Moving in together

LegacyUser

I've been seeing a girl for a bit over 2 years now, and we're moving into a house together next month for the first time.
The relationship isn't quite a fiery as it was initially, nor are we as much in love. In fact, we're at the stage where we're comfortable in each other's company, but there isn't too much affection or romance. In past relationships I've always managed this stage for a few months/ years before breaking up. It seems to me to signal the beginning of the end.
This time, I've decided to try something else, and we're going to see how living together works out. I'm kind of thinking it will be more like having a flatmate rather than a partner though, with sex the odd time, and with more silly fights.
Basically I'm not quite sure what I've let myself in for.
I'm definitely going to give it a year or so, and hope it works out.
Just wondering if I'm making a big mistake here...

Lollipops23

Unregistered wrote: »

Just wondering if I'm making a big mistake here...

yes

LegacyUser

Does she know its not love?
if you want a flatmate move in with a friend and let this girl meet someone who does love her and want to live with her for more than just friendship..

miders

If you dont love her why are you with her?

LegacyUser

OP here. Didn't realise I couldn't edit the post.
I meant to edit it to say " nor are we as much in love"
I'm still very fond of her, but not in the same way as 2 years ago.
She knows how I feel, yes and she's happy to try this out too. I'm not hiding anything from her - I've voiced these concerns to her. I'm just looking for an outsider's perspective on it.

Lollipops23

Unregistered wrote: »

I've voiced these concerns to her. I'm just looking for an outsider's perspective on it.

as long as she knows how you feel then go for it. but i'm really not sure that moving in together when your relationship is on such shaky ground.

Silverfish

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here. Didn't realise I couldn't edit the post.
I meant to edit it to say " nor are we as much in love"
I'm still very fond of her, but not in the same way as 2 years ago.
She knows how I feel, yes and she's happy to try this out too. I'm not hiding anything from her - I've voiced these concerns to her. I'm just looking for an outsider's perspective on it.

There's two options.

1) She's in complete agreement with you, and just wants to move in with you as flatmates. It sets off major alarm bells for me that you aren't 'as much in love' as you were two years ago - if anything you should be MORE in love, not less. If its on a downward slide, I think moving in together is just going to accelerate things and make it worse.

or

2) She's hoping you change your mind, and sees moving in together as you taking your relationship a step further. Also a big mistake if you don't feel the same way.

Either way, I don't see it being a good idea. Bear in mind also we never truly know someone til we live with them.


Edited your original post for you so it makes more sense

Me to you

Doesnt sound like the best idea when your relationship is so rocky, if worst came to worst and ye broke up, you would have the strain of either moving out or searching for a new roommate, or living in a very hostile environment if ye didnt "stay friends".
But its your choice at the end of the day and i wish you all the luck with whatever you decide, hope it all works out.

Salome

If you're not into your relationship as much as before, don't do it. It will be an even messier breakup than if you didn't live together.

It will be a huge mistake.

loloray

Salome wrote: »

If you're not into your relationship as much as before, don't do it. It will be an even messier breakup than if you didn't live together.

It will be a huge mistake.

+1
I think you are being very unfair moving in with your partner if you feel like this.

LegacyUser

Don't waste your time fella, the relationship is dead in the water.

If you're not havin sex after 2 short years its OVER already!!!

You might think it will be just a "flatmate" but its not, you can hardly go out on the pull and bring back someone now can you?

You are entering into "living together" in order to make or break the relationship but its already dead.

Cut your losses, while you are busy whipping this dead horse Miss Right could be passing you by!