUser

OP again:
When I said wine-ing and dining I didn't quite mean literally taking me to expensive places..Rather I meant taking the lead in seducing, being romantic, planning the dates.

One poster mentioned the "lad culture." What's that all about?

He does seem to have a notion that expressing strong emotions is something "for girls." He's definitely not as effusive as the men I've dated in the past, that's for sure.

And I think whoever mentioned the thing about fewer compliments was correct. I don't think he's EVER paid me a compliment. But when we are intimate, he's definitely into it and gets passionate and does seem attracted to me physically. No one, at least not me, wants constant compliments to the point that they seem insincere. On the other hand, when I put effort into something like wearing sexy lingerie or that kind of thing, it would be nice to be noticed.

ps: His teeth are fine!

Salome

Generally, Irish men tend to use the pub as their venue of choice for courtship. Yes, I know I'm going to be guilty of a major generalisation here but some Irish men find it difficult to function without a pint in their hand...

Overheal

Unregistered wrote: »

One poster mentioned the "lad culture." What's that all about?

Familiar to what you might expect in a fraternity, in all fairness. Minus the secret handshakes, initiation rituals and greek alphabet.

metrovelvet

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here: a bit more information. I'm an American who recently came here for work. I'm dating my first Irish guy. I'm finding him difficult to read because he is somewhat less expressive than other guys (all American) I have dated.

I'm also used to men doing more of a "wine-ing and dining" or seduction thing, for want of a better way to explain it.

Irish men dont court.

Generally speaking with Americans you will know wher eyou stand, at least with Northeasterners. Southerns are a bit like the Irish in this way, where they are very polite but you will never be certain about where you stand with thwem

Dob74

Unregistered wrote: »

OP again:
When I said wine-ing and dining I didn't quite mean literally taking me to expensive places..Rather I meant taking the lead in seducing, being romantic, planning the dates.

One poster mentioned the "lad culture." What's that all about?

He does seem to have a notion that expressing strong emotions is something "for girls." He's definitely not as effusive as the men I've dated in the past, that's for sure.

And I think whoever mentioned the thing about fewer compliments was correct. I don't think he's EVER paid me a compliment. But when we are intimate, he's definitely into it and gets passionate and does seem attracted to me physically. No one, at least not me, wants constant compliments to the point that they seem insincere. On the other hand, when I put effort into something like wearing sexy lingerie or that kind of thing, it would be nice to be noticed.

ps: His teeth are fine!

Being an irishman and having lived in the states for a few years. I can safely tell you dating in the US and here is like night and day. Do not expect to be wining and dining with irish men. A date in this country is usually just meeting in the pub. Unfortunately we irish aren't good at dating, just getting drunk and scoring in reardons, copper face jack's or a similiar place thoughout the country. You should just tell him what you want. I am sure he will oblige.

metrovelvet

Salome wrote: »

Generally, Irish men tend to use the pub as their venue of choice for courtship. Yes, I know I'm going to be guilty of a major generalisation here but some Irish men find it difficult to function without a pint in their hand...

the pub is the womb

LegacyUser

this generalisation is unfair, my view on this is as a straight irish man, dating american / canadian and irsh women.
Americans / canadians as an irish man would assume that they were more promuscious, but this is not the case, but this exclusive non exclusive / dating thing is a bit annoying and a little bull. American men are generally more pushy (in my american females experince ..)
i think americans in general like it straight so thats the one piece of advice. go talk it out striaght

Overheal

metrovelvet wrote: »

the pub is the womb

That could become a brilliant yet true Haiku

but the irish men are (rarely) poets, so dont count on it.

Silverfish

There's already been one warning on this thread about keeping on topic.

This is the second.

wylo

Unregistered wrote: »

And I think whoever mentioned the thing about fewer compliments was correct. I don't think he's EVER paid me a compliment. But when we are intimate, he's definitely into it and gets passionate and does seem attracted to me physically. No one, at least not me, wants constant compliments to the point that they seem insincere. On the other hand, when I put effort into something like wearing sexy lingerie or that kind of thing, it would be nice to be noticed.

I guess theres a whole culture involved in this that people dont realise, Irish lads dont do compliments well, not to women or to each other but maybe Irish women are much better at picking up when an Irish bloke is complimenting them in their own way, i.e. how they act , how they treat the woman etc.

How long have you been with him, maybe itd be easier just to mention something to him about it. I know Id make much more effort if I found out it was genuinely bothering my OH.

xniamhx

From my exp american guys are first of all-tall! very tall which is great for me cause im 5'10.
The other differences are theyre very upfront and direct when they have an interest in you, none of these bs mindgames..and they also compliment you a lot more, more optimistic fun spirited etcccc

I much prefer americans.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Raskolnikov

metrovelvet wrote: »

American men have better teeth, dont drink as much and dont have this lad culture, pack animal thing going where there are girly nights and boys nights.

That's hilarious. You've just generalised all Irish men as being groups of lecherous drunks with our gobs full of decaying teeth. Aren't you clever?

In reality, you cannot bracket a nation into easy to fill category. The only differences are cultural ones. Like has already been mentioned, Irish people (not just men) don't "date" more than one person at a time.

As for Ms. Unregistered, it doesn't surprise me that your boyfriend doesn't pay you as man compliments as you're used to. I know when I was with an American woman, she made similar compliments about me. I'm guessing that your Irish boyfriend it taking it for granted that you know his feelings for you.

I'd say the best thing you could do is bring the subject up with your boyfriend. Just make sure you're not confrontational about it!

LegacyUser

I think Donegalfella hit the nail on the head when he said there's more of a Que Sera, Sera attitude. While my BF seems to be very goal-driven professionally, it doesn't carry over into his personal life.

He seems to believe that things will just develop as they will with out any effort or planning. At this point the LAST thing I'm looking for is a very serious relationship or marriage, what I mean is that there is very little planning or effort into our actual meetings or dates...

However when we are together he is very attentive, gracious and charming, which is why I put up with it..Oh well.. Que sera, sera I guess...

Slutmonkey57b

Planning dates sounds like a lot of effort. Sure, hasn't he got you in the sack already? Job done, make the man a sandwich.

For more background, refer to
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=908

If you're looking for anything deeper, chances are he won't give up the information without a fight.

iguana

Unregistered wrote: »

what I mean is that there is very little planning or effort into our actual meetings or dates...

What exactly do you mean by that? That you are always having to chase him up to organise when you meet? Or that you meet up fairly spontaneously and then just do whatever you are in the mood for? Because if it's the latter that's about standard.

And beyond the fact that it lacks "glamour" surely it's nicer to be able to relax with someone you are dating than to always have to be "on" around them? And if you want to do something more "romantic" you could be the one to organise it first.

LegacyUser

I dated a foreign guy for 3 years (not American) and now i'm back on the Irish dating scene. I also find Irish guys very different from the commitment perspective and check regularly with my male friends to see if certain behaviour is normal, or if I'm being taken for granted! I'm used to being a bit spoilt I think!

My current squeeze is very attentive around me, but may not text/ring for days. I'm not bothered about anything long-term either as I plan on travelling later this year, so I don't want to try to put my foot down about stuff like that cos I'm not in it for the long haul...but still, I find this behaviour a bit off. And I do contact him, it's not as if I'm sitting around waiting for texts or playing games, and he'll reply if I text/ring of course, but then he mightn't contact again until he actually wants to arrange meeting up. That seems to be normal according to my male friends.

wylo

Unregistered wrote: »

I think Donegalfella hit the nail on the head when he said there's more of a Que Sera, Sera attitude. While my BF seems to be very goal-driven professionally, it doesn't carry over into his personal life.

He seems to believe that things will just develop as they will with out any effort or planning. At this point the LAST thing I'm looking for is a very serious relationship or marriage, what I mean is that there is very little planning or effort into our actual meetings or dates...

However when we are together he is very attentive, gracious and charming, which is why I put up with it..Oh well.. Que sera, sera I guess...

OP, your not really emphasizing what you want in him, hes goal driven professionally , hes charming, attentive and gracious, the LAST thing you want is a serious relationship and yet your complaining that there is very little planning in meetings and dates.

Maybe its not the Irish men that are the problem!!

Wagon

metrovelvet wrote: »

American men have better teeth, dont drink as much and dont have this lad culture, pack animal thing going where there are girly nights and boys nights.

Cheers.

OP, it's nearly impossible to answer that question. All blokes are different. Irish lads are easy going, we get raised differently I suppose. Americans seem to be more focused on their future, both professionally and in relationships. Donegalfella was pretty good in his opinion. But regardless of what culture they come from, they can be different. If you bloke is hard to read, why not ask him what's going on? I never pick up on hints and I assume most lads are the same. Ask him what's on his mind, I'm sure he'll tell you.

The Mighty Ken

metrovelvet wrote: »

American men have better teeth, dont drink as much and dont have this lad culture, pack animal thing going where there are girly nights and boys nights.

I'd imagine American men would find your misandry just as vile and unattractive as Irish men.

OP - Don't think about it too much. Evaluate the relationship and if it's working for you, stick with it. It sounds like it is?

vtec_vinni

possibly another generalisation.. but don't American men seem sleazy, alot more than the sleaziest Irish dude?

D-Generate

My past two girlfriends have been American and both of them have commented, nay complimented me on being a man compared to who they usually date. Both of them have said that they are used to American guys talking all about "feelings" and being quite effeminate. Our gruff manner, such that we shy away from talking about emotions according to them gave us a masculine quality. But then again I am the epitome of manliness.
They also did note that guys over there usually did have better teeth but in regards to the pub/club scene the guys over there are a lot more sleazy and that clubs are pretty much only for single people looking to hook up. Their social culture in regards to drinking is more about hooking up than as a place to have a laugh that we see it as.

LegacyUser

Irish culture behaviour translations:

Over complimenting, this is considered false and insincere in the extreme.
Irish women would consider this kind of behaviour almost an insult, so transparent and desperate! It insults our intelligence, dont flatter us, we know you are only blowing smoke up our h0les!

Talking about feelings, this is considered "sappy" and pretentious, done for the benefit of the "ladies" by slightly mawkish Romeos!

Going out for dinner, considered sort of corny and pretentious, unless later in in a well established relationshop, for an occasion or an anniversary etc

With an Irish fella tone down the "rom-com" style cliche behaviour as it will be considered fake and corny.

Just be yourself and whatever you do, dont expect cherubs playing harps, its pints in the pub and a roll in the sack after. Nice and simple and un-pretentious.

Slutmonkey57b

Unregistered wrote: »

Just be yourself and whatever you do, dont expect cherubs playing harps, its pints in the pub and a roll in the sack after. Nice and simple and un-pretentious.

Or repetitive and unimaginative depending on your point of view.

LegacyUser

Sorry but Irish men have very little game, they never approach women unless really tanked.

That sucks for women and it's great for foreign man like me. I approach women while sober all the time and they are very grateful and hate men not approaching.

So yeah Drunken approaches suck ass men look so stupid while doing and so unimaginative.

Wompa1

I was born in America and raised by an American so I think I approach dating the American way. I tend to try and have the first date as dinner and always try to pay. On one first date I brought her a few roses...she looked at me like I had 2 heads and the night went pretty crappy from there. I'm not sure I'd blame Irish men too much for their approach as the women here also don't do much for their case. The next time I had a first date I brought her a bunch of fridge magnets as a joke and told her the last time I brought a girl roses she looked like she wanted to run...luckily the girl got the joke!

Also girls here get really offended if you try to pay for their food or anything!..like very very offended! Or so I've noticed. All of the girls I have gone out with on dates had never been on a 'date' like a poster said on this they had only ever met up with friends, met in a pub/club or gone to the cinema. I think the lad mentallity does no favours.

I remember that gob****e Des Bishop had a joke when he was playing out a scenario in which he asked an Irish girl out...and she was like ya sure I'll tell my friends so they can come and he was said no I mean a date, just you and I and the girl screams over to her friends...This lad wants to bring me on a DATE!!?!?!? and puts on a lemon face.

TitoPuente

It's okay lads, don't worry. Once you hit your 30's, it's a single man's market.

Silverfish

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